My breath came heavy as I watched him set up the video camera on the nightstand, I had never done this before, and while I was quite comfortable with my body and my sexuality I was still quite nervous. After a few seconds (that felt like hours) he crawled towards me with that wicked smile I loved so much. I watched him move towards me with a wanton anticipation that was killing me; I reveled in it.

“Are you ready” He spoke gently and playfully.

God, the sound of that man’s voice rings through me like a giant bell. All that could escape my lips was a breathy ‘yes’ in response. I can hear the hum from the camera as I watch his face move to between my thighs and plant sweet kisses along the inside of my legs. His tongue caresses the crease between my thigh and the cleft of my pussy. I shiver and arch my back, trying to coax him to delve into those folds further. He stops and looks up at me playfully saying, “In time.” He continues to lick, kiss and nibble all around my thighs and pussy. Slowly he parts me with his strong tongue and flicks my clit quickly, making me moan loudly. As he picks up his pace, he slides a deft finger deep inside me before quickly moving up my body, both of his hands running up my sides, moving up to my breasts, toying with my nipples.

As he pinches and rolls my hard nipples between his fingers, I lose myself in the sensations. His mouth devouring my folds, his hands rough against my breasts. I forget all about the camera and all sense of time and space. My head is spinning, my back arches, my hips buck against his mouth as I am brought to a earth shattering orgasm. After a moment of getting my breath back I am being coaxed onto my hand and knees. He is kneeling behind me, his hard cock pressed against my wet opening. Slowly he enters me, fills me. I bite my lip and push against him, trying to pull him farther inside me. His pace is slow but strong. My back arches as my already sensitive pussy is again being brought to climax, slowly but surely. I start to move my hips in time with his thrusts, bring myself up to meet him, our pace starts to move faster and faster. My Halloween manicured nails rake over his shoulders and down his back as I scream out his name. As my world starts to spin and I can feel myself explode, he throws back his head and growls, having found his release as well.

We lie there for a moment, basking in the afterglow, before I move to turn off the camcorder. That will go in the archives for later viewing and is a check on my sexy bucket list. I think to myself and wonder what other naughty things we can get into.

My name is Rose, and I am the other woman and have been for years now. Not only have I helped someone cheat, I have cheated on partners of my own to be with this person. I have warned guys upon entering a relationship with them that I will sleep with this person given the chance, but they seem to just shrug it off and not believe me, then act totally appalled when it happens. This just recently affected the relationship I was in. When I went to visit family, (the aforementioned person, who we will now refer to as John) John’s family, for Thanksgiving the shit hit the proverbial fan. I have been close to his family for years. They treat me like one of their own. Well when I arrived I got a surprise, John was there. A pleasant surprise, but a surprise none the less, He was up here alone, wife stayed behind to stay with her family. So, the inevitable happened.

Well after an awesome week together he had to head home to the wife, and I was supposed to head home to my fiance, but I ended up staying with his family. John and I are in pretty much constant contact, but it still sucks. I don’t have him here to cuddle with, to talk to in person, and to share my bed with. Also knowing that someone out there refers to me as a “Home Wrecker”. I am not proud of what we do, but I do love John, and I wouldn’t give up having him in my life for anything. He has been the one constant in my life for the last 10 years. He makes me feel sexy, special, and most importantly Loved. I feel loved.

I am sure there are tons of horror stories out there from other women who are “the other woman”. And while my situation does suck, it’s not that bad. I do hope that we can be a real couple again, but I won’t hold my breath. I’ll be happy that I have him at all. I miss him, all the time. I hate that we have this in our way of being ‘us’ but things are changing on that front. I suppose unlike a lot of relationships where there isn’t a chance that they are ever going to leave their wife, I have the advantage of knowing that he is in the process of doing just that. I guess the worst part about this is the wait, waiting for things to fall into place, waiting to see him again, waiting to not be the other woman any more. I have put a lot of time and energy into our relationship, and I am just ready for it to all work out.

I do have fear, and even a little guilt, but as in a life from one of my favorite songs from A Chorus Line: “Cant forget, wont regret what I did for love.” I do not regret my choices, and the only thing I wish I could have changed is how I have treated other partners because of this.

[box type="info"]ANYONE can participate in the EdenVlogs topic of the month and get a gift card to EdenFantasys for doing it! Just record yourself talking about the topic and upload the finished product to EdenTube. Then email Rayne at rayne(at)edenfantasys( d0t)com with a link![/box]

Losing My Religion

I was 16, in love, and was more sure about losing my virginity than I had been about anything in my life, up to this point. I didn’t realize how it was going to change my life, though. Up until I had met ‘the one’, I was part of the “True Love Waits” club. I had date two other guys before Jason, both were nice guys who didn’t really ever talk to me about sex. I had made out and had heavy petting sessions with them, but they both honored my commitment to my oath. When I met Jason, he was older than me and experienced, he was ok with my wanting to wait, and was even willing to wait with me. I started falling for him, and things progressively got more and more hot and intimate.

Around Valentines Day 2002, I started re-examining my stance on waiting to have sex. I was going through a phase of exploring religion and finding that being Christian just because my friends were was not where I wanted to be, and branched out to find (and re-discover) other ways of thinking about life, the universe, and everything. I rediscovered Wicca (which has a very positive stance on sex) and started to read more about it. Around this time, I also declared my love to Jason and was wanting to take the next step with him. I was already on birth control, my aunt who I lived with had taken me to the doctor months earlier when he and I had first started to date, and I was feeling very good about making this choice and taking this step. I felt that I was mature enough to have sex, I knew a good deal about my body and what made me feel good, and hey, Spring Formal was coming up, what a perfect teen movie cliché.

I knew a lot of girls who were a lot younger than I was when they had sex the first time, but I was the first in my group of friends. So telling them I had decided to take the plunge had set them all a twitter asking me questions, and giving me their opinions, and telling me what they all knew about sex (which was very little and mostly based on movies and books they had read!) Ya know, the whole “Its gotta be special, and have rose petals, and in a hotel suite, and oooh it will be amazing!” I was also still believing that having sex the first time was going to be an orgasmic experience, and be simple and wonderful. I was mislead by media on that one. When the day of the dance finally rolled around, my friends and I got ready, and the three of us went off to the dance. Jason was picking me up later, and we were going to go grab dinner, and well, do it. We ended up down on the water front that night and did in fact do it, and while it did hurt, and I did bleed, and I didn’t have an orgasm, it was wonderful. It was loving and kind, and we laughed about stupid things like a sail boat out in the water that looked like it was going to capsize. I got home to the many questions from my aunt and friends, all of which I answered with “we went out for ice cream” and a big grin. My friends knew what I meant, and my aunt was none the wiser.

I didn’t walk right for what felt like three days. I was sore, but I was happy I had made that leap in life, and glad I was changed forever. I was no longer the virgin who clinged to god, but the woman who had found her sexuality and a new found love for nature, and was exploring the world around her. Jason and I continued to have sex, and grow in our relationship, but like most teen relationships we split up (though we had an off again on again thing for years, but that’s a story for later). I was heart broken, felt jaded, but was ok in the end.

I can look back at everything surrounding losing my virginity and can honestly say that I do not regret it. I prefer to say that I didn’t lose anything, I know right where I left it, and I found something more. More understanding of my body, more understanding of relationships, and a new level of what love can be. It urged me to reassess my religious and philosophical views, and it lead me to take a step closer into adulthood. If I had the choice to go back and change it, I wouldn’t. It wasn’t movie perfect, it was real life perfect (for me).

So we have all seen the pink ribbons and every pink product on the market for supporting Breast Cancer Awareness. We have seen the tattoos, and the crazy crap out there on the market. Hey look, pink pepper spray, support the ta-tas! But, deep down, how many of us are actually doing our part to support the cause? And not just the cause, but the women (and men) we know who are currently battling this disease, who are currently in recovery from it, or the families who have lost someone because of it?

A woman who is very near and dear to me was battling Breast Cancer for the first time when I met her. She has two children, one around the age of seven, and one who was in her early teens. I was part of the religious community that she was involved with, and I became her nanny for a while. I grew to be very close to her and her children, and still am very close with them. About six months ago she discover another lump and found out that the cancer was back.

So, how do you show support? There are a number of ways (besides buying every pink thing that hits the market).

You could:

• Donate to the Susan G. Komen Foundation
• Race for the Cure
• In my case, show emotional support for a friend or family member.
• Learn more about Breast Cancer and its prevention and early detection, and let other women know about it.

Really, that list could go on for pages. Do a Google search and you will find hundreds of ways to support Breast Cancer Awareness, both locally and globally. During October there are tons of things going on, many in your local area! Also, don’t limit yourself to just October. This is an ongoing thing, it doesn’t just disappear once October has passed us by! If you are religious, pray to what ever higher power is in charge that we find a cure. Donate to your local support group. Keep up with ongoing research and and new breakthroughs. Most importantly, keep those who are going through dealing with cancer in your thoughts. Be sensitive to those who may have to lose one or both breasts. Granted, my friend was very good humored about having a mastectomy, but many aren’t. This is a life altering experience. It challenges our ideals of femininity and beauty, and for some it is one of the most challenging parts of the cancer treatment.

Also, I know it seems like I knocked the pink thing. I just feel that many of the pink for awareness products were ways for companies to cash in. So by all means, if that is how you choose to show your support, then do it! I have quite a few items that were bought pink because a portion of the sales went to Susan G. Komen Foundation (including a pink pepper spray). Just please do your research to make sure that they are actually donating a portion. Remember, support the Ta-Tas, and keep feeling yourself up!

His fingers trailed down her body as she laid there watching him. She had agonized about this moment for weeks, months even. She wanted this so much she couldn’t even think straight the last days before he got there. Her pussy would ache just at the thought of his touch, and her heart would break thinking about him leaving again.

They had been separated for a year now by the better part of the country; he had moved away when he joined the military. She loved him so very deeply, and now he was back in her arms. She smiled up at him as he laid sweet kisses across her belly as he moved down her body. As he reached the line of her underwear, he looked up at her with that wicked grin she had grown accustomed to over the years.

She watched him as he hooked his fingers into the line of her panties and slowly pulled them down her hips and off of her legs. Slowly he kissed back up the inside of her thigh and laid the sweetest, most gentle kiss on her lips before slowly probing her with this rough wanton tongue. Rose arched her back at his touch, and a soft moan escaped her lips. Too long had she waited for this. Quickly growing impatient, she bucked her hips against his movements drawing closer to the first orgasm. The white light behind her eyes was blinding as she came. He groaned as he lapped up her sweet juices.

Jason moved and positioned himself above her ready to enter her with his large cock. She never realized how much she could miss one man’s member so much. Her hips lifted as he slid into her tight, waiting pussy. His movements were slow and deliberate. She wanted him to move faster inside her, she was hungry for him and needed to him just let go and take her. Rose moved her hips in time with his. As their pace increased, so did the warmth in her belly and the aching need for a second climax. The sweat glistened on their skin during their lustful dance. She was so close to reaching the point of no return when he stopped and pulled out, coaxing her to flip on to her hands and knees, reentering her roughly with passions high. Jason pounded into her fast and hard now, both moaning loudly and screaming. God, she missed this. Soon they were both coming together. As they collapsed into a heap on the bed, she cooed sweetly at him and kissed his forehead.

“Welcome Home…”

After about an hour or so, she crawled out of bed leaving him to sleep after his long trip back home. Rose threw on her robe, and looked him over once more before slipping out of the bedroom to go have a smoke and agonize about him leaving again in a few days. She hated being the other woman, but she had to have him in her life.

To be continued….

Over the years I have been in a number of different types of relationships, from monogamous, to poly, to open relationships, to just plain out ‘whoring’ around. There are as many types of relationships as there are people, and even more rules to each relationship. So when is cheating actually cheating?

Cheating is defined as:
–verb (used with object)
1.  to defraud; swindle.
2.  to deceive; influence by fraud.
3.  to elude; deprive of something expected.

I think we can safely assume that cheating is breaking a set of rules established by one or more parties, and that those rules were established on mutual ground. So cheating can be defined differently by anyone. In my past, cheating has been a number of different things, everything from the ‘norm’ of what cheating is in most relationships, (going behind your partners back to have extra-curricular activities with someone else) to a number of varied things, like, it’s ok to have sex with other women but no men.

We could even delve into the differences between emotional and physical cheating. Emotional cheating, as I understand it, is having feelings for someone other than your partner but not acting on them. I can see how others would consider this to be a form of cheating, but I really don’t agree. I have a romantic love for a female friend of mine, it doesn’t take away from my current relationship and isn’t a problem, but that’s just my dynamic.

Then you have poly and open relationships, where one or both partners may have a second or even third partner. There again, we have established rules and all parties involved know what the rules are, and in theory, there is plenty of communication so that everyone knows what is going on and where they stand in said relationship.

Realistically we all have probably cheated in one way or another over the years, whether during a game of cards or at life. It makes up feel like crap, makes others feel like crap, and well, just imagine the karma behind that. We are only human, but we need to live up the rules, and what not, that we establish for ourselves and for others.

There is no concrete answer to when cheating is actually cheating except to the people in the relationship who have made the rules they both agreed to follow. No one way to have a relationship is correct or incorrect. When rules are broken, more than just feelings get hurt, trust is broken, and relationships can dissolve into nothing. If you are feeling like cheating, talk to your partner. (Remember me, the big communication nazi?) It may save what you have with your other half.

All in all, cheating can be summed up as, breaking rules that you have agreed to follow in your relationship. Cheating is bad, don’t do it. We all have choices in life. Whether or not you follow them is up to you.

So I have been presented with the challenge to write an article about the ethics of D/s within the boundaries of Paganism/Wicca. I spent quite some time in a rather annoying head space with a nice side of writer’s block. I posed the question to one of my BDSM groups online and got some rather varied answers ranging from, “I do not follow the wiccan reede” to “ I don’t believe that D/s goes against the reede”. For those who do not know what the reede is, it is an outline of the ethics of the religion. The bit in question is “An it harm none, do as ye will”. Now this is a spot of contention for some of the non-kink friendly Wiccans I know. They do not believe that you can abide by this notion and practice BDSM. I disagree, because I feel that the reede refers to harming someone against their will or without their consent, and since one of the biggest tenants of BDSM is that all activities are to be consensual, then this is well within the realms of the reede.

With permission from a gal on Fetlife, I am going to share one person’s opinion here.
Veronic4fun says “I am Wiccan and I don’t believe that “An it harm none, do what ye will” is violated when the activities between consenting adults results in what others may call harm. It isn’t harm if it is consenting. In fact, I know many Wiccans who are into the lifestyle and thoroughly enjoy BDSM. I don’t believe it has anything to do with defining harm. Harm means to hurt or damage. It is really a pretty simple definition. However, you are not harming someone who is deriving pleasure from the action. I see no hypocrisy here.”

Others have stated that there is a large difference between hurt and harm. While others still addressed control vs abuse. Most of the opinions I gathered agreed that BDSM can live quite easily within the wiccan world. I actually was unable to get anyone to pose an argument to what I was saying here in this article. No one seemed to have a varying opinion in the groups I spoke to, then again I wasn’t really able to get one of my non-kink friendly friends to talk to me on the subject.

I am in agreement here, as obviously stated above. I believe that what we do is well within the boundaries of consent and free will. I have really only addressed the issue of Sadism and Masochism, and not so much the issue of D/s or M/s relationships, but again, in this situation no one’s free will is actually being violated. Therefore, in my opinion it is also well within the realm of the Reede.

I firmly believe that these two kids play very well together on the playground of ethics. I know that BDSM isn’t for everyone and neither is the Reede, but I do feel that there are rules in both that we could all stand to live by. I mean who can’t agree with being good to one another? Doing things within the realm of consent only?

Stay safe friends.

There are so many lovely colorful toys out there, made of so many different materials. I am here today to tell you about the ones that are body safe and easily sterilized!

While products like CyberSkin and UR3 are lovely feeling materials, they are porous and can harbor harmful bacteria, and can not be easily sterilized. Therefore they are not body safe, and can not be shared between partners. Condom use with these materials, and others like them, is highly recommended, and well, lets face it, no fun!

Materials with the highest safety ratings are things like silicone, glass, and stainless steel. While silicone can be a bit high maintenance at times, it is MORE than worth it. Silicone is non-porous and can be sterilized in a number of ways, including using a 10% bleach solution, boiling, or even running it through the dishwasher.

Mind you, porous material is only one of the things one must watch for when choosing a body safe toy. Things like hard plastic can have seams that icky bacteria can hide in. Also, phthalates is something else we need to watch out for. Phthalates are found in a LARGE number of very common sex toys, and other products outside of the sex toy world.

Studies have linked phthalates to many nasty issues including, cancers, reproductive issues, and so on, and so forth. Not to be all scare tactic, and doom and gloom, but I don’t want these nasty chemicals introduced into my body. I do my best to avoid them in my sex toys as well as other household items.

How do you avoid unsafe toys? One of the easiest ways is to pay attention to the material safety rating on EdenFantasys. It is a great way to know what you are getting and putting in your body. Again, I will sing the praises of silicone, glass, and stainless steel as materials for sex toys.

I have already touched on silicone and how its is easily sterilized, but two other wonderful materials are glass and metal. While these are not forgiving materials, they are awesome for toys. I love how stiff and ridged they are. Plus, like silicone they can be easily sterilized, and usually lack the seams that can harbor junk. Honestly I can go on for hours and hours about my love affair with silicone and other materials. They are versatile, and just plain amazing.

I will end this here with a few final words. Always read product descriptions, they are one of the best sources for information on what you are actually getting. Read product reviews, which are also another amazing source for information on a product and how to keep it clean, what it’s made of, and how to best care for your toys. Keep the product safety key in mind, and if you have a question about a material, EdenFantasys has a great list of all the materials found in products on the site. It is a wonderful way to learn what you are getting.

All in all, be safe. Keep your toys clean, (there are a lot of amazing cleansing sprays, wipes, and soaps on EdenFantasys) and if you do use toys made of a more porous material, please remember to use a condom with it them, especially if you are going to be sharing the toys.

Regret -

[ri-gret] verb, -gret·ted, -gret·ting, noun
–verb (used with object)

1. to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it.

2. to think of with a sense of loss: to regret one’s vanished youth.

There are very few things I truly regret in my life, dropping out of highschool is one of them, the other is not joining the military when I still had the chance to. I mean, I could still, but I would have to lose about 40 pounds, and pretend to be less ‘crazy’ than I am. Honestly though, the biggest thing I regret is not letting people love me.

I was a pretty normal teen, full of angst, tired of high school bullshit, and felt utterly alone all the time. I lived with my Aunt from 15-17; we were close, but I never felt like it. I had an on again off again boyfriend who I was madly in love with, and a mother who, while she loved me very much, was totally absent from my life at that time. I ended up building a large wall around myself. I hated everyone, and hated when they showed me any form of affection. It was terrible. I let that carry well into my adult life, way too far into my adult life actually. It has caused more headaches and more bullshit than it was ever worth, and all in the name of not getting hurt or left behind again.

Fear is the mind killer. I repeat that to myself fairly regularly these days. I hate regret and that’s because I have done things that I regret, and that I am afraid to live life at times. Mind you, that doesn’t all come from regret, a lot of it also comes from PTSD and a severe anxiety issue, but still. If I hadn’t put myself in a position to acquire those issues. And what’s worse yet, is that regret becomes a vicious cycle. You do something you regret, and then you regret it, then regret that you regret it… well you get the idea I’m sure.

How many of you out there can say that you have never done something you regret? How do we come to terms with the things we have done that we regret? Well the best way I can think of is to remind one’s self that we all do things that we look back on with some regrets. The other is to simply say, “Hey, I’m only human after all.” I am not saying that everything we do is forgivable, but we shouldn’t be as hard on ourselves as we tend to be. So what if you had sex with that guy you hated, move on.

Another good way to get past regrets, is to promise to be better to yourself. Treat yourself with the respect you deserve and I guarantee there will be less things in life that you regret. Don’t let yourself find the loopholes in bad behavior. Don’t drink yourself stupid and sleep with random guys. Respect your self, regret nothing.

I leave you with a great quote from RENT “Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.”