Did you name your adorable cat or dog Fifi? I can picture a little white fluff ball running towards its loving owner calling out to it in that cutesy baby talk voice, “Fifi,Fifi,  come to mama Fifi“. Is your nickname Fifi? Fifi is often short for Josephine or Sophia. How many children’s movies have characters named Fifi?

I am a slightly deranged word worm, so one of my favorite sources is The Urban Dictionary.  In this word of the week endeavor I also managed to find The Official Dictionary of Unofficial English. Wait, don’t click on the links yet! I want to be the one to tell you.

Fifi is slang for a homemade pocket pussy. Prison slang can be very interesting.  The descriptions I ran across were interesting considering the lack of resources in prison. The typical items used are a towel, rubber glove, Vaseline, and rubber bands. I decided to skip the You Tube video. I insist on putting some sort of limit to my curiosity. I ran across several other options for constructing home-made vaginas. It seems that if you are not in prison the options are boundless. If you have your freedom I suggest going with a retail choice and skipping the home project.

This Word of the Week was initially going to be pocket pussy. I started out by learning more then I ever wanted to know about male masturbation aids. Edenfantasys carries options ranging in price from around $6 all the way up to $399.  In my opinion the retail choices sound much more appealing then the homemade option. If you get to go shopping for one you can choose from an array of orifices, visual appeal, textures, and features.

In addition you can choose which simulation you are going for. Some are aimed to feel more like a blowjob. If you have an obsession with  a particular porn star you can even get one molded after his or her orifice of your choice.

With freedom and some cash you can skip the Fifi.

We are all familiar with the common word hysterical. Many of us are familiar with the term female hysteria, a purported disease dating centuries back. Less familiar, and more entertaining is the word hysterical paroxysm.

Hysterical Paroxysm:

Hysterical paroxysm was one of the treatment options for female hysteria.

Hysteria was a chronic and common condition of which many women suffered. It was a catchall term for over 75 pages of symptoms. Have any unexplainable symptoms? Your local physician can treat you by getting you off.  Yes, hysterical paroxysm is simply an outdated synonym for female orgasm.

This treatment option for hysteria was administration of a “pelvic massage” until the patient reached orgasm The inexperience of the doctors made the treatment a tedious task, sometimes taking hours. They often referred the patients to midwives who were more efficient and skilled. It could take a doctor hours, yet a midwife could get the job done in a matter of minutes.

The physicians performing this medical procedure did not seem to enjoy the task. It seems that men during that time felt that giving sexual pleasure to a woman was a task not worth their time. There was certainly a lack of understanding of female genitalia and sexuality. However, the doctors grew even more tired of passing on the endless income to the midwives.

The plus side to doctors wanting to save time on this tedious task is that it led to sex toys, and the invention of vibrators. These new massage devices shortened the treatment to a matter of minutes. The doctors raked in the money, as it was considered a chronic condition that needed to be treated on a regular basis.

Had I been around back then and became afflicted with hysteria, hysterical paroxysm is the treatment option I would of chosen.

Can I get a prescription?

The phrase Blow Job confuses me a bit. Not the actual definition. I know it’s a slang for fellatio. Not the act. I know exactly what that is, and how to do it. But I’ve often wondered how it came to be. I mean, really, the woman isn’t blowing. Well, she can if she wants, a little cool or warm blow mixed in with all that licking and sucking can add to the stimulation. But for the most part, she is doing the exact opposite of what the phrase is supposed to stand for. Think about it, what if we expected our vacuum cleaners to give our carpeting a blow job. That would not be pleasant!

So, being a person who enjoys a bit of etymology, I decided to look it up and find out how we got this phrase. What I found out is nobody really knows 100% for sure. So here are some of the educated guesses I found.

According to www.etymology.com: blowjob, 1961, from blow + job. Exactly which blow is meant is the subject of some debate; the word might have begun as a euphemism for suck (thus from blow (1)), or it might refer to the explosive climax of an orgasm (thus blow (2)). Unlike much sex slang, its date of origin probably is pretty close to the date it first is attested in print: as recently as the early 1950s, military pilots could innocently talk of their jet planes as blow jobs according to the “Thesaurus of American Slang.” Cf. blow (v.1).

This one really didn’t make much sense to me. Though I have heard this theory before, I doubt it’s accuracy.

Randomhouse.com says, one “school of thought proposes that the blow in blow job indicates the climax, and is also related to the expression “to blow off steam.” Although the phrase blow job dates only from the 1940s, there is a reference to blowing (someone) off, roughly equivalent to the modern phrase “getting (someone) off,” in David W. Maurer’s 1939 glossary, Prostitutes and Criminal Argots.”

On one website, I found out that some “linguist think the sexual connotation of ‘blow job’ evolved from ‘blowoff,’ an expression meaning to finish off, to climax, to end. ‘Blowoff’ in this sense is related to “blow off steam,” to put an end to an emotionally frustrating experience. When a prostitute gave a client a blow job she was helping him ‘blow off’ the steam of sexual arousal. In the 1930s, street-walkers offered oral sex with the phrase ‘I’ll blow you off.’ It suggests ‘I’ll cool you down,’ ‘I’ll release your steam.’”

And other “linguists think the term ‘blow job’ evolved gradually from an eighteenth century European name for a prostitute, blower. A popular name for penis at the time was ‘whorepipe,’ and it is easy to see how the woman who played the instrument came to be called a ‘blower.’ But was the act called a ‘blow job?’ There’s no indication of that.”

According to one website it is said that Lou Paget says, “Jazz musicians in the 1950′s referred to fellatio as ‘playing the skin flute’, and that’s where the term originated”. Fellatio is another name for the act of sucking or licking a man’s penis and you ‘blow’ into a flute to play it so hence the name ‘blow job’”.

So where does that leave us? Well personally, I’m even more confused than I was in the first place. But if you really think about it, slang doesn’t really have to make sense. It just is. For example, the slang uses for the words “cool” and “hot”, though you would think they should be exact opposites, for many they mean the same thing.

Well wherever we got this phrase from, one thing seems to be for sure, it’s definitely here to stay, just like the act that inspired it. And maybe we don’t know for sure where it originated, but we definitely know what it means when someone is asking for one.

Anyone that knows me knows that I am very far from straight. I do perform at a lot of gay and LGBT events as a DJ. But I am married to a straight man that I love with all my heart. I bring him along when I’m doing shows, except the ones that are for people who gender identify as female.

Usually my husband is the only heterosexual person at these events. He loves going to these shows because a lot of his good friends are a part the gay community. He usually just hangs out, talks, and maybe has a drink with his buddies.

A number of years ago, I was DJing at a queer kink event and my husband came with me. Before I started performing, I was sitting down with the couple that was running the event. For the most part, the three of us were talking about how to describe my very straight husband at this event.And yes, there was gay porn on the video screens, and gay and lesbian kink happening all over the place. And my husband was totally fine with everything.

The two of them came up with the term heteroqueer. They came up with its meaning as well.

My two friends decided that it meant any heterosexual who is totally comfortable with their sexuality; that gay sex can happen right in front of them and it doesn’t phase them at all. Heteroqueers are also the straight people that are part of the gay-rights movement.

My folks would also be seen as heteroqueer. They are both very active in the gay-rights movement, and I know my dad wants to march in one of the pride parades with the friends and families of people who identify as queer. Someday he will do it with my mom.

The word heteroqueer did start in the kink world out here, but it’s being picked up and used in other communities as well. It is even keeping the original definition and is used as a compliment to someone’s open-mindedness.

My husband happily wears the title as a badge of honor.

To the men that might float around:

If you tell your whole family that you are dating a specific woman and intend to marry her and start a family, you spend four nights a week in their bed and she’s with you the other three days, and the whole time she is buying your clothes and paying your bills, she is either your girlfriend or your Sugar Mama.

When you turn around and say “We’re just talking,” and you proceed to start dating other people while retaining the benefits of having her around, that makes her your Sugar Mama.

If she agrees to this arrangement without requiring your loyalty, then more power to her. This arrangement works quite well for some people, so I am not one to judge what you do in your private life. Frankly, I long for companionship and love for a lifetime, as opposed to just being in the picture when times are good or someone has an extra dollar to spend.

If you are doing this behind her back, then you are quite possibly the biggest piece of trash ever. No woman deserves to think she is your world when, in reality, you are using her money and/or body for your selfish purposes. Face it, if you think you deserve her money, she deserves your complete candidness when it comes to where your relationship is headed. No woman deserves to be treated like that. Don’t come to me to help you find another woman until you have defined that relationship. Same goes for Sugar Daddies.

To the ladies:

If you find yourself unwittingly in this situation, implement the RLH plan. Run. Like. Hell. I understand that this arrangement works for some people, but if you didn’t plan on being a Sugar Mama, don’t get sad and feel bad.

Face up to the fact that you got used, kick him to the curb, and find a guy worth your time and effort. You are more than an enabler; you are a lover, a nurturer, and a woman with feelings: you deserve to be treated as such!

If this arrangement works for you and you still didn’t know what he was up to, you should reconsider the relationship. If you are spending all your time and effort on a guy who doesn’t care enough about you to be honest with you, what will happen in the future? How many other women is he using or has he used in the past? What’s his history? What’s his future? Where will that leave you down the road if you decide it’s time to have a real relationship, whether it’s with him or someone else? Will he take the fact that your relationship has changed as “ok, that’s fine, do whatever,” or “you’re just gonna quit taking care of me?” Is he gonna stalk you for the rest of your life? These are just some things you need to consider.

But please, by all means, if all this blows up in the face(s) of either one of you, don’t come crying to me.

also spelled Vorarephilia

Think you’ve heard of every weird fetish there is? Well maybe you haven’t heard of voraphilia. The word voraphilia comes from the Latin vorare which means “to devour” and the Greek philia which means “affection.” Still with me? If you put those two words together you get voraphilia: the love of being devoured or devouring.

Voraphilia or simply “vore” is a fetish that is almost purely fantasy-based. It doesn’t take long to realize why many people don’t actually play out their vore fantasies when you consider that if you want to be devoured, that’s a one-time-only event. Often people with this fetish stoke their fires by reading erotic fiction, or looking at or drawing erotic art. One interesting site I found with pictures of women waiting to be eaten is Muki’s Kitchen: http://www.mukiskitchen.com/home.html

So, you might be thinking, how exactly are these people interested in being eaten? For many voraphiliacs the interest lies in being eaten whole. This one bite brownie version of voraphilia is also known as “soft vore.” Others enjoy thoughts of a more bloody and gruesome snack. That style is called “hard vore.”

It might be hard to understand this desire for those who are not interested in it, but isn’t that the case with so many fetishes? Lovers often talk of devouring each other, and these voraphiliacs have just taken that one step further. There’s also an element of being completely owned and controlled by another that can appeal to those who enjoy power play scenarios. And you have to admit, it is a novel way of “becoming one” with your bedmate.

So folks, there’s your strange and wonderful word of the week. Happy cooking and bon appetite!

You won’t find Consensual Nonconsent in any dictionary, Urban or otherwise, but it’s an important concept to those involved in the BDSM lifestyle. It’s especially important to me, because my greatest desire is a well thought out rape play – and my greatest fear is losing my power as a feminist woman.

Consensual Nonconsent is a complicated term. It’s the giving up of power, freely, consensually, but with the guise of it being taken away. It’s being ‘forced’ to perform a sexual act when really, you negotiated an agreement ten minutes earlier. It’s being able to feel like a damsel in distress in a dark alley when you’re really being loved by a dear partner.

Consensual Nonconsent is also an inclusive term, a way of talking about these things without them being “rape fantasies”. Some of you may call it PC, but I’ve had moments of talking about my rape fantasies where I realized from too many people who’ve been through this horrible trauma, that no one can ever truly fantasize about rape. It means something different to those who’ve experienced that, and I think it’s important to support survivors by using inclusive language that better represents what we’re talking about. Hence, Consensual Nonconsent.

Even though this is probably one of the most talked about sexual fantasies, it is also one of the most difficult and dangerous to pull off. Consensual-nonconsensual activities carry just as much physical risk as many other activities, but both the emotional and legal toll can skyrocket. Emotionally, it can be difficult to give up so much power to another person. For this reason, negotiation and open communication are absolutely necessary. Boundaries must be set before hand, and all participating parties must go into the negotiation with the feeling that they are acting of their own accord and not out of pressure from another person. Safewords are also important in case feelings change in the middle of a scene.

Legally, Consensual Nonconsent rides a grey line. Technically, no one can consent to being physically assaulted, for example. However, the realistic risk changes depending on your actions, location, and how many people are involved. With one partner in the comfort of your own home, you’re unlikely to have much risk. However, keep in mind as to whether your neighbors might hear or see you – you may find the police at your door suspecting you of domestic violence against your partner. If your desire is for a consensual-nonconsensual scene in public, consent becomes a huge issue. Remember that all members of a scene must consent and that includes all innocent bystanders. A friend told a story at a workshop I attended once; they had staged a kidnapping at a local restaurant, but forgot to consider the horrified bystanders who called the police as they watched three masked men carry a woman out of the restaurant. It didn’t really matter that each member of the ‘kidnapping’ party had a signed consent letter in their pocket; there were thirty odd people who had not consented to the emotional trauma of seeing a kidnapping happen over dinner.

It can take a lot of work to set up such a scene, but remember – you can’t have Consensual Nonconsent without Consent. It appears twice, for heaven’s sake. If you can make sure that everyone involved, or possibly involved, in the scene knows what is going on and has consented to their role, you too can play out some of your greatest fantasies.

I always had a sign on my ass that said “EXIT ONLY” in big flashing neon lights. Nothing, and I mean nothing, was to go any where near it my ass. Fingers? No! Sex Toy? No! Penis? Hell NO! That all flew out the window when I met the man with the the golden tongue. Let’s just call him “Dre”. Dre was a great guy. Very polite and funny! He was perfect. I could remember that fateful night. Dre laid me down on my bed and undressed me with his teeth. Turned me over on my stomach and began to lick and suck on me as if I was an ice cream cone in the middle of a heat wave. That was my first introduction to Salad Tossing.

Now please don’t get this confuse with lettuce, tomatoes, and salad dressing. This face down, ass up style action is called Salad Tossing; Salad Tossing is the act of oral sex of the anus. Also known as Rim Job, Rimming, Ass Licking, or Anilingus. Commonly performed in the doggy style position but also in the 69 position (for mutual action). Salad Tossing involves a variety of techniques such as kissing, licking, sliding the tongue up and down the cheeks and in and out of the anus itself.

Now, as I said a few lines back, a sister never let anything near my nether regions. However, once his warm, moist tongue introduced itself to me, I was hooked. That orgasm was so intense and so electrifying. At that very moment, I understood what an addict felt like.  *excuse me while I reminisce, Ahhhh*  Ok, I’m Back! Salad Tossing requires both parties participation. The receiving party must be clean and practice good hygiene. The giving party must brush, floss and have frequent dentist visits. For those that are a little hesitant about trying this act for the first time, here is a list of everything you need:

1. soap and water (please bathe)
2. toothbrush and toothpaste (please brush, floss and use mouthwash)
3. Edible Lube (It will make eating ass more enjoyable)*
4. All inhibitions are out the window.

*Please note: The edible lube can be substituted for syrup, jelly, chocolate syrup or honey.  Whichever tickles your fancy.

On a more serious note, please education yourself on the health risk of Salad Tossing. There are many health problems because of the presences of bacteria, viruses, and parasites that can dwell in or around the anus. Infections such as Hepatitis A, B,and C, Chlamydia, Intestinal Parasites, Gonorrhea and Herpes can be transmitted through Salad Tossing. Hell, this is a risk that is taken during any type of intercourse. Make sure there are no open wounds in your mouth, or any open wounds around the anus. So please use caution before performing this act. Bottoms Up!

Compersion. My word processor doesn’t even recognize it as a word…. Yet, according to Wikipedia, “compersion” is defined as:

“…a state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual’s current or former romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest. This can be experienced as any form of erotic or emotional empathy, depending on the person experiencing the emotion.”

The word was first coined back in 1990 by a polyfidelitous group known as the Kerista Commune, and has since spread far and wide throughout poly and other nonmonogamous communities around the world.

In many ways, compersion is the opposite of jealousy, so you are most likely to hear the word within circles of polyamorous partners and groups, or those in other types of open or consentually non-monogamous relationships. You don’t have to be nonmonogamous to feel compersion, however, based on the above definition. If you have ever felt happy about an ex finding new love, you have experienced compersion (or, alternatively, are feeling “compersive”).

Of course, in many circles, compersion also carries with it a connotation of sexual bliss – feeling turned on by your partner’s joy and experiences. In this situation it may be referred to as “erotic compersion” and it can be very similar to the feelings of NRE (New Relationship Energy, a whole other topic on its own!). In this context, the slang “frubbly” or “frubbles” might be used, especially in casual conversation in places like the US and UK.  Eg. “Thinking about him out with his new girlfriend has got me feeling all frubbly!” or “Her relationship with her new lover has me filled with frubbles!” and suggests a chipper, happy, bubbly, excited sensation.

Has the feeling of compersion every gotten you frubbly? Does being compersive fill you with frubbles of joy? Okay, so maybe you’ve never felt anything like any of these words before. So, what’s the big deal?

Let’s assume that, at the very least, you have had the opportunity to feel jealousy at least once before in your life. Do you remember how hot and bothered you were? Maybe not in a good way, I’ll give you that, but surely you got a bit red in the face or hot around the collar…. What if, in the middle of all that heat, you were able to find a core of erotic passion? What if, instead of feeling angry and betrayed, you were able to blow off all that steam by relishing in all the new sexual energy available to you and your lover through this new relationship?

What if you were able to, from that place of passion, let your insecurities fall away, your trust in your partner prevail, and instead of losing yourself in anger, find yourself in love? By valuing happiness and love above anger and fear, non-monogamous lovers (and heck, even those who happen to be monogamous but like to get out and flirt a little) can relish in each others happiness, rather than trying to drag each other down into a murky abyss of possession, exclusion, competition, ego and fear.

Even some of the most experienced non-monogamous lovers feel jealousy from time to time. Compersion isn’t about ignoring those feelings, but rather harnessing the love and passion behind them, and turning them into something that gives us that chance to share the power of our experiences, rather than allowing insecurity to take our power away.

So, the next time you are feeling jealous, think about the reasons behind that sensation. Try to challenge your fears and insecurities, and find in yourself the place that lets go of control over your partner, and instead basks in the beauty of shared love and romance! Why not feel all the love you can? Go and get your compersion on!

I searched around, and the main definitions of “Voyeurism” that I could find either had to do with the practice of spying on others during sex, the act of observing others during intimate encounters/acts and achieving sexual gratification from it, or someone that often looks for stimulation by visual means. Voyeurism doesn’t only cover watching people have sex, but also includes watching people undress, or engage in a private activity. Voyeurism is mainly considered to be spying, or when someone watches an individual or couple without their knowledge. Only a few countries consider non-consensual Voyeurism to be a crime.

I’ll admit that I’m a bit of a people watcher. When I sit and wait in a public area, I will sometimes watch people walk by or interact. I try to read them and their actions at times. When I sit in the passenger seat of a car, sometimes I watch the people in the cars that pass me. That’s just the simple and innocent part of it. The part that is weird for me is that sometimes, from time to time, I do enjoy the visual stimulation of seeing other people engage in sexual encounters. I have never once spied on anyone, and I don’t ever plan on doing so. The most I have ever done is looked at pictures or watched videos, from time to time, by myself or with my partner. I would never watch someone without their consent, and if it was ever given – I am not sure I would even take the chance to do so. Sure, I have the fantasy of enjoying sex with my partner in the same room that others are doing the same. I don’t feel like I need that fantasy to become a reality, because I greatly value my privacy, and I value other’s privacy as well. I wanted to be sure to mention that, so you don’t assume that I am some weird pervert and start to worry that I will be peeking in your windows. That’s never going to happen.

Why did I choose to write about this? I did so because when I figured out that I had these tendencies, I felt that I was some completely strange pervert. Before I met my partner – when I would fantasize, it would usually be about two completely random people that my mind made up, or characters from something I watched or read. In high school, I began to read and enjoy erotica as well, and I still love to read and enjoy erotica. I always liked to be able to picture what was going on in my head, and now I enjoy it even more because it gives me ideas for things to try out with my partner. I really like erotic photography, because it looks so artful as well as erotic. I’m not really into porn, because it’s hard to find anything that really turns me on. I like something that seems erotic, and that the people in the video seem to have some kind of connection with one another. I don’t like seeing a bunch of fake people having what seem to be fake and empty sexual encounters. It bores me more than anything.

At the same time I feel like my tendencies make me feel dirty. I don’t know why, I don’t feel as if I am really doing anything really truly wrong – like spying on someone. I guess it’s because it’s not very accepted at times. It’s hard for me to embrace these tendencies and feel okay. I mean, I have gotten instructional videos and erotica books to watch and read with my partner, so the both of us can enjoy it together. Another reason is because when my partner and I first began dating, I did get upset with my partner over porn. It made me feel inadequate and stupid, like I couldn’t do it for him so he needed something else. It also made me feel awkward, because I really couldn’t get into a lot of it when we tried watching it together. Especially the really hardcore stuff, I really don’t get it, and I’m just not all that into it. Plus, the idea of my partner needing to watch another woman to get off didn’t really do much for my self-confidence. Though I was willing to open up a little and start looking for things that I felt comfortable to watch with my partner. That was when I realized that I was a little voyeuristic. I’ve always been more of an erotica person, so I am glad that he has opened up to reading the stories with me as well.

Now, I’m just a small mild case, and I know there are people with bigger tendencies than I have. I know that I am not the only one, because porn is so widely searched on the internet. I just wanted to write this, and get it out there, so I don’t feel so ashamed for enjoying what I do. And that I shouldn’t have to feel like a dirty pervert for it.