Community. When Carrie Ann asked the general EdenCafe community to write about community, I actually had no idea what to write at first. I mean, there’s a lot of hate out there from the people about the EdenFantasys community, and while I think some of the hatred is understandable, it also can get a little extreme at times. Mob mentality is one of those things that makes normal issues balloon into a huge problem – regardless of what the topic at hand is. I, personally, have my own qualms here about EF at times, but it’s never enough to keep me from visiting.

I’m sure a lot of people here know me. I’m one of the top reviewers on the EF site, and I enjoy writing for EdenCafe on a regular basis. (I like to joke that EdenCafe wouldn’t exist without me, but I don’t write that much.) Along with that, I also run my own personal sex blog and a sex toy reviewing blog, so I normally have my hands full of random sex-related topics on a regular basis. At some points, the boyfriend likes to joke about when I’m going to go come back to “real life”, but I guess I don’t see the internet as “fake life”. What I type and what I write is read by other people in their own “real life”. While I’m not presenting at national conferences, my written word does have ability to be read internationally. It can help a lot of people who don’t have the money nor time to attend sex-education conferences that are put on. Of course, I’m not devaluing conferences; I just try to look at my online sex education in a positive manner since the opportunities for real-life sex education in the Midwest are minimal at best.

I’ve spent a lot of time at EdenFantasys, and I’ve really ended up feeling like I’m part of a huge group of “friends” on the website. I’m guilty of feeling a bit clique-ish at times, since I’m so used to the group of people that we have had for the last year. Of course, I was a newbie at one point too, so I try to be more understanding about the new people who don’t seem to understand the rules, or how things are done. Regardless, aside from my own sex blogs and the work that goes into those, my second “home” is EdenFantasys.

I love having the ability to post on the forums if I ever have a question or a general poll to place towards the forum-goers. It’s amazing how sexually open everyone is. I love most of the activity and forum topics that go on there, and I’m always really excited to discuss sex issues with other people with real sex lives. Granted, not all of my forum posts are pressing topics, but they usually deal with an honest question the boyfriend and I had. It’s best to post it on the EF forum since it’d be too hard to poll such a large group of people without the use of the forum.

I absolutely love the other programs on the EdenFantasys website as well. I do enjoy other adult websites, but there’s just no comparison when it comes to having a large sex community in one place. Monthly, I feel part of a community when I watch the same DVDs as other members, and I get to read their reviews on the same things I watched. Monthly, I get to read the same book as other members, and I get to read their reviews on the books as well. Monthly, there’s a large group discussion about the porn and book of the month which is amazing to participate in. (It does seem the porn club is more popular than the book club though. Is this due to the ease of watching a porn as compared to a book? I think I smell a forum question…)

So what am I? I think I’m a reviewer and a blogger when it comes to the EF community. That’s exactly how I fit in too. I’m not really a parent seeking a more active sex life. I’m not really an adult looking to spice up my marriage. I’m just a college student who happens to be a bit of a kinkster who happened upon a website where she fits in. I managed to find a community where I really feel like I can ask any question I have regarding sexuality and get an honest answer. I think I could probably ask any sort of general question and get a good answer as well.

It’s a community full of adults that are open to their sexuality. While it might be awkward to ask my mother a sex question, I find that I have the same resource in the adults on EdenFantasys. They’re all older, have more life experience than I do, and can give me some pretty good answers to any of the questions I have.

I’ve given sex advice through personal messaging as well. It’s nice to know that people are willing to ask you personal questions. Because we’re all “anonymous”, it’s like you’re getting to keep your privacy while still talking to another real person who has some of the same sex problems that you have. While none of us are really “experts” on the topic of sexuality, they’re still people who have experience with some of the same problems you have and can offer advice. I feel like that’s an integral part of having a community.

I think I really felt like a part of a community when I was making my decision to get an IUD. I’m not much of a social butterfly, so it’s not like I have a bunch of female friends here in “the real world”. As such, I posted a forum topic on the forums asking for advice, and people who had IUDs gave me their honest experience with having them. Yes, a Planned Parenthood clinic could tell me about the pros and cons, but it’s nothing like hearing from twenty women who have had it, and hearing about the different problems they had. After I had my IUD put in, I decided to put up an EdenCafe post all about the experience, so other women could then be more reassured about having the procedure done. It’s an example of a “community” at its best.

EF is a place where I feel like I’m a part of a community. I have my own small group of friends on EF, and some of them I consider in higher regard than my “real life” friends. Is everyone who they say they are? No, not necessarily. Is that a big issue unless I want to meet them? Not really. I feel like, when I’m writing reviews, making forum posts, and answering some of people’s most private sex questions, I’ve become part of a valuable sex community where sex doesn’t have to be so “in-the-dark” anymore.