I’ve read quite a few articles and have noticed nobody writes about some of the things I go through on a daily basis, so thought I’d throw it out there. You never know who else is going through the same.

I am a diagnosed Schizophrenic. Now most people believe that would mean I have multiple personalities or that I was crazy, but I can assure you, that is not the case. Well, I might be a little crazy, but not in the same context. Schizophrenia has all different types, so I can only write about mine. Basically, when I’m under stress, my mind tries to protect itself. There are days I can’t tell if I’m asleep or awake, because my way of escaping stress kind of feels like a very vivid dream. To anyone seeing me, I just look like I’m deep in thought or I’m mechanical. I show no emotion, but still go about normal daily tasks. I’m also raising my two small kids with their father. And for anyone wondering, no I do not take any medications. I tried them before but it just wasn’t for me. It may be for others, but I had a negative image of them and therefore they didn’t work for me.

Now, when you take all I’ve said into consideration and apply that to a relationship, it can be very hard on the other person. I have been in many relationships, with both genders I might add, and it was always a straining factor. I can see where Schizophrenia can be believed to be multiple personalities due to the way I react to stress, but it’s still me there. My partners didn’t understand what was happening to me. Although I tried to explain it, and even let them know what they could do to help me snap out of it, it was just too much for them. The fact that they couldn’t deal with me and accept me for who I am made things pretty bad for me, thus leaving me in my ‘dream state’ for long periods of time. Thank god for my Hubby now. He was my best friend for many years. He accepted me when there was no relationship at the time to build on, or to strain. He knew my quirks, and helped me through a LOT of them. He helped me through yet another breakup. He spent days and nights at my place when I was having a very hard time over it. One thing led to another, and I have never been so happy in my life. He is exactly what I needed. I still have ‘episodes’ now and then due to normal stresses, but never as bad as before now that I have him to support me. I’m sorry to say that not everyone gets as lucky as I did. Not everyone finds that person who understands them and accepts even the worst about them, even in regular relationships. If you ask my hubby what my worst trait is, he’ll always say my father. Just like a normal couple, no love for the in-laws, haha.

Anyways, in all relationships, there is going to be sex. Thinking about my ‘condition’, if I am stressed out, there is no way it’s happening. That in itself can be very straining. I am a very sexually active person. I LOVE it. So not having any kind of intimacy like that can actually make things worse as well. It’s all just a big spiral. One bad thing can lead to the next, and thus the end of another relationship. Now if my issue is over money, for example, I’m not nearly as bad, and can still have some intimacy without much hindrance. I mostly just get distracted, which can be rough for my partners ego. But if my issue is due to my partner, it’s very hard to get back on my feet, or off them, as the case may be. My partner now of course knows how to handle me, and if he’s in the mood for love, which buttons to avoid and how to keep me happy. That sounds so selfish, but in the end, I realize everything that happens and reward him in my own ways. That may be sexual favors, it may be cooking his favorite meal, or overlooking the fact that he left his dirty clothes in the hall…. again. Basically, it’s the same as any normal relationship. And he knows how much I love our bedroom antics; so sometimes if he sees me feeling down about something, he’ll start talking about it like he’s reminiscing. It sometimes leads to more antics, but at least we are both happy, loving each other and stress free for the most part. He loves me for me, and accepts me for who I am and what I go through. We talk about the things that stress me out, and communicating always helps me feel better. It feels like he is taking part of the load from me, and with less on my shoulders, I’m more able to handle it. I think communication in all relationships can be the key to a happy one. If you know there’s a problem, why ignore it? Talking about it helps to find a solution, and saves on a whole lot of stressing later on. Even if the solution means going separate ways, at least if it’s out in the open your options are there, letting you decide if it’s really what’s best.

Living with something like this doesn’t have to be a chore, or the end of the world as some people like to make it out to be. I am a perfectly normal person. I go through daily routines the same as everyone else. I’m raising two wonderful little boys who are my world, and I have the love of the most amazing man in the world. Sure I don’t handle stress as well as some people might, but there are plenty of people out there that take it worse than I do, and don’t have any diagnosed problems. You have to take life as it is handed to you, and if you find that person that makes your world even slightly better, no amount of pills in the world could ever mimic that, whether you need them or not.