My husband is in the military, and this past July we transferred like we do every four years. My son is fifteen. When he told his girlfriend, of only two months (his very first girlfriend, mind you) we were moving 300 miles away, she was devastated. He told her he thought it would be unfair to the both of them to try a long distance relationship. However, after talking about it for the next few months, right up until the day we left, they decided as long as they were honest with each other and talked often, (thank God for the unlimited calling and texting plan) maybe they could make it work.

At the beginning of this school year, he was having a hard time adjusting to all the changes, and he was desperately missing his friends. We made him a deal, if he was able to maintain a 3.0 or better GPA we would send him back to visit his friends during spring break. We had no doubts that he would pull off those grades. We felt confident this was something that he could strive to accomplish, and he would do it without any issues at all. However, now he is into his third quarter of Calculus and it is really starting to kick his ass. That, coupled with the thought of possibly disappointing all of his friends, and especially his girlfriend, is becoming a very big stressor in his 15 yr old life.

To make matters worse, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about him leaving for that visit, and realizing that my husband was about our son’s age when he lost his virginity, and for that matter, I was 14 years old when I lost mine right outside my parents kitchen window while they were eating. I started thinking that maybe it would be a good idea to actually take him to the store and show him where the condoms are located and how little they cost. I talked to my husband about it, and we decided that he should not go on the trip without condoms in his pocket and cash to purchase them, if need be.

My husband and I go out on regular dates, and we are quite touchy-feely with each other at home. I have never been one to shy away from a conversation regarding sex, and my son knows this all too well. It makes him cringe, (which I take silent pleasure in) but I think it is important for him to be able to talk about sex, very matter-of-fact like, and to know it is completely natural, can be incredibly emotional as well as sensual, and it should not be a dirty, disgusting, hurtful or demeaning act. So, when we drove the hour into town the other day, I struck up some conversation. Of course he was mortified at first, but after I told him, “Look, it wasn’t that long ago that Dad and I were your age, and you are older than we were when we lost our virginity. We remember what it is like to be 15 and horny.” He let his guard down a little.

I told him what his dad and I had discussed, and that we thought it was important for him to know where to get protection and how little it costs. He told me he would be embarrassed to go into a store in the town we used to live in, and in the one we live in now, because everyone knows everyone, (only 5,000 people in the both towns) and he would be scared someone might go and tell us he bought them. I didn’t even give my response a thought. I told him if anyone ever told me anything like that, my only reply would simply be, “Good! I raised one smart kid!” I think he was surprised by my response. I then had the bright idea to send that message home by telling him we have a place where we keep a stash of condoms, and he could help himself to them at any time, and if he uses the last one, not to worry, because I will replace them with absolutely no questions asked.

**My parents never talked to me about sex. They always told me to call home if I had been out drinking, and they would come and get me no questions asked, but when it came to having sex, I was to never do it until I was married. Yeah, right! I would call home to say I had been out drinking (omitting that I also just had sex) and request a ride home.**

I digress. I want my son to know how important it is to use condoms properly. I think, all too often, we toss condoms at boys and forget that maybe they need to be instructed on their proper use. We don’t just toss a tampon at a girl who gets her period for the first time and say, “Here, use this!” So, in my nonchalant, sex advice, mom voice, I told him that it is important to wait until your penis is fully erect to put it on, and that once he ejaculates he has to stop thrusting, grab a hold of the condom and pull out, moving away from the vagina to avoid sperm finding their way back to her, and at that point he needed to be completely done, unless he puts on a fresh condom. I talked about how sperm can remain in the penis after ejaculation, so he wouldn’t think it was ok to just go back to fucking her without a condom on. I tried to cover all the bases when it came to condom usage and safety. (I wish my mom would have talked to me about that when I was a teenager, but she didn’t know that herself.) I informed him that he should practice putting a condom on a banana, or something like that, and the look he gave me was priceless! It took everything in my power to not burst out laughing, and to remain calm and collected. I really told him that more for the shock value than anything else, but after I said it, I thought maybe it would be a good idea if his dad did show him how to use them on some sort of hard veggie. Maybe it could open the communication lines with dad as well, just in case he had questions he didn’t feel like I could answer, or simply didn’t want to ask me.

So after school today, guess what is on the agenda? Yes, we are headed to Wal-Mart and Safeway to peruse the sexual health aisle! Who knows, maybe we can discuss all the other forms of contraception and safe sex while we’re there. If you see us, (I will be the one with the VERY red-faced, wide-eyed, 15 year old boy) feel free to give us a thumbs-up if you wish your parents had taken you there at that age!