When I hit community college in the fall of 2002, It was a lot different than high school! People actually talked to me, and I made a few acquaintances and such. My best friend from high school actually ended up being right there with me.

Everything was pretty calm and pretty boring. I did have someone leave a note on my car in the Spring of 2003 with a girl with curly hair and big teeth on fire. It was on my side mirror and it said objects are EXACTLY as they appear. I never told anyone. I guess I’m lucky something bad didn’t happen to me. I figured it was one of the many people from my high school who got sent back home from 4 year college that were always stirring up problems for me.

Fall of 2003 I met this guy named Mark. I thought he was like Gods gift to woman kind or something. (and much later on if you keep reading this series you’ll find out he wasn’t)

I don’t know why made him into the perfect guy. I guess hindsight really is 20/20. Believe you me I ran into this one blindly. I blame it on being very young and with my background very naive.

He was in all of my classes except my math class, which also included that he was in my Yoga class. He was Costa Rican, and he just hit all the right buttons with me. I crushed on him so hard I thought I was gonna die before I got the courage to tell him how I felt.

I went to church with him one night after our night class. A few weeks later I finally got the nerve up to tell him how I felt. He didn’t want a relationship (of course!) but he did want to be friends and go out and stuff. I told him this about the last week of the semester, so I figured when he got the chance to get away from me, that he would. I was wrong.

He emailed me back and forth (he had no phone at the time)and we would talk on the phone when he got the chance. By Valentines day 2004 he wanted to go on a “date” so after much freaking out about going on my first date, he showed up to take me out.

We went to the mall, and then to see Along Came Polly. Afterward we ate Wendy’s in his car. I found out that he had been married before, and his ex-wife had cheated on him and gotten pregnant, hence the reason for the divorce.

We kept an mostly email relationship/with some phone calls for quiet some time. Along in march or so I went with him to a lock-in at his church. we stayed till about 4 a/m. Continue with the email thing till it was about summertime.

He started coming over ALL the time. He would come at like 11 a.m and stay until like 3 and 4 a/m the next morning. we generally would go to the mall/movies/eat, etc . This progressed mostly through the summer. I had delusions that we would eventually be together. Don’t get me wrong. Even though we were “just friends” and he said he would never kiss me and all that kind of thing.

After months and months he did kiss me. My first kiss. then promptly told me i sucked at kissing. I didn’t realize it at the time but he was very verbally abusive, and he did alot of things that were mentally destructive to me. This was only the beginning of many years of CRAP that I ended up putting up with.

Mid July 2004 one night in my room watching a movie, things went over the edge. He took advantage of me and there went my virginity. It never felt right, and it wasn’t right. Even at that moment I knew this. I just felt like a movie in slow motion and I couldn’t stop it. I spent the next 3 days being quiet withdrawn and sullen. All I could do was cry. I knew he didn’t care and that it was a mistake. No one should ever have to feel like that. Ever.

This was the begining of my sexual experiences, and they weren’t good. My parents found out pretty soon after, and then he wasn’t allowed over anymore. We still hung out and went out, and I went to his house .. Eventually my mom would let him come over and pick me up or stay until like 10 or so.

I wound up with a curfew. At the age of 20, all because of him. I’m not necessarily saying that it was a bad idea,because in all reality he wasn’t good for me at all.  I had to be home by 12 on weeknights and 1 on weekends. Which honestly with going to school and such, was quite reasonable in retrospect.

I have never been able to forgive mark for taking my virginity. I see it that either A. I wasn’t a very strong person or B. He should have known better than taking advantage of a girl that didn’t have any experience and that he allegedly just wanted to be friends with. I mean sure i’ll tell you I was young and stupid, but the truth is I just was young and wanted to be loved.

I’d like to tell you I gave up on him when the next guy came along, but I can’t. I let him hang around and destroy me and basically any chance at any other relationship that ever came along for the next 4 years. I will, however, get there.  I am sure you all will be going OMG GIRL DITCH HIM!  Just like everyone else was! The thing is, I could see it even then..but was that desperate for companionship!

With the start of the Fall 2004 semester I got a new guy, Jason. This begins a new chapter in my life, which was some of the happiest times I ever had! Keep reading, It is just starting to get interesting I promise!

It doesn’t look very promising does it? Top all of this off with my husband’s hours getting cut, Our rent is 50 bucks more where we are. Our brand new HD2 phone got dropped in the toilet less than a month after we got it. The money issues that come with being a young married couple now-a-days. It isn’t any wonder that this year hasn’t chalked up to be what I would consider great!

However when I look past all of the bad, I can see so much good. So many tiny things in my life, that have always been there, that I have taken for granted. One of these things is having my great-grandmother in my life. I am MOST thankful this year, that I had my great grandmother for 26 years of my life. Most people that I know haven’t got to experience the love of a great grandparent for that long. I was lucky enough to get to know her from the time I was born until  I was grown up and married. The only thing I’m sad about is that I was that she would have got to see me become a Mom. That would have made it all more complete. I wish I’d have gotten to spend more time with her in recent years. Called her more.

There isn’t anything that I can do about this now of course, and there isn’t any use to say what if. I know she wouldn’t want me to beat myself up over these things. I have finally started to accept what happened. It has taken a while though.

She was always there for me, and she was always very proud of me. I am thankful to have gotten to have such a close relationship with her as well. When she would talk about me she would brag to no end. When she told me I was her favorite, I know without a doubt that she meant it. This thanksgiving will be my first without her. In a months time I will also experience her first birthday and Christmas with her not around. It will be hard, but I know that I will be able to get through it.

I am thankful for my mom & dad and my grandparents on my mom’s side of the family as well. if it wasn’t for my parents there have been many times that my husband and I wouldn’t have made it through. My grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in May of this year.When you get to witness something like that, it makes you strive to want the same for yourself.I am thankful to have their support in whatever I do, and know that no matter what happens they are there for me. I am lucky to have that because so many people I know don’t.

I am also thankful that my husband and I have semi-managed to get back together and not have too many more problems. There have been a couple of times this year that I could NOT even see this happening. I think the second time that I left and stayed gone an entire night and took our cat Sam, he finally got the hint. I am thankful to finally have a relationship where we can talk and not scream at each other.

I am thankful that we got to move back out on our own again as well. There is nothing like having your own place. To be able to have your daily life as you want to have it. I missed simple things like going to the grocery store (which I hate) and cleaning up and such more than you can ever know. I didn’t realize how much of my day I spent doing these things! More than this I am thankful we moved AGAIN back to the old apartment place that we lived in when we were first married. You talk about feeling like being home, this is it for me! There is NO PLACE like HOME!

I am thankful to have my best friend back in my life, even though, yes he is my ex-boyfriend. He was one of those ex-boyfriends that was always more my friend than anything else. I have said many times that if we happened to “fall on top of each other” every now and again it happened, but it honestly wasn’t that big of a deal. It is fun to have someone who has known me longer than a nano second to talk to and text, and every now and again hang out with. I am thankful that my husband finally understood the whole situation and allows this to happen!

I am also thankful to many of the people that I know online for becoming friends with me. There are several people that I have known for a good while, and those of which that have only recently came into my life. I don’t have the real life friends connection for the most part so being able to have you all around means a lot. I don’t know what I’d do without you!  I am glad to be able to get open, honest opinions and all of that good stuff. I look forward to continuing these friendships and making more online pals!

I am sure there are many more things that I am thankful for, but these are pretty much the top of the list. I urge you to spend as much time as you can with your family this thanksgiving this holiday season, if it is possible for you. At least call and say hey, because you will brighten their day tons, with just a simple act. Don’t take the simple things in life for granted, because you never know when your situation could change! Find things to be thankful for, even though you feel that you might not have anything. Deep down I’m sure everyone has at least 1 thing they can say they are thankful for.

Ever since I was a young child I was always the girl who was the freak. No particular reason, I was just the girl everyone wanted to make fun of, and not really want to be friends with. It wasn’t a life that I’d wish upon anyone. I had a few people who wanted to be my friend, but not too many. There was never any real reason why I was the freak that was the way my hand in life was dealt.
Middle school came and of course guys became interested in girls and vice versa. Of course I liked guys, but they didn’t notice me or like me back. I did have one guy who semi-liked me named James. He was one of the best friends I ever had, and I had his friendship from 7th grade all the way through high school.

I did briefly have a “boyfriend” so to speak in 8th grade. He was my best friend’s ex-boyfriend, which I swear she honestly said she wanted me to have. It was only during the last month or so of that grade, which was the last year of middle school for me. He was a year younger, and he moved after that year as well. At least it got me one month of happiness and we did get to go to a dance together.

My parents didn’t do much with helping my situation out. They were overly religious, and that didn’t help with the freak factor. That and the fact I don’t have the prettiest teeth, and I have big puffy uncontrollable naturally curly hair! (A hair straightener would have greatly improved that situation. You would think with my mom being a hairstylist she could have helped!)

High school came and mom & dad never helped make anything any easier. Even though they quit going to church, I still remained the freak who couldn’t spend the night with anyone or go to the football games. High school came, and high school went, and everything just got worse. It was always such fun to be at home on the weekend alone, and never to have been kissed or on a date. I went to my senior prom alone.

I was probably the happiest person you could imagine when high school ended. I just hoped that things would change when I would get into college, even though I was just going to community college (I did end up going away to school later on). I got everything I ever wished for and then some. I didn’t know that I would embark on an adventure with 4different guys, and eventually end up married to a guy I barely knew.