As a child, I liked dressing up. I liked frilly dresses and make-believe castles. I made crowns out of paper, and ruled my kingdom of stuffed animals with a heart of gold (or, perhaps, an iron first). So it shouldn’t have been too surprising to me when I realized that I liked falling into a role.

It started off as a joke, but quickly escalated the moment I revealed a little school girl’s outfit for my boyfriend’s waiting eyes one night. We fell into the roles of the school girl and the teacher. It was fun, but we quickly learned that we’d need to change it up once in a while to keep things fresh and interesting. It became easy to fit myself into a role, like pretending to be someone else made all the dirty things I said perfectly okay. But it also made what he said to me okay as well, things that I (if I was being myself) would never take seriously, or allow someone to say to me. But it was perfectly consensual and deliciously fun once we realized where the other person was going with what they said.

Our scenes became a little bit more elaborate as we learned more about what made each other tick. I found that role-playing made things a little bit more unpredictable. If I was a barmaid, how was I to know how a pirate ship’s captain may react to the length of my skirts? It’s a fun thing to do, and as long as everyone involved knows when to stop, there’s nothing wrong with a little role-playing. What’s even more fun is when you branch away from the typical role-playing scenes (school girl and teacher; maid and boss; any employee and any boss). We’re always looking for new things to do, new situations, occasionally new outfits or just flat-out role-playing without the need for buying new clothes (but it’s always nice to see that look of appreciation when I reveal something new).

Sexuality for my boyfriend and I has always been based on mutual respect and a mutual want for trying out new things (roles, positions, toys, etc). It makes for a not-so-dull relationship, full of little surprises all the time when one of us comes up with something new to pitch to the other person. It’s a turn on to think about the new thing, and then the anticipation builds until we get to act it out, or do a mash-up of pirates-school girl-maid (it’s confusing going from being a barmaid to a school girl when you’re not the one switching roles so quickly).

Like with all things sex, safety is key, but so is fun. And what’s more fun that make-believe, and that little moment of imagination that sparks something inside of you, that makes you into a little spitfire that you may not be when you’re not slipping into a role? With everything, moderation is important – you’re not who you’re pretending to be all the time, but it is certainly fun from time to time to play and pretend to be someone that you’re not.