I would like to talk about a website called pornstarpunishment.com. The reason is because I think this site is not properly named. If it was named correctly, then it would be called pornstarrape.com. But then it would be shut down before it gets started, or I think it would be. The first time I saw a video from this site, it was so...
read moreIf you watch one of these things, and take each of their future show searches as something about you, then you can find you're pretty fucked up by the end of the show.
read moreOnce upon a time… It was a dark and stormy night… Some seriously weird shit was about to go down. And that was the way she liked it. They had been away from each other for too long. His first day back in town, he decided to plan a romantic evening for them: a walk on the beach, dinner at a fine restaurant, and then back...
read moreThe other day I started thinking about Bloody Mary, and that whole stupid game of standing in front of a mirror and saying her name three times, and then something is supposed to happen. Well I want to know, why isn’t there a positive version of this game? Like, why can’t you stand in front of a mirror and say Marilyn...
read moreSo here’s another video from me. I have a cool idea for a series of vibrators that’s awesome, in my opinion. I also have a couple more of my funny stories. So go ahead and have a laugh at my situation, and my poor choice of words. (You’ll see.) Wanna vlog with us? We pay in EdenFantasys gift cards!...
read moreHi, my name is Chili, and I’m a Craig’s List junkie. Not a junkie in the fact that I actually use it as intended, (well, except for the occasional job ad answer when I feel like getting spam asking for my credit report) but as an addicted reader of various categories for either genuine curiosity or guilty giggles....
read moreSo as a divorced-single woman in her 30′s and living in the modern age in which the world of dating has opened up from the local bar to the World Wide Web, I had joined a dating service to test the waters and see what’s out there in the oceans of spam and trolls. But as my friends and family know, I didn’t...
read moreHow my vibrator ruined my night! You all know what it’s like! You get a new toy. It’s shiny, and smooth, and has all the right vibrations and patterns. You lay down with your husband. You get all lubed up. You start to warm up… Vrrroooom. Vroom. Vroom. Vroom. *nothing* You think to yourself… “Well, damnit!...
read moreLets turn a joke into reality By DeadIzzy On his album “Shiny happy Jihad” Joe Rogan tells a joke about masturbation. In this joke he suggests an ad campaign called “Jerk off then think about it.” Billboards according to this joke should have a guy stand around with a girl hold a baby yelling at him and off to the side...
read more“A lot of women say it’s not the size of a mans penis that matters, it’s how he uses it. How he uses it. What is this man doing with his magical penis? Is he building things or fighting terrorism? A gazebo, how did that get in here?” –Dave Attel Personally I don’t care about this argument on if size matters to a woman....
read more…or should I suck myself I was just taking a shower and I thought about a joke done by Joe Rogan. He talked about the idea of sucking your own dick. He said something like “I was at a party and Ron Jeremy was there and I said to Ron, hey Ron can you still blow yourself? Nope the gut got in the way. I was like wow think of...
read moreTwo years ago my wife and I were having fun at a local pansexual party. We had just stopped to grab some lube so we could start fisting when we overheard someone on the dance floor say “Hah! If you need lube you’re doing it wrong!” …and with that one sentence he completely killed our sexy vibe Now, there is...
read moreI’m pretty highly sexed. Before I was in a relationship, I’d masturbate three times a day and when my wife and I got together, we’d have sex four times a night, without the benefit of the Pfizer Corporation. But the rigors of married life mean that’s fallen by the wayside these days; we find the opportunity...
read moreSex and porn usually go hand in hand, unless your jerking off while watching porn or looking at it. Then it’s hand, dvd player, pc, possibly squinting. But I want to talk about real fucking in porn and fake fucking in porn. Why? Because I have seen some pretty bad fake fucking in porn. When you watch hard core porn you...
read moreI think a lot of what hems people up is their inability to laugh at themselves and find humor in certain situations – especially when it comes to sexual exploration and experimentation. Recently, the PYT and I have been experimenting with adult toys and the last thing we, or I guess I should say I, tried was the crystal vaginal...
read moreFor the writing project Thirty Days of Kink. To find links to all of the articles I’ve written in this series, go here. Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they? Ha! Hahahahaha! Who doesn’t have kink-related pet peeves? I have a lot. [Disclaimer: Just because these things get under my skin, doesn't...
read more**This is an opinion piece. Please remember that all comments are okay, even if you strongly disagree with the author, but should be kept respectful! Neither Eden Fantasys, Eden Cafe nor the editor at Eden Cafe endorse these opinions as their own, they are solely the opinions of the author** I was going to write about hardcore...
read moreThis one day I was kind of chatting with my favorite pornstar (Raven Riley) about dildos when I said something that is very true and got a good laugh out of her. I stated that some of these sex toys look really weird and some even look like they should be in some sci-fi movie. I am not making fun of anyone who buys these toys, but...
read moreDarthSarah painted a pretty bleak picture in her post about The Dark Side. I bet she even drew some of you over to her side with a buncha “Yeah, you’re right! That’s annoying!”s. I know I was tempted. She is right. After a while, sex toy reviewing becomes repetitive, monotonous and boring. But there are...
read moreThere are things that no one warns you about when you enter into any new situation. They tend to paint a prettier picture so that they can convince you that it’s something you want to do. If they do give you any indication of what you’re in for it’s usually described with the most polite and un-alarming words possible. Take...
read moreI said that in this one I was going to talk about something I like and after the previous article you wouldn’t expect me to not like it. Some of you may even become mad at me for saying what I said in the previous article by the time you are done reading this one. Since I was a young lad I loved watching wrestling, WWF as it was...
read moreFor years I have been looking at pictures of naked women and even videos of them. I have found various things I liked and various things I did not like. Over whatever amount of time it takes me to write these, I will discuss various things I liked and well hated about the porn sites I have seen. This one I am going to talk about...
read moreby JR and Cynthia The 4th of July is right around the corner here in America and we’re in the lull of the holiday year. The summer seems to have the least amount of commercial holidays (in which you’re expected to spend money). A lot of people aren’t even thinking about gift giving holidays right now; we’re 4 months from...
read moreWhen I’m away at school, I don’t watch television. I don’t have the time, or a TV set of my own, and the last time I actively watched television was during the Winter Olympics. However, one of the perks of being home (at least until my family starts haranguing me to unpack/get a job/etc) is to watch trash TV. Specifically,...
read moreA tongue in cheek look at sex toys missing from the marketplace, by DeadIzzy Once upon a time I was thinking and realized that there is something people could be used as a sex toy that might be getting passed up. That is the PS2 controller. When you play the right game and don’t disable it, it vibrates pretty good. I recall a...
read moreOne Asshole’s Perspective I wasn’t always a fan of butt lovin, in fact at one time I avoided or reacted violently to the prospect of anything going near my rear. Once my fear of anal sex, which was mostly founded as a result of misinformation and a bad experience or two, was overcome new concerns arose. I would find...
read moreBad sex toy ideas By DeadIzzy I was sitting around one day when I had a thought. An idea to make a exercise bike with a dildo, or something like that, would go into a girls pussy and as she peddled the dildo would vibrate and or spin, maybe go up and down to produce sexual pleasure. Being that the closest thing to this I had seen or...
read moreWith two small children, I read a lot of books. Some of them multiple times. Particular favorites in our house include all of Dr. Seuss. He’s great fun to read, but by now I think I have all of his stories and tongue-twisters memorized. I find myself doing rhymes during the day when I’m talking to my family or friends. ...
read moreMy husband and I really enjoy cooking. We try to explore new recipes on a fairly regular basis. Sometimes it’s just for each other, but family gatherings give us the best opportunities to show off our culinary skills. We will spend a couple of weeks discussing what we want to fix and spend the day before a party preparing...
read moreI honestly never thought I would fall into the trap of having eyes too big for my ass, but yes, it’s finally come upon us. I no longer know the limits of my own ass. I’ve been looking around a lot on EF lately trying to figure out what to get with the holiday discount code. After not too much thought I figured out I need at...
read moreSo there you are, sitting on your couch, note pad in hand watching the latest installment of Captain Schwanger and His Merry Band of Chubs. Opening act scene three, Little miss Tramplina Crotchgoblin is laid back over the hood of Chuck Twistydick’s shiney new Feraragini 600xyz. Her head stuffed in the hood scoop, her legs...
read moreThe Naughty Night Before Christmas By Champagne and Benzedrine Twice the Night Before Christmas, And all through the house, Just one creature was stirring, (And it wasn’t a mouse.) Out from the bedroom, Mommy had crept, Downstairs did she tip-toe, While her hubby still slept. She lay on the carpet, Before a roaring log...
read moreThere are two sides to me. The Lilly you see online and the L that most others see in reality (and how I feel in reality). Sometimes there is a bleeding of the edges betwixt the two worlds and I am gaining comfort in that happening more. This isn’t to say that Lilly is a contrived persona. In fact, not at all. Lilly is what L...
read moreIt has come to my attention that this ever perversified world is in need of a sex toy cleaner. No, not some spray with antibacterial properties – although, I cannot argue the usefulness of such a thing – but a person who will step in before grieving loved ones to clear the scene of sex related paraphernalia, leaving nothing more...
read moreBeing a sex toy junkie has its disadvantages. For one thing, I’ve been running out of storage space. I’ve got 3 locking cabinets for keeping my toys and movies away from prying eyes, and they are overflowing. I’ve moved my DVDs onto spindles to free up space. I’ve even got toys (waterproof, of course) and lubes stashed...
read moreFor as long as I can remember I have loved coffee. My first memory of it was when I was about three years old. My mother and grandmother were sitting there having a cup and I wanted some too. So my grandmother got out one of her cute little demitasse cups, she had a beautiful collection of them, and fixed me a cup that was mostly...
read moreI’ve been wanting to write something for this series but lack of sleep lately has made it hard to find passion for much, in favor or against. But thankfully Fox News has come to the rescue. I always have disliked them, but recently they’ve risen to new heights and with these achievements in journalistic mediocrity, I can...
read moreI can’t stand tea. Hot tea, iced tea, “sweet tea,” unsweetened tea, bubble tea, milk tea, black, green, white, oolong…I just don’t like tea. Growing up in the southeastern United States, commonly known as “the South,” I saw tea all the time. I heard about it in commercials. I was offered...
read moreI love Mario Kart. Yea, I bet you didn’t see that one coming, did you? At first, I considered writing about another one of my loves: fantasizing. Then, it hit me that I wasn’t doing much to make this piece personal and that’s sort of the point, now isn’t it? I mean, I could write about something sex related or talk about my...
read moreI think one of Myspace’s TOS (terms of service) requirements are that you’re either a 15 year old girl or a middle aged sex offender, or at the very least you have some sort of criminal background. I remember the birth of social networking sites, and yes, Tom was MY friend. He also became a friend to millions of others,...
read moreI love Sundays. Sundays are my favorite. If one excludes the fact that Sundays precede Mondays, that is. M almost always has to go into the office on Mondays. Throw a crisp, fall morning into the Sunday mix and I’m in Heaven. Why? There’s something about me I haven’t told you, yet, in all of my ramblings about...
read moreBREAKING NEWS AT FIVE ‘O CLOCK! Angry internet sex toy reviewer calls local news stations a “Fuckbucket”- What does it -mean-? ..Okay, while the news hasn’t gotten QUITE that stupid yet, on our local level they’re getting quite dry for content. This has lead to multi-week coverages of the “trash...
read moreI know, it sounds so cliché! But, fall is the season that makes me truly happy. Why do I love fall? Everything about it – the smell of the leaves, the campfires, the weather that is not hot but not too cold, it’s just all so absolutely wonderful. I’ve loved fall since I was a little kid. My boyfriend gives me...
read moreI am standing on the patio watching the dark clouds roll in, hearing the first low rumbles of thunder off in the distance, and a huge smile crosses my face as that first chilly breeze hits me. It’s going to be one of those evenings, one of those nights, the ones I love best. I love rain in any form, whether it be the gentle...
read moreBy Gazonga Gal For the most part, modern society—from West to East, North to South, and culture to culture, whether defined by church or temple or mosque—is a functioning patriarchy. Current world leaders divine our future with the logic of the lizard brained little head, and form policy based on the wisdom of the testicles,...
read moreI hate guys who shave their chests. It’s just wrong. I have no issue with a guy whose chest is either naturally hairless or not very hairy, but I lose all respect for guys with full chest rugs who shave bare. It looks ridiculous for a guy to be hairy everywhere else but his chest. Who the hell do you think you’re fooling, dude?...
read moreI hate shopping for bras. I absolutely adore my boobs, but gals this big need support. Now, supportive bras for larger ladies aren’t too hard to find, if you’re willing to shop around. The problem is that American bra makers seem to be convinced that anyone with large breasts is large overall. The only slim girls with large...
read moreThe great body hair debate. Au naturale is having a comeback. People are protesting the porn norm of shaved pussies and are growing a bush. Some folks claim it’s anti feminist to shave. Some folks bash the look as being prepubescent and foul. And, ya know, I tend to be pretty vocal about things like genital surgeries to...
read moreI have a love/hate relationship with my boyfriend’s clothing. Mostly hate, as in “You’re not actually going to wear that are you? I hate that shirt!” I know, I know, so cliché. But seriously. The man is 44 years old and he still has t-shirts from his high school days in his drawers. Oh wait, I was just corrected: his...
read moreCome closer, I’m going to let you in on a little secret, a little closer, I said closer. Good now let me tell you what absolutely drives me up a wall. Irresponsible dog owners, especially the owners of those little dog owners. For some reason these asses figure that it is ok to allow their dog to walk on my lawn, squat and take a...
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