Having kids is no easy task. The constant attention on them tends to draw from any attention you once had for yourself and your sex life. For my partner and I, our sex life changed drastically when our first son was born.

We were the type of couple you could classify as rabbits. We were always at it. No matter what time of day, what part of the house, or even if we had obligations that we were running late for. If the urge hit either one of us, that was it, sex was inevitable. The only break we took was that annoying week of the month when I was ‘broken’, and we had to find other means to get our kicks.

We were like this for about a year, when we decided we wanted to have a family together. We had known each other for years, and our relationship was no longer new, so we felt it was a good step for us. It took only three and a half months for me to get pregnant at our regular frequency of sex.

Those nine months were the best sex we could ever have had. Because of my growing belly and changing body, it did things to my uterus and vagina that made our already wonderful sex life into something so much better. And since I didn’t have the monthly break anymore, we could keep going as much as we wanted. Of course, by the end of it, things became a little more difficult because of my size, but we managed to find ways around it.

When our son was born, we didn’t know what to expect. We knew we wouldn’t have the same sex life we had before then, but we hadn’t anticipated this. The long sleepless nights and complete dependence our baby had on me and his father, left us both exhausted. Not to mention when he was born, I had a full episiotomy, meaning I had a lot of stitches and soreness in the love area.

Thoughts of no sex didn’t bothered either of us for the first little bit. Then the urges came back little by little. I took a long time healing, so we took it easy for the first few months. We got into a comfortable routine with our new little family, but it still didn’t leave much time for any fun. We took every opportunity we could get, even if it meant a quick shared shower while the baby was sleeping.

After a while though, our son eventually moved into his own room and slept through the nights completely. This freed our night times up immensely. So we balanced our love life based on this. The baby had our time during the day, where we met all his needs and gave him all of our attention, and in the night time, we turned our attention to our needs and each other. This balance was perfect for us. Everybody was happy, well rested, and all frustrations worked out.

My son was about 9 months old when I went back to work. It was only a fast food restaurant, so I didn’t actually get overly tired, and the extra money coming in was wonderful for us. My partner was already working, so our son spent a lot of time with his grandmother. He loved visiting his grandparents, and since they were retired, it made things easy on us working. We did get tired from our new routine of life, but it didn’t have enough of a bearing on our sex life to change it.

I was working about one year and had a bad reaction switching from the pill to needle, so I was waiting out the time to be able to get an IUD. We had discussed having more children, and had decided not at that time. I was at work when my chest was hurting, I was cramping and vomiting, and my period was late. I had called my doctor about in between bleeding, so this was all expected. I was due to see him again in two more weeks to have blood work to make sure all birth control was out of my system. When it was out, I would then be able to get the IUD inserted. I felt so odd this day though, and even knowing it was expected, I still went across to the pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test. Of course it came out positive. This was one of those “1 in 99” cases, and I was pregnant with our second child.

I told everyone at work. They were all happy for me, but I was still unsure. We had wanted to wait, and now I was pregnant again, and had no idea how I was going to break the news to my partner. He was at work, as well, but he still had six more hours before he was off. I stopped in to his work place on my way to pick up my son, and walked right up to his desk. I put the pregnancy test on the table in front of him and just turned to walk away. I couldn’t face him, and was so afraid he would be angry with me.

He didn’t say anything as I walked away and I didn’t bother trying to talk. I took my son home and tried to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t think about it too much. I was worried about his reaction, and what I would be facing when he walked through the door. I was in for a shock though.

He got home at his usual time, and I had supper waiting for him. It was about 10 pm, and he was very quiet. He finished his supper, changed his clothes, and got comfortable in front of the TV. The tension was driving me mad. I sat next to him after a while and cuddled into his chest. Our oldest son was asleep by this point, and there was no walking away from the inevitable. I just whispered, I’m sorry. He wrapped his arms around me and told me not to worry, that he had known I was seeing the doctor about getting the IUD, and had even been to some of my appointments with me. He knew I didn’t try it, and he told me not to be so worked up, that it can’t be good for the baby. I laughed at this. He was so sweet about the whole thing.

So our sex life stayed during the night times, but maybe a little more frequent despite my extreme exhaustion this time around. I had a few complications during the pregnancy, but all of which had to do with me and not the baby, so that had no bearing on our sex life either.

Orgasms during pregnancy are probably the best ones a woman will ever have. I assume it’s because of the added pressure and the sensitivity there, but I know those were my favorite ones to have. Having orgasms during pregnancy is also rumored to help make labor easier, so of course, I tried to get in as many as possible. This wasn’t an issue for me or my partner. He was more than happy to oblige, and rather enjoyed the intensity of it all.

After my second son was born, a lot of things changed. He had a few problems at birth, so he spent a lot of time in my arms. He was also breast fed, so we slept at the same time and often in the same bed. This made a huge hindrance on our sex life. The baby was a very light sleeper, and sleeping in our room made it difficult for any intimacy to happen. He’s very needy, and attached to me in ways I never saw with my first son.

Even now, 15 months later, my second son still spends more time in my bed than he spends in his own, so sex for us happens only in the extreme late hours. Since my partner works at 6 am everyday, this makes things extremely difficult. We went from having sex five or more times a week to maybe once a week if we are lucky.

The urges are there and as strong as ever, but during the daytime the kids are so demanding of our attention, and with the baby in the room with us during the night, it’s just too hard to fit it in. Not to mention, with my partner’s work in the warehouse being physically demanding, I’m lucky if he has any energy to do anything but lie there, even if we do get the golden opportunity. Doesn’t mean we don’t try whenever we can, though.

The weekends have become a much anticipated time for us since time is not a factor then, but children have definitely made an impact on our sex life. The sex itself is just as good, maybe better now that we explore things we didn’t before, and although the frequency has changed, the urge never does. We’re just waiting now for the wonderful age of 18, when they are out and the house is our playground once again.