So you want to get involved with your local BDSM club? Well, there’s probably a couple in your area and getting involved with a BDSM group is the easiest way to jump into what should be a great experience. It might make you a little nervous, but every group I’ve seen is very accepting and nurturing of the new players, and other experienced players really are your best source of information.

First off, I do suggest you attend anything with a friend if you have one that’s willing. It makes everything ten times more easy if you have the friend for support while you’re there. If you don’t, though, it’s no big deal. Even if you’re feeling shy, really try and branch out and speak with other members of the group.

So what exactly do BDSM groups do? Well, there’s usually two main things that a group will do. One is called a “munch” and the other is a “play party”. Some groups have other little meetings in between, but those aren’t a main aspect of any group.

A “munch” is just that friendly name for a public meeting. It makes it so you can feel safe attending a BDSM event because there won’t be any play going on. It will be held at a public restaurant such as a Perkins, so fetish wear is NOT accepted. While the group will most likely rent a conference room for privacy, they don’t want to draw non-kinkster’s attention, so just wear what you would if you were going out for groceries.

Once you arrive at a munch, just take a seat. There is rarely assigned seating, and if there is, someone will direct you to a spot. You’ll most likely order some food from the restaurant then there will be a wait while the kitchen processes your order. This is the best time to talk to some of the people around you. Just introduce yourself as new to this, and most will be happy to let you know what’s going on. After the waitress delivers your food, you’ll probably have a group discussion on a pre-determined topic such as roleplay, control issues, or something else that is BDSM-related. Join in on the discussion if you have something to say. Otherwise, just listen and absorb the wisdom. After the meeting, go ahead and stick around and talk to some of the members. See if you can make a connection. Then feel free to go home, or if you’re invited to an after-munch party, go to that.

A play party, on the other hand, is a much more formal event. First off, to attend a play party, you must have attended a munch or two. They don’t want total strangers coming in to a play party and risking all of the members. You see, BDSM can be considered high-risk because it’s still not widely accepted outside of the kink circles. It can get someone’s career in trouble, so they want to make sure all of their members are “legit” before playing near them.

Anyways, a play party is a great little gathering that will vary from group to group. I suggest you check your group’s website to see their exact rules. What it is, in general, though, is a place where couples and singles will get together from the BDSM group and have fun doing BDSM activities. BDSM activities usually include flogging, caning, spanking, sensual play, or possible edge play such as needle play. So isn’t that just a giant sex party? Well, no. Most BDSM parties will not allow any penetration of any sort, so don’t even try it unless you want to get kicked out.

Dress for a play party is much more lenient. Most will ask that you come in street clothing to the event to avoid extra attention but the parties will have bathrooms where you can change into whatever fetish clothing you choose. Most have a rule of “you must at least be wearing a thong”. Darker clothing is appreciated at BDSM parties since a couple will enjoy using blacklights to accentuate the atmosphere.

Play party etiquette is a big deal, though. Just because you’re at a BDSM party doesn’t mean that everyone is up for grabs. BDSM is a healthy and respect past-time. If you want to play with someone, you must ask they themselves (or if he/she’s owned, you must ask their owner.) This is why it helps to have been at a couple munches. You’ll normally have determined who is a couple after a couple of gatherings.

Be quiet near the scenes. Loud noises can easily throw the bottom out of their headspace and that’s just rude. Even if you see others talking, be above it and just quietly observe. On that note, also stay away from the scene. Give the Dominant plenty of room to move around so he/she doesn’t have to worry about you, and you don’t have to worry about being in the way of moving flogger tails. If you think the scene was enjoyable, wait until they’re done then approach and ask any questions or compliments. Most tops will happily give you advice or let you look at what they use.

When it comes to toys, don’t touch unless you’ve asked permission. Some of these toys can range in the hundreds, and Dominants can be very protective of their collections.

When it comes to most of it, just use common sense. Don’t touch if it isn’t yours, and respect other’s boundaries. If you have any questions, there’s always a Dungeon Master hanging around to make sure that all of the play is safe. If you mention to the DM that you’re new, they’ll give you a tour and tell you the rules.

All-in-all, just go to have fun. It’s a great atmosphere with accepting people as long as you respect those around you. They want to go to have fun as well.