I have to be the strangest Christian I’ve ever met. I voted against Initiative 26 in our state, not because I’m pro-abortion, but because there was just too much uncertainty in regard to how the government would eventually interpret it. That’s another article for another day, though.

I also think marijuana should be legal. I’ve known many fewer people to be killed by using marijuana than I have by alcohol or tobacco. I even know people who could benefit from its medical benefits for depression and Multiple Sclerosis. They won’t use it, however, because it’s illegal. I guess I just look for the positives in everything.

I said all that to get to this: prostitution should also be legal. While, as a Christian, I do think that sex belongs in a marriage between a man and a woman, and whatever you do is none of my business. I think you have a right to do what you want to. I’m not the one to judge you. If prostitution is how you make money to take care of your child, that’s your decision to make. People do it anyway, legal or not. The fact that it’s illegal keeps them from getting proper care. If a prostitute happens to get raped, can he/she go to the hospital and expect unbiased treatment from the hospital staff or police? I’m willing to bet that answer is no.

I doubt that I can give any perfect answers on what should be required of legal prostitution. I’m thinking there should probably be some sort of union, akin to how porn actors/actresses keep up with testing and whatnot. I know in the education realm, we have to pay dues to cover our liability insurance. I don’t know if maybe that would be something that should be required of prostitutes.
I do, however, think that mandatory STI testing should be instituted, both for the prostitute’s benefit and that of her clients. Perhaps quarterly testing would be a possibility, as well as the ability to go in and take a test any time the prostitute feels it’s necessary.

The union should probably have a customized healthcare plan so that any form of birth control the person desires is affordably available to them so as to prevent unintended pregnancies.

Most importantly, I feel that a person must be at least age 18, preferably 21, to work as a prostitute. I believe 18 is the age that one may sell his or her body as a nude model for Playboy or as an actor/actress in the porn industry. At that age, you are legally responsible for yourself, and hopefully have enough knowledge to keep yourself out of harmful situations.

My concern for individuals working in sex trades is being involved in sex trafficking. If you got in of your own free will, that’s fine, and you can walk away any day you want. On the other hand, if you were sold into the sex trade and belong to someone else beyond your will, there’s a higher possibility of depression, injury, or even death at the hand of your owner. Prostitution should definitely be a profession in which you work as a free agent.

I also don’t think people who purchase the services of a prostitute should be jailed. Maybe they just can’t get laid! As long as the person hiring treats the person hired with an agreed upon amount of respect and behaviors that have been discussed prior to meeting, what’s the problem? I’m sure that the prostitute wouldn’t have agreed to the meeting if he or she weren’t willing to go through with the acts.

Just because a person chooses prostitution doesn’t mean that person doesn’t have higher goals for his or her life. What if that person really wants to be a doctor someday, but the family can’t afford to send him or her to school? In our current economy, it’s not likely that a person would be able to get a good job with no education and save up the money to go to medical school.

So yes, I definitely think prostitution should be legal. I can only find reasons it should be, for the interest of those involved, rather than reasons it shouldn’t be. Legal or not, there will always be prostitutes. Legal or not, there will always be pot smokers. Legal or not, there will always be people who do the “wrong” thing. Morality is best left to God, in my opinion; He’ll deal with it when we get to Him.

I’m sure someone will have something to say about what a horrible Christian I am, but trust me, I’ve got my convictions just like you have yours. And I’m not gonna judge you for yours, so please don’t judge me for mine. I’m just glad to be back around and posting. I’m looking forward to be being back and posting and interacting with you fine folks!

I’ve been fielding some questions related to sexual confidence lately, mainly body image. Not necessarily because of the article I wrote for Eden Cafe on my personal body image, but because these people trusted me to be honest with them. Maybe someone else needs to hear it too, so I wanted to say it here for the masses. And this works for any couple, just adjust the verbiage as you read.

He doesn’t care about your pudgy spots. You’re in bed with him because you want to be. Maybe you love him, maybe you think you do, I don’t know what your reason is, but you wouldn’t be there if you didn’t want to be. Truth be told, he wants you there as much as you want to be there. There’s no reason to be self-critical of your body in this very moment. He’s not looking at the pudgy spot around your belly button or the wrinkle at your waist. I promise, he doesn’t care.

This is why God gave us lingerie. If you know you’re going to be preoccupied with the imperfections, cover them. Corsets, babydolls, teddies, crotchless body stockings, whatever, any of them could hide what you want to hide. Not enough cleavage? Put on a corset to push the twins up and together. Pudgy belly? Yay for babydoll nighties! Really, there is a plethora of lingerie for a reason: to flaunt what you have and to accommodate your imperfections.

A woman’s best light is… Candlelight, twilight, moonlight, no light…Dim the lights, and get to business. It’s hard to see a flaw if it’s hard to see period. It’s less likely that your partner will notice your “flaws” in the dim light. Also, dim light is more relaxing, and you’re able to focus on your feelings. The same thing goes for the fact that you can’t see what’s around you, like that dust on the shelf or the fingerprints on the mirror.

Flaws in diamonds are called “character flaws” for a reason. My mom’s engagement ring has a dark spot of un-diamonded carbon in it. It’s a teensy-tiny little character flaw, but that’s what makes her diamond one of a kind. The same could be said for your little pudgy spot. Who knows, your man may like to kiss it. Your lopsided breasts: he might only be concerned with motorboating them at that very minute. He doesn’t notice because he’s not looking for flaws. He probably won’t care even if you point them out. However, they’re your “character flaws”, and they make your body special.

I’m afraid I’m not doing it right. Did he run away? Did he scream while you were going down on him? Chances are, you’re doing quite well, and he just wants you to do it more often. Hand jobs and blow jobs are hard to mess up. It takes a lot to make an individual act unsalvageable. As long as there’s lubrication of some sort, and things don’t get dry, just keep that hand job going at a speed he likes. If he starts to get limp or go to sleep, you might want to speed up. If you’re going too fast or hard, he’ll probably whimper or say, “Baby, slow down a little.” I’m pretty sure he’s not going to let you do any damage. As for blow jobs, keep your teeth covered if you’re unsure as to whether you might bite. Otherwise, keep the pace to his liking and just pay attention to what he does, voluntarily or involuntarily, and he’ll be a happy fellow.

The only things that matters in sex are that you are present, both mentally and physically, and you are attentive to you and your partner’s needs. Don’t worry about anything other than making each other happy. When you’ve got that going, you’ve got a good thing.

I recently wrote another article, Birth Control: More Than Just Condoms and Pills, for EdenCafe on various available birth control methods. It came to my attention that I, unintentionally, included incorrect information. I also learned that I wasn’t the only one that thought the “Rhythm Method” and “Fertility Awareness” were the same thing. We have since learned that’s not the case.

I figured I’d write a bit of a follow-up article on various misconceptions in the realm of birth control. I’ve found out there are several common misconceptions about methods of birth control. Some have been passed off as fact by people intending to misinform others and possibly scare them into not using certain methods, or scare them into only using abstinence as birth control.

Birth control pills are effective immediately. You can take a single pill just before sex and you’re covered. Nope, you’ve gotta give it time to kick in. It’s generally recommended to take the first month’s pills, and use a backup method (condoms) in the process, until you have your first period.

You can take any medicine while on The Pill. Well, you can take it, but it might mess with the efficacy of your pills. Some OTC herbals like St. John’s Wort decrease effectiveness. Similarly, there are prescription meds that decrease the efficacy of the pill. The main offenders are antibiotics. Actually, my high school best friend conceived both of her beautiful children thanks to antibiotics.

You can’t get pregnant on your period. Sperm can live in the woman’s body for five days, so it’s possible for anything to happen. Just depends on when the woman ovulates.

You can’t get pregnant while breastfeeding. Oh, yes you can! And it happens pretty frequently to those who think you can’t. Breastfeeding does cause some hormonal changes in the woman’s body, and it may be more difficult to get pregnant, but it is, indeed, possible.

You can’t get pregnant the first time. Yep, you can. If you’ve had that first period, you are just as much Fertile Myrtle as anyone. It only takes once.

You can’t get pregnant if the guy pulls out. Yeah, uh-huh. Ever heard of or seen pre-cum? It’s that clear, sticky stuff that comes out of the penis during the erection and while it’s being played with (or thrusting in and out of you) and it does contain semen. It only takes one little swimmer to meet up with your egg to make a baby!

You can’t get pregnant if he never goes in. Another rumor! If you’re getting hot and heavy, riding on top of him, but without penetrating, sperm can still find their way into your vagina and into your body to make a baby. Also, if there’s spillage after anal sex, sperm can still find a way inside. This is another good reason to wipe front to back rather than back to front beyond simple cleanliness.

If you douche, you can’t get pregnant. Chances are, by the time you’ve made it out of the bed (or car, or wherever you did the deed) the sperm has already left the scene of the accident and is on its way to the egg. I’ve heard all sorts of things to douche with to prevent pregnancy, too. Don’t, no matter what or who said it, don’t douche with Sprite or tequila…really, people have told me they tried this. Just…no. Don’t douche with anything not made to go in your vagina.

“Rhythm Method” is the same as “Fertility Awareness.” Oops! This is one I even messed up on. The Rhythm Method assumes the length of a woman’s cycle and parks ovulation 14 days before the beginning of that cycle. Some women have 28 day cycles, some 35, others 21. Anything is possible. Not all women actually ovulate in that set time frame. This is where Fertility Awareness comes in. The woman monitors the shift of her cervix and change in mucosal viscosity, in addition to when her period arrives and leaves to determine her fertile days. In either method, though, it is the woman’s responsibility to know what is going on, and where she is in her cycle.

The boyfriend said he got a vasectomy, so I can’t get pregnant. Did he provide you some proof from a doctor, or a sperm count certification from a clinic? I would be not so quick to trust this one. If it’s true, and he loves you, or if he really wants it that bad, he’ll be willing to show you the proof.

I’m on The Pill, so I won’t get pregnant. Okay, but are you taking it 100% correctly, and with nothing interfering with the efficacy? The Pill must be taken at the same time every day and without missing doses. See the blurb about medications above. The only absolutely effective method of STD or pregnancy prevention is still abstinence.

I’m too old to get pregnant. As long as you have your period (barring surgical methods of contraception such as tubal ligation) you can get pregnant. After your period has ceased and desisted for a year, only then you are free of the risk of impregnation.

Plan B is the same thing as the Abortion Pill. Plan B (levonorgestrel) and RU486 are not the same thing. Plan B works within three to five days of failed contraceptives and before pregnancy is established. RU486 works only after a pregnancy is established and up to 49 days (seven weeks) after the last menstrual period.

Condoms are always effective. According to some statistics I saw, condoms are only actually used properly and effectively between 5 and 40% of the time. That’s insane! What are people doing, reusing condoms? Oh, and condoms don’t prevent HPV, no matter how effectively they are used. Honestly, this is new information to me. I figured the rate was a little higher for effective use. But I guess if you take into account all the drunk sex being had, that’s going to lower the number.

Use Saran Wrap or a balloon if you can’t find a condom. Wait, what? Saran wrap has microscopic holes in it, so that’s not effective. Balloons? Really? Those things break way easier than condoms. Plus, that’s just not safe, nor are they reliable. Please, be smart. You can get condoms at the health department for free, and somewhere near you there’s a 24-hour pharmacy. There’s no excuse for not having SOME sort of contraceptive.

You can’t get pregnant if you didn’t enjoy it. If the female’s on top, she can’t get pregnant. You can’t get pregnant if you have sex standing up. You can’t get pregnant in a swimming pool or hot tub. Some horny guys will tell a girl anything to get her in bed with him. Unfortunately, some girls will believe anything! Not saying there aren’t some girls that don’t turn this around on guys and say similar things. Perhaps, “if you don’t like it, you won’t make sperm.” Who knows. There are all sorts of lies out there. Be smart, both for yourself and others.

No matter what anyone tells you about contraception, take it with a grain of salt and do your own research. Whether that research comes from online comparisons, a quick phone call to your healthcare provider, or a stop by the health department, be smart about your decisions. When in doubt, just don’t. No one said you’ll die if you don’t have sex right then and there.

The Hubby and I have been married for over six years now, together for eight and a half. I love him dearly, but marriage isn’t always easy. It’s definitely something we have to work at. Our physical relationship is no different.

I’m not saying that, even though I call it work, it’s something I hate. I don’t always enjoy working on our relationship, that’s for sure, but it’s worth it to me in the end. We took vows to love and cherish each other, through good times and bad, until the end of our lives.

We have definitely had our ups and downs. Our marriage seems to have been one test after another, after another. All that stress does a number on one’s sex drive, too. And the lack of sex in a marriage, makes it that much more difficult.

Between the times when we don’t like each other (which means no sex), and the times that we’re freaking exhausted from whatever other stressors are going on (which means no sex), there’s honestly not a lot of sex being had here. Go ahead. Commence with the shock and gasps. Hello, my name is Teagan Shepard, and I’m a sex blogger, and I don’t have much sex with my husband.

But when we do have sex, it’s pretty great. Maybe it’s that absence makes the heart grow fonder thing. Who knows. But after so many years together, and hopefully plenty more to come, he knows my body almost as well as I do, and can do wonderful things to it. That works the other way around, too.

There are a few things, however, that we do to keep things interesting. I’ll try to provide a few suggestions. Feel free to implement them as you see fit. Some may work for you, some might not. Don’t get upset if it doesn’t. If it doesn’t work out for you at first, perhaps try it again if you are so inclined, but if not, no harm done. Right?

First, try a new position every now and then. If you always have sex in standard ol’ Missionary position, try changing the angle of the bottom’s legs. Try pulling one or both legs up in the air, either on the shoulders of the top, catching the headboard with your toes (my favorite), or use a sex sling to hold them up and you won’t have to do as much work!

Also, I like this Little (Bit Naughty) Book of Sex Positions. We actually bought this book on our honeymoon, and I still have it. There aren’t a whole lot of sex positions in it, but it’s pretty helpful in showing how to do them without being expensive. It’s in the $10 ballpark. Every once in a while we get it out and try something different.

There are lots of bedroom games you can try for a little something different. Even if it doesn’t end in a big ‘O’, you can still have a good laugh and have fun together. You might even learn something new about your partner!

Of course, you can always pick out some new lingerie. Sometimes, something as simple as a new nightie can make a date night steamy. Simply let your partner see you lay out what you are going to wear. Perhaps even let them see you get dressed. They’ll be thinking about undressing you all night!

And of course, what article for a sex toy store would be complete if I didn’t say that it’s quite alright to add in some sex toys, here and there! If you’re a first-time toy buyer, there are a ton of us around here that would love to help you out with choosing a good fit for your goals. I highly recommend starting with a good lube and a decent vibrator (one that’s not too large or phallic if you feel it might intimidate your partner) to introduce into partnered sex. Massage items aren’t a bad idea either, and may be a better bridge into other novelties for your particular situation.

I find it has been highly beneficial for us to take regular time without our precious Kiddo, such as date nights. Nothing works better for us, emotionally and physically, than getting away for a night or two to forget about stress and reconnect. It’s not far for us to run to the Gulf Coast or New Orleans, and spend a little time out with great food and atmosphere. We also recently went to Chicago to take in some Cubs and Bulls games. That was a wonderful time for us because we were able to focus on each other and have fun. Even if TSA did screw up some of my toys.

I really hope you find some tip (or tips) here that help you in some way. I wish you many more years with the love of your life, just as I am looking forward to growing old with mine.

I’m not a skinny chick. But I’m also not the fattest chick I’ve ever seen. I’m not that lady in Wal-Mart, on the scooter with my belly hanging out of my muu-muu. However, my inner skinny chick is wanting some attention. More on that in a few minutes.

I’ve always been a chunky girl. Always. I came into this world over the 8.5lb mark, and now I’m a solid 3X in the women’s department, at 27 years old. But, I’m fat and happy. It’s taken me a long time to get to where I didn’t hate myself for my size. I just wish there were more affordable options for ladies my size. I did luck out at Goodwill the other day on some cute dress clothes cheap.

As I was growing up, my mom (a plus-sized woman herself) always gave me fits about my size and not fitting the clothing, in whatever department I was “supposed to be in.” However, I was never unhealthy, so my doctor never really fussed. Mom just didn’t want me to become what she was. So much for that, huh? Yay, heredity.

I’m a good bit more overweight now than I ever was. I have a condition known as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (or PCOS), which has a lot of issues related to it. My mother-in-law is a nurse and is therefore an “expert”. She says if I just go on a diet, the weight will magically shed away. I’ve done everything within my budget to try to lose weight. I’ve dieted, I’ve exercised, I’ve added medications to the mix…short of surgical remedies, nothing has worked. I’m finally okay with that. Eventually, I would like to lose the weight, but it’s not something I’m stressing over right now. I’ve got no blood pressure or heart problems, no joint problems, no diabetes, none of that.

However, this is where my inner skinny chick side is trying to make herself evident. I know she’s in there, and I will let her out one day. As soon as I get through my requirements for this final year of college, I’m going to take some time for myself and get some things done. Weight is one thing that will be tackled! The inner skinny chick is dying for a bikini and a beach this time of year. She always begs for it this time of year. One day, she’ll get it. Maybe, one day, I’ll get to live a lot closer to the beach, and the sand, and the water than I do now. At this point, I don’t know precisely what the future holds.

I’ve finally come to the point where, this is my body, I’m responsible for myself, and nothing that anyone else says (that’s not a health expert that knows my charts) really matters. I hate to see young girls in my family (who I feel may have the same issues) get put down by older family members. I hope they take the time to see and understand that sometimes backing up from the table and biking five miles a day isn’t enough for some people.

Next time you start to make fun of someone for their size, please consider that maybe there are underlying problems that aren’t as easy to fix as you might think. Maybe, although they aren’t healthy, they’ve come to terms with the same things I have.

Birth control is not limited to “prevention of pregnancy.” Birth control involves contraception and prevention, as well as fertility control and family planning. What option is “right” for a woman or a couple at one stage in their life may not be right further down the line, and methods can be changed as necessary.

There are tons of options available for women (and men, too) to consider when pondering which birth control option is best for them. There are hormonal, barrier, rhythm, and surgical methods, and multiple variations of each. The only sure-fire pregnancy preventer for a fertile woman (which also prevents STDs), however, is abstinence. I do not classify abortion as birth control, although some people do use it as such.

Abstinence is pretty self-explanatory. Abstinence means one abstains from sexual activity. I, personally, define abstinence as a complete avoidance of sexual activity whether it could lead to pregnancy or not. Completely abstaining from sexual activity is the only way to avoid conventional transmission of STDs.

Most commonly, there are hormonal pill birth control options such as Ortho Tri-Cyclen and Seasonique. The hormone combinations and strengths vary according to the individual’s and physician’s preferences. One of the primary reasons for using daily hormonal birth control is to know exactly when one’s period is going to set in. It is possible to use pills to “reschedule” one’s period for convenience. It is also possible to use pills that are packaged in such a format as to only have four periods per year. The biggest concern in using daily hormonal birth control, is taking it consistently at the same time every day. Failure to do this may result in spotting. Skipping pills can lead to pregnancy or triggering a period.

A fellow blogger prefers the Pill as a reminder that she is responsible for her future, not someone else. “I think part of it is knowing I have to be fully responsible for my own situation. If I take a pill every day, I’m visually reminded every time that I’m making a decision to put synthetic hormones into my body. I know that if I miss a day, there’s no one to blame but me. It’s also a great way to start a good habit, by setting myself alarms and working hard to make sure I have my pills on me wherever I might be at midnight.” -Duskinchains.com

In addition to pills, there are hormonal options such as Depo-Provera, Implanon, NuvaRing, Mirena, and Ortho Evra. Depo-Provera is a shot administered by a healthcare professional every 12 weeks. Depo has been known to lead to weight gain, which is less than desirable for certain women who are self-conscious or already have a tendency to not be able to lose weight.

Implanon is a hormone-emitting rod implanted in the arm that protects against pregnancy for three years. It generally has no long-lasting effects (other than possible scarring at the site of placement) and typically, one is able to quickly conceive after removal.

NuvaRing is a hormone-emitting vaginal ring that the user removes after three weeks of wear, followed by an off-week (similar to 21/7-day pills), and then replaces a new ring for another three weeks. The effects of NuvaRing after discontinuing use are similar to regular daily hormone pills.

Mirena is a hormone-emitting intrauterine device (IUD) inserted by a healthcare professional, that is effective for up to five years. Generally, conception doesn’t take long after discontinuation.

Ortho Evra is a transdermal patch (similar to nicotine patches) that allows hormones to absorb into the body and are replaced weekly.

All of these hormonal options have good odds of becoming pregnant after use, but with varying degrees on the length of time in which the body resumes capability of conceiving. For some people, it is preferable to use one of the above methods so as to prevent forgetting to take a pill or wear a condom.

For those who prefer non-hormonal birth control, there are several options as well. Primarily, condoms. Condoms come in many forms. There are latex, polyisoprene, and lambskin materials, lubricated, non-lubricated, scented, unscented, and even glow-in-the-dark. I have even seen pictures floating around the internet of condoms with application strips for putting them on.

There are only a few risks with using condoms, most of which are greatly preventable with a little attention to how you care for them between purchase and use. Carrying them in your glove compartment or wallet isn’t a good idea because the heat and friction can wear them down causing them to be less effective. Keep them in a cool dark drawer in the bedroom, or in a special case in your purse or pocket when you anticipate you might need them.

Other barrier methods are for female use: the diaphragm and the female condom. Both are insertable objects that cover the cervix and prevent entry of sperm into the uterus. A diaphragm is fitted by a healthcare professional, while female condoms are available without a prescription. The diaphragm is typically made of a rubbery material, and female condoms are similar to male condoms, only with a harder but flexible plastic ring that keeps it in place inside the vagina.

Then, there is the rhythm method. The rhythm method involves keeping track of the woman’s cycle and avoiding (or increasing) sexual activity during her more fertile days. Basal temperature, mucus thickness, and time of the month are all factors in this rhythm method. This is acceptable for women whose bodies work like a clock. This isn’t the case with mine, so I don’t trust it. I believe this is the only method officially accepted by the Catholic church (but I reserve the right to be wrong).

There are also surgical methods of birth control. The most permanent is a tie between removal of the ovaries or uterus or both. Can’t bake a bun if ya got no oven! Besides that, there is tubal ligation for women, also known as “having your tubes tied.” They’re not so much tied in a knot as the doctor goes in and cuts the fallopian tubes and sews the severed ends closed. Sometimes this reverses itself, and sometimes the doctor can go in and reverse it if there’s not too much scar tissue. For the men, there is the vasectomy, which is similar and also reversible. The vas deferens, or tubes that bring sperm from the testicles, are severed and sealed in a similar fashion to the tubal ligation.
Finally, the male can be neutered. I do have a friend who has seven children, and he opted to have this done in addition to his wife’s tubal ligation.

Finally, the least effective method is “coitus interruptus,” otherwise known as “pulling out.” What some young individuals don’t realize is that there is some semen in “pre-cum”, as well as what is in ejaculate. It’s not as much, obviously, but it only takes one little swimmer to make a baby.

Obviously, making a decision on which birth control option is best for you, is a discussion that should be had with both your partner and your physician. It needs to be a decision that everyone approves and agrees on, rather than just springing a decision on someone. If one partner wants more kids and the other is undecided, something that can be long term but reversible may be a better choice than daily contraceptives. If both partners are sure that they don’t want children, something more permanent may be in the cards.

Financial concerns are definitely part of the equation, as well. Some procedures can be much more expensive than some of the hormonal options, and insurance might not cover as much as one would like, due to the desired service being an elective procedure rather than a medical necessity. One must definitely weigh her options against her future desires before committing to any form of birth control.

Most Americans are in favor of including contraception and contraceptive counseling in the Affordable Care Act — so why be worried it might be left out? Recent attacks on reproductive freedom from funding for Planned Parenthood to legislative initiatives to restrict access to abortion give good cause for concern. For more information check out Sexcult: Will Common Sense Contraception Without Co-Pay Be Derailed by Crazy? on SexIs Magazine.

When we first got married, I was only well-versed in The Pill and The Rubber. I used The Pill for two and a half years before Kiddo came into the picture. They were quite effective as long as I was on a proper dose. Turns out, the state family planning program didn’t offer a pill strong enough for my body, and the one the provider assured me was going to be effective only took me three months to get pregnant on. Oh well, I’m not complaining. He’s a wonderful addition to my life.

Since his birth, we’ve only used condoms. I lost too many brain cells during pregnancy to remember to take a pill every day, and rather than be spotting and bleeding most of the time from that, we’ve opted to use condoms. Lately, we’ve been considering changing what we do. Turns out, even though we like Skyns, Hubby is just turned off by using condoms. He doesn’t hate them, but he’s not their biggest fan.

As I was writing another article of varying forms of birth control, it came to my attention that Mirena didn’t work as I assumed it did. Guess what happens when you assume? It’s true… Why I thought that Mirena implanted across the fallopian tube’s entrance to the uterus is beyond me. This was a concern to me because I only have one ovary and fallopian tube (since birth) and I didn’t want to finish off what chances I had of conceiving later on. I guess I could’ve asked my new provider about that, huh? After seeing a pic of how Mirena is placed in the uterus, I have decided that Mirena is going to be the new “drug of choice.”

Mirena is inserted by a healthcare professional into the uterus, with strings left hanging out to check positioning. It is possible that Mirena can move and implant in the uterine lining and cause some problems, so it does need to be monitored for any unusual pain or shifting. If you notice something out of the ordinary, contact your provider. Otherwise, it’ll be checked at your usual visits. A follow-up visit is required within the first four months of use to check positioning and bleeding patterns. If longer use is desired, it should be replaced every five years.

Mirena is a great option for women in monogamous relationships where there are no STD concerns. It is also great for the woman who already has children and would like to put space between the existing child and future offspring without worrying about taking a pill at the same time every day, or worrying about a condom breaking, or not having one when the moment is right. This is definitely why I’m wanting to change to Mirena. I love Kiddo, and I want Kiddo to have at least one sibling, now is just not the time for us. This will alleviate all the concerns we have regarding contraception.

As Mirena is a hormone-releasing product (levonorgestrel), any concerns you have regarding hormonal birth control should be addressed with your provider prior to insertion of Mirena. Also, discuss the risks with your provider of having an IUD inserted into your uterus, and what to watch for in terms of symptoms of movement of the device or ectopic pregnancy.

Even if you’re in a monogamous relationship, there is potential for sex to be less than safe. There are several things that can happen that aren’t sexual that can transfer STDs/STIs. It’s important to keep a check on your sexual health and that of your partner. In this article, I have compiled a list of STDs that can be transmitted without sexual contact. This is by no means an excuse for someone who has contracted one of these STDs through sexual contact to lie to their partner.

This topic particularly interested me because I’ve had several different roommates in college that had “girl issues” that made us extra careful not to mix our clothing, bedding, toiletries, etc. I loved the girls dearly and keep in touch with them to this day, but writing this article gives me a different perspective on dealing with and preventing the spread of infection.

HIV is beyond the shadow of doubt the worst STI/STD to contract. It can be transmitted through contact with infected blood or other body fluids. Also, it can be transmitted through the sharing of contaminated IV drug needles. There is no known cure for HIV, but AZT has been known to slow down the progression. Other illnesses can be easily contracted due to the suppressed immune system and must also be treated accordingly.

Hepatitis B (HBV) is another very risky infection that can be transmitted sexually or non-sexually. Receiving contaminated blood or blood products is a primary method of transmission. HBV can also be contracted through the use of non-sterile body piercing and tattoo equipment, or sharing IV drug paraphernalia. HBV can be outside the body for a week and still be able to cause an infection. Healthcare and public safety workers are at a higher risk for catching this infection due to the handling of bodily fluids. HBV is responsible for approximately 6,000 deaths a year, mostly due to liver failure as a result of the infection. There isn’t a known cure for HBV, and it tends to clear up on its own within four to eight weeks from onset. However, some people do become chronically infected.

Crabs, or pubic lice, can be contracted through sharing infected bedding, towels, clothing. In other words, pretend your college roommate is infested with crabs. If you share his/her clothes or towel, it’s possible to contract his/her crabs. Then, it’s possible to give it to your partner. Symptoms are itching and irritation in the pubic region. Proper laundering of infected garments is necessary, and crabs can be treated with a topical lotion and shampoo containing Permethrin.

Herpes Simplex I & II can be contracted through oral contact. Swapping mouth juices can lead to a transmission of Herpes. This swapping of saliva can be from sharing toothbrushes, drinking after each other, and other methods. Symptoms are generally sores on the mouth or genitals. There’s no known cure for herpes, but breakouts can be controlled with Acyclovir.

Molloscum Contagiosum can be transmitted through close contact. Symptoms of this are small, shiny bumps that have a core, over the genitals, buttocks, thighs, and lower abdomen. It’s generally treated by removing the bumps with liquid nitrogen or removing the core with a sterile needle.

Scabies is another infection that can be transmitted simply through close contact with an affected person. Symptoms include a severely itchy, red rash. A topical lotion and shampoo made with Permethrin or Lindane are prescribed, as well as thorough laundering of contaminated clothing, bedding, towels, etc.

Trichomoniasis, or trich, can be spread through contaminated washcloths and towels. Symptoms include excessive and colored vaginal discharge in woman, as well as vaginal pain and itching. It is also possible to show no symptoms at all. In men, there may be inflammation of the penis, including the urethra, foreskin, and/or glans, or there may be no symptoms at all. Treatment includes antibacterial medication. This infection is potentially dangerous to pregnant females. Potential effects include low birth weight for the baby, a premature rupture of the mother’s membranes, and early delivery, all of which are incredibly risky for mother and baby.

In the event you or your partner become infected with one of these STIs/STDs, there are several things you need to do. It is in everyone’s best interest that all of the following be done.

Primarily, you need to be honest with your partner. Even though it is possible to get these infections through non-sexual contact, it’s likely to be quite a shock to your partner. He or she may be skeptical and accuse you of cheating. You still need to be honest about your infection so that he or she is prepared for your treatment and can be tested themselves.

Next, you need to be cautious not to transmit the infection to your partner. Use barriers or abstinence methods until the infection is cleared, and you have the go-ahead from your healthcare provider to resume normal sexual activities. It is much better to halt the infection rather than to keep passing it back and forth. Use barriers such as latex condoms and dental dams, as these are impermeable to bacteria. Plastic wrap is not an acceptable barrier for preventing STDs/STIs as it has micro-holes that allow moisture to escape during food storage and could allow bacteria to pass through as well.

Finally, you must get treatment. Although some of the infections go away on their own, most require some form of medical treatment. It is very important to heed the advice of your healthcare provider regarding the treatment for your particular infection. Sometimes medicines interact with other medicines in a way that isn’t pleasant, but the medicines can be worked with in a way that enables you to complete the course of treatment with as little discomfort as possible. What is most important is that you finish the treatment!

Another thing that I would advise: refrain from using your toys while you are battling an infection. I would imagine that, even though most of today’s toys are easily sterilized with bleach, boiling, etc, it would provide greater piece of mind knowing you didn’t contaminate your toys. I doubt I would ever be able to look at my toys in the same way again if I knew they’d been contaminated with an STI/STD, no matter how much sanitizing I did. No amount of bleaching, boiling, or trips through the dishwasher could remove the stigma from my beloved silicone toys. Eww, let’s not even discuss infecting a jelly toy.

If you suspect you have been exposed to any of the above infections, test early and often with your healthcare provider. If you can’t afford the co-pay or don’t have insurance, visit your local health department or Planned Parenthood office for sliding scale services. Some other healthcare providers offer sliding scale services as well, and all healthcare professionals should deal with your case with the utmost class, privacy, and without prejudice. It doesn’t matter how you contracted the infection, it’s just important that you take care of your body.

For more information on STDs/STIs and treatments, visit the following websites:

Feminist Women’s Health Center – a great chart of STDs, symptoms, causes, and treatments.
STDs in Color – More in depth than FWHC and with rather graphic and disturbing images of STDs.
Centers for Disease Control – Information and statistics on STDs.
Planned Parenthood – STD and testing information.

To the men that might float around:

If you tell your whole family that you are dating a specific woman and intend to marry her and start a family, you spend four nights a week in their bed and she’s with you the other three days, and the whole time she is buying your clothes and paying your bills, she is either your girlfriend or your Sugar Mama.

When you turn around and say “We’re just talking,” and you proceed to start dating other people while retaining the benefits of having her around, that makes her your Sugar Mama.

If she agrees to this arrangement without requiring your loyalty, then more power to her. This arrangement works quite well for some people, so I am not one to judge what you do in your private life. Frankly, I long for companionship and love for a lifetime, as opposed to just being in the picture when times are good or someone has an extra dollar to spend.

If you are doing this behind her back, then you are quite possibly the biggest piece of trash ever. No woman deserves to think she is your world when, in reality, you are using her money and/or body for your selfish purposes. Face it, if you think you deserve her money, she deserves your complete candidness when it comes to where your relationship is headed. No woman deserves to be treated like that. Don’t come to me to help you find another woman until you have defined that relationship. Same goes for Sugar Daddies.

To the ladies:

If you find yourself unwittingly in this situation, implement the RLH plan. Run. Like. Hell. I understand that this arrangement works for some people, but if you didn’t plan on being a Sugar Mama, don’t get sad and feel bad.

Face up to the fact that you got used, kick him to the curb, and find a guy worth your time and effort. You are more than an enabler; you are a lover, a nurturer, and a woman with feelings: you deserve to be treated as such!

If this arrangement works for you and you still didn’t know what he was up to, you should reconsider the relationship. If you are spending all your time and effort on a guy who doesn’t care enough about you to be honest with you, what will happen in the future? How many other women is he using or has he used in the past? What’s his history? What’s his future? Where will that leave you down the road if you decide it’s time to have a real relationship, whether it’s with him or someone else? Will he take the fact that your relationship has changed as “ok, that’s fine, do whatever,” or “you’re just gonna quit taking care of me?” Is he gonna stalk you for the rest of your life? These are just some things you need to consider.

But please, by all means, if all this blows up in the face(s) of either one of you, don’t come crying to me.

When I was in high school, there wasn’t a “sex ed” program. What you learned, you picked up in bits and pieces in different classes. You learned some in anatomy, but only that there is a penis and vagina, and that sexual intercourse potentially introduces sperm to ovum and creates a baby. In family dynamics, you watched the “here comes the baby” video from 1974 and carried around the “Baby Think it Over” doll. Oh, and sex causes STDs and STPs (Sexually Transmitted Pregnancies). In Psychology, you learned that there is an attraction between males and females, and in Sociology you learned about male and female roles and dating rituals.

Not once did I hear about a clitoris or frenulum, nor was I shown a condom or diaphragm. Not even from my mom. She bought me a book from Time-Life on puberty and sexual maturity. The only discussion she and I had was in regard to rape: that if I said “no” to unwanted touching and physical intimacy and someone kept pushing, that was called rape, and I had to go to the hospital immediately. The only time my mother ever discussed sex with me was just weeks before my wedding. Even then, she only told me (in not so many words) “the first time is gonna hurt like a bitch.” Forget the fact that my hymen was gone years before from tampon use and soccer, according to my gyno.

Outside of high school, and before I got married, I learned a lot from the internet. The only penises I’d ever seen were still contained in diapers. Lo and behold, you can find a lot of them online, and they’re all different: cut, uncut, long, short, skinny, wide, funny, and intimidating. Same goes for vaginas: hairy, hairless, trimmed, designed, loose-lipped, less-lipped, tight, and floppy. And diagrams. I love diagrams. I learned about all the different little parts from online diagrams, too. Even my mom didn’t know that a corona can be more than a beer. I think frenulums are just the coolest thing ever, and my husband didn’t know he had one. Well, he knew it was a really sensitive spot, but not that it had a name.

I guess my school thought that if we didn’t concertedly talk about sex and taking precautions, then we wouldn’t have sex. I don’t think that really worked out. The day we graduated, about ten percent of our girls were already mothers, and five to ten percent were pregnant.

One would think that when I got to college, I’d go buck wild. Guess what? I didn’t. I was actually one of the most reserved girls in my dorm. But even then, I did love to talk to the other girls about their sexual experiences. I guess I lived vicariously through them. One of my best girl-friends always said “You’re just a nympho that’s still a virgin.” I guess she was right.

Rather than rushing to find out what I was missing, I took my time to learn what I was setting myself up for. When I met the right man for me, I knew. When “that time came,” I didn’t have to ask anyone if I was ready, I just knew. I knew that sex put me at risk for infections, pregnancy, and heartbreak. And I’m glad to say that I got no STDs, unwanted pregnancies, or broken hearts as a result of sexual involvement with others.

Do I think my school did a shoddy job of teaching us about the “dangers” of sex? Absolutely! Do I think schools should teach sex ed to some extent? Yes. Abstinence-only? Absolutely not. Responsibility? Of course! At the same time, are the schools responsible for doing the parents’ jobs? No. My mom didn’t do a good job teaching me about sex either. I thank the internet and my peers for educating me, and allowing me to make my own decisions.

Does this way of learning about sex work for everyone? Obviously not. A lot of the people I graduated with have dealt with negative repercussions as a result of hasty and risky sexual behaviors. Unfortunately, the situation at my old school hasn’t changed. Lives are still being ruined early by misinformed young people. My heart hurts for them, and I know that sex can be a wonderful thing when it’s right. But when it’s wrong, it can be painful emotionally, physically, and maybe even for the rest of your life. I can only hope that things will change as our local culture evolves.