I have a fetish. Shock surprise right? I know that for the most part, I could say that everyone has a fetish and be pretty much correct. However, for the longest time I could sit down and think about it, and not find one single thing that I “needed” with my sex in order to have real pleasure. Until now.

I was actually working on another post for Eden Café when I realized that I had an exhibitionism fetish. Not so really an expose myself to strangers, or needing someone else there physically, but unless there’s at least a chance someone could possibly be seeing me, I cannot get real sexual pleasure. Sure! I can orgasm. But it’s all physical and unless I put something else into it (eg – spirituality) it just makes me more frustrated.

It was really a blinking-light-above-my-head moment. I was all aha! So that’s why I always masturbate in front of open windows!! If I don’t, I need to add some spirituality into it, which I won’t go into here in order to get the full amount of pleasure a good orgasm can give. That’s a post for another day LOL

It’s sort of a two-fold thing for me; accepting that I really do need something in addition to genital stimulation to genuinely get off. It’s a combination of the novelty of it all and accepting the taboo nature of it.

So often, especially in mainstream culture and society fetishes are seen as the extreme things that go on in dank and dirty dungeons in underground societies. While people are slowly but surely beginning to know better, not everyone realizes that you can have a fetish that doesn’t involve a St. Andrew’s cross or something else that could seem extreme to someone. Growing up in a small city rife with small town ideals and atmosphere, I sometimes have to actively remind myself that it’s okay, that it doesn’t mean that something is wrong with me.

I keep catching myself considering ways to “fix” me, so that I no longer have this fetish. Part of it is the whole previously mentioned thinking that fetishes are weird, bad and should never be indulged. Those things are for one time experimentations only! I have to remind myself that it’s okay, it’s simply who I am, and considering I have a corner unit with windows that no one else faces, I can simply open the blinds and give myself the illusion, without worrying about children seeing me or anything.

But the other part of me is lamenting that I can’t just masturbate and get the whole package of pleasure with it. Sure, I have a couple small orgasms and while sometimes that’s just what is needed, that’s quite rare. I quiet simply miss the full bodied orgasms that are also a psychological and emotional release. Sometimes I don’t want to add all the extra fluff. Every now and again, I just want a quickie with myself!

Then that other part of my brain kicks in and says: see? You’re not that easy to get off! Men I’ve been with have always marbled that I can orgasm so quickly with a few flicks to my clit. It’s quite sensitive. Also vaginally, even if all you’re doing is pounding my cervix, I will cum. So, needless to say, I’m easy. To bring to orgasm that is.

But it’s always with someone, ya know? There’s someone watching me, even if they’re just another participant. So that does leave part of me happy that I have this exhibitionism style fetish. (I’m sure there’s a technical name for it, I just don’t know what it is.)

But at the same time, it leaves me wondering. What do I do about this? And then I just smack myself upside the back of my head and say: “Deal!” There isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. So, either bring out the candles and make it spiritual, or open the damn blinds woman, and fuck yourself!