I’m not a skinny chick. But I’m also not the fattest chick I’ve ever seen. I’m not that lady in Wal-Mart, on the scooter with my belly hanging out of my muu-muu. However, my inner skinny chick is wanting some attention. More on that in a few minutes.

I’ve always been a chunky girl. Always. I came into this world over the 8.5lb mark, and now I’m a solid 3X in the women’s department, at 27 years old. But, I’m fat and happy. It’s taken me a long time to get to where I didn’t hate myself for my size. I just wish there were more affordable options for ladies my size. I did luck out at Goodwill the other day on some cute dress clothes cheap.

As I was growing up, my mom (a plus-sized woman herself) always gave me fits about my size and not fitting the clothing, in whatever department I was “supposed to be in.” However, I was never unhealthy, so my doctor never really fussed. Mom just didn’t want me to become what she was. So much for that, huh? Yay, heredity.

I’m a good bit more overweight now than I ever was. I have a condition known as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (or PCOS), which has a lot of issues related to it. My mother-in-law is a nurse and is therefore an “expert”. She says if I just go on a diet, the weight will magically shed away. I’ve done everything within my budget to try to lose weight. I’ve dieted, I’ve exercised, I’ve added medications to the mix…short of surgical remedies, nothing has worked. I’m finally okay with that. Eventually, I would like to lose the weight, but it’s not something I’m stressing over right now. I’ve got no blood pressure or heart problems, no joint problems, no diabetes, none of that.

However, this is where my inner skinny chick side is trying to make herself evident. I know she’s in there, and I will let her out one day. As soon as I get through my requirements for this final year of college, I’m going to take some time for myself and get some things done. Weight is one thing that will be tackled! The inner skinny chick is dying for a bikini and a beach this time of year. She always begs for it this time of year. One day, she’ll get it. Maybe, one day, I’ll get to live a lot closer to the beach, and the sand, and the water than I do now. At this point, I don’t know precisely what the future holds.

I’ve finally come to the point where, this is my body, I’m responsible for myself, and nothing that anyone else says (that’s not a health expert that knows my charts) really matters. I hate to see young girls in my family (who I feel may have the same issues) get put down by older family members. I hope they take the time to see and understand that sometimes backing up from the table and biking five miles a day isn’t enough for some people.

Next time you start to make fun of someone for their size, please consider that maybe there are underlying problems that aren’t as easy to fix as you might think. Maybe, although they aren’t healthy, they’ve come to terms with the same things I have.