Choosing Monogamy
Posted by Hot N Sexy TexasMama
I make no secret of the fact that I’ve been married for 31 years, and I am a strong believer in marriage. I also believe that anything can be worked through IF both partners are willing to make the marriage work. I believe it takes a lot of love and trust, and especially forgiveness to make a marriage work.
Since joining EdenFantasys, I’ve learned about other lifestyles I had never considered. I always knew about the gay/lesbian lifestyle, but I had never before experienced people who had “open” marriages, and I really thought swinging was something from back in the 70’s. I had no idea that it was really done in today’s culture. I’ve also learned about polyamory and the idea of loving more than one person and being in a relationship with them. I’ve learned more about BDSM and relationships like “master/slave”. I must admit that my eyes have been opened to realize that the world was not as I once thought it was. Yes, I was naive. I admit it.
One thing that bothers me, though, is that I frequently hear people express that monogamy isn’t “normal”. They say that you don’t see it among animals, and that it is more normal to have several partners. They often claim that people have been “forced” into monogamy by society because it is the only acceptable thing.
I disagree with this mindset, and I find it offensive that people don’t understand that I can choose to make the choice to be monogamous and be happy with my choice. Why am I wrong for choosing to be with only one partner and they’re right for choosing multiple partners? Can we not both be right in our choices for our lives?
I will admit that monogamy is not common in the animal kingdom and that only something like 3-5% of animals (if that) are monogamous. However, there are some who are “wired” for monogamy and live that way. I guess what I’m trying to say – is that while monogamy may not be for everyone – whether we are talking about animals or humans – it is for some.
I also would like to point out that monogamy is not just a one-time decision that I made. Every day I remake that decision as I’m faced with what could be options to be with other people if I wanted to look. Every day I once again choose my husband as my only life partner and sexual partner. I don’t do this because society says so – because if you look at society you will see that the views on divorce have changed so that it is no longer unacceptable. Cheating on one’s spouse almost seems to be the norm these days, and most people have had more than one marriage.
No – I make this choice because it is the one I want to make for MY life.
I don’t ask others to live the same way. I just ask that they understand that while they may choose different lifestyles and expect me to respect their choice (and I do) – I would like them to understand that I do choose monogamy of my own free will and like it that way. Please respect my choice also.
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Hey! I totally understand your frustrations, I blogged about it a few weeks ago of how Monogamy is deemed totally uncool in the kink scene: http://www.edencafe.com/monogamish/
Ultimately everyone should do what’s right for them, but it’s funny how people who struggle with being judged by society will turn around and judge others for choosing a different path. I am really glad to hear that you are so committed to your marriage and enjoying monogamy!
Reverse discrimination never shines a positive light. I am so glad there are open minded folk out there who enjoy their way of life and are kind and considerate of other people’s choices. Yes I love being poly but it’s a choice I made that suites me and my partners. I am so glad to see that there are people who vocally stand up proudly to say that they are happy too. Shouldn’t that be the message we send? Hey we’re happy and you can be happy too!
I’m more of a monogamous person myself and I understand how people can look down on it, especially kinksters. However, I would suggest that society impacts our decisions more than we realize — similar to how the society you live in impacts what you find physically attractive.
Embraced the monogamy thing for a long time but recent events in my wife’s life and desires have made me rethink that notion.
But it was a process of rethinking MY outlook on marriage and relationships, not those of others.
In my opinion, monogamy and open relationships are equally valid choices. There is no one-size-fits-all approach for anything in life
I couldn’t have said this better myself!
some negative stigma of monogamy could stem from its association with marriage. Personally I’m a big believer in monogamy, but have made no secret my disdain for marriage. When linking two concepts so strongly, one’s unpopularity rubs off on the other.
BRAVA Mama! Thank you for speaking out on this matter. If you’ve read my articles you know I am a supporter of anyone who CHOOSES to live the life they love and I am here to say that monogamy IS found in Nature. It IS natural and it can be the best place to be…if you consciously choose it. We are humans and we have the unique ability to choose what life we live. Choice should be universal but sadly it isn’t. Sometimes monogamy is forced onto a couple who may or may not have chosen it for themselves. That doesn’t mean, however, that EVERY monogamous couple is living a life they didn’t choose. That sort of thinking is detrimental to all of us and plain out wrong.
Bravo for you and your lovely husband for having the courage to carve out your own way in this world. You are in inspiration to many couples who are struggling to make the choice to be monogamous and you should walk with your head held high knowing that you are an example of how good monogamy can be AND how much work it takes.
~Airen