I was never the type of guy who thought I would ever use any type of sex toy. That was until I got with my fiancé who opened up a new world for me and her. She’s the kind of girl who knows what she wants in the bedroom, and you sure as hell better give it to her. She slowly introduced me to my first sex toy, but that wasn’t our last!

One night while we were talking, she mentioned how much she would love for me to use a vibrator on her. I wanted to but she’s been my only partner and I never bought a sex toy. Of course I was a bit embarrassed when I knew she was sending me to the store to look for a treat for her. Leaving the house with money in hand, and my stomach was in knots. How did I know what to get her? All I could think about was wanting to please her, so I knew exactly where I was heading. I nervously opened the door and all I saw was porn. I walked inside and started to look around. A man asked if I needed any help, so I joked about coming in here and not having a clue what to get. He made a few suggestions and I went with something pink. It’s her favorite color. Walking up the stairs to our apartment seemed to take forever. She looked my way with a huge smile on her face. “You actually went” she said. I tossed her the box, and she didn’t hesitate to open it. Within the next year, I discovered new ways to make her world spin. My curiosity was starting to get to me.

The next toy we bought was a butt plug. She was never interested in anal till the past year or so. I slowly gained her trust and showed her all the pleasures she had been missing out on. To my surprise, she was the one who bought the plug and lube. I was shocked to see that she enjoyed anal that much. I was even more surprised to see the size she had picked. She admitted to me it was much larger than she expected, but with a little patience and lots of lube, she was in heaven. Another purchase she made shortly after was two more plugs. I had never suspected that she would love anal so much. I love the fact that she always wants a plug in during sex. It’s really sexy, and knowing she can get off from anal alone is a turn on in itself. I love that she enjoys it so much mainly because I was the one who made her love it. Which is rare when it comes to sex, shes normally showing me what I like!

Our next purchase was the first one for me. It included a few c-rings and a lovely masturbator. My girl knows me apparently. She was the one who suggested we get these items. A masturbator is something every guy has to try at least once. I rarely masturbate, so I didn’t see a need for one. If I’m horny, I just get laid. Then I started thinking of all the fun things that I knew she would do to me with it. So we ordered it and used it as quick as we could get the packaging off and wash it. It was like a gift sent from god. Having more toys for the both of us just means more foreplay and more fun! The masturbator feels life-like and you can have a lot of fun when it comes to partner play.

The c-rings she had bought were a new experience I didn’t even know was possible. My girl was pleasantly surprised to find my cock was much thicker. Since I have ordered my rings, I wear them every time we have sex, and it has made it a new experience for us both. I get amazing head for hours a day because my girl loves the way the veins pop out of my cock when I wear it. I love the results we both get from me wearing one. It’s funny how a simple ring can cause such a drastic change in your sex life. But if people have been using c-rings as long as they have, somethings got to be good about them! C-rings really are a must have for any man who is sexually active. If you don’t own one then you are really missing out.

My girl has turned a virgin into a sex addict. I feel that I am lucky to be with her. She keeps showing me new sides of sex I never would have had the courage to try without her next to me.

Redhead, Ginger, Carrot-top, Copperhead, Big Red, Brass, Cherry, Coppertop, Fire-ball, Fire-crotch, foxy, Raggedy Anne, freckle-face, Rusty, Wendy, and the list goes on and on! There are tons of names for redheads; some mild, some wild! But what has given redhead women this surrounding of fame? All from a hair color that all TRUE redheads are born with, of course! There are key moments in history that redheads have made a profound mark, and people have interpreted this. Making today’s redheads are either walking targets for jokes or much cruel tactics, or semi-formal celebrities in a crowd.

This story is believed to be true within the setting, yet very controversial still. This particular redhead woman was Adam’s first wife. Yes, like Adam from the Bible. See, controversy already! The story goes that Lilith and Adam were both created at the same time, that they were equal (unlike Eve, she was created from Adam). Then one day, I guess Adam started getting too bossy and demanding about her fetching some water, and she declared that she was an equal and would not serve Adam in any way. She then flew off into the stars and never returned. She was then declared a demon like creature by God himself. She was punished by having to lose 100 of her children a day. (See pretty interesting stuff!)

Poor Lilith. But she’s not the only redhead who has been condemned in the past. Many are taunted and bullied every day, just for their hair color. It starts in grade school and progresses every year. Childish taunts become sexual comments. Being a redhead myself, I remember how cruel kids could really be, over something I couldn’t really change at the age of five. The older I got, the worse it got. I was always paler, so I looked awkward in shorts and skirts. When I got old enough, I started highlighting my hair, trying to dull down the color. I never really liked it, though. I really enjoyed my red hair, and could never fully dye it another color, losing my natural red forever. Comments got more sexual, and the red hair color seemed to signal an open invitation to guys, young and old, and way old!

The sexuality of a “Ginger” (not a fan of this term, personally) has always been a hot topic. Why it’s always on the discussion board, I’ll never know for sure. Jonathon Swift once wrote, “It is observed that the red-haired of both sexes are more libidinous and mischievous than the rest, whom yet they much exceed in strength and activity.” (From Gulliver’s Travels, part 4, A Voyage to the Country of the Houyhnhnms,), using the stereotype to his advantage, for sake of his story. In my personal experience, I am more adventurous than the other women my age around me, but I’m not sure it could be attributed to my hair color! Marilyn Monroe was born a natural redhead, and couldn’t seem to shake off her natural sexiness! Where did this rumor originate though? Catherine the Great, of Russia (royalty from 1762 until her death in 1796), is rumored to have been killed, after a harness that held up the horse she had sex with broke, allowing the horse to crush her. Yes, you read that right! Supposedly this woman had a horse hoisted above her bed, and she had sex with it one day, killing her in the process. Very big rumor, I’m aware. But these rumors are what have led to the image that surrounds redheads today, believe it or not!

George Washington was a redhead as well, although he has no sexual rumors following him that I know of! As was Winston Churchill, again no sexual rumors! There have been many red haired men in history that have added to the redhead image, as well as women. Some were leaders, such as Washington and Churchill. Some have been royalty, like Richard the LionHeart, and the current Prince Harry is even a redhead among us! The men have definitely added to the story of redhead’s history. More than likely, adding to the “Fiery temper part!” General George A. Cluster being known as a redhead as well!

While there are many rumors, myths, and images that redheads have trailing them in their lives, each redhead is a unique one! Some have freckles, some don’t. Some have a bright orange-red, while others have a deep auburn color. We’re still a rarity, definitely a minority of sorts! The Oxford Hair Foundation conducted a study in 2005 and found that redheads could be extinct by 2100!

Since less and less people are redheaded, there will eventually be a point where there is no more red hair! Currently, only 4% of the world population has red hair. Many have started campaigns following this finding, declaring, “Save the redheads!” I doubt though, that many redheads are choosing other redhead mates, based specifically on hair color. The gene that produces red hair is the Melanocortin 1 Receptor, found on the 16th chromosome. This gene is a mutation of another gene. This single mutated gene is responsible for producing red hair, and is also a recessive gene. Meaning that that both parents would have to give the child one Melanocortin 1 Receptor Recessive gene to produce a child with red hair. So, perhaps redheads will be extinct soon?

Redheads have many different rumors surrounding them. From temper, to sex preferences! Redheads have always been a point of interest for most. Some people seem to despise Reds, while some tend to fall head over heels for them! Why these myths and feelings about redheads are, or where they came from, we’ll probably never know for sure. So, if you’re a redhead like me, I say enjoy being unique!

Teenage life is hard, that’s pretty much a given. The burden of wayward hormones, trying to fit in, trying to be somewhat appealing to the opposite sex, and attempting to get into the best college of your choice can take a serious toll on someone who still has no idea who they are and what they want to do with life.

I wish this was all I had to worry about, but unfortunately, I came from an incredibly religious household. So of course, I had to worry about pleasing a god and my staunchly religious parents. My problem? I am an atheist.

I grew up in a Protestant home; my father was actually Catholic, but when he married my mother he quickly converted. My mother, who was sexually assaulted when she was only ten, used religion as her coping method. Since I’m also a sexual assault survivor, I understand why she did that, and I would never blame her for coping the way she did. With that being said, I feel that my mother pushed religion on my family so vigorously so that she could protect us from the horror that she experienced as a child.

I had (blindly) followed our faith because I was a child, and I didn’t really know of any types of religion. I had no idea what the Islamic faith was, and I thought Jews were pretty cool. I kind of understood Hinduism and Buddhism, but regarded them as kind of heathenous and stupid. (Note: I do not think this now. I’m quite fond of both religions, and I love how peace and harmony is deeply embedded into the religions.) Atheism and Agnosticism were completely foreign concepts to me; I thought that being either of the two meant that you could do whatever you wanted and life had no meaning (again, no longer my thoughts today).

Of course, these were terrible ways to think, but that’s how I thought up until I was 14 or so. I still believed in a god, or rather, I believed in my religion. That was fine and dandy until I hit puberty. I was 12 when this occurred, and although I’d had sexual thoughts before, I never really had the feelings to go along with them. Puberty changed that.

When I had my actual period, there was no stupid celebration or whatever. Instead, both my parents (yes, you read both) sat me down and told me how I needed to save myself till marriage. I wasn’t quite sure what I was saving, but whatever, you get the idea. My mom, who did all the talking, told me that virginity is sacred and that sex before marriage is filthy, and god will be upset with me. I remember having this random thought, “Ha! Good luck with that.” I have no idea where that came from because I felt like I understood what she was saying. I was not told about STDs, how to avoid an unwanted sexual advance (which I think would have prevented my sexual assault when I was 15), birth control or condoms. I was left clueless.

Now, after puberty, I desperately wanted to have sex, but with my religion I didn’t dare act on those feelings. The problem with my faith is that sex before marriage was so demonized that it was considered second only to murder. It was incredibly messed up, but since I was only twelve, I didn’t want to be condemned, or worse, grounded. So instead, I pented up all my sexual urges and desires and attempted to pretend they didn’t exist. I had no idea what masturbation was, so I was left without any form of sexual relief. My primary thoughts were, of course, about sex, and what kind of loving god would make me feel like this if I couldn’t do anything till marriage? Yes, I felt like I was going insane.

Luckily, one of the few things that kept me sane in my absolutely bizarre household was my love for reading. I decided to pick up a book by Nietzsche. I believe it was Thus Spoke Zaruthustra, and it actually made sense. The problem with my religion is that there are a lot of wacky loopholes that members are told to just accept without question. I was confused by of lot of doctrine, including but not limited to, double sexual standards for men and women, preference of whites over blacks, and this idea that man did not first originate in Africa, but in the Bible Belt of America. The nice thing about Nietzsche is that he thought all of that was bullshit, and he felt you did not have follow every single little idea that a religion has to offer. I decided to give his methodology a try.

At first, it was quite strange, because I still did have plenty of thoughts and feelings regarding my actions and my religion. But the guilt alleviated a little bit. As I applied his philosophies to my life, I found that I actually enjoyed living. I had this odd “I hate religion” phase for a bit, but I came to terms with it, rather, I found that I hated the way my parents made feel that I must live.

I decided I didn’t want to wait till I was 16 to date. Which was one of our most important rules in my household, but I decided to bypass that. Sex became one of the most enjoyable activities I could have found. I found that it wasn’t some activity that was strictly reserved for otherwise unhappy married people, but it was a way that I could express my love in a fulfilling way.

Now, because I was still living at home, I was forced to go to go church with my family and participate in other religious activities. I longed for the day where I would no longer have to do this, and until then, kept my ideas to myself. My mother had no idea I no longer believed in her god, but it was incredibly frustrating to keep the facade up. After a while, I became increasingly belligerent about church attendance. I kept a small journal to vent to keep myself somewhat sane, and made sure that it was well hidden.

However, I must have gotten sloppy about the journal because my mother found it and confronted me about it. I was mocked and insulted endlessly about it. My mother increased the church going activities because she thought if I had more exposure to god, I would believe in him/her/it again. I was forced to endure this until I was in college, where I tasted the freedom and joy of living a godless life.

And to be honest, I’ve never been more happy in my life.

Prostitution is something I’ve always been curious about. I don’t know why. I guess I’ve always wonder why would someone want to be a prostitute. I’ve actually never known any in my life time. I’ve only ever seen them on the street. I mean, I could understand why someone would love to have sex, but I didn’t understand why someone would want to have sex with just random people where you don’t even know if the name they are giving you are their real names. I’ve always wanted to ask someone why they would WANT to be a prostitute. I did some looking around and found a little information on the subject. I learned they there are many different types of prostitutes.

One late night I came across a TV show called “The Bunny Ranch” or something like that, and it was actually a pretty good show. After my boyfriend and I started talking about it we found we were both at opposite ends of the spectrum. The show is about a legal brothel in Las Vegas. He thought it was wrong, and that it shouldn’t be allowed. I, on the other hand, don’t feel that way. I wish that all prostitutes were able to be in a safe and clean environment like those women were. When he thinks one-way he feels everyone should think like him. So I just ignored him. I don’t know much about prostitution, other than the basics and the point of it. Like anything else that comes into my head, I Google it.

I’ve always been curious about who came up with prostitution, and why would they want to become a prostitute. The most famous prostitute was Jezebel. She was the original working women; she was a prostitute in Jesus’ days. From my knowledge, she was the first ever prostitute. But I was way off, prostitution happened even before her. And I soon learned that prostitution wasn’t always a bad thing. In fact, women loved it because they were offered more than women who weren’t prostitutes.

I soon learned that there are different kinds of prostitutes. There are, in fact, three different types of prostitutes. The first were called pornai. These were slave prostitutes. The second were called “freeborn” prostitutes. The last were called hetaera prostitutes, these were highly educated prostitutes. In all, you had your women that were forced into prostitution, and were slaves. Then you have your average prostitute who was middle to lower class and did this to support herself. Last but not least was your educated prostitutes, these were women who came from good wealthy families, and could appeal to other higher class customers. Now in today’s society, there isn’t really a difference. When you think of a women who has sex for money she is automatically just a simple prostitute. She has no classification to separate her from the next prostitute.

Since I’ve never actually met a prostitute, all I can go on are shows I’ve seen and information on the internet. I had my many questions and these were some of the answers that I found.

My number one question was: do women who prostitute actually enjoy sex, or are they just going through the motions. From most of the information that I’ve come across, not all prostitutes enjoy sex. Just a small amount of them can actually say they love what they do, and those are mostly the ones that are in a safe environment, those who are in other countries. Here in America, most of them hate sexual activity. They feel it’s something THEY HAVE TO DO in order to get paid.

My second question was: do all prostitutes have a history of sexual abuse? With most jobs, whether it’s legal or not, that have to do with sex, other people mostly assume that they have had some type of abuse in their past. I later learned that it’s furthest from the truth. Thirty five percent of prostitutes do have a history of sexual assault before becoming a prostitute. Most prostitutes don’t encounter any type of sexual assault after they have become prostitutes. It’s said that 73 percent reported having experienced physical assault in prostitution.

Why stay in prostitution when the risk of being in danger is so high? Honestly it’s the addiction problems. A lot of prostitutes are women who are either on some type of drug, or have some other type of addiction. Some are forced into it, but the number that is forced into it is just a little lower than the ones who are choosing to be in it.

My last huge question was why have a pimp? Why work so hard for something and give it to someone else? I’ve learned that most of them have a pimp because they are scared. Some are beaten to believe that they need a pimp, that they would end up dead without a pimp. I don’t think I’d fully understand the mind of a prostitute unless I’d talked to one. I wish I could understand why they would do this to themselves. I mean, it is the oldest profession so that has to mean something right?

I personally wish that prostitution was legal. I’m not going to say it’s a victimless crime, but there would be less people getting sick or dying from a sexually transmitted diseases if they were forced to have testing done, and more were pushed into using condoms.

I’ve also been curious to what is keeping prostitution a booming business. It has to do with marriage problems. The majority of costumers that meet with prostitutes are men who have marriage problems. Men whose women keep refusing them in bed for whatever reason. I’m not saying that it’s the women’s fault, but it does take two. You have the men who are having problems, and the women who are willing to please them without saying “NO”.

I personally don’t fully support prostitution, but I do wish it was a little safer. I’ve asked my boyfriend if he would ever visit a prostitute. His first words were, I don’t want to get aids. I’m not going to lie, I did laugh, but that made me think why anyone would want to take that risk. I’m not saying that non-prostitutes don’t have aids, but your likelihood of getting an STD is much higher when sleeping with prostitutes than it is with a random woman you meet at the bar. I’m just putting my personal thoughts out in the open, and I do hope to learn more about prostitution, only because I’m so damn curious about this subject. I don’t think women who choose to be in the line of prostitution should be looked at as different, or down on because of their line of work. I sometimes think you do have to be a strong woman to deal with the everyday life of being a prostitute. I choose to think women who are prostitutes have been dealt a bad hand in life and are doing what they feel they need to do to survive, although we as outsiders may not think the same way.

Emotionally and mentally abusive. That’s a string of words that I thought I would never pair together. However, it took a good friend of mine, and an hour of crying, to realize exactly what was going on.

My daily routine, over the last two years of dating my ‘boyfriend’, has evolved into an affectionate void. Emotionally, he has checked out and it is quite obvious. When I need him, he shuns me. He doesn’t like to kiss me; he doesn’t like to hug me. This is just how he behaves. He would come home, get onto his computer, and I would be lucky to have ten sentences spoken to me for the rest of the night. I would ask him to go do something with me, and he would give me some lame excuse as to why he could not do it.

It was one day after another, and I suppose that I retracted on myself and began not to notice these things. It was just like someone who was suffering from Stockholm syndrome. When we fought he ingrained it into my head that every problem that we had was because of me. That my ‘issues’ were the source of all of our problems. If I brought up anything about him, then he ‘knew all of his problems’, and did not want to talk about it. Sooner or later, I just started to give in. I became the ‘housewife’ and ‘motherly figure’ that he wanted around the house, on top of working full time and going to college full time.

When I tell you that we fought, he would blame his inability to perform in the bedroom on the fact that during the summer I had gained weight due to severe depression after my father died. He would tell me that I was fat, that I was ugly. Soon enough, I just started to believe that too. It was incredibly hard to realize, incredibly hard to deal with.

Then I had my best friend move in with my boyfriend and me. She lived with us for only two weeks before one day, while I was emotionally upset, she brought forward, “Why are you really upset about this?” And then it all came falling down. She lived with us two weeks, and she pegged the nail on the head about what my boyfriend was doing to me. She let me get all of my frustration out. Then she went on to tell me, “You tell me you’re an Alpha Female, but looking at how you behave at home because of him, you’re really not. I know this isn’t the real you.”

Suddenly, everything that my other friends were trying to tell me made sense. Let me tell you, that when all of your good friends do not like who you are dating, there is a reason behind it. Mine certainly didn’t like my current significant other.

You might ask yourself now, what I decided to do about this situation. I slowly but surely began to do the exact thing that he did to me. When he tried to be affectionate, I would pull away. When he tried to tell me I was wrong about something, I began to slowly assert myself. Lo and behold, he no longer uses me as the doormat that he once did. Things are slowly but surely improving. For instance, since the beginning of December, I was extremely ill. I had an infection that turned into Bronchitis. I couldn’t sleep in our bed because when I laid down I coughed so much it was impossible for me to fall asleep. So, I went downstairs and laid down on the couch with my big comforter. I asked my ‘boyfriend’ to cover me up because I wasn’t warm enough. He got up and went and found three more blankets, and wrapped me up with them like a cocoon. Then, when I was supposed to take him to the city to see his sister who was going in for surgery, he told me that he didn’t want me making the trip. He stated that he would just take the train because I was sick, and he knew I didn’t like driving in the city.

I can’t say that we’ll end up staying together. We probably won’t. All that I can say at this time about the situation is that it is starting to improve. I still find myself at times going back into my old routine, but thankfully I have a wonderful best friend who kicks my ass out of it again. The road to recovery when in a relationship like this one isn’t an easy road. If you have ever known someone who is in this type of situation, it is a lot different than someone who was physically abused.

To some of you who might read this blog entry, what I’ve stated here may not sound like it is that horrible of a situation, let alone emotionally or mentally abusive. I could go in depth with how this relationship is/was that way, but I would prefer to skim the surface as I find myself still recovering from the after effects.

I would like to take the time to tell anyone who may feel they are, or have been told that they are, in a situation similar to mine, that you either need to change it or get out of it. They will either change, or they will continue doing what they have been doing to you. If I could tell you how many times I wept myself to sleep, drowning my pillow in my tears because of how I was treated by the very person who claimed that they loved me, I couldn’t tell you the number. No one should have to live through a situation like that. It isn’t healthy, and the scars that it could leave on you would last for many years to come.

Thinking back on everything that my ‘boyfriend’ told me, and accused me of, and treated me like, I would have to say that I would have rather been beaten every day instead. Bruises and black eyes, those will fade. Scars left deep within your emotions and mind take many more years to recover from, not to mention they affect your ability to be in a happy, healthy relationship later on. If he physically abused me I could have lived with that a lot better. I can handle physical pain. When it comes to emotional strife, it makes me miserable.

Relationships are a give and take situation. They are a 100% compromise. If one side is demanding all the compromising, and the other is doing all the ‘giving in’, then all you can do is assume that the relationship is not a healthy one.

Ladies, Gentlemen…There are more fish in the sea. If someone decides that they are going to treat you in any other way than how you wish to be treated, then they are not worth it. Cast them aside like a ‘baby fish’ and keep going.

Anyone who’s observed me with my lover will tell you, we touch almost constantly. One of our friends has described it as orbiting each other. Our body language when we’re together is almost more animal than human, sometimes. The one thing they may not notice about all that touching is that it isn’t sexual. We touch for every reason under the sun, to express joy, comfort, gratitude, apology, forgiveness, sorrow, amusement, and simple togetherness, because people need touch. We’re programmed for it. The problem all too many people face is that touch tends to get tangled up with sex, and that causes people to develop hang ups about touching each other; either because we as a society have hang ups about sex, or because they don’t want to have sex so they don’t touch.

It’s been proven time and again that touch is important to a healthy lifestyle. An otherwise healthy baby that receives everything it needs to grow and be healthy will still become sickly if it isn’t held and comforted. Harry Frederic Harlow conducted a series of experiments on monkeys regarding the importance of touch in development. The experiments were both cruel and highly controversial, but they proved that monkeys who didn’t have touch comfort would become sickly more often than those who did, and that monkeys raised without touch failed to assimilate with other monkeys. Even though the experiments were aimed at touch during developmental periods, it would be foolish to think that we stop needing touch as we get older. A hug or a caress can comfort, and those who are happy heal easier and get sick less often. Touching releases oxytocin, which helps form bonds between individuals, and studies have shown can also aid in wound healing.

For all too many people, they only touch when it somehow involves sex. They get themselves into a cycle where a touch leads to a kiss, and a kiss leads to sex. Then, when they don’t want to have sex, that touch starts to look like a bad thing. It’s a cycle that needs to be broken. Sometimes a touch can be just a touch. Friends, even, should really touch more if they’re comfortable enough with each other to do so. There’s a train of thought that I’ve even caught myself falling into more than once. If I want physical intimacy, I often ask for sex, even if it isn’t really sex I’m craving. Sometimes the urge I seek to sate with sex is simply the urge to be touched. I find that sometimes sex turns into a means to be touched and held, even when just the touch would have been enough to sate the urge without the sex. I think I noticed the difference most distinctly before I became sexually active, though, because even with no sex drive to speak of, I still loved to curl up in cuddle piles with my closest friends, or lean against them when we were all sitting around together. Even before I met someone who I could touch openly, I would walk a little too close and touch a little too much when I was talking to someone.

My lover is a lot like me. We both touch as a form of communication. Our body language tends to be extremely physical. Often when I greet him, I’ll rub up against him in an almost cat-like gesture, or tuck my head under his chin. It isn’t a greeting until we’ve touched. If one of us is expressing approval of the other, we tend to hug or caress. When giving comfort, we tend to curl together with someone’s chin on the other’s head. I’ve also found that I’m the only female-bodied individual in my group of friends that will take the protector role and curl around my lover as the “big spoon” when he needs to be cuddled, as opposed to being the one doing the cuddling. We pet, we poke, we nuzzle, we nip, and sometimes we even lick each other if we’re in a playful mood.

Unfortunately, I’ve found that our physicality tends to bother some of our friends. We’ve been scolded for doing sexual things, even when it wasn’t sexual for either of us. Once, we were play wrestling during a break in the action while watching a wrestling event on TV with a group of our friends, and they asked us to stop because they didn’t want to watch us be sexual. I understand where they’re coming from in a society that sexualizes every touch, but we as a society could really afford to look at how we view touch in relation to sexuality. Not every touch is intended as an invitation to sex.

I feel like we, as a society, by putting a taboo on sex have also put a taboo on touch. It would improve the health of our society as a cohesive whole if we could let go of the association between touch and sex that we’ve developed and become more comfortable touching each other casually. Gone would be the angry glare when you reach out to steady a stranger who’s tripped, or the refusal of help if you offer a hand to help someone up. We’d finally be able to let go of the paranoia that everyone who offers a friendly hand wants something more, and that would mean a more open and friendly society.

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A few weeks ago I caught a special on Good Morning America about jobs that moms can do from home while their little ones are growing up. It was the typical “work from home” kind of special that addressed more about the ways that people are using the internet for advertising and promoting their expertise online. But one job you can do at home was briefly grazed over: phone sex.

If you’ve seen the movie Valentine’s Day, you saw Anne Hathaway duck in and out of conversations while taking calls to engage in something more sexual. In a final scene, she sadly confesses to the boy she likes that she’s $100,000 in debt from student loans and has to make extra money as a phone sex operator. Nearly seven years out of school I feel her pain on the debt, and my rent takes my entire check I get on the first of the month. I’m in the market for an additional job. Something I can do that is totally different form my day job that is something I would enjoy. I half joked about it to my mother over the holidays and got an “OMG GROSS!” response from her when I suggested phone sex. My girlfriends all responded with “you would be so great at that!”

The website that the GMA special mentioned was about moms who sneak away for several hours a day into a quiet room to engage in hot talk with strangers they’re hoping to bring a happy ending. So, for weeks I’ve been researching key things I want to know about phone “actress” work. I bought a few books on how to “talk sexy” and some scripts, which honestly are pathetic and worthless. The only real suggestion is to speak in a lower tone of voice, never be judgmental, ask for details so you know where to go with it, and being turned on seems totally ok to me. Maybe my next calling is to write a phone sex manual that’s actually helpful.

What I learned, beyond the book tips and tricks, is that many phone sex companies are quick start up and tear down operations that will screw over their workers. Finding a longstanding reputable company to apply to is key. Apparently, you also have to have a dedicated land line, because there’s nothing like a dropped call at a climax to dampen the mood. “Can you hear me now?” is not part of the sexy phone script.

My biggest fear is having a call where someone has an interest or fetish I don’t know about. I’ve been practicing how to make the phrase “hang on while I google that” sound sexy. It doesn’t quite have the ring to it that I was hoping. My only guess is that I should sound intrigued and interested, and ask the caller to explain while at the same time googling ideas, photos, etc and work from there.

Another fear is that my beloved significant other and I live about 1,000 miles away from each other and hardly have the opportunity anymore to be intimate in person. If we’re lucky we see each other once every two months and ravage each other. Will working as a phone sex operator make phone sex with my partner seem like work? I’m also horribly turned on by voices. If someone has a sexy voice and speaks really well, super sexually, explicitly, with confidence, maybe a British accent…. I’m done. I’ll be totally incapable of thinking clearly, and I’m afraid it’ll turn into the caller getting me off instead of the other way around. That could end badly. Or I suppose it could end on a high note depending on if the call is being monitored for quality assurance.

I’m going to look more into it and apply at a few places. I look forward to keeping you all updated if it works out. Who knows, maybe we can make phone sex a fad again. And for those of you who are in long distance relationships, keep doing the phone sex with your partners, it’s kept us alive!

My name is Rose, and I am the other woman and have been for years now. Not only have I helped someone cheat, I have cheated on partners of my own to be with this person. I have warned guys upon entering a relationship with them that I will sleep with this person given the chance, but they seem to just shrug it off and not believe me, then act totally appalled when it happens. This just recently affected the relationship I was in. When I went to visit family, (the aforementioned person, who we will now refer to as John) John’s family, for Thanksgiving the shit hit the proverbial fan. I have been close to his family for years. They treat me like one of their own. Well when I arrived I got a surprise, John was there. A pleasant surprise, but a surprise none the less, He was up here alone, wife stayed behind to stay with her family. So, the inevitable happened.

Well after an awesome week together he had to head home to the wife, and I was supposed to head home to my fiance, but I ended up staying with his family. John and I are in pretty much constant contact, but it still sucks. I don’t have him here to cuddle with, to talk to in person, and to share my bed with. Also knowing that someone out there refers to me as a “Home Wrecker”. I am not proud of what we do, but I do love John, and I wouldn’t give up having him in my life for anything. He has been the one constant in my life for the last 10 years. He makes me feel sexy, special, and most importantly Loved. I feel loved.

I am sure there are tons of horror stories out there from other women who are “the other woman”. And while my situation does suck, it’s not that bad. I do hope that we can be a real couple again, but I won’t hold my breath. I’ll be happy that I have him at all. I miss him, all the time. I hate that we have this in our way of being ‘us’ but things are changing on that front. I suppose unlike a lot of relationships where there isn’t a chance that they are ever going to leave their wife, I have the advantage of knowing that he is in the process of doing just that. I guess the worst part about this is the wait, waiting for things to fall into place, waiting to see him again, waiting to not be the other woman any more. I have put a lot of time and energy into our relationship, and I am just ready for it to all work out.

I do have fear, and even a little guilt, but as in a life from one of my favorite songs from A Chorus Line: “Cant forget, wont regret what I did for love.” I do not regret my choices, and the only thing I wish I could have changed is how I have treated other partners because of this.

I never really wanted this. In fact, I wanted something so different than this that it’s crazy. It seems that neither one of us had a choice in the matter. It just happened, and everything fell into place so naturally that we ended up where we are now. We’re way too far into it to get out unscathed. It’d take a miracle for everything to wind up beautifully. We both have these ideas of how things will happen, but they’re unrealistic. They’re crazy. They don’t make any sense in the real world.

At first, it was casual and fun. There was nothing wrong with what we were doing. Just friends, right? Somehow, that boundary was crossed, and here we are. We’re invested in something we can barely afford. We’ve stretched our resources way too thin. We couldn’t help it no matter how much we tried. You fell for me, and I fell for you. It’s not right, but that’s what happened. Our love is quite complicated, but even with that, I’ll still take it as it is, because I’d rather have this and some part of you than nothing at all.

And there she is. Your wife, your girlfriend, your other half, your lover. At one point, she was everything you wanted. You vowed to spend the rest of your life with her and only her. You promised her everything. You put that ring on her finger thinking that she was the only one you’d ever want. Times changed, and here we all are. The three of us. You’re torn. You don’t know what direction to take when it comes to the two of us. You want her, you want me, and you want us both, but it looks like you’ll have to ultimately decide. Right now, it’s not looking like you can have both of us in a realistic sense, no matter how much you’d prefer it.

As the dirty little secret, I am put in the most precarious position. What if she found out about us? What if she picked up your phone one day and stumbled across all of the text messages you’ve sent me that are filled with undeniable sweetness and love? She’d be crushed. I know she would. What would you do? Would I suddenly become the villain? Would you write me off as some silly mistake? Even though you tell me you care about me and harbor this deep and intense love for me, it still doesn’t lead me to believe that you’d do otherwise. If she asked you to choose, would you? I have a sneaking suspicion that it’d be her. That’s how these things work. The other woman never gets what she wants. I keep that in mind and realize how unrealistic my expectations are that I’ll ever really end up with you being mine.

These kinds of things also put the worst thoughts into my head. I’m left wondering if you ever think of me as you’re making love to her. You tell me that I’m always on your mind, but does that apply to this? Do you look at her and wish it was me there, or am I blocked from your mind? I feel like if I knew this that my decision as to how to proceed would be so much easier. You tell me you think of me as you are falling asleep, but are you holding her during those thoughts? Do I cross your mind while you look at her? Do you feel a sense of sadness and heaviness that I’d like to imagine you do? Do you feel guilt in hiding this from her? What’s it like in your mind during the compare and contrast? Why do you feel like you need me when you have her? I want to know these things so badly, but I’m terribly afraid to ask.

And then there is this woman that you’ve been so much in love with. I never wanted to hurt her. In fact, I was fascinated by her when you first told me of your situation. Who is she? What do you see when you look at her? I’m sure she’s beautiful. I’m sure she’s absolutely amazing. From what you’ve told me, she and I could be the best of friends. I don’t see that happening now though. She’d probably wish me dead if she ever found out about us. Part of me mourns the friendship that she and I could have had. My heart goes out to her, even. I feel the most guilt over the possibility of hurting this girl I don’t even know. I know what it’s like to have a shattered heart, and I don’t wish that on anyone. Especially not someone so beautiful and captivating.

Sometimes I wonder if I can even do this with you. I have so much love for you, but I also feel so much shame and loneliness because of this. While you are going to bed with her, I am alone. You wake up with her. You eat your meals with her, all while playing the doting spouse role. You take care of her when she’s sick. Still, I am alone. I wonder if you’ve stepped up in your role as an effort to placate any suspicions she may have. Sadly, I envy all this and think of it when I am doing all of these things alone. I know you would be there with me if you could, but you can’t. I feel the weight of it all when I’m in bed falling asleep and wishing you were there, and then realizing you’re falling asleep with someone you love. Did you ever think of the way I feel in regards to these things? If you know how isolated I felt, would you still proceed with it all?

At times I want out of this. I want to be free from all of the stress and the burden of the shame, the guilt, and the negativity that people take towards me for playing this role. It’s not something I can easily talk to my friends about. I can’t tell them that I’ve met this wonderful man who is my soulmate, even though he has a wife. They all look at me as if I’m stupid because of it. There’s always something that you do that makes me stay. Your soothing words and sentiments calm all of the frenzy of uncertainty in my mind.

So, where does it go from here? Only time will tell. I doubt we’ll end up like we (or at least I) want us to. If she ever finds out and causes a frenzy, chances are you’ll stay with her and do your best to mend things. That’s the easiest way for you, right? Meanwhile, I’ll be cast aside. Part of me realizes this and is just waiting for it to happen. The other part is still stupid enough to believe that your love for me will overcome everything, and we can finally live out all of the dreams we’ve foolishly laid out. Only time will tell, and I have the nagging feeling that it won’t end up in my favor. Until then, you have me.

I make no secret of the fact that I’ve been married for 31 years, and I am a strong believer in marriage. I also believe that anything can be worked through IF both partners are willing to make the marriage work. I believe it takes a lot of love and trust, and especially forgiveness to make a marriage work.

Since joining EdenFantasys, I’ve learned about other lifestyles I had never considered. I always knew about the gay/lesbian lifestyle, but I had never before experienced people who had “open” marriages, and I really thought swinging was something from back in the 70’s. I had no idea that it was really done in today’s culture. I’ve also learned about polyamory and the idea of loving more than one person and being in a relationship with them. I’ve learned more about BDSM and relationships like “master/slave”. I must admit that my eyes have been opened to realize that the world was not as I once thought it was. Yes, I was naive. I admit it.

One thing that bothers me, though, is that I frequently hear people express that monogamy isn’t “normal”. They say that you don’t see it among animals, and that it is more normal to have several partners. They often claim that people have been “forced” into monogamy by society because it is the only acceptable thing.

I disagree with this mindset, and I find it offensive that people don’t understand that I can choose to make the choice to be monogamous and be happy with my choice. Why am I wrong for choosing to be with only one partner and they’re right for choosing multiple partners? Can we not both be right in our choices for our lives?

I will admit that monogamy is not common in the animal kingdom and that only something like 3-5% of animals (if that) are monogamous. However, there are some who are “wired” for monogamy and live that way. I guess what I’m trying to say – is that while monogamy may not be for everyone – whether we are talking about animals or humans – it is for some.

I also would like to point out that monogamy is not just a one-time decision that I made. Every day I remake that decision as I’m faced with what could be options to be with other people if I wanted to look. Every day I once again choose my husband as my only life partner and sexual partner. I don’t do this because society says so – because if you look at society you will see that the views on divorce have changed so that it is no longer unacceptable. Cheating on one’s spouse almost seems to be the norm these days, and most people have had more than one marriage.

No – I make this choice because it is the one I want to make for MY life.

I don’t ask others to live the same way. I just ask that they understand that while they may choose different lifestyles and expect me to respect their choice (and I do) – I would like them to understand that I do choose monogamy of my own free will and like it that way. Please respect my choice also.