So this morning I was sitting at my kitchen table and I realized that it’s been a very, very long time since I’ve really felt sexy. I suppose I could blame it on stress, the move, work problems, any number of things. But the truth is that we all must take care of ourselves. For each of us I’m sure there are certain things that are very important for us to feel whole; to feel ourselves and good about ourselves. For me that’s ensuring that sometimes I really feel sexy. And it seems I’ve failed at it lately.
So once I realized that I had to sit back for a moment and think about what it really takes for me to feel sexy. Sometimes it’s just me getting in the mood and getting naked. Othertimes it’s wearing something sexy and see through. Sometimes my boyfriend can make me feel like the sexiest bitch on the planet. But in the end, even as I write this I realize it’s been way too long since I’ve felt like that. And even then I cannot rely on my boyfriend to make me feel a certain way. It’s my own responsibility to take care of myself.
I suppose part of it is ‘cuz I’m forever wearing my Optimus Prime pajama pants and my stained and ripped pajama top around the house. My own fault. We’ve really been cooped up lately; haven’t been out to do much more than hit the library or get groceries for probably the past 6 weeks. No one’s fault, I had to give up my main source of income due to various reasons so we can’t afford to breathe much less go out. Either way, I seem to have let myself go.
Fact of the matter is, we’re in a slump, a really deep one and it’s affecting my self-image. So I need to do something about this, and quick! I hate feeling down on myself and while I rarely feel uber good about myself with any consistency so too do I usually not feel uber bad about myself with any consistency; although lately it seems like I do.
Sometimes it can be so hard and frustrating with all the time it can take to keep one’s head out of the sand. It can get tiresome sometimes, knowing that I have to do “check-ins” with myself to see where I am sitting emotionally. At the same time if one doesn’t check in with themselves sometimes you can fall into a rut, like I find that we are in right now.
So now the question I must pose to myself is what to do now. Where do I go from here? How do I get back in touch with my sexy self? First step I know is that I need to talk to my boyfriend about it. Let him know how I’ve been feeling so I can also find out how he’s feeling. Then we’ll be able to move forward, pull ourselves out from this icky rut we’re in. Dammit I like feeling sexy!
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