What do you see when you look in the mirror? Is the person who looks back at you happy? Sad? Are there changes that you would make? Would you give yourself a nose job? Face lift, tummy tuck, and gastric bypass? Or are you one of the few who are completely happy with how you look? I will be the first to admit I am not always happy with what looks back at me.

I am a big girl. Or plus size, voluptuous, BBW, or whatever term you choose to use. I know that some days are harder than others, and confidence fluctuates day by day. Sometimes even by the hour. One minute you can be walking along feeling great, and then someone gives you a look, and your back down. I know this feeling all too well. It helps when you have a constant confidence booster in your corner. Mine is my husband. No matter what I wear, no matter what I’m doing, how sweaty I am, with or without makeup, hair in a messy bun, or sweat pants (although he prefers I wear much less than that). He is always in my corner telling me I’m hot, beautiful, sexy, and gorgeous, and whatever else he can say to bring me back up.

I’ve had my struggles; the mirror is my best friend, and my worst enemy. Over the years I’ve learned how to dress up and play with my curves in clothes, not just cover and hide them. I’ve learned that my curves are beautiful and are a part of me. I have learned to stop putting myself down; I have stopped trying to be Beyonce, or Britney Spears or any of these other Hollywood types. Not everyone is built like that. And honestly, they work hard to keep their bodies that way.

See, I know there are people out there who are BBW, plus size, etc., who are with someone who does not appreciate them. There are people out there who think they are not deserving of love because of their size. The one person who comes to mind, is Ruby. She has a show on Lifetime. She has lost a lot of weight (from 800+ down to around 300). She doesn’t think she deserves love because of her size. She doesn’t think that someone could ever possibly love her because of her size. That’s so not true! I know there are lots of guys out there who love bigger women. Some will say we have more heart, more courage, more of the toughness that is needed to endure constant ridicule and rejection. See, us bigger girls have been through a lot. Mostly because of our weight.

There are many women who are overweight today because they were sexually abused as a child. They think the bigger I am, the less he will want me. And most of the time, it proves correct. Other cases are just genes, and the parents hound the child to not eat too much, to eat healthy, no candy or junk food, work out more, and don’t sit in front of the TV all day. The list goes on and on. Parents don’t think of what that can do to our already deteriorated self-esteem. And it doesn’t help us get in shape. We only feel worse about it, and then eat more. That brings in the eating when emotional. Then there are the people who won’t eat in front of anyone because they are afraid of what they might think. As if seeing a big person eat is so wrong.

I am here today to say that we, as plus size men and women, need to stick together and to be proud. Stand strong. Yes, there is controversy about whether or not you can be “healthy” and be plus size. I say, it is up to you and your doctor to decide what is right for you. Personally, having no medical issues such as high blood pressure, diabetes, or anything of the like is healthy. I drink water, and I am starting to exercise. Some of us are just predisposed to be a bigger size, thanks to family genes.

In any case, ladies and gentlemen, be you, be proud, be happy, let your personality shine through. Let no one bring you down. You are the only one in control of your happiness. Let no one else determine if you are going to be happy. No one has the right to take anything away from you; happiness is not something that others should have power over. You hold that power yourself.

Be strong, I know you have it in you.