At a few points in my life, I have watched talk shows like Montel or Maury. But one of the things I remember I loved about doing that was the commercial breaks. Because they would usually ask their questions for getting in the next show going. If your daughter is a coke whore who lives in a cardboard box, you could be a guest on our show.

Wow. I didn’t even know I had a daughter who could be a coke whore.

If you watch one of these things, and take each of their future show searches as something about you, then you can find you’re pretty fucked up by the end of the show. You could be a homosexual, transsexual, cross dresser with 10 kids doing drugs, fucking for money, and each of them a gang member.

But you can learn things from other TV shows, too. Like, if you become a talk show host, and you don’t want your genitals to take a hostage or kill themselves, you should pay more attention to them. (South Park)

I’m sure we’ve all learned that if your name is a kid’s reference for your dick, you probably shouldn’t send pictures of your dick to people on the internet. You probably shouldn’t do it at all if you don’t want jokes made about it for years to come.

From watching Deadwood, you learn that to fuck a dry hole you just need to put a little spit on it, or some lard. You might also learn that ant colonies have worker ants and hooker ants to fuck the worker ants.

You can also learn things from watching porn. Like spitting on your dick or a girl’s pussy during sex. Joe Rogan has talked on his podcast about his first sexual experience where he spit on a girl’s pussy, and she got really pissed, really fast. Maybe he should have asked if she was ok with that first. “Excuse me, before we get started, do you like it when a guy spit on your pussy before putting his dick inside you?”

If you watch and believe everything you see in porn, then you probably believe that everyone gets fucked everywhere. Even the crazy guy down the street, with no arms and legs, is constantly getting laid. Even some horror films would have you thinking that.

Go to the post office, and you might learn you have a daughter in Rome from a poster. I would like to know who this daughter is, and where she got the money to go to Rome. I’m trying to pay bills and she’s going to Rome. That bitch. hahaha

I bet I could go to the right place and find out I’m pregnant. Which would be amazing, since I’m a guy. I would be a medical marvel. What do you do if you go somewhere and find out you’re a virgin and a slut? I think you would walk away confused. I know I would.

Now obviously, nothing I said here is to be taken seriously. But this should serve as a way of demonstrating easy ways to find humor in life. If you can’t laugh in life then you’re probably pretty depressed.