I’m always afraid to say that I am extreme in my kink tastes. I think people will think that I am bragging or trying to one-up them. I don’t say it because I am afraid that people will think that I am trying to say that I am better than them- or kinkier than them. That’s not it at all. People everywhere have different levels of kink, whether you are ‘vanilla’ or ‘rocky road’ or whatever other ice cream flavor you want to compare yourself to.

From what I’ve seen in the kink community, and the people who have seen me play, I apparently like the more extreme things. I’ve been told that I am ‘quite an extreme edge player’. Edge play is things on the fringe- things that not everyone deems safe or smart to play with. Knife play, fire play, kicking, etc, those are all considered edge play by many. I don’t like putting such definitions on play just because I would prefer just to call it what they are- my kinks or your kinks.

I like to be beaten until I’m black and blue. One of my biggest desires is to be given a black eye. I like to be kicked and punched, repeatedly and excessively. I crave being slapped in the face. I like being choked and spit on. Knife play intrigues me to no end. Also- I want to be waterboarded. When people hear this they are a bit overwhelmed usually, or when they see a scene I am in they fear for me.

Before a scene at a local bdsm event I had told a couple of people that my tastes are on the extreme side. They pretty much patted my hand and assured me that ‘everyone thinks their tastes are extreme’. I didn’t take it to heart too much. If everyone did, that’s cool. I wasn’t bragging, I was just giving my view of my tastes. When my Man and I started our scene, there was nothing really out of the ordinary. However, by the end many people thought that he had gone too far in hurting me. They thought that I was hurt in a bad way, luckily the DMs (people in charge of looking over everyone and making sure everyone is safe/being respected) realized that what we were doing was right for us. After calming down and getting off from the high that I was on from getting beat so hard, a few people came up to me and mentioned that I play pretty hard or that I was too extreme for their tastes. I had to laugh because we dulled it down because we were in public! Apparently after that little event, it was okay to say that I play hard because they saw it. They knew in their head that it was true because they witnessed it.

However, now I am around a new group of kinky people, or talking to people online in the kink community. I am once again afraid to say that I play on the more extreme side. I am afraid that people will think that I don’t think their kink is ‘real’ or good enough, or whatever other silly thing they are going to assume from that statement. I wish they could just take my statement at face value, me talking about myself. Not putting them or their kink down.

  • Jane Blow

    Brava. Serisouly, Brava. :)

  • LivingFire

    If everyone in the scene could appreciate that everyone has their own kinks and to different levels, and that that doesn’t mean anyone is judging.. well, that’d be a wonderful thing. Many can and do – hell some of the best friends I’ve ever made have been through the BDSM scene, but there are definitely some out there who have complexes that others think less of them for not being “kinky enough” or the “right” kind of kinky… Which is all bull, of course.

    Keep doing and enjoying what you like

    LF x

  • Dave

    Wear your preferences like a badge and never offer any apology for being unique and adventurous. Thankfully we live in a society that is (slowly, virtually turtle like at times) evolving towards a more free spirited, unconditional sexual outlook of expression. I firmly believe we, as North Americans can learn a tremendous deal from our European forefathers. There is virtually no oppression or judgment in many communities abroad, yet sexual crimes are pretty much non existant. I thoroughly enjoyed your piece jonsbabydoll, all the power to you

  • CLP

    I remember going to a play party and witnessing a similar scene. I was so scared–the girl was screaming, her Daddy was unrelenting. I was still very new to the scene, and was caught between thinking ‘she could be seriously hurt, I need to help her!’ and ‘to each their own’. After their scene, the girl was back to the bubbly, friendly girl I’d met earlier.
    It can be difficult for someone without extreme tastes to witness such scenes. Of course, as mentioned before, it is easy to misinterpret, but other people can have their own scars that they are careful to protect. Witnessing their scene, as much as I believe they should be given the space to explore publicly, tore open a very painful wound for me. Just as I understand that not everybody would understand or like my own kinks, I cannot deal with others.
    I’m not trying to say that I think anyone should censor themselves at play parties, quite the opposite. I do see it as opportunity for people to toy with an idea and test logistics while gaining real-life knowledge of how a safe scene should be conducted. I suppose my gripe would only be that, for those of us that *cannot* witness such scenes, have a quiet corner to retreat to.
    …I know this is all besides the point. The term ‘extreme’ can be overused, or fluffed up to sound like bragging. I think your description is the best, though, to be used to describe edgeplay and heavy physical contact. When someone says they are interested in such, I always follow up with questions to see that this person also plays safely.

  • redvinylkitty

    I have problems with people thinking that I am trying to “best” them too. I don’t care how light or heavily someone plays. I play on the extreme side too, and I always keep things a bit “hidden” until they are watching us play. Then, I let others decide what they want to think about our style.

  • KinkMeister

    I’ve never really had a chance to engage in the sort of fetish edge play I’d like to (came close, once, but she wasn’t as clean as she needed to be). I’m not entirely comfortable getting into details here, but anyone who wants a taste of it at least part of it can check out the Evil Angel videos website Jaysin.com.

    You can see enough in a tour to get the gist of what I’m talking about. I particularly like the stuff that involves food. I’d like to try a sort of variation on a banana split! :) Don’t think I’ve ever told ANYONE this!

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