550,000 couples in America are interracial couples. You’d think today in 2011 that it would be more common, or at least not so much cared about. I thought that it would have been also, but I learned later that it wasn’t. I met my boyfriend in my early teens (2004), and we’ve been together ever since. We weren’t actually together until I was about 17 years old. Our relationship was long distance. He being Mexican American and Caucasian, I saw nothing wrong with it. When you look at him he looks full Mexican, and you don’t see any white in him at all. When I told my parents about it they didn’t seem to have a problem with it. I thought they were going to be the ones I had to worry about, boy was I wrong.

I had to worry about other people. Although I shouldn’t care what other people think of me or my relationship, I had to admit, it did bother me. I noticed people looking at us and staring like we were doing something wrong. I’ve even had a woman tell me that I was going to hell because I’m dating outside of my race. I’ve had the most evil things said to me because of who I loved. He didn’t let anything get to him, although it bothers me very much.

I had gotten to the point where I almost felt embarrassed, and I didn’t want to be affectionate toward him in public. That put a lot of stress onto our relationship. It lead to us arguing, and him even thinking I didn’t care about him. I didn’t find that part out to later, and I was heartbroken. I wondered why so many people have problems with interracial relationships.

I’ve asked one person who I was friends with why my dating out of my race bothered her? She told me because it isn’t natural. That I’m just depriving my future children of their culture. She continued to say how she assumed my sex life would be, and how I should want to be with a strong black man. She continued to talk about how men that are not black tend to cheat more, and are abusive to their partners. She said that when my children are born, they won’t be welcome into either race because they are not either just black or just white. She stated that my marriage would not make it.

That conversation ended our friendship. I couldn’t have a friend that not only disapproved of my relationship, but already had preconceived notions about how it is going to be. That conversation did make me think about how race and relationships go into one.

I didn’t see anything unnatural about dating outside of my race. We are both human beings, and my heart beats and pumps red blood like his does. I’ve also noticed that the people who have a problem with my interracial relationships are mostly women! You would think women would be more understanding and flexible. When I did some research to write this article it actually surprised me how many more women than men have a problem with it.

According to the Census Bureau statistics there were “354,000 White female-Black male, and 196,000 Black female-White male married couples in March 2009, a ratio of 181:100, but this ratio tends to decline: it was 371:100 at its peak in 1981”. There are 158,000 more men in interracial relationships then there are women.

Why? It’s because of something called the “marriage squeeze”. This refers to the belief that the most “eligible” and “desirable” African American men are marrying non-African American women at a higher rate. Which is leaving African American women who wish to marry African American men with fewer partnering options. I’ve asked why black men like white women more. Most say it’s because of African America women attitudes, and the constant demeaning attitude. A black male cannot get by in life being below average. He better have skills, knowledge, and a good future within view. But when they try to improve themselves they get nothing but hatred and ridicule.

Instead of black women changing themselves they would rather hate, and wish bad upon someone else’s relationship. I know of women who would rather leave a guy that is broke and in school over standing by his side until he figures out his life path. Caucasian women tend to be more supportive, and stand by their man. Whereas an African American women would throw his lack of education, or how long it’s taking him to finish his degree, in his face every time they fight.

The state of mind that people have is one of the reasons it is quite difficult to maintain an interracial marriage, and more often than not these types of marriages will end up in divorce. How could you possibly live a happy and healthy life when you have this person, and that person bickering in your ear? Simple conversations about what is being said can change what one person says into a fight between you and your partner.

I had a neighbor who was a white female, and her husband was a black man. They have been together for over 11 years and have never been married. Now, for some reason her husband cheated on her. The first thing my mother said was “If I was her I’d leave his ass”. See, that is one of the problems. Most black women are ready to call it quits. Where my neighbor stayed with her husband, and decided to work it out. Not only for them, but for the children, and black women have that type of mind set and wonder why men are dating out of their race.

Some studies show that there are higher divorce rates in the same race marriages compared to interracial marriages. Marriages involving a white husband and black wife were substantially less likely to end in divorce than marriages involving a white husband and white wife; the former pairing’s divorce rate was 44 percent less. Also when going over divorce rate, you have to take into account of other information, such as education level, and family history. It’s been stated that the majority of interracial couples are both well educated, successful, and goal oriented. Interracial couples are less likely to have children before marriage, and also tend to marry later on in life.

The main problem among interracial marriages is not their history, their race, their marriage, or their children; the problem is society. If society were not so judgmental and concerned with race, people would live more happily. Some people are so consumed with what is happening with other relationships that they aren’t even paying attention to their own.

As for me and my guy, we’ve been together for almost eight years, and never have broken up. I plan to spend the rest of my life with him. Our sex life is amazing; our whole word is amazing. I couldn’t ask for more of an amazing and supportive partner. He’s hard working, faithful, sweet, and just a strong human being. I’ve learned to ignore the stupidity, because no matter what you do, someone is going to disapprove.

 

References
Chew, Kenneth S. .Y, David J Eggebeen, Peter R. Ulenberg. 1989. “American Children in Multiracial Households.” Sociological Perspectives , 32: 65-85.
Marsiglio, William. 2004. “Overlooked Aspects of Stepfathering.” In Public and Private Families , edited by Andrew J. Cherlin. New York, NY: McGraw Hil