Click here for Fisting 101

In part one of this series, I looked at some of the myths surrounding fisting that have scared people away from the practice. In this installment, I will walk you through how to actually attempt this epic sex act!

SOME CONSIDERATIONS BEFORE YOU START:

There are many factors that can make fisting physically challenging for some folks. A tilted pelvis, low pelvic bone clearance, vaginismus, and a small vaginal canal can all interfere with fisting. It is good to have a sex-positive gynecologist you can talk to if needed.

If fisting is something you’re thinking about building up to, but you’re not ready yet, start playing with bigger dildos, and experimenting with adding more fingers when your partner is fingering you. The more you practice, the easier it will be when you attempt the whole hand.

Fisting can ride a fine line between pain and pleasure at times. As I mentioned in the previous article, some masochists might enjoy a larger hand and bit of pain during fisting, but be careful not to get carried away and injure yourself. Savor the good pain, but don’t do anything that might cause your tissues to tear or bleed.

If don’t already have masochistic tendencies, you may not understand the difference between good pain and bad pain, so I will use another sports analogy. “Good pain” is the pain you might experience during and after a hard workout, and is sometimes described as “feeling the burn.” So a fistee might “feel the burn” during fisting, because they are giving their vaginal muscles a workout! On the other hand, “bad pain” is the sharp, stabbing, pain you might feel when you pull a muscle, have a stomach ache, and so forth. It’s a type of pain that’s not going to be pleasurable under any circumstance. If you start to feel the bad pain, STOP. This is not the Olympics, and you’re not going to win a medal for getting a hand in on the first try.

It is also important to manage anxiety levels that might accompany fisting. Deep breaths, ongoing verbal communication, taking breaks, or even stopping completely may be what’s needed to help you feel safe and calm throughout the experience. Fisting is intense on physical, psychological and emotional levels. There is simply no “faking it” with fisting. You will have to surrender to the experience and make yourself vulnerable in a way that might be frightening.

STUFF YOU WILL NEED:

Lots of vag-safe lube. This means you may want to skip anything with glycerin, warming/cooling lubes, or anything that will cause irritation. You can also experiment with using a natural oil like coconut oil, as it is very long lasting (the gay male community used to use Crisco for fisting back in the day for this very reason), but be aware that some oils can degrade latex, or are not body friendly. You will need a lot of lube for this undertaking. Thick, long lasting, lubes like I Can’t Believe It’s Not Boy Butter, Maximus, or Pjur Eros are all good bets.

Nitrile or latex gloves. These are a good idea for safer sex reasons, and will protect the receiver from sharp nails or rough skin. It is definitely a good idea to carefully trim and file your nails before fisting someone.

A vibrator of the recipient’s choosing. Using a vibe on the clit during the build up to fisting will help the recipient relax and enjoy the sensations more, and bring them over the edge when they’re ready to have an orgasm. The Hitachi Magic Wand is always a good bet, but some people may have a different vibe they prefer.

Time and patience. Set aside at least an hour for your first attempt, turn off the phones, put on some nice music, light some candles, do whatever you need to do to completely relax and focus. For some people building up to fisting may be an ongoing project with a partner, as not everyone will succeed on their first try. I had one partner who attempted to fist me countless times but never succeeded in getting it all the way in; a few years later I had a boyfriend with very large hands who managed to fist me on the first try. So don’t worry if you can’t get the whole thing in immediately. Enjoy the journey.

GETTING STARTED:

Prior to fisting, the fistee should take a hot bath or shower to relax, and have an orgasm or three. Take care that you are well hydrated and have eaten something beforehand (though you shouldn’t feel uncomfortably full.) After penetrative intercourse or dildo play, is the best time to try fisting, as the vagina will be naturally more relaxed and open. Having an orgasm prior to beginning a fisting session is recommended because the body releases the pleasure chemical oxytocin during climax (it’s what causes the contractions), which helps the fistee feel relaxed and happy.

Finding a partner with the right sized hand for you may be tricky. If you are in a monogamous relationship with someone with larger hands and you are built small, you may never be able to get your partner’s entire hand inside you, but you can enjoy low-pressure experimentation with seeing how many fingers you can receive. There are some people that believe that being able to insert five fingers without going all the way inside in also counts as fisting, and if this definition works for you, claim it. You can still experience mind blowing sensations without having someone’s entire hand inside your body.

If you are in a non-monogamous relationship or single, you may want to seek a fisting top with smaller hands for your first try, though you may find you crave the challenge of a bigger hand once you’ve gained some experience!

The top should begin by putting on a glove, and thoroughly coating their fingers with lube. Find a position that is comfortable for both partners. The fistee can lie on their back with their hips propped up with pillows or a Liberator cushion, with the fister between their legs. The top should find an angle where they can comfortably finger their partner without putting strain on their wrist or arm. You can also experiment with other positions such as the fistee kneeling or leaning forward ala “doggy style,” with the top seated behind the recipient.

Start with the top inserting with one or two fingers, sliding them in and out while massaging the G spot. See if you can work up to all five fingers, applying lube as needed. Go slow and steady to warm up the vagina and prevent irritation. This is a good time for the fistee to start using a vibrator or another type of clitoral stimulation, though they may wish to hold off on having an orgasm at this point. The orgasmic contractions can push the top’s hand out, and some people may find they no longer wish to be penetrated following orgasm, which could end the scene.

Once you have all five fingers inside, squeeze them together to make them as narrow as possible, so that your hand looks like a “duck head.” You want your hand to be as narrow as possible during the insertion phase. Your palm should be facing up (towards the G spot) with the knuckles down to minimize pressure on sensitive urethral tissue. At this point, you are going to gently, slowly push into the vagina with your hand until the fistee tells you to stop. Once you’ve found that “sweet spot”, you can begin moving your fingers in and out, up until right before you hit that point. Aim your fingertips upward to stimulate the G and A spot, which will help open and relax the vagina. Keep doing this for a while, and then start applying gentle pressure again, and see if you can move in deeper this time. Always stop before the pressure becomes too painful. You may want to employ shallower strokes with your hand as you get deeper and deeper into the vagina. Communication is super important, especially if one or both parties are trying fisting for the first time.

If things seem pretty open, it’s time to take it to the next level. At this point you may be able to penetrate up to your knuckles, or even a little further up on your hand. It will probably be uncomfortable for your fistee to be fucked with the thicker part of your hand, so this is where you take the plunge and attempt to put the hand all the way inside. Once again, with upward-facing “duck hand,” you will start gently but firmly pushing your hand all the way in. As you enter, the fingers will curl back into the palm to form a “fist” deep inside the vagina with your wrist at the entrance. Make sure not to put excessive pressure on the cervix!

This is without a doubt the most intense and potentially painful part of fisting for the bottom, so stop if it feels like the vagina is not ready to stretch this much yet. The good news is this pain/intensity is quite brief- once the hand is all the way inside, it should feel very full, but not painful. Some fistees may find this part of the process intensely erotic, intimate, and transformative, as it demands the greatest level of surrender and trust between the partners. Fisting is actually an act of surrender for both partners- it may be intimidating for a fisting top to put their entire hand in such a tight space for the first time, for the fear it might get “stuck there” (it won’t), or they may be concerned about accidentally injuring a partner (you won’t, as long as you communicate, go slowly, and use plenty of lube).

Once inside, there are lots of things you can do! The fistee may wish to have a few moments to adjust to the sensation of fullness before you try anything else. They may want you to hold still while they use their vibrator to climax around your fist, or they may want you to rotate or move the hand back in forth inside the vagina for added stimulation. Some very advanced fisters may even enjoy being fucked with the thickest part of the hand during fisting, or even double fisted, but don’t worry about this your first time. Again, focus pressure against the top wall of the vagina to stimulate the G and A spots, and experiment with what sensations feel best for the fistee. Additionally, the fister may find their shoulder or wrist become tired from the repetitive motions, and should stop, change position, or switch hands (if feasible) if they begin to experience discomfort.

When you’re ready to take you hand out again, you perform the same process in reverse. Apply extra lube at the vaginal entrance to smooth along the process. You may wish to insert an extra finger to “break the seal” if a suction has formed around your hand. Slowly begin the process of pulling out. This will probably feel very intense for the fistee, though perhaps different from how it felt going in. Once the thickest part of the hand has exited the vagina, the rest of the fingers should slide out smoothly.

AFTERCARE:

Some bottoms may find themselves drifting deep into an altered state of consciousness called “sub space” through the experience of fisting. It is important that the top takes special care to recognize if this is happening, and proceed with caution, as the bottom’s pain tolerance and judgment may be affected. Aftercare describes the attention one or both partners may need after intense play, and may mean a glass of water, a snack, an ice pack, or talking and cuddling. Fisting should be a positive, pleasurable experience for everyone involved!