Dom Male, submissive female D/s dynamic maintained
because of author’s personal experience.

Like some of the readers of this blog, some people have skimmed over the various BDSM, Fetish, and kinky articles and wondered at them.  Some have even looked up the local fetish clubs and wondered what to wear and more importantly, how to conduct themselves.  To those who wonder, this article is dedicated to you.

You walk into the club, and the area is dark and filled with smoke and lasers and people dressed in leather, lace, PVC, vinyl and other means of fabric. Some wear masks and hoods; to either protect their identity, or because that is there fetish, or both. Women with under bust corsets wear large swatches of electrical tape over their nipples, while others wear gas masks and cyberlocks. Men walk around in leather and latex and PVC, carrying whips, floggers and other ‘menacing’ instruments.  Huge ‘gothic’ boots are the norm for both sexes, though you see some in heels or ankle boots. Industrial/trance/rave music blares from speakers thought the club, and people are on the dance floor and in dance cages. Men and women are lead around on leashes, their arms possibly fettered behind their backs by rope or leather, or both. And in the corner you hear it, the smacking of leather on bare flesh.  Drawn to the sound you join the forming crowd of onlookers.

A man has a woman bent over a padded leather flogging bench, his expression one of concentration and power, her eyes closed and her hands balled into fists, her expression one of pure bliss as the blows of the leather flogger land on her mostly bare bottom and back.  Everyone stands around and watches with intense interest, submissives with barely masked envy playing across their faces, Dominants critiquing the man’s moves silently and also watching for signs of the woman’s distress that the man might be missing.  All of a sudden, someone reaches out to caress the woman’s arm and her eyes fly open, the spell of the flogging broken.  Instantly the person is removed from the scene, and is either warned, or is thrown out of the club (the results vary depending on the club and the indiscretion made by the offending party).  Meanwhile the Dom is comforting his submissive, who with no doubt is feeling confused and distracted by the foreign touch that was not her Sir’s.

This is the one thing that is probably the most annoying and rude things to do at a fetish club of any type.  Sceneing is an intense and powerful experience, and a lot goes into scenes mentally, emotionally, and physically.  Mentally, because there is a headspace that needs to be achieved and maintained for not only the D/s dynamic, but for the scene itself.  Floggings don’t necessarily have the same headspace as a whipping or over the knee spanking. The same goes for whipping or a caning. The emotion that runs through one’s body when enduring the various ‘punishments’ is indescribable. Happiness, lust, love, joy, bliss, are just a few that I have heard described as well as experienced. Each dynamic and each act have their own emotional gamut that one cannot accurately describe to a fellow kinkster, no less someone who is vanilla because everyone has their own background and their own experiences with certain acts. The physical toll of something like a flogging or a whipping is mostly felt by the submissive. She/he is being assaulted with a massive amount of sensations, as well as pain, which causes the release of adrenalin and other hormones to both dull the pain and sends the submissive into a totally blissed out state of euphoria. The biggest harm that you can do as an outsider after a scene is approach the submissive while they are recovering or suffering from what is call sub drop. Sub drop is the ‘back to reality’ phase a submissive experiences. Sub drop can occur within an hour of the scene ending, or can happen within a day or two. So if you wish to talk to a submissive, approach the Dominant and ask permission first, and if you’re denied, remember that it’s nothing personal, but the time for the submissive to recover, as well as the Dominant to recover is important, and strengthens the bond the two share with each other.

Another no-no, walking up to anyone that is/seems to be a Dom and demanding that said Dominant flog/tie/whip or otherwise ‘use and abuse’ you.  Demands are never met, and you will be ignored, or told to leave the area by the Dominant. From a submissive’s perspective, a person walking up to them and trying to elicit some form of submission from them is a big annoyance, no less an insult. As a submissive myself, I do not submit to JUST anyone with a flogger on their belt and big bulgy arms, or a woman with a paddle.  Submission is about respect and trust in the Dominant, and demanding that from someone is unacceptable; especially if it’s some random stranger. In that same breath, trust and respect of a submissive is required as well; respect because Dominant know that said person is a good submissive to scene with, and trust that the submissive will call their safe word, and wont cry foul on the Dominant if something runs amuck. Those who insist will be dealt with and probably thrown out of the club. As one can see there is little tolerance for presumptuous people in the scene.  If you have questions, or would like to experience a flogging or a whipping, a respectful show of interest and request of having a personal experience will normally get you a long way, and lead to a positive experience if you listen to the instructions of the Dominant.

When it comes to the dance floor there are also a few things one should remember.  If you want to do a flogging scene, please DON’T do it in the middle of the dance floor.  Not everyone likes the feeling of a flogger, and the space needed for a proper flogging is wide; which removes the space available for those who want to dance. Once, I witnessed a flogging in the middle of the dance floor, and everyone around the pair were getting hit, but then again a random flailing of something that barely passes as a proper flogger in most scenes. If you’re going to flog/whip someone, have it NOT be on the dance floor, and have the space and courtesy of keeping aware of your surroundings.  Also, just because you HAVE a flogger, does not necessarily mean that you have the right to walk up to anyone with their back turned and randomly hit them with the flogger.  With the wrong person, that will most CERTIANLY get your punched or confronted. Believe me, this is a very hard thing to resist, but most often things are dealt with in a relatively calm manner.

To conclude, if you do go to a fetish party, research the party’s dress code, since normally some clubs do have a set dress code or you will not be let in (example), and just hang back and watch and see what goes on. If you like what you see and hear, great! Come back again! We love meeting new kinksters and teaching them if they are willing to learn.  We promise we’re really cool people (though there are always those that are big d-bags), and we don’t bite….

…… At least not too hard!