Coming out to anyone in your family about activities you participate in that aren’t considered “normal” by most society is rather hard and difficult. Usually when the phrase “coming out” is used, it generally associates a person as coming out as either gay or bisexual. Not in my case. Last month I did something that I didn’t think that I could do. I was confronted and asked why I get so much mail and why I always have duffel bags lying around in my closet. I, for the first time in my sex toy reviewing career, came out to my mother about what I do.

I was afraid to tell her and of how she would react. I was terrified that she would think me to be “disgusting” because of what I do. My mother is very prudish in some respects. I asked her if she had sex toys and she told me that she didn’t and never would. She frowned upon sex toys and such. It was about two weeks ago when I won the corset from Eden Café that I told her. I was so excited about it coming in that I just had to tell someone close to me that wasn’t my best friend. I told her over lunch about how I won it, who I had won it from, and what I do for the site that it is affiliated with. She didn’t freak out as I thought she would. She asked the generic “you’re not doing porn, are you?” that I expected. I told her everything, about how I review products and participate in a sex positive community. She was accepting of it, more so than I had thought she would be.

I also came out to her about being kinky a few months ago. She confronted me, asked me where I was going and what I was doing on my weekends. She said she knew I was different, but she was worried I was doing things to endanger my life. I came clean and told her that I am kinky, that I enjoy certain things that aren’t considered “normal” and are rather “taboo” to most. I explained to her that what I do and what I enjoy is safe and that I know my limits on what I can handle. I also went on to explain to her that, while seemingly dangerous, I know what I’m doing and I trust the people I do it with. She doesn’t necessarily like what I do, but she accepts it because it’s who I am. To be quite honest with you, I have cut down drastically on how much I have gone out to express this part of me. I’m not nearly as active in the community as I used to be, but that’s by my choice and my choice alone.

It was absolutely frightening to come out to my mother. She is really the only parent I had growing up and I couldn’t bear the thought of her not accepting me and shunning me because, well, I’m different and enjoy different things. I am a different breed than her and that’s what makes me who I am. She was more understanding than I anticipated and it really has taken a lot of strain off of our relationship now that I’ve been open and honest with her. It felt absolutely astonishing to let go and just tell her. It was hard, but I am reaping the benefits of it greatly.