Ladies, what do your genitals say about you?

Posted by Darling DovecloseAuthor: Darling Dove Name:
Email: heatherc191@gmail.com
Site: http://darlingdove.blogspot.com/
About: A 19 year old girl living life normally, except in the bedroom…See Authors Posts (11)

In actuality, not a lot- we’re all born differently and there are as many different appearances of the labia and vulva as there are women in the world. However, that has not stopped society from, as usual, coming up with some crackpot theories.
Elongated labia minora? You must have a lot of frivolous sex and be loose.
Big clitoris? You’re ‘overstimulated’ and you masturbate a lot.
Sour taste? You must definitely NOT be a virgin, because only ‘pure’ women are sweet tasting!
Dark vulva or labia? Ewwwwwwww, I bet she’s -dirty-!

The list of misconceptions goes on and on and on, an entire culture of shame devoted to making us feel imperfect, soured, impure and tainted every time we look between our legs. Not to mention the constant rumors that all women smell like tuna, and taste like spoiled fish, as well. An endless circle of shame, leading even the owners of the criticized bodyparts believing those lies at the end of the day, some believing it with such conviction that they would go under the knife in hopes of being ‘normal’. To attain the elusive, ‘perfect’ vulva, seen in erotic magazines around the world.
It seems that the only ‘worthy’ genitals are the type that are small, self contained, with a single ‘crease’ in the middle. Hairless, and fair-skinned, an appearance widely reputed as nearly prepubescent. In fact, in some countries it is considered explicit to show elongated labia minora in erotic magazines- even a peek of the clitoris can be considered too much, and only the ‘single crease’ type is allowed. There is a whole industry related to photoshopping a woman’s vulva and vagina so that she has a ‘single crease’ instead of any notable labia minora, and so she’s perfectly bare and smooth- an image many people struggle to achieve in real life, where vanquishing the evil ‘shaving bumps’ is near impossible for some. While Australia is the only one who seems to mandate it, the trend of a ‘single fold’, bare, and pre-pubescent vulva and labia has certainly caught on around the world. In a number of countries, squirting and small breasts are also shamed, since there is no ‘evidence’ of the g-spot and therefore squirting must be piss-play in disguise, right? Even something as insignificant as deciding whether to shave or not can significantly affect your image to someone else, and many less-concerned individuals believe that a woman who keeps her pubic hair is one who does not take care of herself, or worry about looking good. Of course, if someone chooses not to shave, it must be because they do not care about personal hygiene at all, not because of the aforementioned unattainable ‘porn star smooth’ vulva?

With all this shame and stigma surrounding the female genitals, is it any wonder that women, concerned with looking ‘loose’ or ‘well worn’, frequently undergo labiaplasty out of shame? Of course, just like any plastic surgery, there are cases where it is done for personal preference as well… However it seems that much more often, it’s motivated by a fear or distaste of what some particularly offensive parties like to call ‘beef curtains’- elongated or wrinkly labia minora that protrude from the labia majora. A combination of photoshopping magazine photos and online pornographic photos, as well as porn starlets often being chosen purely for their looks, has made the average woman worry that she is not ‘normal’, and that she would be ridiculed by a bed partner if she chose to show them what may be her most personal place.

So the question arises, how do we change this? How can we, as a whole, contribute to the cessation of body shame for everyone involved- female or not?

It starts with you, me, everyone. Familiarize yourself with your body, and come to love it. For women who may feel ashamed, your genitals are your temple- anyone you allow to worship there should be grateful, and if they are not, excommunicate them from your personal church. For those who carry these misconceptions, stop them. When you hear a joke about the “ol’ soggy fish taco”, don’t laugh. Stop the spread of such misconceptions by simply not endorsing them, and encouraging others to stop as well. Surely, there will be some immature people who continue- but once they become a minority, they shall simply be looked at as immature. For onlookers, or partners of women who may be ashamed of their body, make sure that when you are with a woman you tell her she is beautiful in that area. Appreciate her, and she will appreciate you back. Learning, in general, to appreciate the individual beauty of people, whether it’s the parts of their body they show us every day, or the more private and personal parts, is something that is worthwhile for everyone, no matter what you identify as. Everyone has their own form of beauty, and appreciating others in that sense will allow them to feel more relaxed around you. There’s much less stress involved in any personal interaction if one, or both of the participants are not worried about their appearances.

My own journey with genital shame, and body shame, was a long and arduous one. I still come across the occasional comment that makes me feel ugly, too, but now that I have stopped taking it seriously it does not matter as much to me. Some women would consider me lucky. Though it is likely due to my weight, I have a ‘single crease’ vulva, yet despite this I was always concerned that I was not normal. My labia majora are exceptionally large, soft, and ‘puffy’. I was so worried that my partners would find me unattractive because I was not what I thought was ‘normal’. It wasn’t until recently, being told multiple times, by multiple people that I was beautiful, even when I hadn’t shaved or powdered or tried to cover my natural scent, that it finally sunk in. I am beautiful because I am me. Everyone is beautiful because they are themselves.

If we, collectively, stop allowing people to make us feel ashamed of ourselves, then we should be able to gradually vanquish that shame. We should not feel afraid of enjoying what our bodies have to offer us, and we definitely should not be ashamed about the appearance of a part of our body that we can not even control. Take control of your self esteem- why should anyone elses’ comments influence how you, personally, feel?

Empower yourself, and in doing so, empower everyone else around you. By taking time to appreciate yourself, and learning to appreciate others, you’ll build your confidence. Self confidence has an amazing affect on someone, and many would argue that it makes anyone instantly more beautiful or handsome. Together, especially in such a radical time of change, when gender studies and body image studies are becoming more legitimate and more mainstream, we can all contribute to the end of body shame- no matter what society is trying to shame us about.