How an Affair Can Help Your Marriage

Posted by Ava DarkecloseAuthor: Ava Darke Name:
Email: avadarke@gmail.com
Site: http://AvaDarke.com
About: A writer coming out of my shell. Fantasies too hot for my own good. A happily married MILF exploring the bounds of what I can get away with. http://AvaDarke.comSee Authors Posts (9)

When I first got the idea for this post a few weeks ago, it was going to go very differently. Christopher and I had shared a blissful week and a half of shameless flirting, some conversations that were definitely dirtier than our spouses would have approved of, and even a few stolen moments alone when he stopped by my house for five minutes on his way to work.

Neither one of us could remember the last time we’d felt happier about our lives, and the feeling was contagious. T and I were acting like we were on our honeymoon again; we had sex almost every night after months (years?) of only doing it once or twice a week, and we talked to each other more than I think we ever have. Christopher and his wife A experienced something similar. And all because the two of us were carrying on this little “thing” on the side.

We were actually quite bad at having an affair. In the 11 days it lasted, we’d managed to get only 10 minutes of time completely alone, a semi-public date while our kids played together at the playground, and only a few quick kisses. We thought we’d have more time, so we were taking it slow, savoring each new step as it happened, not wanting to ruin the thrill of the chase by racing ahead to jump into bed together. Aside from the romantic nature of waiting, we knew it would take our morals and consciences some time to get to a place where neither of us would have any reservations about taking it to that final step.

But it all got cut short. A and T had both known about our dirty chatting (which I didn’t realize was referred to as ERP until after the fact), but A told Christopher he had to stop. It was a Sunday night. He basically broke up with me over IM while I was sitting in my living room waiting for T to come home with a pizza. T was completely baffled as to why I was in tears when he arrived a few minutes later.

And that’s when the whole thing busted open. I had to explain why I was so upset about this, and not being able to talk dirty over IM just didn’t cover the depth of my sorrow. I confessed to kissing Christopher. I lied and said it happened only once at the playground. I said he dared me to do it. The truth of it was that we’d first kissed the day before the playground. Christopher had told me that he wouldn’t kiss me, that if I had wanted it, I was going to have to make it happen. And I did. It was a dare in my mind.

This led to some very tearful conversations that night, both at our house and at Christopher’s house. I found myself talking with A for several hours the next day in her gazebo, having a surreal discussion about how she understood my position because of how she’d cheated on Christopher previously. She’d thought she was poly before, but she decided that she wasn’t anymore. It hardly seemed fair that she came to that decision now. But when I left her house, I felt we were much closer friends than we’d been before I’d kissed her husband.

T and I had our most horrible conversation ever that night. I was still very emotional over the loss of my relationship with Christopher. I felt like I’d been robbed of something I so desperately needed. When T asked me if I needed to see other people, and my answer was “I don’t know” instead of a firm “No,” I broke his heart. That was the moment in which I thought I was going to lose him, that he was going to leave. He told me he didn’t want to leave me, but that he would go if I told him to. I cried and begged him to stay. I told him, truthfully, that I felt I might die if he left me. “I can get over anything,” I told him, “but not losing you.” I stand by that.

That was when it changed for me. I couldn’t change how I felt for Christopher, but I could change what I was doing about it. I couldn’t keep sneaking around and kissing the man who wasn’t my husband. I made the decision to focus on my marriage. When we made love that night, it was an amazingly beautiful thing.

Of course, that was supposed to be the end of it. We were all supposed to move on and get on with our lives. But A couldn’t let it go. She hacked into Christopher’s computer in the middle of the night, found the secret email account he’d set up, and learned about the secret meetings that we hadn’t told them about. Then she ambushed T in the parking lot when he got to work that morning and told him what she’d read. As I was just getting out of bed, T came back home and confronted me. He doesn’t get angry very often, but there was cold anger in his eyes. He wanted the truth, and he wanted to hear it from me. I had no choice but to tell him.

I hadn’t confessed it all the night before because we’d found a good place and I didn’t want to hurt him anymore. But it happened anyway, made worse because I’d kept it from him in the first place. And once again, I was afraid I was going to lose him.

But he took the rest of the day off from work. We had a lovely lunch together at the Olive Garden, went to the movies, and came home and made love. During this time, he decided that he was over it. Not completely, of course, but he made the decision to move on. He didn’t want to dwell on the anger and the hurt anymore.

I’m not sure I’ve completely earned his trust back yet, but I’m trying. He’s trying. We’ve talked about more things that actually matter in the last few weeks than we have in the last few years. The sex has been even more amazing than it has been in the past, and it was pretty amazing before.

“You always get closer to someone when you have reason to believe they might not be there tomorrow.” That’s how Christopher put it to me. He’s a wise man…and a good friend. We’re trying to focus on our friendship.

I can’t say that my romantic feelings for Christopher have completely disappeared, because they haven’t. But we’ve made the decision not to act on those feelings, to work on our marriages instead. And I think it’s working. In the end, our marriages and our friendships – all four of us – have come out stronger. We all needed a wakeup call. This was just one hell of a way to get it.