I admit it. I have never equated seduction with rose petals and candlelight dinners. I am more likely to toss away the petals and keep the thorn riddled stems, and the only saving grace in candlelight is the fact that you can use the candles for waxing someone like me. I have been the centerpiece on a dinner table, and that was one hell of a dinner party, but if it is not something along those lines I am really not all that interested in it.

I’m not saying I’m not interested in going out to dinner, or that I don’t appreciate getting flowers from my Daddy. I love those things. It’s just that when it comes to sex, I don’t need to be seduced or led into it. Drag me down the hallway kicking and screaming, throw me over the bed and then just fuck me like you hate me.

Years ago I fronted a punk band. I was the bassist, slash singer, slash songwriter of the group. So all the songs we did were about getting beaten up, and fucked, and politics, which are not all that different when it comes right down to it. I had never even heard the term BDSM back then. To the ones I hung around with and me, rough sex was just that, rough.

I say all the time that I’m a masochist, so I have a real and physical reaction to being beaten. I can orgasm during play. (For those who do not know what that means—play is what we call it when we are involved in activities that involve BDSM—Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission Sadism and Masochism. Or, to be blunt, it’s what we do when get our kinky on.) I like being beaten, and I react to it the same way most people react to sex when it is enjoyable to them. I come.

Does that mean I do not need sex at all? That I don’t want it or need it? Hell no. But do I want someone to snuggle me close and tell me I am gorgeous and special and so on? Yeah—I do, but first I want to be fucked like I am a stranger that happened to get drunk enough to let you fuck me. I want to be fucked like I’m the ex you wish you had never met in the first place.

I was talking to a few close friends one day about how life sometimes gets in the way of sex and play. I teach classes on kink at conferences, and have even found myself talking to people who were wondering if I had any tips on how to get their Dominant to be more receptive to sex and play after a long hard day of work, and kids, and reality in all its shapes and forms.

I have often said—Put the kids to bed, put the toys out by the bed and give them a bit of a massage first. Yes, you are tired, but you also want to play. Your Dominant will really appreciate the time alone and the care, because they are human despite being your Dominant. Sometimes we all need space, time, and pampering, and if the toys happen to be right next to them, out in the open, no way are they going to just ignore all you have done for them. Word of warning here—do not give them a full body massage and expect them to be anything else than limp and snoring. Give a shoulder rub, a foot massage, and then kneel down at the side of the bed and offer yourself up. It works, mostly, but like all things in life, sometimes it doesn’t because even Dominants are human.

Not only that, scenes do not have to be planned out hour long things. Sex takes, really, minutes to accomplish the goal. If you have a busy life and a limited schedule, the fact that you can fuck and be asleep in ten minutes is often a damn good thing.

If you start to let go of the idea that sex and scenes require a lot of time and energy, that you simply can’t fit them in because of all the things that have to get done, you can start to find ways to have little mini-scenes and fast and really hot sex. It may surprise you how incredible these things can be.

I am a lesbian in a Daddy/ grrl relationship. I call my partner Daddy, just to clarify things. Daddy and I have these types of scenes quite often, mostly because we are both always working and busy. We learned to let go of the notion that we had to be in our basement dungeon for hours at a time right around the day I moved in on a permanent basis. It’s easy to be involved on a one on one level when you are dating; you make the time because you can. Once you are in a 24/7 relationship, life sets in. So you have to work around it.

How do Daddy and I deal with the day-to-day and still have sex and play? We are flash fuckers. And we have scenes on the spur of the moment; those scenes are usually some of the best ones we have, although I have to say that a two hour beating in a dungeon does wonders for me too.

Daddy has an enviable habit of creeping up on me in the laundry room, tossing me over the washing machine and spanking the hell out of me. Once he blindfolded me with a stocking and stuffed my own panties in my mouth, my dirty panties at that. I was torn between horror and lust, and if that does not create a headspace, nothing does.

Ever found yourself staring at the box of Hamburger Helper and wondering how you were going to make it through another day without tossing your stuff in the car and hauling ass for parts unknown? I have found myself there. Back then, my daughter was a toddler and my then partner sent her to play with a friend next door for a few minutes. I found myself bent over in our kitchen, holding my ankles and being fucked hard while having my ass beat with the rubber spatula I had been waving around in irritation just minutes earlier. That was an incredibly intense twelve, yes twelve, minutes. My ass tingled for hours, and I was calmer than I had been in days. I wasn’t with Daddy then, but the point is, even with kids there are flash scenes that you can have, and they will not totally cure the itch to have your ass beaten, but they will go a long way toward keeping your relationship whole and healthy in the face of day-to-day pressures.

I have been shoved into a closet by Daddy, who put one hand on my throat, the other in my pussy, and whispered a lot of things into my ear during the few minutes we spent in that hot dark space. That happened during a day when we were both frazzled and exhausted from working and had a house filled with people.

There are any number of ways and places you can have these flash fucks and mini-scenes. Blindfolded and suddenly shoved into a shower, check check for fear play. Give it a try, and see what works for you!