Well, I usually have trouble figuring out how to start this topic off. Either in conversation or in debate, or even in arguments which got way out of hand, (Seriously, I just asked what you were thinking about for dinner!) it’s always really easy for it to get depressing while talking about body image.

In today’s world, which is saturated with TV commercials, beauty magazines, porn… And… well, more porn, it’s kind of like everyone’s brain is saturated with this twisted standard of what ‘beautiful’ is now.

I’m one of those people who thinks that the beauty of a person is on the inside, but I also hate the way I look and frequently find myself feeling negatively about my features. Crooked teeth and kinda chubby, hairy and… (Hurray for verbally abusive girlfriends from high school!) I will believe nobody if they tell me that my penis isn’t small.

It’s a miracle I’m still arrogant. However, that’s all about my incredibly large, huge, wet, pulsing, throbbing… Brain.

People seem to think they need to change the way they look in order to attain beauty. I’m less worried about the why, (We all want to get laid, duh.) more worried about the WHO. If you’re looking attractive for the sake of others, do you really need to please all those people just to feel good about you? Conversely, if you’re trying to look breath-takingly beautiful just for yourself, where are the instincts to do so coming from? We want to look good because we have the drive to attract a mate, right? But in the civilized age, we have the drive to look to… Make sure we don’t look bad?

I personally only alter my appearance with one purple color contact in my left eye, and five piercings, three on my left earlobe and two on my right. Aside from that, I dress like a bum, avoid makeup…

Oh, wait a minute. I shave on a regular basis and make sure to groom my soul patch. Damn.

My point isn’t exactly moot though.

My beauty is in my brain, whether it’s my low self esteem talking, or the fact that I really do believe that I am unattractive, regardless of what my girlfriend says, my brain is the best part of my body.

If you’ve caught on to the fact that I am obviously adhering to the ridiculous standards that I, in the beginning of this rant, poked with the stick of disassociation, gold star for you!

I find my body unattractive because of the fact that I compare myself to porn stars, and attractive white, lead rolls, in movies about coming of age and fighting for love when you’re an attractive white young adult in the city, with an incredible wardrobe, despite your thin wallet.

I do share a minor resemblance with a slightly more tan, slightly less wealthy Michael Cera. But I hate that guy, so it doesn’t make me feel much better!

Overall, the people who have influenced my body image most are hateful ex’s. Which would be a lot more lachrymose if I didn’t know for a fact that I’m happier than them today with my functional girlfriend, well funded family unit, several pocket sized technological miracles, and the infinite awesome-ness that is sex always at my fingertips. (Literally. It’s the little things that matter. Ultimately, I’m much better off anyway.)

In the end it’s all about relativity. Depending on how much you care, or who you compare yourself to.
I am quite the sexy man, when I’m being compared to Andrew Lloyd Webber.

And I bet you the earth mama, hippy chicks have never had a bad hair day in their life.

Image is important because other people see it. It’s what we display to the world. Self image is important because it’s what we see ourselves as, with or without the world looking. Sometimes when I’m feeling down, it helps to have an argument with my girlfriend about whether or not I’m attractive, I mean, why would she go out with an ugly guy, right?

Look in the mirror today. Look at yourself. I bet you’re a good person, I bet you’re really attractive. If you don’t think so, I bet you my toybox, that someone out there thinks you’re wrong.

If not, you’re probably more attractive than Andrew Lloyd Webber.