Sexual compatibility is crucial in any relationship. But what happens after years of marriage and the comfort zone settles in? Main questions going through your mind may include: has he or she stopped loving me? What did I do wrong? And the main question is, do I seek release elsewhere?

• When dealing with a sexless marriage remember to keep the lines of communication open. Ask your partner what has changed. Maybe finances are causing stress, too tired to perform or initiate, or even underlying medical issues could be causing the lack of sex drive. Never determine that you are the problem. Talking openly about the topic will open up new avenues for both partners to see and understand the other’s viewpoint.

It’s easy to generalize that many families and married couples are experiencing financial problems right now with the economy in the state that it’s in. Many people are losing interest in every day life situations. Lack of money for bills, and falling behind financially, can affect someone’s sex life and desire. The emotions carried with the lack of money and possible loss of adult livelihood will eventually start to take its toll on the body and mind.

• Never give an ultimatum when lack of sex is prominent in the relationship. This will create new trouble in the marriage, and can become explosive when harsh words are exchanged. Keep the negativity and backlash of past issues at bay when having this conversation.

When in a heated discussion, feelings tend to get hurt when a partner takes this as an opening to hash out inherent pet peeves. So if your partner’s mother interferes with your home life, now is not the time to express your dislike for the intrusion. Keep on task and on topic, and discuss in an adult manner. If the conversation takes a turn where negativity starts to invade, take a proverbial time out, and resume another day after tempers and opinions have had a chance to regroup.

• Try to understand your partner’s reasons. Never look at his or her words as an excuse. Like the old adage, “put yourself in their shoes” and be unbiased. What affects him or her, will indirectly affect you.

Your partner may not have been sharing all the problems affecting his or her attitude, so be patient and let them tell you at their own pace. Certain topics may be difficult for him or her to discuss. To you, their reasoning may seem superficial, but in reality, it’s bothering them enough to have it result in loss of a sex life.

If the loss of actual intercourse is the problem, whether mentally or medically, consider offering other forms of release. Love can be expressed in many ways and forms. From oral sex to exploration of adding adult toys to the relationship. NOTE: These components may even change the partner’s view.

• But what if the comfort zone is really loss of love? This is where the relationship needs to be re-evaluated. The questions needed to be asked are:

1. Are there children involved? What are the ages?
2. Is there a third party involved?
3. Are you still friends? Or can you be friendly?
4. Do either of you want a divorce?

Once you’ve sat down and civily discussed these questions with legitimate and honest answers, both of you need to decide what the next step will be. Both parties started this relationship, so both parties need to be involved in the dissolution or continuation of it. Remaining together for the sake of the children has its pros and cons, so make sure your decision is done with caution and maturity.