Before I had a baby, my sex life was great. My husband and I had sex…at least four or five times a week. Sometimes more. I was – well, not insatiable, but always willing, and always eager to get it on. In fact, I’ve been the “disappointed” partner in a few different relationships, where I was the one who wanted sex more often than the other and didn’t always get it. I learned really quickly that sex drives differ among people.

My husband and I were pretty much on the same wavelength when it came down to sex drives, except for timing. He’d be horny in the mornings, and I’d want it at night. We would tend to have quickies in the morning to satisfy his drive, and longer, more in-depth sessions at night, IF I could get him going before bedtime. That worked for us. Neither of us really had anything to complain about, sex-wise. We were both pretty satisfied. Then I got pregnant.

Our sex life didn’t suffer much while I was pregnant. My husband, bless him, really loved the look and feel of my pregnant body. I’m sure we might not have had sex as often, due to my tiredness, but it was still pretty great. I figured I was one of the lucky women whose sex lives wouldn’t be affected by a baby. Boy, was I wrong.

My labor and delivery of our daughter was hellish. This story isn’t about that, so I won’t go into details…but I ended up with a broken tailbone, hemorrhoids from hell, major blood loss, and other medical issues that made it impossible for me to stand, sit, or lay down without massive pain, let alone trying to have sex. Added to that fact was the overwhelming exhaustion of having a newborn baby. Even months later, the tailbone hadn’t healed (it took almost 2 years, and I still get discomfort from it, three years later), and I had zero interest in sex. Zero. I mean, I could go a month without even thinking about having sex, let alone actually wanting to do it.

I’m sure my husband wanted it more often, but he was tired too, and stressed, and we were fighting a lot. I hear that happens. Of course, when he’s pissed off at me, he doesn’t want to get romantic or sexy, and it takes him days to get over a snit (whereas, I’m a fast boil-over and then forgive type of person). We’d go a month or more without sex. Seriously.

Even almost three years later, we are nowhere near having our previous sex-life back. My libido is still seriously depressed. I want it more often, but still not very much. I’d love to WANT to have sex. I mean, I enjoy it while I’m doing it, but the initial desire isn’t there a lot of the time. But the biggest reason we don’t do it enough is because of two things: first, my husband is a morning person, like he’s always been, and I stay up late to work, and therefore am unwilling to wake up three hours after I went to bed just to have two minutes worth of sex. It’s not worth it to me. Secondly, we co-sleep with our daughter.

The first issue, of course, could work, if I was willing to sacrifice sleep. At this point, I’m not. With a toddler who stays up late with me and only takes naps every other day or so, and my work-from-home job as a freelance writer, I don’t get many hours worth of sleep a night. I usually hit the sack between two and three a.m. My husband gets up for work at 4:30 a.m., and leaves at 6:15 a.m. There’s no way in hell I’m going to drag my sorry ass out of bed (or even out of sleep) at five in the morning just for sex.

The co-sleeping thing is a major part of our disrupted sex life. Of course, that is totally our choice, and it’s not something we’d change for anything. We find co-sleeping with our daughter to be a completely satisfying, fulfilling decision. She’s secure, she sleeps well, and we sleep better, knowing she’s safe and secure between us. Yes. Between us, because I’m an oven in bed, and can’t stand to sleep too closely beside someone, let alone in between two people. I can tolerate my daughter being snuggled up beside me, but that’s unusual for me.

Her being in bed with us has really put a damper on our spontaneous sex sessions. It’s hard enough to have sex when you have an almost-three year old in the house, let alone when she sleeps in the same bedroom. I’d never have sex with her awake in the same room, and now that she’s old enough to kind of realize something is going on, I don’t feel comfortable doing it when she’s asleep, either. So we sojourn to the living room if she’s in bed napping, or we lay her down to nap on the couch if we have amorous plans. Night sex is out of the question.

I just don’t see how this is going to change any time soon, and it will only get worse once she stops having naps. Unless we impose a “us time” in the bedroom with the door locked, once she’s old enough to be unsupervised for 20 minutes at a time.

So – yeah. I love my daughter, I don’t regret having her, and would never wish I didn’t have her, but man, I’d really really like my old sex life back. Maybe one day…

How do all you parents do it? How about co-sleeping?