Ok, so here’s the thing. It’s not that my clit isn’t sensitive. It’s not that I don’t have clitoral orgasms. I do. But they generally involve careful placement of a hitachi magic wand in tandem with intense internal stimulation. The reality is my G and A spot’s are waaaay more sensitive than my clit, and I’d much prefer that my partner focus their attention there. I don’t need to be “warmed up” clitorally to be penetrated. Penetration IS my warm up!

I enjoy receiving oral sex, but it isn’t really a high priority sexual activity for me. The times it makes me cum are few and far between, typically with patient boyfriends with whom I feel comfortable enough to take thirty minutes to cum with, and who didn’t put pressure on me to orgasm. Coming this way usually involves resorting to my most hardcore masturbatory fantasies to get over the edge. And really, I’d rather not have to zone out from my partner like this during sex to cum. I’d rather feel connected, even if it means having different kinds of orgasms.

I know how to get myself off with masturbation. And I can have a clitoral orgasm with a partner, but it’s generally going to involve using a particular vibrator on myself, with a particular placement. God knows, lovers will want to try to get me off clitorally, convinced they will be “the one” who is different thanks to their amaaaazing sex skills, but it gets really frustrating when there’s this expectation that things that work well for other people will work for me. They just don’t, and I realize that I am not the norm, but that doesn’t make me broken or frigid.

I know plenty of women who love clitoral stimulation but don’t care whether or not they’re penetrated, and don’t experience any G spot sensation at all. Studies have show that the clitoris is a largely internal structure, and the concentration and location of the nerves vary dramatically from woman to woman. So it makes perfect sense that some women don’t experience a lot internal sensation, while other women – like me – don’t experience a ton of external sensation. I suspect those nerves are buried deeper in my body, where it’s easier to reach them from within. For a while, I assumed my lack of intense clitoral sensation must be psychological hang up. However, I have an extremely high sex drive,*definitely* feel G and A Spot stimulation, have dozens of G Spot orgasms, and even squirt. So frigidity is clearly NOT the problem here.

To give you some perspective: when I first started to masturbate in earnest as a teenager, I was confused that my clit seemed to be in the wrong place. When I touched where my clit was supposed to be, I didn’t feel a whole lot. When I touched the spot close to the entrance to my vagina, woooo, I felt a WHOLE LOT. I didn’t have any concept of the G Spot at this point, and it would be a few more years before I understood why my clit was in the “wrong” place.

It may be hard for people to let go of the notion that some women aren’t clitorally oriented, and that I do need to use my vibrator to cum clitorally, and it’s not because my partner has failed to please me – it’s just how I’m built! It should be obvious that there’s lots of other things to do that will get me off. And I do want to have a clitoral orgasm during partner sex (though usually not until the end, as it makes me want to fall asleep), but I need to do it the way that works, which may not actually involve my partner’s tongue or fingers on my clit. This is why I like to use my vibrator while my partner fucks me with hand/penis/dildo- it feels like a truly connected partner act then. They’re doing what really gets my G spot off, while I do what really gets my clit off.

This is why it’s so important to discuss every partner’s turn ons on a case by case basis, let go of ego gratification, and do what actually feels good…A truly great lover is one who can listen to what their partner truly wants and needs, even if it defies their expectations!

Tips for fucking G-spot oriented women:

- Get over your ego’s desire to make a woman come orally/clitorally. Do what works instead, and your partner will love you for it. Understand that a G spot orgasm is as important as a clitoral orgasm for some women. Don’t put pressure on your partner have an orgasm every time, or make them feel like there’s something wrong with their unique erotic response. Focus on the pleasurable sensations instead.

- Learn how to use your fingers, cock, toys, and maybe your whole hand to please your partner’s spots! Take your time, and really pay attention to how your partner responds to different types of stimuli.

- Invest in some good G spot toys to use with your partner. The Pure Wand is my personal favorite, and it’s fantastic for learning how to squirt!