Quick! How many people have you slept with? One? Ten? Twenty? More than that? How do you feel about that? Do you wish it was more? Less? Chances are, you’re going to fall somewhere between one and twenty. The average lifetime number of sexual partners of men and women is usually less than ten. Are you average? Above it?

The number of sexual partners a person has is usually secretive information only shared with a select few people. It’s not something that many of us are willing to talk about openly. It’s something we only share with a select few people that we really trust. Sometimes, even telling a doctor can be an uncomfortable experience. When you’re dating someone new, or even if you’ve been with them for quite a while, you often wonder about their sexual history. How many people have they been with? Who were they? What was it like? We tend to trust that people are telling us the truth when they finally disclose their “magic number”. I remember watching a video once where advice was given that every woman should tell their partner that they’ve slept with five people because they should come off as if they have experience, but that they’re not “loose” or “easy”. What if I told you that I’ve stopped counting, and that I estimate that it’s somewhere around 75? Would you think any less of me? Would you consider me a “slut”? I’ve only met two people who were anywhere around the number I am at. Neither one of these people felt any shame about it, even though such a high number can seem outrageous to most people.

My number of sexual partners is never something I’ll lie to anyone about. I always openly volunteer this knowledge to anyone who should need to know it. It’s not something I keep a secret, or even wait to tell. I understand that this is a hard thing for many people to wrap their brains around. I’ve been having sex for 10 years. That means that I average about 7.5 people a year, or one every month and a half. Most people I’ve shared this information with don’t ever seem to judge me because of it. Why? I present myself as a woman of self-respect. I won’t just sleep with anyone and everyone. I don’t go out looking for it. I’m ethical about it (for the majority of the time). I know what my priorities are. You’ll never catch me out wearing super revealing clothing. In fact, I feel like wearing shorts and a tank top is a little too revealing for my personal comfort. I feel that people who truly know me see that I have self-respect, and that I’m just enjoying myself instead of sleeping with anyone who will have me.

How did that number get so high? When I tally up my sexual partners, I only really consider the men I’ve slept with. If I counted the women, that number would be a lot higher. I’ve only been in two relationships that lasted more than two months. Those two finally fell apart around the one year mark. Unlike most people my age, I haven’t had a multiple year relationship. I had a four year period where I didn’t really date anyone in a serious manner. This time frame also lined up with my college experience. When you’re young, you want to experience the world, right? In that period of time, I was just having fun. I would casually date people for about a month or so, and then move on to the next person. That whole “every month and a half” thing makes a little sense now, doesn’t it?

I’m not the type of girl to sleep with just anyone. In fact, sex really isn’t my main goal in my encounters. I’m one of those people who enjoys the novelty of things. I get a huge turn-on from the feeling of exploring unknown territory. I go nuts over first kisses and being naked in front of someone for the first time. I love how different kinds of people touch me in different ways. I love experiencing new things with different people. To sleep with someone new, I need to feel that there is an undeniable amount of chemistry, and I need some sort of connection to be there. I don’t do it for attention. I don’t do it for half-hearted affection. I don’t do it to get something I want from the other person. I do it because it’s what I want to do. I don’t try to put reigns on my desire. I like to give in to how natural everything is, and experience it as that. What ever happened to “free love”?

I can say that I have more experience than most people have ever dreamt of having. I’ve had just about every kind of sex there is to have. I’ve had obnoxiously drunk and clumsy sex. I’ve had very intense and sensual sex. I’ve had very passionate sex with someone I love. I’ve had casual morning sex. I’ve had one night stands. I’ve had really bad sex, and I’ve had mind-blowingly good sex. A lot of the time, I value my multitude of different experiences, because now I know exactly what I like, and I won’t ever have to wonder what someone else is like. When I’m in a relationship, I never feel the need to go looking for other people. In fact, my desire for other people has diminished as experience has grown. Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to only have slept with one person for many years. I wonder if the desire is ever there to see what else is out there. I wonder if people on that side of the spectrum often wonder what it’s like to be in my shoes.

Do I regret all of this? Most of the time, no. When I do start to feel bad about it, I often realize that me feeling bad about it is because of the views society has on sexuality, and the double standard that exists even though we try not to think about it. There was a while where I was slightly ashamed of my past, but I try to look past that. Yes, sex is something that is sacred. When I’m with someone I truly love, that’s how I see it. Sex with someone I’m deeply in love with is on a whole different level. I have fewer boundaries. There are things I save for someone I love, and things I’m not willing to do in a casual situation. I’m much more open when there’s a high level of intimacy. When you’ve been with quite a few people, you realize that there is a novelty aspect of some people, and then there is a familiarity aspect of others. It’s a lot like moving into a new house. When you first move in, you get excited by how new everything is. When you’ve lived in a house for years, you get comfortable there and know that that place is your own.

Isn’t “promiscuity” a risky behavior? Yes, but only when it’s not done right. I always make sure to play it safe, and I haven’t had any serious consequences from my behavior. I do consider myself to be lucky, but I know that my luck is because of my safety. What I’m writing isn’t about that, though. We all know the consequences of unsafe sex.

As long as you’re being safe about things, and respectful of yourself and others, you should never feel guilty about expressing yourself and your desires in a sexual manner. It’s high time to drop the shame that comes along with sexuality. As a society, I really feel like we’re holding on to outdated beliefs about saving yourself and your body for marriage. It’s a highly respectful decision if you do, but it shouldn’t be the only “right” way of doing things. It seems like exploring your sexuality with several different people makes you “ruined” in some sort of way. I can tell you that I don’t feel like that, and I don’t think anyone else out there should. Take it from the girl with many lovers, sex is nothing to be ashamed of.

[box]What do you think? Let us know in comments or write a post of your own! We’d love to hear what you have to say.[/box]

There are several of us who have fallen in love with EdenFantasys. I know I’ve fallen completely head over heels for it. I’ve been a member of several online communities, but not a single one comes close to what Eden has done for me. It’s strange to admit that I feel like I owe a lot to a website, but with Eden, I feel I really do. It has not only impacted my sex life, but several aspects of my personal and professional life.

Up until I stumbled across this wonderful website, I was convinced that I had a pretty low sex drive, and that sex was something I could live without. I felt like a sexual person, but never really felt the desire to partake in any sexual activities. Sometimes I felt like I put more energy into avoiding it than I did actually doing it. It’s was never anything I was particularly okay with, but I accepted it and learned to live with it.

Things started to change when I accepted a job at an adult novelty store. I thought it would be a great opportunity for me to see what was out there, and that I would be able to own a couple more things which would spark my desire back up. A couple weeks after I started, I began doing research on some of the toys we carried, but I never found much information on how well they actually worked. One of my searches brought me to Edenfantasys. I remember being amazed at the incredible amount of information this website had compared to all of the others out there. I decided to search for another toy. The points box popped up, and I was hooked. I made an account and promptly wrote a review on the toy I had and loved that had just bit the dust. The more I learned about Eden, the more hooked I was. Not only would this help me spark up my desire, but it would also help me learn about all of the toys I sell to customers on a daily basis. It was a win-win situation, overall.

It’s been a little over three months since I first joined, and I’m still just as excited as I was when I first discovered the site, if not more. I have gone from a complete newbie, to one of the top contributing members of the community. I’ve written over 80 reviews, had several pieces of writing published on EdenCafe, been featured in the Weekly Roundup and Rumble, and I’m now club manager for the Eden Arts and Crafts Club. I’ve learned way more than I ever thought there was to know about sex toys, and I pass this knowledge on to customers. The thing I appreciate most is the incredibly fulfilling sex life I can thank Edenfantasys for.

Of course everyone appreciates free sex toys. As someone on a highly limited budget, I know I do. I never in my life thought I’d have such a massive collection that continues to grow by the week. Prior to Eden, I had only owned two toys in my entire life. One was a traditional vibrator, and the other was a rabbit vibrator. Now, I have quite the collection of all types of toys. My favorite part about the free toys is sitting down to write the review. I’ve always considered myself to be a good writer. I’m in college at the moment, so I do have to do quite a bit of writing for that, but I feel like Eden challenges me much more than my classes do. I really appreciate the mental workout I get, and the stress of writing the most useful review I can about a product whether I like it or not. How do you best describe the feeling of a lube? How do you write a substantial review on a pair of stockings?

The opportunity to write for EdenCafe is also extremely exhilarating, because I’m completely on my own when it comes to what I write. When I finally have something published and commented on, I feel incredibly accomplished. Because of these constant challenges and the amount of writing I find myself doing, the overall writing process outside the site has become much easier for me.

Another thing I’m incredibly thankful for is the respectful, supportive, and helpful community. No matter what question or concern I have, I know that the members will be there to help me out. I can ask really personal questions on the forum that I couldn’t ask anywhere else. I’ve turned to the community for support when I’ve had serious issues going on in my life. We talk about things that most people could never talk to their friends or family about. I feel a lot less alone in some of the things I’ve experienced or like. The conversations going on have even opened my mind to trying things I never thought I’d ever do. In the end, I know I can come back to the community and find all of the advice and support I couldn’t get elsewhere. I’ve never run across such a diverse community that made me feel at home as soon as I jumped in. It also means a great deal to me when other members approach me with questions about anything at all, and trust my advice. These wonderful people have also made me feel incredibly appreciated and valued.

The knowledge that I’ve gained through my experience with the site has also helped my professional and personal life a great deal. My boss has a great deal of respect for my knowledge. My customers often tell me how thankful they are for how helpful I am, and that they’ve never been in a store like this, where someone catered to them and answered all of their questions. I’ve gone from working a handful of hours a week, to being here full time. I’m trusted to order new products for the store, and have been told that if the manager steps down, he’ll hand the store over to me. This is the first time I’ve ever been professionally recognized for my knowledge and allowed to take on greater responsibilities because of it. After years of working unpleasant jobs just to make ends meet, I finally have a job I absolutely love that fits my skills and interests. Because of what I do at my job, I’ve decided to continue my education down a human sexuality route, so that I can always do something I love.

This has also made my sex life much more satisfying than I ever thought possible. I no longer feel like I’m doomed to always have little to no desire. The toys, the community, and my knowledge have all made me feel like a much more sexually confident person. I’m not afraid to try things I haven’t ever done, or to experiment with new techniques. I’ve tried toys I never thought I ever would, and I feel like I have well-rounded experience because of doing so. I’m much more in touch with my sexuality, and realize that the problem I thought I was cursed with has been completely reversed, which does a lot for my self-esteem. I know a lot more about pleasing myself, and pleasing others, because of my wonderful experience on Eden.

Honestly, I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t discovered this amazing website. It’s done more for me than I could have ever imagined. It’s touched just about every part of my life, and turned it around for the better. I swear that something related to Eden makes my day, every single day. I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who helps make Edenfantasys the amazing place it is. That includes the owner, the staff, the community members, manufacturers, and you, because you’re reading this. Thank you for being part of something that has brought me so much happiness and personal growth, and has changed my life for the better. You all certainly deserve it.

It’s no secret that arguments and disagreements arise in any relationship. It’s a totally normal and healthy thing if done right. A couple who doesn’t have the occasional dispute is living in a fantasy world. There really isn’t a possible way for both partners to automatically agree on everything, and have both of their needs met at the level of their expectations. Sometimes, though, the strategy couples use to conquer their issues is unhealthy, and can only lead to more problems down the road. Anyone in a relationship needs to learn how to fight fair, and consider the feelings of themselves and their partner, to be able to have a truly successful relationship.

The biggest part of being able to handle these issues in a relationship, is being able to communicate in an effective manner, and keeping your own emotions in check. Without these two ingredients, most small disputes can turn themselves into a huge war. There are a few things to remember to help make sure that you’re solving your problems instead of making them worse.

1.  Pick the right time and place to discuss the issue.

Sometimes, we’re tempted to let our concerns come out whenever they cross our minds. These things can come about in situations that aren’t suitable for discussing anything. Imagine you’re at a party with a partner and they’re doing something that upsets you. It’s obvious that this isn’t the place for a full on confrontation. You want to express to them that what they’re doing is upsetting or angering you. What’s the best way to handle this situation? Politely tell them about what you’re feeling, but resolve to talk to them later in a more private setting. The last thing you need to do is cause a scene. The same concept also applies to schedules. If your partner is about to leave for work, it’s not a good time to bring up a serious issue for discussion. Make sure that you’re in a private, neutral setting, and that you both have time to discuss the situation fully.

2.  Present the issue in a non-confrontational way.

When bringing up an issue, it’s best to do it as calmly as possible. The last thing you want is for your partner to feel as if they’re under a personal attack. When people feel that they’re being attacked, they often respond in a defensive manner. Even though the issue may cause a negative emotional reaction in you, don’t let it get the best of you. This is hard, yes, but getting overly emotional doesn’t fix anything and can end up taking the disagreement to hostile levels. Don’t bring up the issue if you’re already feeling irritated by something else, because that irritation will just carry over to the conversation.

3.  Avoid “you” statements.

This one goes with the above tip. Sometimes it’s easy to start things with “you never”, “you don’t”, “you always”, etc. When you use these types of statements, it can come off as being confrontational or hostile. While it may be appropriate to use these types of statements in some situations, it’s better to rephrase them from an “I” and “we” perspective. Instead of saying “You don’t talk to me enough”, you could rephrase that as “I feel like we don’t communicate enough. I would like it if you talked to me more.” It’s amazing how a little bit of rephrasing can change the whole tone on what’s being said. Never, under any circumstances, should you ever call your partner names or assign them any labels. Saying things like “you’re so irresponsible” does nothing but upset the other person, and that’s not what you want, is it?

4.  Focus on the topic at hand.

Even though it’s incredibly tempting to do, it’s a bad idea to bring up any issues or instances outside of the issue being discussed. When this happens, it can create a whole mess of problems that go nowhere. All this really does is irritate both partners. If you’re discussing the amount of time you spend together, don’t bring up how your partner doesn’t clean up after themselves. It’s also not the time to recount the tale of how upset they made you three weeks ago when they forgot to call you back. Stay focused on one thing at a time, solve that issue, and then move on to the next. It’s so easy to get caught up in the act of fighting that you forget what the original issue was in the first place.

5.  Communicate your needs in a direct manner.

This is the biggest part of being an effective communicator. Tell your partner exactly what you need from them, and ask them to do the same to you. Neither one of you is a mind reader, and you won’t be able to solve anything if you don’t know what the other person is thinking. You can do this verbally, but it really helps to write it down in a list. Write your needs on one half of a piece of paper, have your partner write theirs on the other half. Having everything in front of you in this manner, or verbally listing each need, will help to clear up any confusion. You can go through the list one by one and talk about each item, if needed. You can also refer back to this list in the future.

6.  Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.

If you or your partner is getting to the point where you become incredibly emotional, try to calm things down a little. Lower your tone of voice, take a deep breath, and try to relax. It’s never easy to solve anything when you’re in an emotional haze. In emotional regulation therapy, there is a concept of “logical mind”, “emotional mind”, and “wise mind”. It’s set up as a Venn diagram, where emotional and logical are two circles, and the wise mind is where these things overlap. It’s very similar to the head and heart metaphor. You want to make sure that both of these sides are balanced. If you’re too emotional, your logical mind may be drowned out. Try to stay in your “wise mind”.

7.  If you can’t relax, or find that nothing is being solved, take a four hour break.

The goal here is to give yourself and your partner time to cool down and think about what’s going on. It’s hard to make decisions, or work towards a compromise, without thinking over things fully, and letting your emotions cool down. When we’re in an emotional state, our logic is often slightly impaired. If you find that you’re just going in circles, agree to drop the issue until both of you are ready to talk about it again. This will give you a good amount of time to fully process the content of your discussion. Make it clear that neither of you is abandoning the issue. During the four hour break, it’s a good idea to distance yourself from your partner and have some time to yourself.

8.  No one is the “winner”. Work towards a compromise.

No one is the winner when it comes to disagreements in relationships. You shouldn’t be trying to prove that you are right and your partner is wrong. The best way to solve things without any resentment from either partner, is to work towards a compromise. For example, if your partner wants more time to spend with their friends, but you want more quality time, work out a compromise for this situation. This could be something like having a set date night, where you agree to do something nice together, and then giving your partner a day for themselves, where they can see their friends or do things they want to do. Compromise takes flexibility from both parties. You shouldn’t just give in to all of your partner’s demands, and they shouldn’t be doing the same to yours. Find a middle ground where both of you are happy and getting your needs met.

9.  Remember what you’re fighting for.    

This may be the most important tip of all. When things get heated, and when people get upset, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s important. You and your partner are together because you love each other and want to share your lives together. Even though it’s easy to tell yourself and your partner that you’re better without them when things get difficult, remember why you wanted to be with them in the first place. Make sure that you realize that relationships take work. They’re not easy, but if done right, they can be highly rewarding and fulfilling.

When it comes to relationships, we can agree that we’re going to disagree no matter how healthy or solid they are. When we make sure to fight fair, it allows for growth as a couple, and on an individual level. Taking this advice to heart will help to make the occasional disagreement a smooth and easy process, which cuts down on any stressful situations. Relationships were meant to be happy and fulfilling. Knowing how to fight fair and handle these issues in a healthy, respectful manner will help make more room in your relationship for happy things, and that’s something we all deserve.

I go to the same old bar I normally frequent. I’m not out looking for anything specifically, but I’m open to the possibilities. I made sure to wear some of my best underwear just in case, and to smell of flowers and pretty girl things. I walk inside, grab a drink, and take a seat where I can observe the bar patrons. I finish half of my drink before I decide to get up and “make my rounds” so I can scope out the scenery. I make small talk with a few of my acquaintances, chitchat with people I’ve spoken to here before. That’s when I see you. You’re either getting a drink, or sitting with a couple friends. I subtly inspect you from afar, look at how you’re dressed, your body language, and everything else I’m able to notice from this distance. I notice that you’ve noticed me, as well. I catch you sneaking glances at me, and we begin playing some kind of silly game of tag with our eyes. Both of us are wondering if the other is creeped out by this weird interaction, or genuinely interested.

I walk past you, making sure you notice the nonchalant smile I flash in your direction. I head outside for a smoke. I count in my head the seconds it takes you to end up making your way out here. “One. . . two . . . three . . .” You can’t rush out the door right after me, because you don’t want to look like you’ve come outside just to talk to me. You’re playing it cool. Next thing I know, you’ve decided that your nicotine alarm has just gone off, as well. What a coincidence? We stand there for a few awkward moments, listening in on the conversations of the other people taking part in the same activity. Finally, after the final pass in our visual game of tag, one of us says something. “I like your tattoos. Where do you get them done? Look at these, I have some, too.” That’s probably the easiest way to start a conversation with a stranger.

We end up carrying on in this cliché small-talk manner for a while after our cigarettes have expired. We may smoke another one just for an excuse to stay outside. Now that I have a closer view of you, I begin sizing you up. No, I’m not looking for a bulge in your pants, or anything like that. Mostly, I’m looking at your hands, noting how well (or poorly) manicured they are, and the shape of them. If someone is going to be touching me, I want them to have nice hands. I’ve already decided whether or not I’m going to sleep with you. Yes, I am. Now, I’m just trying to estimate how good it will be. I’ve been through this so many times that I can almost predict how good you are in bed, what your style is, and what you’re working with. Eventually, you ask me if you can buy me a drink. You certainly can. Buying someone a drink in this sort of scenario is a non-verbal way of saying “Let’s make this a lot less awkward, because I’m really digging you.”

You make sure to not overstep your boundaries. You may call me pretty in a subtle way. You may compliment me on some feature, but you’re not trying to look desperate. Can I tell you how much of a turn-off that is? The last thing I want is to give it up to some guy like that. You’re really impressing me with your game tonight. Things start to get more comfortable. The conversation isn’t missing a beat. The chemistry between us is pretty apparent. I can already see us all hot and sweaty. There isn’t much that could keep that from happening at this point. I’m sure you’re wondering about what the next few events of our interaction will be. That’s when one of us asks that question that means a lot more than what it sounds like: “What are you doing after this? You should come over.” Score. It’s on.

We arrive at your place. Immediately, I inspect your humble dwelling for any evidence of a female presence. None? Good. I observe how clean (or messy) you are, and the various things scattered about your living room that give me further insight into your personality. Now that we’re here, the level of awkwardness goes back up. We’re both nervous, because we know what’s going to happen. We try in vain to drown it in some booze. You ask me if I’d like a drink. Yes, please. You put on some music or something on the television, so that there is something else other than our nervousness in the air. We continue our meaningless conversation. You show me some of your favorite songs. I tell you some of my crazy adventures. One of us gets up, perhaps to head to the bathroom, then sits down a little closer to the other. Somehow, physical contact is made. Perhaps it’s a poke, an “accidental” touch of the hand. Good. At least that line has been crossed.

Somehow, we make it to your room. Perhaps I’ve had too much to drink to be able to drive. Maybe you want to show me something in there. Sooner than later, we are both on your bed in a haze of giddiness. The moments preceding the first kiss are always super intense. I know exactly when it’s going to happen. The tension builds up, and we just can’t stand it anymore, and it happens. We continue in this manner for a few moments. Making out seems so high-school to me. Hands start wandering. Clothing is stripped, and bodies are revealed. I begin scrutinizing your every move to determine your level of interest in me. Are you touching me with a sweet, sensual kindness? Are you acting like a super-sexed caveman? These are all very important, and determine just how much effort I’m going to put in this.

Soon enough, one of us makes the call. It’s usually me. You don’t want to push things too far. I ask you if you have a condom. I have some in my purse, but I’m actually testing you on this one. You get up, naked and awkwardly looking, and fumble around. Are they in your bedside table in immediate reach? A dresser drawer? Another room? Do you not have any at all? This all indicates the frequency of your encounters. I know I’ve got mine as back-up, but you have to pass this important test. Eventually one is found and put to use. I’m hoping you’re good at this, and not a major disappointment. When all is said and done, we fall asleep. Are you a cuddler? Do you cling too much and crush me? Are you the little spoon type?

The next morning, we part ways. After this, I do not want you to call me. I don’t want you to ask me to dinner. I would, however, like you to text me. I don’t want anything over the top. The best way to do this is to say “I really enjoyed hanging out with you last night.” Don’t mention seeing me again. That’s my call and I don’t want to feel pressured. The chances of us dating are slim. I really don’t want to be at my wedding explaining to my friends and family that we met at a bar and went to your place and fucked. That’s not exactly how I had that scenario planned out. If you were good enough, I’ll agree to see you again, casually. If I don’t, please don’t approach me wildly if you see me in public. Just act like it never happened. You’re allowed to casually greet me as an acquaintance, but honestly, it was all just a one night stand.

I’m sure we’ll all familiar with the weight obsession in our society today. Watch TV, surf the web, read magazines, or go to the store and you’ll come across a million ads telling you how to lose weight, and be sexy. Every health and fitness website is dedicated to those trying to lose weight. EdenCafe is full of articles written about plus-sized or larger bodied women learning to love their bodies and see themselves as beautiful. The media portrays skinny as sexy, provided you aren’t too skinny. Being thin is ‘glamourous’, and so many women are obsessed with losing weight, dress sizes, inches, and being liberated from feeling ‘fat’. When I see these ads, they usually feature normal sized women, not women of the big and beautiful variety. Well, what happens when you are one of those ‘skinny’ girls that everyone is obsessed with becoming? What if you’d rather be the opposite?

I’m a meager 5’4” tall, and I range anywhere from 100-105 lbs. on a good day. There have been a few times I’ve weighed even less than 100. Yes, I’m underweight. To actually be a healthy weight for my frame size, I’d have to gain 15-20 solid pounds and be able to keep them on. Now, I’m not one of those ‘toothpick’ looking girls with bony arms and legs. I have curves, just small ones. I have a super bony butt, and I realize this most when I sit on a hard surface for an extended period of time and end up bruised. Bathtubs are never comfortable for me. I wear a 32B sized bra, XS or XXS in shirts, and a size 0 in pants. In fact, I even own things in a 00 short. It doesn’t get much smaller than that, and sometimes even these are too big for me.

A lot of women might think “You’re so lucky! I wish I was that small!” They tell me how skinny I am. Since when was skinny a good thing? I mean, when I think of the word ‘skinny’, I think ‘unhealthy’. People often make comments about how I need to go ‘eat something’, ‘eat a steak’, or ask “Do you ever eat?” No, I’m not anorexic. Screw you for asking. I eat pretty healthy, but I’ve been known to gorge myself of jars of peanut butter and a loaf of bread. No, it’s not a binge and purge situation. It’s me hoping it goes straight to my ass, and hopefully stops at my boobs on the way there. Hell, if it wants to go straight to my hips and thighs, it can go right ahead. You don’t see people walking around remarking how ‘fat’ other people look right to their face. I kinda feel that way when people call me ‘skinny’ or remark on my weight in any similar manner. It doesn’t help that even my guy friends and a few ex-boyfriends have commented on my weight saying “You’re nothing but back and legs!” and “You’ve got the body of a 12-year-old boy!”

Sadly, I had become insecure and uncomfortable with being so skinny. I get depressed when shopping for lingerie because I know it probably won’t fit me. They make tons of it for plus sized women, but hardly anything for petite women. I want so much to have a closet full of slinky negligées so I can feel ultra-feminine and sexy. I want thigh-highs that stay up and hug my legs. I want corsets that make me look busty instead of flat-chested. Hell, I’d even love to be able to shop in Victoria’s Secret, but even their XS panties end up baggy and falling off of me. I’ve got a few things, but not many. The couple of corsets I own are loose even when they are tied up as much as they can go, and slightly bunched up in the back. Recently, I acquired a corset from Coquette that I could lace up with room to spare and have it fit super tight. It was the first time that had ever happened to me. After that, I got a little more hopeful.

Not much attention is given to women who feel as if they’re too thin. Most people who haven’t had to deal with being underweight just think that us skinny women are lucky and should be happy about it. I’m not. At 105 today, I feel better than I have in the past, but I could stand to gain a few pounds. I’ve pretty much given up on being able to gain much more, because I’ve tried just about everything. I actually went to see a psychiatrist for my overall depression, and I told her about my issues with my weight. She prescribed me an anti-depressant and glorified the fact that it was ‘weight-neutral’ like I was concerned about gaining weight. (But wait . . . I wanted to gain weight. I don’t care if what you put me on makes me gain 30 pounds!) Then, she put me on a stimulant medication, and I lost even more weight. I think I got down to less than 95 pounds. I haven’t weighed that little since I was in the fifth grade. I was completely disgusted with the way I looked. Instead of cleavage, you could see the bones in my sternum and my ribs. It’s hard to feel feminine when you look in the mirror and see a walking skeleton. I quit the medication after a month, and I’ve managed to gain most of the weight back.

I recently went shopping with a good friend of mine. She’s a curvy girl, has some meat on her bones, is voluptuous, or however you want to phrase it. We went into a couple other stores in the mall that day. I’d make my rounds in the clearance racks, keeping an eye out for the smallest size I could find. I discussed different items with her, asking her if she saw any in a size smaller. I ended up finding an XS top and 00 short pants and still hoped they’d be small enough to fit. Then, while wandering from one store to another in search of fishnets and a corset or bustier, she realized how hard it was for me to find lingerie. I swear we went to 10 different stores all around town until I could find thigh-highs that were small enough for me. I managed to find a beautiful bustier in my favorite color. It was also a 32B. (Finding such a small bra size is like finding a needle in a haystack. How would you feel if you had to shop in the training bra section to find something that you know would fit?) I was super excited, ran home to try it on. I finally got the last hook together. I looked in the mirror and it looked like I was a little girl wearing her mom’s lingerie. The bustier, despite being my size and the smallest one they make, was supposed to be stretchy, but ended up hanging off me. It gapped up under my arms, the bra of it had more space than breast in it. I was immediately disheartened and told my friend of my troubles, and she said she had never even considered what it must be like to be too small for things. For once, it seemed that someone understood just how difficult it was to shop when you’re a skinny girl.

I’m finally coming to terms with my weight. I’ll never be super curvy. I’ll never have a lot of junk in my trunk and a nice rack. (I refuse to get plastic surgery for any reason.) I’ll probably always be thin. The key to me accepting this has been actually finding lingerie that fits. There are a small number of lingerie brands than keep girls like me in mind. The lesson here is that even skinny girls aren’t always happy with their bodies. As long as you’re healthy, love yourself and your body, no matter what size you are.

Imagine for a moment that you have a lifetime supply of your favorite ice cream. For the purposes of this this scenario, let’s say it’s vanilla. You could live the rest of your days happily enjoying vanilla ice cream. You cover it with different toppings occasionally to spice things up. But what if you also enjoyed chocolate ice cream? While chocolate isn’t your favorite, you still get incredible cravings for it. Liking chocolate doesn’t make you appreciate vanilla any less, but sometimes you miss how different the flavor is. What do you do? Do you ignore the cravings? Do you give in and indulge in it? Do you make a swirl of the two? This is a similar scenario to the one that bisexuals face when in long-term relationships.

Sexuality is probably the hardest thing out there to define. While there are the three primary orientation labels of “straight,” “gay,” and “bisexual,” and the label of “pansexual” which is becoming more popular, there are so many more manifestations of sexual and romantic desires out there.

What would you label a man who was attracted to transsexual women, but not to men? What would you label a woman who primarily feels sexual desire towards women, but romantic attachment only to men? Even self-proclaimed straight women feel the desire to explore their sexuality with women. This concept gave rise to the book The Straight Girls’ Guide to Sleeping With Chicks by Jen Sincero. There is even a movie called ‘Kissing Jessica Stein’ about a straight woman who starts experimenting with a woman, ends up in a serious relationship with her, but ultimately goes back to dating men. Most people are also familiar with the Katy Perry song “I Kissed a Girl”, with the lyrics of “I kissed a girl and I liked it. I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it.” Another song with the same title by Jill Sobule takes a similar route, and is about two friends in heterosexual relationships who innocently take things to the next level. Where is the line drawn and what constitutes bisexual territory?

Bisexuality gets quite a bit of negative press, as bisexuals are seen by some as being “greedy,” or “wanting the best of both worlds.” Some even say that they are simply confused about their true sexuality. Even people who identify as gay have professed that they are wary of bisexuals. It is hard for many people to understand what it is like to be attracted to both genders in a significant manner. While there are several different ways of defining bisexuality, it is defined in Webster’s dictionary as “being sexually attracted to both men and women.” In reality, there is no scale or rating system for people to rate their sexuality on.

So what happens when a bisexual person ends up in a monogamous relationship? Sometimes, it can be quite difficult for someone who is attracted to both genders to stay completely happy and fulfilled in a relationship with just one person. For some bisexuals, the desire is always there. While their partner may satisfy their sexual needs as much as humanly possible, there is always the other side of the sexual world that remains untouched. While many men claim that they would love to see their woman with another woman, it doesn’t always end up like that when it comes to serious relationships. Awful issues, such as jealousy, rear their ugly heads.

When you are bisexual, there are more rules that come into the picture than traditional relationships. You have to redefine what “cheating” means in the context of your relationship. Sometimes, it’s that doing anything with another person is still considered to be cheating, and other times it’s that doing anything with the opposite gender of your lover “doesn’t count.” In the last scenario, boundaries have to be established as to the amount of disclosure needed to keep things on a safe level. All in all, being bisexual and in a monogamous relationship offers a lot of additional technicalities that homosexual or heterosexual relationships may not have.

I have identified myself as a bisexual long before I ever knew that there was such a thing. I remember feeling the first pangs of sexual attraction for both boys and girls. Being a girl, myself, I wasn’t quite sure why I was developing crushes on girls. When I finally discovered the different “versions” of sexuality, it made sense. There was no denying my attraction to women. I’ve never wondered about that or had to question it. I don’t think I have ever, in my entire life, classified myself as straight. The only questioning I’ve ever done is whether or not I’m attracted to men as much as I think I am.

My first sexual partner was a guy, and I’ve always dated men. However, the first person I let go down on me was a girl, and it wasn’t but a couple short years after my first sexual experience. I seemed to be getting into everything at the same time. While the memories of sex, for the first few years I was at it, are pretty blurry, I still remember every detail of my first real time with a woman. After that experience, I was completely convinced that I was 100% bisexual, and I could enjoy sex with a woman just as much, if not more, than I do with a man.

During my first ‘real’ relationship, which carried over from my senior year of high school to first year of college, I had the first experience of being in a monogamous relationship with a man and having sexual experiences with a woman. My boyfriend at the time had always told me he was perfectly fine with me having sexual encounters with women “as long as he could watch”, because “it’s really hot.” Well, at a party we were attending, things got pretty serious between a girl and myself in his presence, but he was more upset than anything else. He told me he didn’t like seeing me with anyone else, no matter who they were. I felt a little trapped by my sexuality after this.

In the years I was single after that boyfriend, I had quite a number of experiences with women. Most of the time, they were one-on-one, or with other women included. Threesomes were a rare thing. When I’m with a woman, I want just her. I want us in our own vibe. I want to be able to gloss over every detail of her female form. I want to make love like women do. I don’t want a man there trying to interrupt things. In fact, I’ve hurt many a male lover’s feelings by shutting the door on them while I was with a woman. Being with a woman is on a completely different level than being with a man. It’s a level I can’t help but want to be on.

My attraction to women doesn’t end there. While I’ve been more romantically attracted to men, I have been head over heels in love with a woman, but that love met its match when the girl I loved was also bisexual. She and I were very close friends who had an incredible chemistry. We were very sexual and romantic with each other. Sooner than later, she confessed to me that she met a guy she really liked. The two of them ended up dating, and as her best friend, I was always around them. I developed a dangerous attraction to him, as well, which completed the love triangle. The dynamics of the relationship were, that he and I were off limits from anything with each other. This was never discussed, but very much implied. It was hard to see (or hear) them be affectionate with each other. I wasn’t sure who to be jealous of. Eventually, when the love triangle came out in the open, the whole thing fell apart, and I was cast aside by two people I cared so deeply about. I was incredibly heartbroken over losing the only girl I’d ever loved and have loved since. Even though it has been years since then, my love for that girl is still fresh in my heart.

I’m now in another monogamous heterosexual relationship where my lover completely satisfies me as much as a man will ever be able to. Still, I have this overwhelming desire to be with a woman again, and I’m not sure what to do with it. He is open to us bringing other women into the bedroom, but a threesome isn’t what I’m looking for. I begin to wonder if I will able to be fulfilled by just one person. I’m not sure whether I should try to sedate my desires or ask his permission. The last thing I would want is for him to feel like I’ve cheated on him, or betrayed his trust. I also wouldn’t want him to agree to something that he was uncomfortable with. It’s all a very delicate situation.

While people may think that being bisexual is all about having fun and being able to experience the best of both worlds, sometimes it isn’t. It causes you to have to define your relationships differently. Sometimes, it causes you to sedate your desires or deny a part of your sexuality. I’d give anything to be on one side of the fence or the other, but that’s not me. I’m a bisexual, no matter how difficult it is to handle sometimes. It’s something I’ll never be able to deny.

Everyone always asks me about my job, if I have any crazy stories, and how weird it is to sell sex toys and porn to people on a daily basis. I’ve been working in a brick and mortar ‘adult boutique’ for a few months now. The store is located in a very religious town in the deep south. This area is pretty much the buckle on the bible belt. I started working here before I joined Edenfantasys. At that point in time, I had a recently broken rabbit, and a bottle of lube. I’d been to stores, known a fair amount about toys, but I really just stuck to the basics. I was happy with that. Working in this store, and being a member of Edenfantasys, has transformed me from a novice to an expert on all things in the sexual world. I’ve learned so much in such a short amount of time that I want to share with the rest of the world.

People that shop in sex toy stores are normal, everyday people.

At first, I had this idea that sex toy stores were filled with creepy people. Think of the classic stereotype of ‘the porn store customer’. You imagine seedy guys with sunglasses and hats, loading up on movies and pocket pussies. In reality, I see very well-dressed business men and women, housewives, college students, grandparents, and just about every other type of person out there. There are a few people who are a blip on the creep radar, but they don’t come in very often. I’ve seen moms come in here with their adult children, and speak very open about sexuality. I’ve seen brothers and sisters do the same thing. Those kinds of people make my day. I don’t think there’s a single demographic that’s not represented in the people I see walk through my door on an everyday basis.

On average, men are very open to introducing toys into the bedroom.

Often times, I get men who come in looking for something nice for their wives. They tell me that she might have one or two toys. Usually they’re a rabbit, a bullet, or a classic vibe. These men are looking for something they can use together, because he wants to make sure she is pleased, even if it’s on her own. I’ve seen tons of men come in and buy high-end cock rings, expensive rabbits, We-Vibes, female enhancements, desensitizing creams and gels, and enhancement pills to help them last longer. These men are so concerned about making their partners happy that they’re willing to buy things meant specifically for her to use. When couples come in, men are usually the first to suggest that their lady picks something that strikes her fancy. He’ll help her pick something out, and suggest things to her, even though she may seem a little shy. It’s a very adorable process. It has really changed my view of men in general.

Most men are pretty basic in their sexual needs.  

Of course I sell tons of vibrators and dildos. Over half of our store is dedicated to things designed to be used by women. In our movie room, though, we have a wide range of masturbators, ranging from cheap, basic things to higher-end mega masturbators and Fleshlights. Men don’t really seem interested in these much, if at all. They all seem pretty happy with their hand and a movie. I’ve asked some of my male friends about their opinions on the topic when they visit my store. A lot of them have mentioned that it just seems weird, and that realistic-looking things creep them out. (On the other hand, everyone who has purchased a strap-on harness set from me has been male.) Men just seem happy with what they’ve got, and they don’t need crazy contraptions and motorized things to be fulfilled.

Most people outside of Edenfantasys are pretty uneducated about toys.

Looking at a wall of cheap, jelly dildos irks me. Now that I have experience with jelly, and realize that the material is super porous, I won’t touch the stuff. However, that’s what I sell the most of. I try to talk people out of it, and suggest something that will be easier to clean and will last longer, but it’s not very often that I’m able to sway their opinion. Most customers in my store are looking for cheap thrills. That’s fine if it keeps them coming back, but it makes me a bit sad. I try to do my part by educating my customers about safety, cleaning, and proper usage. I often find myself giving customers an overview of the different types of toys, and helping them pick out something that they’ll be happy with. Customers coo over the beautiful selection of glass toys we have, but are afraid of it breaking during use or being unsafe. They buy the cheap anal beads on the nylon string. They go for the cheapest possible bullets. This is disheartening to me because they aren’t just buying unsafe toys, they’re also not getting the amount of pleasure they deserve!

Underground fetishes and kinks are a lot more common than you would think.

You wouldn’t think that that I’d sell much transsexual porn, but I do. In fact, people who buy those types of movies from me are usually the ones willing to pay for the higher end films. I had one man who had been looking over the lingerie for quite a while, when he finally asked me for help. He looked like an average, normal guy. I had guessed he worked construction, or was a plumber, by the way he was dressed. He seemed incredibly nervous. I told him that I would gladly help him pick something out. “Which one of these do you think would fit . . . me?” He quickly apologized for being “strange” and asking me a “weird” question. I smiled, told him that it wasn’t weird at all, and helped him pick out a nice little outfit. He seemed a lot more relaxed after I helped him out. I also find that single, straight men are buying lots of bigger anal toys for themselves. Housewives will leave church on a Sunday, head over here, and pick up some of the Fetish Fantasy Extreme line. I never thought these things would be so popular, especially in such a conservative, religious area.

Overall, I feel that being a member of the Edenfantasys community, writing reviews, observing my customers, and working in this store have given me a vast view of a very interesting cross-section of people’s sex lives. I’m not just a cashier. I feel much more like a sex educator, an advisor, a personal shopper, and at times, a sex therapist. I don’t just ring people up for their porn. Instead, I suggest things to help my customers create better, more fulfilling sex lives. I help them overcome their sexual difficulties. I help them feel more confident and sexy. I help them reconnect with their lovers. It is a very fulfilling job that has taught me more about sex and love than I thought I’d ever know. My job is incredibly fulfilling, and I feel like I’ve been enlightened by the whole experience.