HIV affects millions of people worldwide. As of 2009, it was 33.3 million. There are 33 million men, women and children, everyday people just like you and me. The woman walking her dog on the sidewalk, your friend from college, the ex-lover you met at a book club. The fact is 1.2 million of those people live in the United States; those affected do not just live in poor African countries, in fact, that only accounts for about 2/3 of HIV cases.

For this reason, it is important that we educate ourselves and the community about HIV. We need to teach our children how to protect themselves, make condoms more readily available, and not be ashamed to demand safe sex. The fact is, this terrible disease will not go away on its own, and we as a community, a nation, a people need to band together to fight this.

Personally, I was never really taught about HIV. My parents were never open about sexuality to begin with, so it never came up in my household. I remember associating what I had heard about HIV with shame, lots of promiscuous sex, and bad people. I figured that those who had the disease were afflicted because they had too much sex or had sex outside of marriage. It wasn’t until I was 15 that I really became critical about social and political issues and started to read voraciously. I picked up a book called Quicksand: the truth about HIV/AIDS that caused me to really start to think more about this issue and educate myself. I soon picked up even more books from the library on this topic and realized that the only reason there was so much stigmatization around the issue was because it was related to sex. And sex, as we all know, is bad and wrong and dirty. (sarcasm, of course.)

I want to now educate others about this important issue, for those who face the same ignorant environment that I once did. Let them know that hanging out with someone that is HIV positive is not a bad person and that by doing so you CANNOT catch it. One of the most ludicrous myths about HIV out there is how you can contract it. Actually, it is very simple. You can get the disease in only four different ways: From sex or sexual activity, from breast milk, from blood, or from childbirth (that is, from the mother’s blood and vaginal secretions when the baby is being born, but precautions can be taken to prevent this). You can’t get it from sharing a toilet, you can’t get it from kissing, you can’t get it from sharing food or water.

I think that even from this simple fact alone a lot of negative attitudes about HIV can be dispelled. For example, those who are HIV positive are often shunned in society, a direct result of people believing they can contract it from them in everyday circumstance. If people knew the truth then those with the disease wouldn’t be treated so coldly. Also, this could lead to people being more open about sex in general. If they are more aware that everyday people are affected by this, they would be more willing to be open and accepting of others. This is exactly why I have written this article. I hope you have been affected in a positive way and have been inspired to share this message- HIV is just a disease. One that we can prevent with education and acceptance.

Source: http://www.avert.org/america.htm

On August 22, 2006, my husband and I got married. It was shortly after we got married that I noticed he slept way too much. He always looked exhausted and never had any energy. His sex drive had also decreased. When we did have sex it wore him out. My husband started spending hours in the bathtub soaking in hot bath water while drinking piping hot brewed herbal chamomile tea. I worried and worried about him. Until finally, one day in December, 2006 I said, do you love me? He said, of course I do. I said, if you love me you will go to the emergency room. He finally broke down and said okay. I had been nagging him for weeks to go see a doctor or go to the emergency room. Since we don’t drive, I called up my mom and she took us. The emergency room did several tests and sent him home with a diagnosis, which later on would be an incorrect diagnosis.

We were recommended to a doctor, and an appointment was made for my husband. I think it was January in 2007 that my husband got to see the doctor. Well the doctor we were suggested to go and see set up a surgery date to have the problem removed. The day of the surgery, my husband’s surgeon said, let’s do a CT scan. That showed it was not what the doctors in the emergency room thought was causing all of my husband’s pain and exhaustion. It was the dreaded awful C word that no one wants to hear. It was cancer. Not just any cancer, it was testicular cancer in his left testicle, which was removed, I believe if my memory serves me correctly, the next day.

The tumor was removed surgically. Then my husband was recommended to see an oncologist. My husband’s skin was starting to turn yellow, and he was developing a bad odor. He was the shade of yellow that your skin turns when a bruise starts to heal. At this point he had no life at all. He stayed in the bed all of the time. He even lost interest in the computer. When he loses interest in the computer, that tells me right there that something is really wrong with him.

We went to see his oncologist, who told us my husband had a 57% chance of living. I was devastated. The oncologist said he needs severe chemotherapy since the cancer is in such an advanced stage. During his chemotherapy, my husband landed in the hospital three different times, due to losing his immune system. His chemotherapy lasted four months.

We had only been married for six months when he was diagnosed in February, 2007 with cancer. It was rough being a newlywed couple and having to go through this. It made not only a big impact on our sex life, but our marriage as well.

With me being nine years younger than him, I had a high sex drive and still do. I was just about climbing up the walls not having any sex or any sexual attention from him. The thought of cheating never even entered my mind. Even if it did, I would not have done it. The only thing that saved me from going absolutely nuts during that full year of no sex was my sex toy.

My husband later told me that the thought of sex just disgusted him. Since he was operated on near his penis, he told me that he didn’t even have any desire to masturbate either. After he was done with chemotherapy, I kept bugging him about sex for like six months. I said what if your oncologist says it is okay, would you want to then? He said we can ask him and see what he says. The oncologist said whenever you feel like it, that is when you can have sex again. My husband kept on putting it off. Finally, one day I said what if I can get you aroused and hard, would you want to try it? He finally said okay and within minutes I had him aroused, and we were back in action. It was naturally a quickie since it was his first time after his surgery and chemotherapy. He was exhausted afterward.

My mom told me years later that she was amazed that with me being a young bride at the time that I stayed right there with him through his battle with cancer. I said, well it was because I love him.

I think the cancer did make our marriage stronger. He said if it were not for me he would be dead. He never would have gone to the doctor on his own, since he doesn’t like doctors. He told me that no one ever cared for him like I do.

We just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary this year. While we still don’t have as much sex as I would like, I am just glad that he is still here on Earth with me.

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I don’t want children. I never have, and I know myself well enough to know it’s not something I’m at all likely to change my mind about. I have nothing against children, or people that choose to have one or thirty of them. I actually rather like children, I enjoy spending time with them, and of course, find that sense of whimsy, wonder, and innocence that children have to be absolutely fascinating and intensely beautiful. What I don’t have, however, is a desire to carry a child, give birth, or raise a child from infancy through adulthood. I’m not entirely sure if it’s that I’m too selfish to give up so much of my life for another (and am honest enough to admit it), or if I just don’t think it’s a great idea to bring a child into this crazy-and-getting-crazier world we live in. But what I do know is I simply don’t have that primal need ticking away somewhere in my hormones to have a baby of my own. It simply is not there, nor has it ever been. The only time I ever even considered it was early in my marriage because I thought it was expected of us, and then realized that ‘just because’ was not nearly a good enough reason for me to do something that felt so wrong to me.

Up until recently, this wasn’t something I thought about too much anymore. I was in a long term relationship with a man that had already had his own children (that I loved very much and thoroughly enjoyed spending time with) and had already been sterilized (or fixed, for those that prefer to be less technical). But once I found myself back on the market so-to-say, I realized I was back to a world of birth control pills, condoms (even in, what I would prefer to be a fluid bonded situation), and worrying. I’d only ever had a couple of pregnancy scares in my life, one as a teenager in high school, and another toward the end of my marriage, but the fear and stress that came along with them not only reinforced my lack of desire for a child, but made me realize it’s not a fear I’m willing to re-live.

So, since I was no longer with someone that couldn’t physically get me pregnant, I made what I thought was the most logical decision: make it so that I can’t become pregnant. Seems simple, right? It is, and it’s not. The procedure is called a tubal ligation. It is a minimally invasive surgery that involves having a woman’s fallopian tubes clamped, tied, or cut. It is also known as having one’s tubes tied. While all surgeries carry risk, this is a highly routine procedure with a low risk of complications, done on women every day in this country. I have several female acquaintances and coworkers that have gone through it in the past few years, and they’ve all assured me that it’s a quick, same day procedure, with a minimal amount of pain. Most of them were up and about and living their lives perfectly normally within 24 hours.

I made an appointment with my OB/GYN, got my annual exam, and at the end when she asks if I have any questions, I respond that I’d like to be sterilized. She asked why, and I say because I’m certain that I do not want any children. The doctor, whom I generally like very much, ponders this for a moment, and flips open my chart. She closes it, looks at me, and quite simply responds, “no.”

No? Not what I was expecting. I explain that I understand the risks, but that I’m perfectly healthy and have done adequate research to know that it’s the right choice for me, versus other options (IUD’s, etc.). She shakes her head, cutting off my monologue of logic, and says that she and the other members of her practice will not perform this procedure on me because I’m not 30, and I haven’t had any children yet. I’m sure I looked at her like she had three or four heads before asking for further explanation. She explained again that she wasn’t comfortable performing the procedure until I was 30 years old, because I may change my mind, and it’s a complicated procedure to reverse. So I ask, still somewhat dumbfounded, if she’ll do it as soon as I turn 30. She says she will. In retrospect, I should’ve protested further – her explanation made no sense to me – but I was so disconcerted by her response that I said thank you, paid my co-pay, and went about my day.

Here’s the thing- I’m not 19 or 22 or even 27. I’m 29 and change. As I’m typing this, I am 332 days short of turning 30. You remember 30, the age the doctor told me she would gladly tie my tubes at. Maybe it’s me, but I was simply rendered quizzical, to say the least, that someone that had been through medical school thought that 332 days could logically make the determination between wanting a child and not wanting one. If I’d gone 29 years and 33 days without wanting a child, what is the determination making 30 the magic number at which she was so sure I would magically just know? I still have no answer for that.

But I don’t’ give up easily; I visited my general practitioner. I’ve known him since I was 8 years old and he’s always trusted my opinions and taken my views into consideration when treating me, so surely he’d understand this conundrum and be able to either explain to me the changes that will apparently be taking place in my mind in the next 332 days, OR point me in the direction of someone willing to sterilize a very certain 29 year-old. He kindly explained that some doctors still believe women should have to wait until 30 to make that decision, he’s not entirely sure he agrees, but he knows of a young, fairly progressive open minded OB/GYN he thinks I’ll like and writes her name down, shakes my hand, and leaves the room.

He gave me the name of the doctor that had just turned me down.

Now, at this point, I’m just getting annoyed. This was something of a dead end, but I live in a fairly populous area with hundreds of doctors, so I did the most logical thing I could think of (although this whole situation had defied logic thus far) and opened the phone book. I chose two numbers, playing the odds; one of a practice of several doctors, and one of a doctor running his own practice. I called both numbers and asked if these doctors perform tubal ligations, or if they at least have a surgeon they work with to refer patients to for this procedure. I got yeses on both ends. Now we’re getting somewhere. I explain that I’d like to speak to a doctor (or the doctor, in the second case) about having this done. I give them my name, age, insurance information to verify they and their affiliated same-day surgery centers take it, my short gynecological history (cysts on one ovary and a genetic predisposition toward uterine fibroids – neither currently posing an issue on my health), and leave a number where I could be reached. The office staff members I spoke to were friendly, seemed knowledgeable, and I was told I would hear back soon.

And I did. I was told by two nurses that their offices will not perform this procedure because of my age. My insurance is fine, my health is fine, my pre-existing condition poses no issue. But the fact that I’m 300 or so days away from the magic age where I apparently know what I want forever is creating a defining line. Since I’d had time to give this some thought by now, I questioned them both. I asked why. I outright asked what is it that happens, from a clinical or psychological perspective (respectfully as possible, because maybe if they’re all SO sure about this, there’s something I’m just missing), what is it that will happen between the ages of 20 and 30 that will make this difference. They have no answers. They say it’s a procedure, and if I’d like they can consult the doctors again and give me an answer, but that it’s simply the policy of the office, and it will not be done.

I know I have one other option. There are always doctors that will perform surgeries others won’t. That will perform plastic surgery on people that have had too much and been considered addicted to it. That will perform lap band or gastric bypass surgery on people that don’t quite fit the weight or BMI standards for it just yet. That will do pretty much anything to get that check from the insurance company. But I only get one body, and I’m not letting a money hungry hack have at my reproductive system based on my own stubbornness. While I’m trying to prove a point here, I’m not going to risk my health or even my life to show the medical field that I do in fact know what I want.

So for the next 332 days I have two choices: Abstinence or fear. Don’t get me wrong, I have safe sex. But no form of birth control is foolproof (you know, besides the form I’m trying to get). I am not going to be abstinent. I’m going to be as careful as possible and do everything in my power to not become pregnant. And on the day I turn 30, I’m walking back into that office and scheduling my surgery.

I’m not saying I agree with these doctors. I disagree strongly with their policies, and quite frankly, they don’t make sense. If I were five or ten years younger, I could see their point. If I’d been wavering on this decision, I could understand it. If my reproductive organs weren’t fully developed, or there was a higher than usual risk involved in the procedure for me personally, I’d be more than happy to comply. Or if they could simply give me a logical scientific answer as to why they won’t do it until I’m 30. And I’m sure if I kept searching and kept probing I’d be able to find one decent, understanding physician that would be willing to do it. However, it is very possible that by the time I track down a doctor or surgeon to do this and get it scheduled, I’ll be thirty anyway. It could take months to find the right doctor since I do have other things to do than pursue this one issue all day, every day, and between finding the right time to take a little time off work, insurance approvals, and the surgery scheduling, once again, I’d probably be 30. So I’m going to, as strongly as I disagree with it, let this one lie. I’m not happy about it, but just like I’ve been trying to tell the doctors this whole time, it’s just 332 days.

I love sex, but I don’t want to get pregnant. Why is contraception so hard?

(Disclaimer: All of the below is my personal experience. Please do not consider it medical advice. Make your own contraceptive decisions after consulting your doctor, etc, blah blah blah.)

In the beginning, there were condoms. I suppose it’s the standard, go-to option for virgins everywhere. I was young and stupid, and didn’t know about lube, so sex was much more uncomfortable than it should have been.

Eventually, I went to the student clinic and got on the pill. I imagine that’s the standard second step for recently sexually active girls. I never asked my boyfriend to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. (See also: young and stupid.)

Holy shit, was the pill awesome! After using condoms with no lube, sex without condoms was amazing. I started experiencing my first orgasms. My boobs went up from mouthfuls to decent A cups. I knew exactly when my periods were due. Hot damn! Orgasms, boobies, regularity, and no babies. I swore I was going to be on the pill for the rest of my life. I loved the pill.

Sadly, past tense. I had years of being on the pill with no complications, and then I started getting migraines. The hormones were blamed. Different prescriptions were tried. Finally, I went off the pill and had improvement.

Fuck. Back to condoms.

At least this time, I knew about lube. I also knew that condoms weren’t the most reliable form of birth control. I tried spermicidal lube, and it felt like someone had set my cunt on fire. Obviously, that wasn’t going to be an option.

I stayed off the pill long enough to let my reproductive system reboot itself. For those who don’t know, the pill works by preventing your body from ovulating. So I hadn’t ovulated for years, and now I imagine my ovaries were going into party mode. “Woohoo! Time to do our job! Let’s get some baby making happening!”

At the same time, the sperm were going “Woohoo! Let’s get… wait.. who put this big rubber wall in the way?!”

Using condoms as a long-term form of birth control worried me, so after a while I went on Depo-Provera, which is the shot that gives you three months of protection at a time.

No migraines this time, but I started lactating. Not a lot, just a few drops at a time. Apparently, Depo told my body, “Woohoo! We have a baby on the way! Let’s get some milk production going!”

It wasn’t enough to be a problem. As long as I wore a padded bra, it wouldn’t cause any embarrassing leaks. I thought I could deal with it. And I could, right up until the day my lover licked it off my nipples.

Instant turn off. I mean, like a switch. Whatever had been about to happen that day was over.

That took Depo off the table. I couldn’t even stand to look at my breasts anymore.

I decided hormonal methods weren’t going to work for me, so I rejected the contraceptive implant without trying it.

I considered the diaphragm or the cervical cap, but they just seemed dangerously unreliable. Would they really stay in place during rough sex? Would I really be able to get it in place correctly and leave it there long enough? If we were going to put a barrier in place every time, then we may as well stick with condoms.

The options were narrowing down significantly. All that was left, other than condoms, was abstinence (hahahahahaha… yeah right!), surgical sterilization, or an IUD.

The intrauterine device is a small piece of copper that is inserted through your cervix. Things besides sperm aren’t really meant to go in that way. Holy fuck, it hurt like hell. It hurt so bad I went home and cried. It hurt for days. And I bled, which was expected.

What wasn’t expected was that I would keep bleeding. Not a lot, but it never stopped. I never had a period, I just spotted all month. “Give it time,” the gynecologist said, once she had done a sonogram to be sure that the device hadn’t perforated anything and was sitting where it was supposed to. “Your body just needs to get adjusted to it.”

I gave it six months. The effect of having blood always there murdered my libido. So I had the IUD removed. And strangely enough, it didn’t hurt at all on the way out.

So, back to condoms, since neither of us was ready for surgical sterilization.

And then it happened. The broken condom.

I’m sure it’s happened to everyone. The first few times, I was young and, well, an idiot. I just relied on trying to physically wash out the ejaculate and hope for the best. (Obligatory disclaimer: This is a good example of what not to do in this situation.) Maybe, secretly, I was hoping for “the worst”. I didn’t know what I was doing with my life, and if I ended up pregnant, completely by accident, that could be my sign that I was supposed to be a mother.

This time there was no ambivalence. I knew, quite definitely, that I did not want to be pregnant. I also knew I did not want to have an abortion. If I had to, I would. At least, I thought I could go through with it. Maybe. Actually, I’m not sure, even now, if I could have. At least the option was there.

My boyfriend called the GP’s surgery as soon as they opened to ask about emergency contraception. They said I could come right in and see a nurse – that I didn’t even need an appointment. In we went. A few questions were asked. And we were given a pill.

I took it, and it was like having the worst menstrual period of my life, only without the period. I was moody and irritable and the cramps were dreadful. I didn’t want to be touched for over a week. Worst of all, one of the potential side effects of the emergency contraceptive pill is a delayed period. So while you’re being miserable, you can’t even be sure that it worked. I had gotten the pill in my system in less than a day after the broken condom, but I couldn’t be sure until that period happened.

And so, back around to condoms again. I’ve completely ruled out tubal ligation, unless by some chance I happen to need surgery for something else and can piggyback it on. My boyfriend has started hesitantly googling vasectomy. I don’t push. I think eventually that’s what he’ll do, but that has to be his decision.

Knowing that emergency contraception exists makes it easier for me to accept using condoms on a regular basis, but I hate that they aren’t more reliable. I hate that hormones fuck me up. I hate that there still isn’t a pill for men out there. I hate that the IUD didn’t work for me.

I just want to have sex without having to worry about it. Is that really too much to ask?

Vaginismus? Wait, what is that? Is it sexually transmitted? Is it something you can pass to me? Those are just some of the remarks I’ve gotten from people when I tell them I have vaginismus. I’ll get an alarmed reaction, or one of sympathy. Some act as if I told them “My doctor said I have vaginismus, and she has giving me two weeks to live.” It is not that serious, but those are the reactions you get when people just do not know. Then I have to go through the process of explaining it to them, and repeatedly ensure it is nothing they can catch.

So, what is vaginismus?

Vaginismus is a condition where there is involuntary tightness of the vagina during attempted intercourse, or any kind of penetration. The woman does not directly control it; it is an involuntary pelvic response. She may not even have any awareness this is causing the tightness or penetration problem. It can be caused by a history of sexual abuse, rape. The majority of vaginismus is
subconscious. I’ve always told myself it had to be something I couldn’t control. Why would anyone willingly want this to happen. The pain and the discomfort is not worth faking. I don’t think it could be faked even if tried.

Vaginismus is not something that a woman can control, and in order to fix the problem you will need patience and a supportive partner. Vaginimus also shows its ugly head in multiple different forms. Actually there are two different forms of vaginismus, and no one woman is prone to it.

1. Type one – Primary vaginismus- It normally refers to the experience of vaginismus with ‘first-time’     intercourse attempts. Typically, primary vaginismus will be discovered when a woman attempts to have sex for the very first time. No matter what her partner does, he has no luck with     penetration.

2. Secondary – is the experience of vaginismus a little later in life, after a period of pain-free     intercourse, and typically following temporary pelvic problems. This is when the woman has a normal sex life and has never had any type of problems. When out of the blue the ability to have pain free sex is no longer available. The case is normally diagnosed when all other problems are ruled out. Such, as a yeast infection or bacterial infections.

Vaginismus also goes by two other names, such as Apareunia. Apereunia completely makes sex impossible. It also goes by the name Dyspareunia. Dyspareunia is when penetration is possible, but is still uncomfortable.

“What is the age of the typical vaginismus patient? [as seen at a private clinic in the     U.S.A.]

• 18% are under the age of 25. This figure could be much higher if the condition were to be better understood and properly diagnosed at an earlier age.
• 53% are between the ages of 26 to 35
• 26% are between the ages of 36 to 50, mostly including women who married late in life, or those who have been in unconsummated marriages for many years, suffering in silence before seeking help.
• 9% are over the age of 51″², or painful.

As surprising as all this is, vaginismus is pretty common. Vaginismus affects 2 in every 1000 women, although, it could be more because a lot go undiagnosed. Most women who suffer from vaginal problems do not normally get help for it. It can be hard to diagnose vaginismus. Confirming a formal diagnosis of vaginismus may take some planning and perseverance. No definitive medical test exists for the diagnosis of vaginismus, so it may take a number of visits to several physicians or specialists before a medical diagnosis is obtained.

For some women talking to physicians about sexual problems can be difficult. Embarrassments and anxiety are often present, making it hard to communicate and look for, let alone receive care. I personally know the feeling of being ashamed and embarrassed; this is what kept me for many years from getting any type of help. If I could change it, I would have looked for help much sooner. Because I didn’t know that the history of abuse and my vaginismus were tied into one.

When you finally muster up confidence to speak to someone, you have to be completely honest. If you are not you can be misdiagnosed, and this will cause you to have to go through useless procedures, which can scare you away from seeking any extra help. When seeking help, you will need to first contact a gynecologist. Meeting with a gynecologist is crucial to finding out if you have vaginismus, or if it is something else. Your doctor will need to run tests, and attempt to do a pelvic exam to confirm his/her diagnosis. Once you have done the entire test and the dreaded pelvic exam, if the doctor is able to complete one, it is time to seek treatment.

There are a couple of options for treating vaginismus, please keep in mind that vaginismus is entirely 100% treatable. It is not something you are doomed with, and sex will NEVER happen. You have to receive treatment on your own. You cannot be pushed into it; it has to be something YOU want to do. If it is not, treatment is less likely to work.

Now, here comes the fun part. Finding a therapist that has even heard of vaginismus. I had a hell of a time finding a doctor that knew what it was. I actually saw a doctor that, when I told her what I had, had to go and get a dictionary to learn what it was. That was the first and the last time I saw her! I saw four therapists before I found the one I’m currently with. Be patient, and find the right doctor for you, one that you trust and can speak openly with. Some women do not need to see a therapist, they just may need to see a physical therapist.

Once you have found the doctor for you. You and your gynecologist, along with your therapist can discuss treatment options. Most doctors will recommend using dilators. They are dildos that come in a few different sizes. From the size of a pinky finger to the size of a normal penis, they will want you to at least go one size lager than your partner. Completion of dilation depends on the person. You start on the smallest size, and they only want you to move to the next size when you can successfully insert and remove the current size with full comfort. On average, someone can spend up to two months to move between dilators. Some move quicker; it depends on the person. Once you have completed dilation, it is recommended that you use them at least once a month. When using them, they want you to practice tightening and relaxing your pelvic muscle. Some women sleep with their dilators in, which is perfectly safe. Progression is up to you. It is not a race. You can only truly start dilation when (and if there is) the mental aspect of it has been, or is starting to be, addressed. Dilatation is a slow, and at times frustrating process. It is actually broken down into many different steps.

• Step One – Understanding vaginismus. Understanding that it is not your fault, and what can be causing it.

• Step Two – Sexual history review and treatment strategies. This is when you sit down and talk about your sexual past. Find out what mental blocks can be causing it.

• Step Three – Sexual pain anatomy – Most women do not know what there vagina looks like; most have never touched their own vagina. Learning about the inner vaginal areas and vaginal muscles. Learning about this educates you in connecting sexual body parts with emphasis on their role in sexual pain and penetration issues.

• Step Four – Vaginal tightness and the role of pelvic floor muscles, vaginismus is caused because of vaginal tightness on the pelvic floor.

• Step Five – Insertion techniques – This teaches you how to insert items with the success of     no pain. This is done by learning PC muscle control techniques, as they allow the entry of a small object (cotton swab, tampon, or     finger) into their vagina. Everything is done slow and at your own personal pace.

• Step Six – Graduated vaginal insertions – This is when dilators come into your life. Vaginal     dilators are effective tools to further help eliminate pelvic tightness due to vaginismus. Dilators provide a substitute means to trigger pelvic muscle reactions. Graduated vaginal insertion exercises allow women to comfortably transition to the stage where they are ready for intercourse without pain or discomfort. Most women once they reach stage six, are soon able to attempt to have sexual intercourse, some aren’t successful, and some need more time.

• Step Seven – Final and last stage that is full pain-free intercourse and pleasure restoration. The final step toward overcoming vaginismus includes penis entry with movement and freedom from any pain or tightness. You must remember, some people when they reach the final step, can have occasional “episodes” of painful sex, in which I suffer some.

Remember, Vaginismus is entirely curable; you will just need to be ready to take the steps needed to successfully go through treatment. It is process that you want to go through; there are times when I just want to say I give up. I could live without having sex. Every day, I thank God for having such a supportive partner. Having vaginismus can be stressful, not only on you, but also on your partner. I’ve read stories where men have left the women they are with because they are not having sex. I just wanted to write this article to inform people about vaginismus, and hope I could help someone else. As, for me? It is a battle I fight, but it is getting better each and every day.

Most wondered how I came to learn the word V-A-G-I-N-I-S-M-U-S. Here, is a brief summary of how I learned of this.

Growing up, my parents were not together. I bounced between Florida where my mother lived, and North Carolina where my dad lived. My father joined the army and became abusive, so my mother left. When I learned about this, I was surprised she even allowed me to visit him. Well, she did. I never stayed the night with him at his house. I always stayed with my grandmother. She broke down and finally let me stay the night with him. That night changed my life. I was sexually abused by my biological father, and I was only 11 years old. Never told a soul, and it came out in ways I now see. So, years went by, I grew up, and still keeping this secret. I met a fabulous boy at 14; it was long distance till I was 17 years old.

That is when I started becoming sexually active. Before 17, I had not even kissed a guy. My mom thought I was a lesbian. So now when my boyfriend and I, of now three years, attempted to have sex, it was a dramatic fail. He was unable to enter me, and we just thought it was nerves. We tried a few more times with no success. We left it alone, and tried again when I moved in with him a year later. We still were not able to accomplish having sexual intercourse. I finally broke down and saw a doctor; I had done some research on my own. I thought maybe my hymen was too thick and had to be broken by a doctor. I wish I was that lucky.

Meeting with the doctor, she tried to do an exam. With no luck, she was not even able to enter her pinky finger. She asked me if I have a history of sexual abuse. I lied and told her no. I went back a couple of days later and broke down and told her the truth. That too was when my boyfriend found out about my sexual abuse. She told me I was suffering from vaginismus. I thought “What the heck is that?” Is it something I can take some medication, and it is fixed?” She told me NO! You are going to have to see a therapist, and maybe go through physical therapy. She gave me the “gist” of what it was, but I learned more when I did some searching, and found a WONDERFUL sexual health therapist.

References
1.Valins, L. (1992). When a woman’s body says no to sex: Understanding and overcoming vaginismus. New York, NY: Penguin Books. P.23,24
2.Katz, D., & Tabisel, R. (2002). Private pain: It’s about life, not just sex. Plainview, NY: Katz-Tabi Publications. P.70,71

In October I will be presenting a paper entitled “No to the Flow: Rejecting Feminine Norms and the Reproductive Imperative through Hormonal Menstrual Suppression” at an academic conference in Arizona entitled “Moral Panics of Sexuality.” This conference seeks to examine issues pertaining to sexuality that really freak people out on a social and cultural level. There were lots of interesting topics I considered for my proposal, but in the end I decided to go with an issue near and dear to my heart (and uterus): menstrual suppression via continuous use of hormonal birth control pills.

About a year and a half ago, I decided to go on birth control to hopefully help my Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), which is a fancy medical term for REALLY BAD PMS. I had spent my entire twenties feeling physically and emotionally horrible about two to three weeks of each month, and I’d had enough. A friend recommended the low-estrogen pill Yaz as it had helped her PMDD, and despite my apprehension about potential side effects, I decided to give it a try. I’d heard that Yaz was more likely to cause blood clots, but after some research I discovered that studies had shown that Yaz caused two or three incidents out of 10,000 users as opposed to 1 out of 10,000 with other pills. Not exactly something to freak out about.

This was my first time going on a regular birth control regimen, at age 30. Transitioning to the new hormones was hard at first. My already-big boobs went up a cup size. I was moody and tired all the time. I bled at random intervals. I wanted to quit, but my doctor encouraged me to stick it out, and I’m glad I did. Within three months, my body had adjusted, and I no longer experienced any negative side effects. Even my libido seemed to have remained intact (though I’ve always seemed to have a higher-than-average libido in the first place!)

Around this same time, I started asking my doctor about trying continuous birth control, which I had read about on the website noperiod.com. It turns out that the monthly “period” women experience when taking the placebo week of their pill cycle isn’t actually medically necessary. Furthermore, taking the pill continuously is actually more beneficial for women suffering from PMDD, as well as disorders like endometriosis, because hormone levels remain consistent in the body. There is even research that has shown that taking the pill continuously can reduce the risk of certain cancers. A hundred years ago, women would typically have 50-150 menstrual cycles in their lifetime; in modern times it’s closer to 450. It’s interesting to learn that certain reproductive cancers have become more common due to the cellular stress that results from this increase in menstrual cycles.

Most birth control pills contain synthetic versions of the hormones progestin and estrogen. The progestin tells the body to stop ovulating, while the estrogen controls the thickening of the endometrium (uterine lining). When you starting taking the placebo pills the body goes into estrogen “withdrawal”, which causes the uterine lining to shed. The pills that are prescribed for continuous use contain the smallest possible doses of estrogen to keep the uterine lining thin, so there is no need for monthly shedding.

Yaz is a low estrogen pill, so it is possible to take it continuously or for three to four month cycles, skipping the placebo week, for a few months at a time, so that you only have a “period” a few times a year. The pills Lybrel and Seasonale work according to the same extended-cycle principle.

As someone who is committedly child-free and genderqueer (and thus not particularly attached to the idea of menstruation=femininity), the idea of getting rid of my period sounded fabulous. My gynecologist green lighted continuous BC for me, and I started it about 10 months ago. (For the record- continuous BC is still controversial, and not all doctors advocate it. Having done extensive research, I believe that any potential side effects are outweighed by the benefits for my body, but everyone should make their own choice. I take the pill continuously for three months or so, then take a break for withdrawal bleeding. I have discovered over time, that as time goes by, I don’t even experience withdrawal bleeding because my uterine lining is thin enough that it doesn’t need to shed (this is fairly typical with long term use of continuous birth control).

So you may be wondering why the pill features this “placebo” period when it’s not really neccessary? Fun fact: one of the scientists who developed the birth control pill was a devout Catholic who wanted to develop a Pope-friendly foolproof version of the rhythm method, which relies on tracking your fertility. He included this period week to make the pill seem more natural. Interesting, yes? (You can read more about this here: http://www.gladwell.com/2000/2000_03_10_a_rock.htm)

Some of my friends who take the pill say they can’t do without this “period”, because it reassures them that they aren’t pregnant. Ironically, monthly withdrawal bleeding actually increases the risk of pregnancy, while taking the pill, and uterine shedding is not necessarily a guarantee that you are not pregnant! Other friends say that not having a period seems “unnatural,” but if you consider that the “period” one experiences taking the regular birth control is medically induced, that doesn’t seem all that natural either.

I admit that it’s weird to have dropped out of the feminine bonding experience, that is a monthly cycle, having periods sync up with friends, the miserable mood swings, the implacable cravings for salt and chocolate. I can’t say that I miss it, however. Some feminists have argued that menstrual suppression is misogynistic (because society views periods as “dirty”), or that women are being treated as “guinea pigs” by the medical industry. However, there are a lot of layers to this issue, and I believe that menstrual suppression is a feminist choice for me. I feel empowered by taking control of my fertility and eliminating a disorder that seriously interfered with my ability to function for years.

If you are interested in trying menstrual suppression, I encourage you to research the subject on your own, and talk to your gynecologist about it. Dr. Leslie Miller’s website noperiod.com is a great place to start!

Plan A should have been to use a condom. Obviously, right? However, when there is a situation where power is usurped by the other partner, how can a form of healthy sexuality be present- including condom use? If one party is exerting control upon the other, why should they use protection? They’re in charge. The repercussions don’t matter to them. They may never see the other person again.

I always knew about sexual safety. I completed comprehensive sexuality education in school. My parents had open discussions with me about sex. I voraciously read through all the sexual education books my mother bought for me. Therefore, I am impervious to sexual violence and shame about sexuality, right? So I thought.

The evening began as a girls’ night out in Florence, Italy. We went to a dance club and enjoyed ourselves. I met an attractive Italian man and made a coherent decision to go back with him to his place. I wanted to get laid. This part was in my control and was a planned event. So was I really raped if I had decided to go to his apartment with the intention of having sex? The gray area only lies with those who do not understand what rape truly is. Rape is nonconsensual sex. Period. That night had begun with consent, but ended in rape.

He did not have a condom. I did not have a condom. (Side note- I always carry condoms on me after that night). I refused to have sex with him and wanted to go back to my hostel. He forced himself upon me and ejaculated inside me twice over the course of the night. I couldn’t do anything; I couldn’t move; I couldn’t think, nor did I know where I was. No power or control was in my hands; no neurotransmitters made it from my brain to my body to move myself. It still astonishes me how I transformed so quickly from an educated, headstrong woman to just a body.

This is not the shameful part. This was between me and this man. I knew that when I told my friends what happened, they would support me, and I would move on from this event. The part that was truly shameful, that I can remember extremely clearly, were the events of next day.

I traversed the city of Florence, looking for a pharmacy in order to get emergency contraception. After entering a small pharmacy, with one older woman standing at the desk, hoping that she understood English, I calmly asked her for Plan B. Not understood. I tried “emergency contraception”, and “the morning after pill”, and she returned a disparaging look that felt as if she instantly labeled me as an American slut. She simply said “ospidale” (hospital). I walked out of the pharmacy into the bright sunshine and came to face with the famous Duomo. I never since have been able to appreciate the beauty of the Duomo due to the deep shame she instilled in me, which forced me to associate fear and negativity with this stunning historic structure.

The self castigation and shame only worsened at my visit to the hospital. I didn’t understand why getting Plan B warranted a visit with a doctor. Did I have to be judged for the ability to receive this medication? I sat in the waiting room with the other patients who were sneezing, wheezing, and coughing. I felt as if I was also being viewed as having an illness by placing me with these physically sick people. The doctor called me in and talked to me for about two minutes about when I had had sex and wrote me a prescription. He hardly looked at me. I had to shell out 50 Euros for this brief, and in my opinion, unnecessary, visit.

Shame had morphed into anger. On the trek to another pharmacy, I didn’t notice the beautiful weather, architecture, language, or wafting smells of food from cafes on the way. I simply felt judged and irritated with the system, as well as increasingly angry at myself for putting myself in this situation. For the first time, I felt so alone and coated in shame for being a sexual being taking care of myself. As I handed the prescription over to the pharmacist, I got the same judgmental look as I did from the first pharmacist. He took his time filling the prescription, and handed the Plan B over disapprovingly, without exercising discretion by putting it in a bag in a full store. “Everyone look at the American whore buying Plan B”, the act denoted.

You may assume that all of this judgment is based on the fact that I was in a foreign country, rather than in the United States. I didn’t find it to be much different here. I had to buy Plan B with a partner of mine once. We discussed it first and planned to split the cost. Yet, when we arrived at the local CVS, my partner disappeared somewhere in the store, leaving me by myself at the counter. There was no shared responsibility for contraception in this situation, or in the situation in Italy in taking care of the repercussions of unprotected sex. I was alone with the pharmacist’s judgment. Again. Buying Plan B by myself. Again. The pharmacist gave me the exact same look as had the pharmacist in Italy. I knew I was doing the responsible thing, and was relieved to be able to buy Plan B over the counter. What right did she have, as a medical provider, to make any judgment on the medication I picked up? Would she give the same look to someone buying cigarettes or even prescription hemorrhoid cream? I doubt it.

This situation involves sex. It defines me as a sexual person. As a slut. Just the fact that I was sexually active somehow offended these people. What did they know about my story? When I never had shame of being a sexual being before, I now felt embarrassed and insecure.

Now I work at Planned Parenthood. We give out emergency contraception with a smile, instructions, and a hefty discount. No judgment. I can feel each person’s discomfort ease as we happily answer, “Sure! I’ll grab that for you right now!” I don’t think they were expecting a smile and sincere friendliness when purchasing something that implied a mistake on their part. When someone comes in for emergency contraception, I remember my negative, shameful experiences and try to make a supposedly embarrassing purchase as easy and quick as possible. And all with a smile.

I recently wrote another article, Birth Control: More Than Just Condoms and Pills, for EdenCafe on various available birth control methods. It came to my attention that I, unintentionally, included incorrect information. I also learned that I wasn’t the only one that thought the “Rhythm Method” and “Fertility Awareness” were the same thing. We have since learned that’s not the case.

I figured I’d write a bit of a follow-up article on various misconceptions in the realm of birth control. I’ve found out there are several common misconceptions about methods of birth control. Some have been passed off as fact by people intending to misinform others and possibly scare them into not using certain methods, or scare them into only using abstinence as birth control.

Birth control pills are effective immediately. You can take a single pill just before sex and you’re covered. Nope, you’ve gotta give it time to kick in. It’s generally recommended to take the first month’s pills, and use a backup method (condoms) in the process, until you have your first period.

You can take any medicine while on The Pill. Well, you can take it, but it might mess with the efficacy of your pills. Some OTC herbals like St. John’s Wort decrease effectiveness. Similarly, there are prescription meds that decrease the efficacy of the pill. The main offenders are antibiotics. Actually, my high school best friend conceived both of her beautiful children thanks to antibiotics.

You can’t get pregnant on your period. Sperm can live in the woman’s body for five days, so it’s possible for anything to happen. Just depends on when the woman ovulates.

You can’t get pregnant while breastfeeding. Oh, yes you can! And it happens pretty frequently to those who think you can’t. Breastfeeding does cause some hormonal changes in the woman’s body, and it may be more difficult to get pregnant, but it is, indeed, possible.

You can’t get pregnant the first time. Yep, you can. If you’ve had that first period, you are just as much Fertile Myrtle as anyone. It only takes once.

You can’t get pregnant if the guy pulls out. Yeah, uh-huh. Ever heard of or seen pre-cum? It’s that clear, sticky stuff that comes out of the penis during the erection and while it’s being played with (or thrusting in and out of you) and it does contain semen. It only takes one little swimmer to meet up with your egg to make a baby!

You can’t get pregnant if he never goes in. Another rumor! If you’re getting hot and heavy, riding on top of him, but without penetrating, sperm can still find their way into your vagina and into your body to make a baby. Also, if there’s spillage after anal sex, sperm can still find a way inside. This is another good reason to wipe front to back rather than back to front beyond simple cleanliness.

If you douche, you can’t get pregnant. Chances are, by the time you’ve made it out of the bed (or car, or wherever you did the deed) the sperm has already left the scene of the accident and is on its way to the egg. I’ve heard all sorts of things to douche with to prevent pregnancy, too. Don’t, no matter what or who said it, don’t douche with Sprite or tequila…really, people have told me they tried this. Just…no. Don’t douche with anything not made to go in your vagina.

“Rhythm Method” is the same as “Fertility Awareness.” Oops! This is one I even messed up on. The Rhythm Method assumes the length of a woman’s cycle and parks ovulation 14 days before the beginning of that cycle. Some women have 28 day cycles, some 35, others 21. Anything is possible. Not all women actually ovulate in that set time frame. This is where Fertility Awareness comes in. The woman monitors the shift of her cervix and change in mucosal viscosity, in addition to when her period arrives and leaves to determine her fertile days. In either method, though, it is the woman’s responsibility to know what is going on, and where she is in her cycle.

The boyfriend said he got a vasectomy, so I can’t get pregnant. Did he provide you some proof from a doctor, or a sperm count certification from a clinic? I would be not so quick to trust this one. If it’s true, and he loves you, or if he really wants it that bad, he’ll be willing to show you the proof.

I’m on The Pill, so I won’t get pregnant. Okay, but are you taking it 100% correctly, and with nothing interfering with the efficacy? The Pill must be taken at the same time every day and without missing doses. See the blurb about medications above. The only absolutely effective method of STD or pregnancy prevention is still abstinence.

I’m too old to get pregnant. As long as you have your period (barring surgical methods of contraception such as tubal ligation) you can get pregnant. After your period has ceased and desisted for a year, only then you are free of the risk of impregnation.

Plan B is the same thing as the Abortion Pill. Plan B (levonorgestrel) and RU486 are not the same thing. Plan B works within three to five days of failed contraceptives and before pregnancy is established. RU486 works only after a pregnancy is established and up to 49 days (seven weeks) after the last menstrual period.

Condoms are always effective. According to some statistics I saw, condoms are only actually used properly and effectively between 5 and 40% of the time. That’s insane! What are people doing, reusing condoms? Oh, and condoms don’t prevent HPV, no matter how effectively they are used. Honestly, this is new information to me. I figured the rate was a little higher for effective use. But I guess if you take into account all the drunk sex being had, that’s going to lower the number.

Use Saran Wrap or a balloon if you can’t find a condom. Wait, what? Saran wrap has microscopic holes in it, so that’s not effective. Balloons? Really? Those things break way easier than condoms. Plus, that’s just not safe, nor are they reliable. Please, be smart. You can get condoms at the health department for free, and somewhere near you there’s a 24-hour pharmacy. There’s no excuse for not having SOME sort of contraceptive.

You can’t get pregnant if you didn’t enjoy it. If the female’s on top, she can’t get pregnant. You can’t get pregnant if you have sex standing up. You can’t get pregnant in a swimming pool or hot tub. Some horny guys will tell a girl anything to get her in bed with him. Unfortunately, some girls will believe anything! Not saying there aren’t some girls that don’t turn this around on guys and say similar things. Perhaps, “if you don’t like it, you won’t make sperm.” Who knows. There are all sorts of lies out there. Be smart, both for yourself and others.

No matter what anyone tells you about contraception, take it with a grain of salt and do your own research. Whether that research comes from online comparisons, a quick phone call to your healthcare provider, or a stop by the health department, be smart about your decisions. When in doubt, just don’t. No one said you’ll die if you don’t have sex right then and there.

I don’t know how half of the birth control myths got their start. Hell, I don’t really know how any myths get started, honestly. Do you know that some women actually believe that birth control will protect them against sexually transmitted diseases? I suppose that’s better than women who believe that if they shower right after sex they don’t need birth control because they will wash the sperm out.

I personally love my birth control. My parents have mixed feelings about it. My dad thinks it’s horrific that I would be on birth control and be so open and proud of it! Why should I be proud of it? A young woman taking control of her body and her future responsibly? No unexpected grandkids? Educating myself about my body? Hopefully, he will jump on board someday and not see it as something shameful. My mother, on the other hand, was very relieved. She and I had a very lengthy sex talk, and she is proud that I am thinking smart.

I get a shot called Depo-Provera. It’s a birth control that is injected safely into one of your arms. Like other methods of birth control, the birth control shot releases a hormone — progestin — into the body. Hormones are chemicals made in our bodies. They control how different parts of our bodies work. The progestin in the shot also prevents pregnancy by thickening a woman’s cervical mucus. The mucus blocks sperm and keeps it from joining with an egg. You only have to receive this shot every three months. Most women experience irregular bleeding, then your period can become very light or completely vanish, like mine. Some side effects include: decreased bone density, thinning hair, headaches and possibly nausea. The depo shot may not be for everyone.

I started the depo shot over three years ago. Initially, I thought I’d want to be on the pill, but I had horrible mood swings on it, plus lots of gas. Not very sexy, right? So I switched to the depo and felt emotionally and physically fine. My joints were initially a bit achy, but a consistent multi-vitamin keeps my body and bones in check. I also am very glad not to see Mother Nature. It was very helpful for my relationship, because it was a long-distance one. Figuring out a plane flight by my period is NOT fun. Not worrying about my period really took a load off my back. The depo-provera does not personally affect my sex drive. Before the depo, I masturbated maybe twice a week in between working 60+ hours and doing online school work. After the depo and a lesser workload, masturbation was upped to 3+ times a week. Still today, I masturbate quite frequently, and enjoy it! I have no problem getting aroused when I’m with my boyfriend. If anything, the depo-provera makes me feel very sexy and spontaneous. No period to worry about; no pill to take; no ring to insert, nothing. We’re just ready to go! My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and get tested together. So whenever he wants to pounce me, or vice versa, it’s fabulous having nothing in our way.

There have been studies where depo-provera has caused women to gain some weight over the course of the year. My solution? Sex and yoga. I keep myself active, and I’m currently enrolled in massage school as a student. I’m consistently moving, and have kept myself at my same weight these past years. As I said before, the depo-provera is NOT for everyone. Women and men should take a look at what’s being offered out there, currently. There are SO many options out now. Temporary and permanent birth controls to suit practically every lifestyle. Places like Planned Parenthood are even willing to help you out on a sliding pay scale, and you can get birth control at a pretty cheap price. So go and help yourself out. Make your world a little brighter.

I am happily married, attractive, well-educated, and a member of the upper middle-class. Just looking at me, you would probably assume that I was a normal, healthy, middle-aged woman. However, I have an incurable disease. I have herpes. I have been living with it for over fifteen years now. And that’s the point. I have been LIVING with it. Although herpes is incurable, it is controllable, and it does NOT have to affect your life to any great degree.

I first realized that I had herpes not long after I was raped (for the second time in my life). I don’t know if it was the rapist who gave it to me or one of several partners that I had been with prior to the rape. I was somewhat promiscuous in my younger days.

None of the partners that I checked with after my diagnosis ever admitted to having herpes. However, they could have been either lying to me, for the second time (even in my wilder days, I would ask about sexually transmitted diseases before having sex with someone), or truly ignorant of their own infected status. It IS possible to have herpes and not realize it. In fact, it is surprisingly common for someone to have an STD and not know it. But, it doesn’t really matter who I got it from. I had it.

Strangely, the doctor that I went to when I discovered the first sore insisted that it couldn’t possibly be herpes because it was in the “wrong place”. It was on my outer labia rather than my inner labia. (In reality, although many sores on females do appear on the inner labia, it is not unusual for sores to appear on the outer labia, around the rectum, on the inner thighs or even inside the vagina.) I insisted that the doctor do a viral culture of the sore anyway, and, of course, the test was positive. I had herpes.

I do not know whether I have HSV-1 or HSV-2. I was tested so long ago, I’m not sure if they even differentiated between the strains yet. I think I remember the doctor telling me that oral herpes (cold sores) and genital herpes were same thing. Admittedly, both strains of herpes can be found in both places, but they are still different viruses. It is simply that HSV-1 shows up more frequently around the mouth, while HSV-2 is more often found near the genitals.

However, considering that this doctor tried to refuse to test me for herpes simply because my sore was not on my inner labia, he was probably not the most knowledgeable doctor when it came to herpes. He may not have even known enough to differentiate between the two strains. And back then, I didn’t know enough to wonder about different strains of herpes, I was just extremely upset that I had an incurable sexually transmitted disease.

But it was not the end of my life, not even my sex life.

After I was diagnosed, I ALWAYS warned potential partners before having sex that, even though I might not currently have an active sore, I still carried the herpes virus. I didn’t want to do to them what had been done to me. However, in accordance with what was commonly believed back then, I mistakenly told them that as long as I didn’t have an active sore, that there wasn’t much chance of them catching it. And, as far as I know, none of my partners ever did get infected.

I know now, that even when there is no visible sore, it is still possible to transmit the virus through asymptomatic shedding. It is believed that most people contract the virus through asymptomatic shedding. People with a noticeably active herpes sore are generally not interested in having sex. I know that when I have a sore, I am certainly not interested in having sex. It hurts too much.

However, even telling potential partners that I had herpes didn’t really affect my sex life. Only one guy — out of more than I care to admit — was even hesitant about having sex with me after I told him I had herpes. We still ended up having sex later that night. Admittedly, young horny males don’t always make the most logical choices. Young horny females are probably not much better.

Would I have slept with a guy who told me he had herpes? I can’t honestly say, since the situation never came up. If he were someone I was only interested in sexually, probably not. But if he were someone I truly cared about, I think I still would have slept with him.

Nowadays, I am happily married and, of course, my husband knows about my herpes. On the rare occasions when I suspect that I might be developing a sore, we simply avoid any sexual contact. We have been together almost nine years now, and he is still disease free.

Although herpes cannot be cured, it can be controlled. I am very lucky in that the infection I have is not very noticeably active; I get maybe one sore every several years. Since I have so few outbreaks, I do not take medication every day. I only take medicine when I notice a sore developing. Some people who have more active infections take daily medication in order to prevent outbreaks and reduce the risks of infecting their sexual partners.

In the past, when I noticed a sore developing, I would call my doctor to get a refill of my prescription for Valtrex (though I usually get the generic version Valacyclovir). However, after having to wait over the weekend with a painful sore once, I now just keep a bottle of medication on hand at all times. If I start taking the pills as soon as I notice even a hint of a sore, sometimes no sore ever develops. Occasionally, I wonder if what I thought might be a sore actually wasn’t, but the pills have no noticeable side effects for me, and I’d rather be safe than sorry. Also, as was mentioned earlier, even when the herpes virus is active in your system, you may have no noticeable symptoms. So even if no noticeable sore ever developed, what I felt could very well have been the virus becoming active in my system.

Unfortunately, I once developed a sore while traveling overseas. I had not had an outbreak for several years and hadn’t even thought about bringing my herpes medication with me. I had to endure several days of severe discomfort until I could get an appointment at a clinic and a local prescription. Because of that experience, I now make sure to carry my medication with me whenever I’m going to be away from home for more than a couple of days.

Even though I now have to keep certain medications in my house, and have to make sure to remember to bring them with me on trips, having herpes has NOT significantly changed my life. After being diagnosed, I was still able to do everything that I had done before being diagnosed.

Even my sex life did not significantly change. Yes, I had to have a little more in depth of a talk with potential partners before engaging in sex. But after the first couple of times, I got used to telling my partners that I had herpes, and it really wasn’t that big of a deal. Almost everyone I told was very understanding and even the one man who initially reacted badly eventually understood and dealt with it.

Contracting any STD is a frightening and embarrassing event. But many, many people have had or currently have an STD of some sort. Unfortunately, many people are also completely unaware that they have an STD, and that they risk infecting their partners with it during every sexual encounter. Fortunately, nowadays many STD’s can be cured with antibiotics. And even herpes, which is incurable, can be controlled with either daily medication for the more active infections, or as-needed medication for less active infections.

For herpes, there are currently three different medications that you can take:

Valtrex or its generic equivalent Valacyclovir
Famvir or its generic equivalent Famciclovir
Zovirax or its generic equivalent Acyclovir

According to several sources, approximately 1 in 4 or 5 women in America are infected with HSV-2, whereas only 1 in 8 or 9 men in America are infected with HSV-2. Sores on women can develop on the labia, in the vagina, on the cervix, around the anus, or on the thighs or buttocks. Sores on men can develop on the penis, scrotum, around the anus, or on the thighs or buttocks.

Herpes is a sexist disease. Not only do more women contract it than men, female symptoms are generally more frequent and significantly worse than male symptoms. Women are also more likely than men to have complications from herpes such as meningitis, encephalitis, and inflammation of the lower spinal cord. Also, if a pregnant woman contracts herpes or has a herpes outbreak late in her pregnancy, there can be potentially fatal consequences for her baby.

If you are afraid that you might have herpes or any other STD, get yourself tested. Even if you have no obvious symptoms of sickness, if you have had sex with more than one partner, or if your partner has had sex with other people, then it is a good idea to get tested, just to make sure you don’t have one of the sneakier STD’s. If you lead an at-risk lifestyle, it is a good idea to get tested regularly.

It is far better to know and to either cure or control the disease, than to continue in deliberate ignorance and run the significant health risks of an untreated STD. If left untreated, Syphilis, which is easily cured with antibiotics in its early stages, can cause significant damage to your heart, brain and other organs and, if left untreated, will eventually kill you. Even though herpes is in and of itself not deadly, there is evidence that those who have herpes are more likely to contract HIV than those who don’t. So knowing whether or not you have herpes or any other STD can be vitally important.

And please, if you know you have herpes (or any other STD), tell potential sexual partners about the risk of infection. It may be embarrassing to talk about having herpes before having sex, but consider how much more than embarrassing it will be when that partner comes back to confront you with a positive herpes test.

Having herpes is certainly not ideal, but few people’s lives are completely ideal. Being diagnosed with herpes does not have to ruin your life or even your sex life. It is possible to have a fulfilling life, including a fulfilling sex life while living with herpes.

For more information about herpes, check out these links:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001860/

http://herpes.emedtv.com/genital-herpes/genital-herpes.html

http://www.acog.org/publications/patient_education/bp054.cfm

http://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/guide/genital-herpes-overview-facts

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/genital-herpes/DS00179

http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/STDFact-herpes.htm