First off, for those who don't know, I have been married to Sigel for 20 years. We have two beautiful girls who have just started to venture into teen age years. We have had our ups and downs like any couple, well probably more downs than most couples who actually stick it out but then again we didn't have the best of childhoods from which to form a framework. Still with tenacity and lots of love we have stuck with it and hammered out the type of relationship that works for us. We have a deeply intimate, loving relationship that we finally believe in.

Five years ago, give or take, we met a man who while young offered us something vital that we were needing. Notice I didn't say we were missing this vital ingredient, but we needed it none-the-less. As we spent time together that feeling grew until Sigel decided enough was enough and invited Arch to come visit us and we got to meet face to face. See, Arch lives in Canada and we live smack dab in the middle of the US. We hit it off spectacularly, which lead Sigel to remark that it was somehow "right" that he be there with us. From that point on we've been inseparable, except for this damn border!

 We didn't practice any form of birth control other than timing, mainly because I was told that my hormones were the reason that I had such difficulty getting pregnant with my girls. This was a grossly irresponsible decision made by a biased doctor who didn't even look at Sigel, but we trusted him. It took three times for me to get pregnant with our Monkey because it was Sigel who had the problem and Arch and I are very fertile! I had been assuring my erstwhile virgin that everything was fine until suddenly I knew it wasn't. I felt my uterus do this odd little almost explosion…it's so difficult to describe but each time I have had a viable, healthy pregnancy my uterus has done this shake from the very top of the fundus to the base causing my cervix to spasm. It feels like an explosion of energy outward, or a backwards orgasm! It is the moment of implantation and though I was ecstatic, I couldn't help it cause that's the other fillip I have a rush of hormone that makes me happier than I have ever been at any other time, I was also terrified! I had assured and reassured Arch that I wasn't going to get pregnant and then I was. We had only been together for three years and I didn't know how he was going to react since he had told me many times he wanted children but not yet. He was only 23 at the time and didn't have a clear view of what he wanted to do with his life. I was so afraid that he would reject this baby, and me for lying to him. He was stunned to learn how I felt and I think he was hurt more that I didn't trust him enough to talk to him. He accepted that even if I said there was no way that I wasn't the great Creatrix, and there was the opportunity for me to get pregnant regardless of what I said! He was stunned, scared, excited and sad that we were so far apart.

 Sigel reacted in a way that was both terrifying and painful. He announced to me the moment we saw that faint double line on the pregnancy test that he would start divorce proceedings even though he has assured and reassured me he wanted me to get pregnant and would support that decision. As a triple we don't make decisions that are life changing without discussion after discussion but it was still a shock to him. He explained later, after the fireworks, that he wanted to make sure we knew that the offer was there if we wanted to make sure Arch could be there for the whole thing, to be a father. This was the time we learned to our pain that we weren't ready to be together without being married, Sigel and I. Arch has always supported our needs as a unit and supported this decision as well. He has always said he won't be a home wrecker, he's not looking to replace Sigel and so he refused to marry me even if I divorced Sigel. We decided that during a pregnancy wasn't the time to make anymore life changing decisions. Sigel's insurance would cover me and any child I had regardless of biology so we went on.

The fights got very heated and I began to regret my decision not to use protection even though I desperately wanted this baby. Finally Arch caught wind that Sigel and I were tearing each other apart over this and he put his foot down. No more fighting, no more threats, and we were to deal with the underlying issues or he would be forced to take rather drastic measures for the sake of this new baby and our existing children. It was the wake up call Sigel and I needed. As we calmed down and began to talk, supervised by this iron-willed man, we came to the heart of the issue. Sigel felt like we were making a family that would edge him out in the end, which is what he felt about his sister who was born when he was 25. It was what his father had told him, that he had another family now and no time for him! I had no idea the bastard had said this to him and even Arch teared up when he heard Sigel admit this in a sad, little, lost voice. Our poor broken Sigel, suddenly everything made sense. We worked through this horrible revelation and began to make plans for our future, real plans. Arch loves our girls as though they were his own and he is awed that two such broken people could raise such well grounded normal kids, he knew that his son would have the best of all worlds. He would have a mother who loved his father to absolute distraction, a father who was focused on giving him the best life possible and a step-father that both his parents loved. Once Sigel realized that he was, legally, Monkey's step-father it solidified his place in the family easing his fear and opening the way to allow him to love this new baby as his own.

 It's been a hard and emotionally draining year but as I sit and watch my son learning to walk, trying his best to talk to his sisters, who love him to pieces I still can't dredge up any regret. We are still working on bringing our family to one house but until then we will continue to live, and more importantly love each other.