I’m annoyed. Lately, just about every woman I’ve met who SAYS she is polyamorous or in an open relationship then qualifies it to mean that she has a boyfriend and they are both allowed to be with women, as long as he is present. And no boys allowed.
That, my friends, is OBS – Opportunistic Boyfriend Syndrome; dudes who take advantage of their awesome, open-minded girlfriends.
I had a series of relationships like this – the guys I was with were all down with fucking my girlfriends and having male-female-female threesomes and me allowing their wildest fantasies to come true, but the double standard kicked in as soon as I’d express interest in fucking one of their male friends. I dunno, seems selfish and one-sided to me.
Finally I got so fed up with this hypocrisy that I swore off committing to any man, since apparently no person with balls could handle my wildest fantasies. Nope. Just his.
And then as if by some divine (yet complicated) intervention, I met Beast, who didn’t know a thing about polyamory before he met me, yet can find it within himself to be supportive and understanding of my deepest, darkest desires. What’s more, he gets off on me being happy. AND he makes me suck his friends dicks.
YESSSS Dreams do cum true!!!!
So what do you make of all this? Do you share my frustration? If you’re poly, what are your “rules”?

  • seaofneptune

    That really frustrates me too – I’m not in a poly relationship but I notice that guys have that horrible double standard. Even to the small point that if you so much look at another guy – you’re in trouble. Even though you let them check out any girl that walks past them very obiviously right in front of you. I don’t understand this with guys, I know a lot of them say that it’s because they don’t have the confidence or something when it comes to “competeing” with another man.

    I had a friend that was the same way, he had a girlfriend that was only allowed to be with other women – never a man. I never understand this at all – because if you are afraid of losing the girl or something, then you have just as much of a chance to lose her to a woman as you do to a man.
    .-= seaofneptune´s last blog ..Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage =-.

    • The Beautiful Kind

      Yep, that’s the part that irks me – us cool sexy chicks are fine with them being men and checking out other women, but they are NOT fine with us being women. They want to think women only want one dick (theirs!) but hello – evolutionary biology. They need to catch up with the times.
      .-= The Beautiful Kind´s last blog ..Ask The Slut: What Are Your Relationship Rules? =-.

  • Britni TheVadgeWig

    I get annoyed by this, too. I had boyfriends like this for a long time, and as a queer woman, would try to explain that I could just as easily leave them for a woman as for a man. For me, sleeping with men and with women aren’t any different! They didn’t seem to get it.

    Luckily, my current partner feels the same way I do. He LOVES watching me fuck other men. He LOVES watching me fuck other women. WIN.

    • The Beautiful Kind

      Congrats on your partner being progressive! It’s so much more fun!!!
      .-= The Beautiful Kind´s last blog ..Ask The Slut: What Are Your Relationship Rules? =-.

  • Becky

    I don’t get the double standard myself, but it is awfully damn common. Luckily, the guy I married has no such qualms. We are polyamorous, and completely open. I have a girlfriend, yes, but I’ve also had boyfriends and fuck buddies of both genders. My life partner is just happy to see me happy. Our only rule, really, is that the other person needs to know before anything happens, and they have to approve it. Usually this isn’t a problem, since we tend to like the same kinds of people. My life is definitely good. :)

    • The Beautiful Kind

      YAY! Sounds like your life is better than good – it’s GRREAT! You married the right person!
      .-= The Beautiful Kind´s last blog ..Ask The Slut: What Are Your Relationship Rules? =-.

      • Edis

        The notion that one must destroy, remove or deny previous loves and relationships in order to fully enter a new one is something that always felt dishonest to me. Even after breaking up with my ‘first love’ I told my second that I would not deny that I’d loved the first. My heart had simply grown and changed and would now include a different sort of love tha it could never have carried without the experience of it’s first amour. It expands all the time with the experience of love, growing larger, fuller and more complex. The landscape is richer, lusher and more colorful as a result. The depth of feeling continues to take me into places on this loving journey my heart could formerly never have convceived of. So, yes, I guess I am a polyamour in the sense that I have a deep, committed, compassionate love for a

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    • The Beautiful Kind

      More like men who use their woman to get to other women. I’ve been in a couple relationships like that – I’m happily sharing my girlfriends with him and then all of a sudden when I inquire about his cute guy friend, I hit a brick wall. Then when I call no fair, they say, “Sure it’s fair, you’re bi, and we both like women and get to be with women, so there you go.”
      .-= The Beautiful Kind´s last blog ..Ask The Slut: Are Hare Krishnas Also Members of NAMBLA? =-.

  • Airen

    Our rules are simple…keep it safe, get to know the person, practice safer sex and get tested regularly. Full disclosure is not an optional rule either. I don’t wanna know all the blow by blow necessarily but I want to know it’s happening. If my guys want to share a pertner with me then great if not well then I would like to be able to share their joy at being with a new somebody. I know everything will change once our life partner is close enough to be accessible on a day to day basis, until then we’re happy with the current arrangement.

    • The Beautiful Kind

      I’m just curious – how often do you get tested? I get tested quarterly – having a clinic nearby that does everything for $30 helps!
      .-= The Beautiful Kind´s last blog ..Ask The Slut: What Are Your Relationship Rules? =-.

      • Airen

        Twice a year is our usual, more if we find out we’ve been exposed to anything. Our Doctor is aware of our lovestyle and very approachable. Since Sigel is the only one who isn’t at least polifidelitous so he makes sure to check out any playmates. We all get tested just as a backup safety plan.

        • The Beautiful Kind

          “LOVESTYLE.” I love it! And so cool your doc is open and understanding!
          .-= The Beautiful Kind´s last blog ..You Are The Beautiful Kind: Lee Harrington =-.

  • Cooper

    Maybe it’s just me, but not only do these guys seem to be jealous jerks, but I don’t think it’s a poly relationship they’re after. Sounds like swingers to me…
    .-= Cooper´s last blog ..Ep 2: Birds of a Feather =-.

    • Cheyenne

      Sounds exactly like my ex! He was allowed (in his mind…not the relationship…as he never actually discussed it with me!) to sleep with anyone he wanted when he wanted. When we went through a series of breaks he would get testy if I so much as mentioned another man! I call it cheating not being open or poly! He drove me mad with his lies and walls. Funny thing is I’m now in a truly open relationship and not one hint of the insane jealousy he inspired in me! How tables can turn!

    • Luciana

      cbaThis is a fsatantic list. The promotion service you do for your fellow bloggers is extraordinary, we can’t thank you enough!Great job Rori!d1

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  • Darwin

    Honestly as a man I can see were the thought of competing with another man would be intimidating. However in my poly relationship I actively encourage the woman I love to see and be with other men when she wants to, it comes from years of being together and knowing at the end of the day that I’m still number 1. When my natural jealousy kicks in I simply sit down and remind myself that its my own insecurities rearing there head and I have nothing to worry about.

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