Humor | Eden Cafe

Perving Dr. Seuss

2. March 2010

With two small children, I read a lot of books. Some of them multiple times. Particular favorites in our house include all of Dr. Seuss. He’s great fun to read, but by now I think I have all of his stories and tongue-twisters memorized. I find myself doing rhymes during the [...]

Fire Crotch

1. March 2010

8 Comments

My husband and I really enjoy cooking. We try to explore new recipes on a fairly regular basis. Sometimes it’s just for each other, but family gatherings give us the best opportunities to show off our culinary skills. We will spend a couple of weeks discussing what we want to fix and spend the day [...]

Anal Diary: It’s happened, my eyes are getting too big for my ass

13. January 2010

2 Comments

I honestly never thought I would fall into the trap of having eyes too big for my ass, but yes, it’s finally come upon us. I no longer know the limits of my own ass. I’ve been looking around a lot on EF lately trying to figure out what to get with the holiday [...]

Pornolingus

31. December 2009

2 Comments

So there you are, sitting on your couch, note pad in hand watching the latest installment of Captain Schwanger and His Merry Band of Chubs. Opening act scene three, Little miss Tramplina Crotchgoblin is laid back over the hood of Chuck Twistydick’s shiney new Feraragini 600xyz. Her head stuffed in the hood scoop, her legs [...]

The Naughty Night Before Christmas

24. December 2009

2 Comments

The Naughty Night Before Christmas By Champagne and Benzedrine Twice the Night Before Christmas, And all through the house, Just one creature was stirring, (And it wasn’t a mouse.) Out from the bedroom, Mommy had crept, Downstairs did she tip-toe, While her hubby still slept. She lay on the carpet, Before a roaring log fire, In the flickering flame light, She was a sight to [...]

Meet Lilly. And L.

18. December 2009

8 Comments

There are two sides to me. The Lilly you see online and the L that most others see in reality (and how I feel in reality). Sometimes there is a bleeding of the edges betwixt the two worlds and I am gaining comfort in that happening more. This isn’t to say that Lilly is a [...]

The World Needs a Toy Cleaner

16. December 2009

5 Comments

It has come to my attention that this ever perversified world is in need of a sex toy cleaner. No, not some spray with antibacterial properties – although, I cannot argue the usefulness of such a thing – but a person who will step in before grieving loved ones to clear the scene of sex [...]

Late Last Night and the Night Before…

20. November 2009

13 Comments

Being a sex toy junkie has its disadvantages. For one thing, I’ve been running out of storage space. I’ve got 3 locking cabinets for keeping my toys and movies away from prying eyes, and they are overflowing. I’ve moved my DVDs onto spindles to free up space. I’ve even got [...]

Life at 50: Might as well face it I’m Addicted to Coffee

13. November 2009

4 Comments

For as long as I can remember I have loved coffee. My first memory of it was when I was about three years old. My mother and grandmother were sitting there having a cup and I wanted some too. So my grandmother got out one of her cute little demitasse cups, she had [...]

I Hate Fox News

13. November 2009

8 Comments

I’ve been wanting to write something for this series but lack of sleep lately has made it hard to find passion for much, in favor or against. But thankfully Fox News has come to the rescue. I always have disliked them, but recently they’ve risen to new heights and with these achievements in journalistic mediocrity, I can [...]

It’s Not My Cup of Tea

13. November 2009

2 Comments

I can’t stand tea. Hot tea, iced tea, “sweet tea,” unsweetened tea, bubble tea, milk tea, black, green, white, oolong…I just don’t like tea. Growing up in the southeastern United States, commonly known as “the South,” I saw tea all the time. I heard about it in commercials. I was offered tea at [...]

I Love Mario Kart

13. November 2009

7 Comments

I love Mario Kart. Yea, I bet you didn’t see that one coming, did you? At first, I considered writing about another one of my loves: fantasizing. Then, it hit me that I wasn’t doing much to make this piece personal and that’s sort of the point, now isn’t it? I mean, I could write [...]

I hate you, Chris Hansen, because now I hate Myspace! Thanks.

12. November 2009

2 Comments

I think one of Myspace’s TOS (terms of service) requirements are that you’re either a 15 year old girl or a middle aged sex offender, or at the very least you have some sort of criminal background. I remember the birth of social networking sites, and yes, Tom was MY friend. He also became a friend [...]

I Love Sundays

12. November 2009

2 Comments

I love Sundays. Sundays are my favorite. If one excludes the fact that Sundays precede Mondays, that is. M almost always has to go into the office on Mondays. Throw a crisp, fall morning into the Sunday mix and I’m in Heaven. Why? There’s something about me I haven’t told you, yet, in [...]

I Hate the News

12. November 2009

2 Comments

BREAKING NEWS AT FIVE ‘O CLOCK! Angry internet sex toy reviewer calls local news stations a “Fuckbucket”- What does it -mean-? ..Okay, while the news hasn’t gotten QUITE that stupid yet, on our local level they’re getting quite dry for content. This has lead to multi-week coverages of the “trash tax walkout” issue, where a council [...]

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Archive | Humor RSS feed for this section

Perving Dr. Seuss

Fire Crotch

Anal Diary: It’s happened, my eyes are getting too big for my ass

Pornolingus

The Naughty Night Before Christmas

Meet Lilly. And L.

The World Needs a Toy Cleaner

Late Last Night and the Night Before…

Life at 50: Might as well face it I’m Addicted to Coffee

I Hate Fox News

It’s Not My Cup of Tea

I Love Mario Kart

I hate you, Chris Hansen, because now I hate Myspace! Thanks.

I Love Sundays

I Hate the News

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