Forever. Together Forever. Best Friends Forever. The concept of being with someone or loving someone forever. Essentially having an unconditional attachment to one person, or possibly a multitude of people if that’s what you’re dealing with. It’s promised to us at a young age in the guise of true love, something that many believe only exists in fairy tales. And why shouldn’t they? The world isn’t made up of sunshine and puppies every day of our lives. True love, and other assumptions aren’t stumbled upon or easily maintained. I guess with that comment, I’m showing my hand a bit. Yes, I am one of those women who believes in true love, but it ends right about there. The ignorant or child-like sensibilities, which are perceived when some people hear the concept of true love are easily mistaken, but that is a whole other tangent. I’m talking about the concept and vocalization of “forever”.
I’m sure you’ve probably said it once in your life, even if for something small like, “I’ll love this band forever.” Or maybe.. “I’ll like fried mushrooms forever.” It’s thrown around a lot, which isn’t terrible, but I’ve become very skittish of using what I consider the “f-word”. This might be a completely localized phenomenon, and possibly my own subconscious sabotaging my future, or another paranoid observation, but I think it might affect more than myself.
First of all, is the concept and declaration of forever a last ditch effort to justify a good feeling? A friendship or relationship that isn’t easy, but you have a “good feeling” about it. Or is it your own way of being swept up into the moment. It is a pretty serious comment for anyone to make, I mean you only live possibly at best 100 years, and that isn’t really forever. In itself, forever is possibly stronger than the declaration of love if you intended, or were able to keep your word. With some boyfriend, I’ve had this feeling of “forever”, even with disagreements and arguments it persisted. Until it fell apart. Truth is, we might have been different, or I could have been looking at it with my “new boyfriend goggles” on.
Many novels I’ve read, even the general formula for certain novels with a heavy romantic theme, have this clandestine fall out when someone claims “forever”. Generally, if you let forever actually happen there is no conflict and the novel is boring. A constant questioning of the outcome, and if they will make it to “happily ever after”, is saved until the very end, but always ended with a question mark. If you let the guy get the girl, where is the fun in that? Maybe it’s similar with life. We can’t assume the end, or write it ourselves, so maybe that’s why whenever I declare in private or public that I will love someone forever it all falls apart.
What makes the happy ending plausible? A wise woman who recently appeared on a reality tv show, go figure, commented that the key to a happy relationship or marriage, whichever you choose, is as follows. Mutual trust, mutual respect, shared interests, and shared values. When all the gloss has been worn down, I agree with my constant observations with successful relationships of the past. She might have something there.
So what is it? Is saying something is forever a curse? Are you just getting the best of yourself by saying it, lying to yourself? Or does the idea in itself make the universe cringe to the point of occasionally intervening? I’m not completely sure, but I know, currently being rather in love, I’m not going to say it anytime soon. It could be my own created issue, but I’m just trying to cover all bases. I do, on the other hand, think the recipe we have concocted with trust, respect, the shared interest and values is probably a pretty good thing. It’s something I have missed, if not just in pieces, with the men before, and maybe I don’t need to hope or proclaim forever for it to possibly happen. Maybe that’s true love.