I was so not expecting our relationship to be where it is today.

You were so not expecting to hear that from me. Right?

Basically, it goes like this:

I read a lot of blogs written by supposed slaves before I decided a slave is what I want to be.

I don’t usually say that anymore. “Supposed slaves”. I turn my nose up at the idea of a “true” anything in the kink world. But when it comes right down to it, looking back on the things I used to read, the fact of the matter is there’s just no way these women had ever been human, much less a slave. People just don’t exist on the level they claimed to.

Why do I say that? Cause they never made mistakes! It’s not just that they didn’t talk about them. They claimed not to make them at all! Conversations with them would go a little something like this:

“So, I got punished today.”

“Erm… I never get punished.”

“Oh, so you don’t have a punishment dynamic?”

“Well, we have one. I just don’t ever do anything wrong.”

Uh… huh. Well, if I wasn’t certain he already knew (if he exists), I’d give the man upstairs a call for you and tell him to reserve you a special place in Hell. He doesn’t much care for people who liken themselves to him. Or so I’m told.

These false perfect people had me convinced that M would be out of my life in six months flat. I’m not joking. I didn’t want him to be, and I was petrified of it actually happening. I’d fall to pieces any time I got in trouble out of fear of losing the one man I’d met who treated me like a person and not a whore.

Funny, that. The only man I’ve ever been with who I wanted to treat me like a whore, in the “making me into a sexual being for him” sense, instead treated me like a person who liked sex. Color me shocked. And hopelessly devoted.

Getting over that was easy. He proved time and again that there really wasn’t anything I could do to drive him away. The hard part, was getting over the changes.

In the beginning, we were hellbent on proving the critics of 24/7 master/slave relationships wrong. It wasn’t that living a 24/7 scene was impossible. It was just that they weren’t managing their time right. We could totally live a 24/7 scene if we wanted to! And to that end, M would incorporate rituals and rules that sounded good in our heads, but in reality, they didn’t really make sense. Oh, some days it was fine. Some days, we had plenty of time, and energy, and the rituals slid in perfectly. But others…

You know, as much of a masochist as I am, getting caned every single night starts to take the fun out of being caned. A blow job before bed goes from sexy fun to an annoying chore after the third week. And let’s not discuss the lockjaw. An enema every day isn’t healthy or practical. And one’s limbs can only take so much of being strung up on a St. Andrews Cross. Humans just aren’t built for prolonged torture. Even if we like it.

At first, I took the slowing down of the kinky side of our relationship as a comment on the rest of our relationship. I was all “ZOMG! M doesn’t want to beat me anymore! He must not want me anymore! LIFE AS I KNOW IT IS OVER!!!!!onetyeleven!!11!1!!”

But I’ve got this friend named CarrieAnn… You guys know her well. She’s the manager here at Eden Cafe. And this one day, I popped over to her blog, and read a couple posts about how the kinky side of her relationship was kind of… dwindling, except for the dynamic, and she was content.

Content?! How can anyone be content when the very thing that drives them is going away?!

But it wasn’t going away. They’d just found their “groove”. They found their “perfect mix” of dynamic, real life, and kink. They found what works for them. And they both recognized it. So they were content.

M and I decided to take a step back and look at the dwindling kink in our relationship. Was there actually something wrong, or were we just victims of evolution? Had we really begun to grow apart, or had we just found what works for us?

At that point, we hadn’t found what works for us, yet, but we realized, after some discussion, that we weren’t growing apart, either. Our needs were changing. Our lives were changing. And though the days we spent with me chained to the bed and a whip in his hand were fun, and we still occasionally play at them, they just weren’t what we needed anymore.

I’m not sure I would have been able to see the difference if I hadn’t seen someone else go through it. I think I would have continued to believe our relationship was going downhill.

So this is me telling you that everything evolves. Even kinky relationships. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Just go with the flow, and constantly check in with each other, and fix the changes you don’t like. Trust me. Your life will be so much easier.