My favorite part about the holidays, was always having the traditions and knowing what was coming, and what we would be doing. It was always the same, yet still special every year. Even as a married adult, not living at home anymore, I try to keep most of the tradition alive. I’ve had to make changes of course, but Thanksgiving and Christmas just don’t feel special if there is not some sort of tradition still there.

I used to love waking up Thanksgiving morning and smelling the turkey in the roaster and the beans in the oven and freshly baked pies. YUM! I would always get up and help mom set the table and finish up the potatoes and stuffing and vegetables. I was always a big help to my mom, with everything. I remember family starting to arrive around lunch time. Everyone socializing and catching up. It was usually just immediate family, mom, siblings, grandmother, but sometimes an uncle or cousins would join. Then gathering around the table to feast, not eat, but feast on all the wonderful food we had. As always, we would all eat too much. Grandmother always was the one to ask us what we are thankful for. I remember always saying I was thankful for my mom, having a place to live, good food to eat, and a loving family. It was always the same.

Now, being married, thanksgiving is still somewhat traditional, however the group has gotten bigger, always including cousins and their spouses, along with my husband of course. Now instead of getting up to help my mom fix food, I usually am bringing food over. Instead of greeting family and welcoming them into my house, I’m being welcomed into my mom’s house, my old home. It’s still the same food, same socializing, and grandmother still always asks what we’re thankful for. We have just had to change the traditions up a bit. Most of the tradition is still there, making it still as special to me. Unfortunately, or fortunately, however you look at it, now on thanksgiving we usually have to go to three different places. All in one day. Three large meals, all in one day. Luckily we usually split it up, one around lunch, one mid afternoon, and one dinner.

Christmas was always full of so much tradition. That of course, has also changed over the years, but there’s still a lot of it there! I remember Christmas Eve, always getting a coloring book to keep me busy until I could finally fall asleep. That tradition faded by the time I hit my teens, but I’ll never forget it and hope to continue that with my kids. Also on Christmas Eve, we always got new pajamas to wear to bed, and they usually got worn until lunchtime the next day! Thankfully, this tradition is still in place! My mom still gets me new pajamas every year. However, unless I go to her house on Christmas Eve, I don’t get them until Christmas day.

Christmas day was always the same every year. We weren’t allowed to open any presents until everyone was up and showered and ready to go, but we were allowed to get into our stockings as soon as we got up. Then once all the parents and adults were up and dressed and ready with cameras or coffee, then we spent the morning opening gifts. The kids always went at the same time. Then grandmother would always go, and then the parents usually waited until last. After opening gifts, all the kids changed into their new clothes and played with their new toys, while the adults finished up lunch. Then after lunch, we just all hung out together and talked and played with our new stuff.

Christmas is still the same, in most ways, but very different in others. Since being married, I hate showing up on Christmas morning to my mom’s house. It’s just not the same as waking up there and opening gifts in my pajamas. One year, my husband and I tried staying the night at my mom’s house Christmas Eve, and I loved it, but we got problems from his family for that. So now I just get up extra early and wear my pajamas to my mom’s, and it’s as close to tradition as I can get.

We are still trying to perfect our Christmas schedule, because we have so many families to see. We still try to keep the holidays as traditional as possible, but as life changes, so do traditions. I know when we have children our traditions and holiday schedules will change again. I want to keep some traditions going, and make new traditions when we have a family of our own though, because that was what I really looked forward to at the holidays. Always knowing what was coming. Tradition is just special to me, and I hope to make tradition and the holidays special for my future children also.

Body image has always been an issue for me, for most of my life. I was a small, thin child, but from 6th grade through 10th grade, I was considered “chubby”. Somehow between 10th and 11th grade, I lost about 50 pounds and was thin for the start of my junior year. For once, I felt beautiful and healthy. I felt like I actually had a chance of getting a boyfriend. I stayed thin through my junior and senior year. I even finished high school with a real boyfriend. My first ever boyfriend that actually took me out on dates. We even attended prom together. Only a year and three months after graduating high school, we were married and have been together ever since. Going on three years now.

The day I got married, even though I had gained back about 15 pounds by then, I still felt beautiful. It is one of the only days of my life I remember “feeling” beautiful. I know that’s how it is supposed to feel, but I really did not expect to feel that way. My dress fit very well, and it was so long and flowy, that it was perfect on me. I didn’t bother going tanning, I didn’t hardly wear much makeup at all, yet I still felt the most beautiful I had felt in my entire life. It could have been because I knew it was “my” wedding day, and I didn’t really care what people thought of me, or maybe it was because I was just so happy, I wouldn’t let something like my appearance get to me.

After getting married, as I’ve heard many people experience, I gained quite a bit of weight. I honestly gained about 80 pounds from what I was in high school. Luckily I’m currently staying about the same weight, but I’m having trouble losing it.

I view myself as large. Not just “chubby” anymore, but large. I am to the point I hate getting pictures taken with my husband, because I look like a mountain next to him. I can’t even take a headshot of the two of us together anymore, because I have such a “chubby” face including the double chin. I can’t buy the cute clothes because I need too big of sizes. My clothes aren’t ugly, but I get more of the big and baggy type shirts to hide my stomach. I don’t even feel comfortable going without my glasses, because I feel it makes my face look chubbier.

Body Image in my opinion, is not only weight related though. It’s anything to do with images and how I see myself. I hate my dark pink stretch marks all over my stomach, caused by weight gain. I hate that people always assume I’m pregnant and make comments, and then I have to explain to them, “I’m just fat, not pregnant”. I hate my skin, and my awful, frequent break-outs. Not only on my face, but now recently also my chest. I hate my big, bushy, dark eyebrows that are hard to take care of. I hate my smile and my crooked teeth, behind thin lips. The list could go on and on.

As you can see, I don’t feel I have a very good body image. So why then, does my husband tell me all the time how gorgeous and beautiful I am? How can he look at me naked and still find me sexy? I have trouble answering these questions, because it amazes me that he can still view me as a sexy woman. His view of “body image” is everything all put together. The whole package. Not just appearance, but personality, heart and brain.

I love that my husband can still look at me and get turned on. I love that he likes me to go around the house in small skimpy clothing, or even no clothing at all. I love when he tells me during sex how beautiful I am. I love when we get dressed up to go out for a nice dinner, that he is proud to still show me off. I love that he’s not ashamed of me or my size or my looks.

Body image to me, has always been how I feel about my appearance. When in reality, body image, should be how I feel about myself overall. The whole package. I’m a smart woman, I have a kind heart, I love my job, I want to be a good mommy someday, I’m funny when I want to be, I’m shy and quiet, but I state my opinion when I feel like it. These are all good qualities about myself and things that I am proud of. When I think about my body image, I should think about the whole package. Not just the appearance, but the brain and the heart below that. I know my husband loves the whole package, so shouldn’t I?