Hindsight

Posted by PhallicitycloseAuthor: Phallicity Name:
Email: mclanier235@gmail.com
Site: http://phallicity.blogspot.com/
About: See Authors Posts (2)

I consider myself a pretty observant person. By that, I mean I take note of other people’s mistakes and try to learn from them. Most evident in my life is the case of my older brother. He got involved in illegal drugs early, around fifteen years old. I was nine when this happened and he was my idol. I saw the person I wanted to be go through hell because of the substances he used and the people he hung out with. He got in fights with my parents; his best friend was killed in a fight; several of his friends committed suicide. I vowed at a young age I would never touch anything that could spiral so uncontrollably out of my hands and damage people I loved. To this day, the only substances I have used are alcohol and cigarettes, though both to moderation.

My mom and dad also had this kind of influence on me. My parents have been married for close to forty years now. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage and theirs was no exception. My dad worked all the time and when he was not working he was fishing, hunting, or working on cars. Mom stayed home and took care of the house. When we first moved to where we live at now, she didn’t have a lot of friends and talked to me about many things. Mom likes to talk, period, and it doesn’t too much matter who’s listening. She would talk about how he wasn’t romantic, wasn’t affectionate to her. I was a quiet observer to their marital spats and issues.

This made me take a hard stance on how I treat women. I’ve always tried to be very affectionate, attentive and considerate. I like to spoil my wife and give her whatever she wants, whether that is a massage, a hot oil bath, or some take-out. I have my own faults to deal with, but I thought I had covered this one by learning from my parents. What I realized is that I was really too young to understand what was going on. All I saw were symptoms, without understanding the cause.

Communication.

My dad is a man of few words and I must admit sometimes I take after him entirely too much. I thought by devoting some extra time and effort to my wife that things would be great. I’m not saying that it doesn’t help, but if I don’t communicate what I want and how I feel or if I don’t ask her what she wants and how she feels then the bond between us deteriorates. Slowly, but surely. It sounds rather simplistic to say, but the best way to keep a marriage or any relationship healthy and happy is to talk to each other. Devote time to each other where nothing else comes between you.

After being married for many years, I’ve experienced some blissful periods of time where it’s truly amazing we could reach such a level of happiness and joy. I’ve also been hurt to the very core of my being and seen that same pain and agony reflected back in my wife’s eyes. It’s a struggle. Relationships require work. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by work, school, or family. All these things pull at you, demanding time and attention; just like any other goal, if you take your eyes off of your relationship long enough, it may not be there when you come back.