Imagine for a moment that you have a lifetime supply of your favorite ice cream. For the purposes of this this scenario, let’s say it’s vanilla. You could live the rest of your days happily enjoying vanilla ice cream. You cover it with different toppings occasionally to spice things up. But what if you also enjoyed chocolate ice cream? While chocolate isn’t your favorite, you still get incredible cravings for it. Liking chocolate doesn’t make you appreciate vanilla any less, but sometimes you miss how different the flavor is. What do you do? Do you ignore the cravings? Do you give in and indulge in it? Do you make a swirl of the two? This is a similar scenario to the one that bisexuals face when in long-term relationships.

Sexuality is probably the hardest thing out there to define. While there are the three primary orientation labels of “straight,” “gay,” and “bisexual,” and the label of “pansexual” which is becoming more popular, there are so many more manifestations of sexual and romantic desires out there.

What would you label a man who was attracted to transsexual women, but not to men? What would you label a woman who primarily feels sexual desire towards women, but romantic attachment only to men? Even self-proclaimed straight women feel the desire to explore their sexuality with women. This concept gave rise to the book The Straight Girls’ Guide to Sleeping With Chicks by Jen Sincero. There is even a movie called ‘Kissing Jessica Stein’ about a straight woman who starts experimenting with a woman, ends up in a serious relationship with her, but ultimately goes back to dating men. Most people are also familiar with the Katy Perry song “I Kissed a Girl”, with the lyrics of “I kissed a girl and I liked it. I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it.” Another song with the same title by Jill Sobule takes a similar route, and is about two friends in heterosexual relationships who innocently take things to the next level. Where is the line drawn and what constitutes bisexual territory?

Bisexuality gets quite a bit of negative press, as bisexuals are seen by some as being “greedy,” or “wanting the best of both worlds.” Some even say that they are simply confused about their true sexuality. Even people who identify as gay have professed that they are wary of bisexuals. It is hard for many people to understand what it is like to be attracted to both genders in a significant manner. While there are several different ways of defining bisexuality, it is defined in Webster’s dictionary as “being sexually attracted to both men and women.” In reality, there is no scale or rating system for people to rate their sexuality on.

So what happens when a bisexual person ends up in a monogamous relationship? Sometimes, it can be quite difficult for someone who is attracted to both genders to stay completely happy and fulfilled in a relationship with just one person. For some bisexuals, the desire is always there. While their partner may satisfy their sexual needs as much as humanly possible, there is always the other side of the sexual world that remains untouched. While many men claim that they would love to see their woman with another woman, it doesn’t always end up like that when it comes to serious relationships. Awful issues, such as jealousy, rear their ugly heads.

When you are bisexual, there are more rules that come into the picture than traditional relationships. You have to redefine what “cheating” means in the context of your relationship. Sometimes, it’s that doing anything with another person is still considered to be cheating, and other times it’s that doing anything with the opposite gender of your lover “doesn’t count.” In the last scenario, boundaries have to be established as to the amount of disclosure needed to keep things on a safe level. All in all, being bisexual and in a monogamous relationship offers a lot of additional technicalities that homosexual or heterosexual relationships may not have.

I have identified myself as a bisexual long before I ever knew that there was such a thing. I remember feeling the first pangs of sexual attraction for both boys and girls. Being a girl, myself, I wasn’t quite sure why I was developing crushes on girls. When I finally discovered the different “versions” of sexuality, it made sense. There was no denying my attraction to women. I’ve never wondered about that or had to question it. I don’t think I have ever, in my entire life, classified myself as straight. The only questioning I’ve ever done is whether or not I’m attracted to men as much as I think I am.

My first sexual partner was a guy, and I’ve always dated men. However, the first person I let go down on me was a girl, and it wasn’t but a couple short years after my first sexual experience. I seemed to be getting into everything at the same time. While the memories of sex, for the first few years I was at it, are pretty blurry, I still remember every detail of my first real time with a woman. After that experience, I was completely convinced that I was 100% bisexual, and I could enjoy sex with a woman just as much, if not more, than I do with a man.

During my first ‘real’ relationship, which carried over from my senior year of high school to first year of college, I had the first experience of being in a monogamous relationship with a man and having sexual experiences with a woman. My boyfriend at the time had always told me he was perfectly fine with me having sexual encounters with women “as long as he could watch”, because “it’s really hot.” Well, at a party we were attending, things got pretty serious between a girl and myself in his presence, but he was more upset than anything else. He told me he didn’t like seeing me with anyone else, no matter who they were. I felt a little trapped by my sexuality after this.

In the years I was single after that boyfriend, I had quite a number of experiences with women. Most of the time, they were one-on-one, or with other women included. Threesomes were a rare thing. When I’m with a woman, I want just her. I want us in our own vibe. I want to be able to gloss over every detail of her female form. I want to make love like women do. I don’t want a man there trying to interrupt things. In fact, I’ve hurt many a male lover’s feelings by shutting the door on them while I was with a woman. Being with a woman is on a completely different level than being with a man. It’s a level I can’t help but want to be on.

My attraction to women doesn’t end there. While I’ve been more romantically attracted to men, I have been head over heels in love with a woman, but that love met its match when the girl I loved was also bisexual. She and I were very close friends who had an incredible chemistry. We were very sexual and romantic with each other. Sooner than later, she confessed to me that she met a guy she really liked. The two of them ended up dating, and as her best friend, I was always around them. I developed a dangerous attraction to him, as well, which completed the love triangle. The dynamics of the relationship were, that he and I were off limits from anything with each other. This was never discussed, but very much implied. It was hard to see (or hear) them be affectionate with each other. I wasn’t sure who to be jealous of. Eventually, when the love triangle came out in the open, the whole thing fell apart, and I was cast aside by two people I cared so deeply about. I was incredibly heartbroken over losing the only girl I’d ever loved and have loved since. Even though it has been years since then, my love for that girl is still fresh in my heart.

I’m now in another monogamous heterosexual relationship where my lover completely satisfies me as much as a man will ever be able to. Still, I have this overwhelming desire to be with a woman again, and I’m not sure what to do with it. He is open to us bringing other women into the bedroom, but a threesome isn’t what I’m looking for. I begin to wonder if I will able to be fulfilled by just one person. I’m not sure whether I should try to sedate my desires or ask his permission. The last thing I would want is for him to feel like I’ve cheated on him, or betrayed his trust. I also wouldn’t want him to agree to something that he was uncomfortable with. It’s all a very delicate situation.

While people may think that being bisexual is all about having fun and being able to experience the best of both worlds, sometimes it isn’t. It causes you to have to define your relationships differently. Sometimes, it causes you to sedate your desires or deny a part of your sexuality. I’d give anything to be on one side of the fence or the other, but that’s not me. I’m a bisexual, no matter how difficult it is to handle sometimes. It’s something I’ll never be able to deny.