My first experience with ass to mouth sex was a huge surprise. I was playing around with someone, and I said something to the effect of, “kiss my ass” as a way to disagree with something he said, and he rolled me over, pinned me down and started kissing my ass. It moved to rimming, and while I was hesitant at once – hell it was something I never even considered – it felt good. Real good.

When he stopped I was unprepared for reciprocation, and I told him that I was uncomfortable with it. Which was fine for him, thankfully. Because of that experience, I both adored and abhorred the idea of rimming. I couldn’t bring myself to even consider trying it, but I knew I wouldn’t stop someone who wanted to do it on me.

How double-standard of me.

In the years that followed this experience, I continued on my ignorant/naive way and didn’t give rimming another thought. That was, until I met my husband. (You may recall from a previous article about my marriage fears that we are newly married.) He likes a little anal play and wanted me to reconsider my stand on rimming. Truthfully, I wanted to put this activity on my “hell no” list, but because he’s very persuasive, and because I could not find any solid reasons why I didn’t want to do it, I sought out information so that I could educate myself about it.

Hopping on the Internet, my searching was interesting to say the least. The most direct information I found was on gay sex websites. I guess that didn’t surprise me really, but I was looking more for the information I needed to settle my nerves than the how-to’s of it. Let me share what I’ve picked up.

1. Cleanliness – You don’t have to go the enema route, but making sure you are thoroughly wiped back there should be a given. It’s always possible with analingus that you will be in contact with minute fecal particles. That’s just the nature of the beast. Keeping clean can go a long way to preventing bacterial infections.

Also, make sure you clean your mouth afterwards. A good mouth rinse does the trick, and don’t move from rimming to anything else before rinsing.

2. Sensational sensations – The anus and surrounding tissues are jam packed with nerve endings that when stimulated send signals straight to your erogenous zones. Who knew?! So many of us are missing out on a very pleasurable area just because of a little social pause.

3. Take a position – Acrobatics be damned, it’s not necessary to find some fancy position to lick your partner’s ass. On all fours, spread eagle, or laying flat on their stomach with their legs spread wide are just a few of the more comfortable ways to have a good time. If you need more ideas check the extra resources at the end of this post.

4. Hair, where? – Everyone has butt hair; how much is as individual as people are. You can get used it being there, or you can delicately shave it. For those who have an aversion to trying to rim in the first place, hair can trap smells, and it might work easier without the fuzz in the way. If you do shave, use a sensitive shaving foam and razor made for sensitive skin.

5. Dams – This is the tip that got me back into trying analingus with my husband. We brought dental dams into the bedroom, and most of my issues with rimming were resolved. A dental dam is a piece of latex sheeting. To use a dental dam, make sure you rub lube on your partner’s asshole and surrounding area first. This will make things slide around better. Then hold the dam in place and go to town!

That’s just a start, but I wanted to leave you with a desire to learn on your own! In the resources at the bottom, you’ll find tips and tricks on the most pleasurable sensations and how to drive your partner wild. I highly recommend giving them a read. And if you are interested in even more information, Edenfantasys has several books on anal sex and pleasure that have information on analingus as well!

Analingus will never be on my everyday list, but occasionally I’ll do it for him. I don’t have nearly as many hang ups about it now that the dams are a part of our sex safety kit. The education I’ve received, and the information I’ve found, has really helped to settle my hesitations. I should have done it years ago.

Sex is supposed to feel dirty, naughty and fun. Letting go of inhibitions is the best way to feel more free in your sexual pleasure, and I’m glad that I’ve opened up my mind to a bit of rimming. Thankfully that first experience hasn’t been my last, and I’m able to reciprocate without pause (except to get a dam), and that makes me feel so much better about my sexual journey and my ability to satisfy.

Questions:

Do you like rimming? Giving or receiving?
What would you tell someone hesitant about rimming to encourage them to try it?

External Resources

• How to Rim from the Gay Sex Guide
• The Curious Lover’s Guide to Anal-Oral Contact from MyPleasure.com
• Toss My Salad
• Analingus from SexInfo101.com
• The Dark Kiss from Sex Secrets Blog

BBW is an acronym that means Big Beautiful Woman/Women and was first coined in 1979 by the creator of BBW Magazine, Carole Shaw. The word exploded onto the scene, and now women that haven’t even heard of the magazine use the term to describe themselves. The term is very subjective as to it’s meaning, and has no defined upper or lower weight limit. Any woman that considers themselves overweight or obese can use the term. Many women adopt this term because they find other descriptive words like full-figured, plus-sized, or fat as negative.

The term has several near-synonyms with varying shades of meaning:

• Full-figured or Rubenesque – the latter term referring to the art of Peter Paul Rubens, best known for portraying full-bodied women.
• Voluptuous and zaftig – usually connote ripeness, sensuality, and a body shape involving large breasts and wide hips. (Wikipedia, BBW)

BHM is the male equivalent to BBW. BHM stands for Big Handsome Man, and is used to describe larger sexually and/or physically attractive men. It is an even newer creation to the colloquial speech of body descriptions. These men are large or extremely large. They have less synonyms to choose from, and men like to feel sexy too.

Other variants are:

• BBBW which means Big Beautiful Black Woman
• SSBBW which means Super-Sized Beautiful Woman (there is a huge debate as to where the line is from BBW to SSBBW)

I’ve been identifying as a BBW for years. I like the beautiful factor, and it’s a positive feeling for me to declare that I’m beautiful. I don’t have a problem calling myself fat either, though. I use BBW when I’m around other larger ladies because I don’t like trying to explain why I use the term fat to everyone, and I certainly don’t want to insult someone who doesn’t consider themselves fat.

There is a sensitivity when it comes to identifying as BBW or fat, and it comes from the judgement of others on the woman. It leaves us questioning if BBW needs more definition and how to apply that to the acronym. Things like putting weight limits wouldn’t work well because so many women carry weight differently. There are those of us who are heavy on top or bottom but slim in the middle – are they BBW? What about ladies that just have a lot of curves – are they BBW?

In any BBW-related forum you enter, you will see questions as to how to know if you are BBW.

Let me tell you how to know.

Look in the mirror. Call yourself BBW. If it feels good, then use it. If it doesn’t, then don’t use it. It’s that simple. You could weigh 350 lbs, and if BBW doesn’t feel like the right word for you then you don’t have to use it.

Embrace who you are. If BBW or BHM isn’t a label you can wear, then don’t. Every woman and man should feel confident in their skin. Whether that means you need a new label or not.

I am big. I am beautiful, and I am woman.

The age old phrase, “It’s not the size of the boat, but the motion in the ocean,” was created, I believe, to give men with average sized penises some sexual confidence. If you ask any woman in private, they are more likely to tell you exactly the type of penis that pleases them. For some it’s long and skinny, others like the short, girthy guys, and every single woman I know has a foreskin preference too. You may be able to sit there and think about the type of penis that gets your juices flowing too.

I’m not going to talk much about size or girth in this article. I’m going to fixate on foreskin. I think it’s not commonly related to a woman’s pleasure as much as the man’s, and that needs to be corrected. Being a woman, I can’t say what it’s like for a man to have a foreskin, or not have a foreskin during sex. I don’t have the equipment.

My personal opinion, as far as if it should be removed or not, is unnecessary for this discussion. I’ve read all sorts of articles about the benefits and religious implications, and I decided that for this post they don’t matter. (If circumcision discussions are a hot button issue for you, I suggest you set them aside for the duration of this post.)

What does matter to most women is how a man’s penis feels. Sure, there is an aesthetic aspect too, but to me that’s negligible, unless you have a fetish for one or the other. I’ve never been squicked by the look of an uncut penis. It’s a body part, and that’s the way it looks. Just because most of the pictures women see are of cut penis’, that doesn’t make foreskin bearers any less sexually appealing.

Handling an intact penis is different than a cut one, that’s for sure. Here’s what I’ve picked up from the number of penises I’ve had intimate connection with a time or two.

Manual Stimulation

When you are giving your guy a hand job the presence or lack of a foreskin means you need to handle it differently.

The first penis I was exposed to was of the uncut variety. Stroking the uncut penis is a lot easier and straight forward. The skin moves up and down over the head of the penis to provide heightened sensations for the man. It is also common that an uncut penis head will be more sensitive to touch, so be careful as you manipulate it, that you keep that in mind. The loose skin moving up and down the shaft is what causes the pleasurable sensations. Make sure that the skin also goes up over the head of the penis in your manipulations. No lube is required to jerk an uncut penis.

That can’t be said of a circumcised penis. Typically lube of some form is necessary because your hand will be what’s going up and down over the head of the penis, and you will need to cut down on the friction created. The experience I had with a cut penis was fleeting, but it seemed harder for me to stroke him the way I wanted to. I had to get lube, not squeeze as tightly because there was no skin to move up and down and he seemed to ejaculate a lot faster.

Now, this is likely to be the individual experience, as I’ve been informed by a man who has no foreskin that the head of his penis isn’t very sensitive, and the scar tissue where the foreskin used to be is not as sensitive either. If this is the case, then a man with a cut penis will need more manual sensation to orgasm than one with foreskin.

Oral Stimulation

When preparing to give oral sex to a man with a foreskin there are a few things to keep in mind. Sucking on a man’s foreskin is quite fun. A few of the men I’ve been with enjoyed having my tongue slip between the foreskin and the head of their penises. As with manual stimulation, the head is more sensitive, from my experience. Light touch is effective, and creates fun responses from the man.

A circumcised penis has a less sensitive head, so stronger sensations are usually necessary. Hard sucking, licking, and occasional teeth are rarely turned down. In my experience, it was a lot harder to bring a man to orgasm that had a cut penis than one who was intact. Some people like a challenge. Heh.

Intercourse

Sex is pretty straight forward, however the sensation is different for the woman; at least in my case. I noticed that with a circumcised man, the friction heat, no matter how wet I was, escalated pretty quickly. It was more common to have to slow down or change activities to “cool off.” Is it like this with every cut man? I couldn’t say.

What I do know is that sex with an intact man was very different. The extra skin acts as a friction barrier during sex. Something that makes it more pleasurable for me. As with handjobs, the foreskin will move with the shaft, so some consideration needs to be taken when applying condoms.

When applying a condom on an intact man, you will need to make sure that the foreskin is pulled off the head, but not stretched down the length of the penis. This way it can still naturally move up and down over the head during sex. I’ve actually preferred female condoms, when necessary, because it doesn’t inhibit the natural movement of the skin on the penis.

Also, if you are into anal sex, it can be easier and require less lube with an intact man, because of his loose skin. As I’ve said before, friction heat can build up fast, and with a tighter grip, that means more friction. Keep that in mind the next time you have anal sex.

I don’t want you to think I’m some slut who sleeps with a lot of people. I’ve had seven partners. But I like to study the penis I’m pleasuring, and given that I’ve experienced several ‘types’, I can say what I’ve found in relation to them.

I would love to hear what you have learned from playing with your partner’s penis. If you have had experience with both intact and circumcised, what differences have you noticed?

In two months I will be marrying for the second time. My future husband is everything that my former was not, and many other things that I have learned I need in a wonderful man. I am honored to be making this commitment to him and can’t wait to be his.

But this past week I got a huge case of cold feet. Sure, everyone says it’s normal to get cold feet, and I’m likely to describe feelings that almost everyone has felt when making this huge leap.

I had never felt them before and it scared me. From the first moment of panic and fear, I knew that I needed to understand these feelings before they would make me do things that I would regret later.

First, I was afraid I’d change once I had the new title ‘wife’ again. It’s a huge responsibility in my eyes to be a life partner and wife. Would I change who I was now, into something I didn’t want to be? Would I become the bossy, nagging wife I was in my previous marriage?

Then, I was worried that the sex, the amazing sex, would stop. Oh, now I know that my future husband has a sex drive that drives me to exhaustion, but would our marriage make that into the once a week, according to the Durex 2011 survey, married couples make love 98 times a year. Definitely not what I want out of our marriage.

Unlike other instances of cold feet, however, I didn’t get the desire to change my mind, or question my decision to walk down the aisle. Quite the contrary. I love him, and while I’m afraid of the word ‘wife’, I want to be his legally and in all other ways. My fears pushed me right into his arms and deeper into his love.

In the end he helped me come to terms with the root of my problem. This marriage was not going to be anything like my first marriage. He was going to make sure all of my needs were taken care of, and that the roles we have for each other are firm, and the lines of communication will always be open. Letting go of my past isn’t going to be easy, but I can do it.

Talking with him about my fears, and seeing him listen to me with love and compassion was calming. I’m really a lucky woman to have a man that isn’t afraid of talking, listening, and being my emotional rock. He showed my irrational fears the door, and reinforced the reasons we made the decision to marry in the first place.

I can move into the future, and wear a white dress with confidence that my decision to be with my future husband is the right one for me, and that our physical love will not wane. That our emotional closeness will be closer still, and that title I was so afraid of would be like a warm hug around my heart.

I may become his wife in the everyday, but in the bedroom I’ll still be his naughty slut. That’s just the way we want it to be.

I’ve never been afraid to show my body in pictures, and put them on the Internet. I’m not a good anonymous sex blogger, but what I have done has served me well. If people recognize me they typically don’t have a whole lot to say. Who’s going to admit that they’ve masturbated to your photos anyhow? One day you are going to encounter someone that’s become a fan… and fantasized about you.

In 2003 I opened a Yahoo Group with the idea of sharing pornographic photos of myself, fake diary entries, and raunchy stories to men who happen to like a BBW sex goddess. The first thing I had to do was figure out how to find a photographer. I didn’t own a camera and I wasn’t in a relationship. There was also no way I could afford to pay for someone to take those sorts of shots.

So I listed on adult classified websites (before craigslist existed) for trade. I guess I became a prostitute even though money wasn’t in the transaction. For two hours of photography, and all of the images handed over to me, I’d have sex with them. I had men contacting me from the very start.

I don’t advocate anyone else just inviting strange men into their homes like I did. I was being risky, both with my health and with my safety. I was exploring my sexuality in as many ways as I could, and I was getting huge thrills from sharing it with men who would reward me. I met all of my potential photographers in public. If they creeped me out at all, they did not get an invite back to my place.

My Yahoo Group was growing, and I had a nice amount of fans by the time my first photo shoot was ready to be posted. I had over 100 usable shots from the first shoot. I posted them in sets, a few at a time, to tease the men that were drooling (and much more) over my pictures. All spring I had photos, and two more shoots (one with the same guy as the first).

I hadn’t even thought of ever being discovered and never planned how to prevent that. (Check the EdenFantasys Edenbloggers Feb Meeting to learn how to say anonymous.) I was just having a good time. So, this little story, while it has a happy ending, could have gone much worse. I’m writing this today because I’d like everyone to remember that what goes on the Internet is there for anyone to see. While you may think that you will never encounter someone that follows you in some way; you never know.

When it came time for my summer classes at the University, I signed up for two classes. One was a science course that was a requirement for graduation. I’d never been in the building that this class was being held, and didn’t know any science professors. On the first evening of class, I sat down relatively in the middle and waited for it to start.

Shortly after, the professor, a middle aged man, pretty unremarkable as to looks, entered the class room. He began in the usual way with roll call. However, he has us stand when he called our names so that he can put faces to names a bit faster.

When he called my name I stood up and he looked at me, and hesitated. I smiled and sat back down, feeling a bit odd as to why the professor would make a notable hesitation in the proceedings. Once the class was underway it got stranger. He was staring at me at every pause in the lecture. I realized that he was trying to place me; that he had seen me before, but I had never seen him so I just let it go, no matter how creepy it felt at the time.

After class I approached him, because I wanted to make sure that this wasn’t going to happen every single lecture, or I’d be totally wigged out by the end of term.

“Hi, I’m [lunaKM]. I couldn’t help but notice that you were staring at me. Was there a reason?”

“You look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t think I know you.”

Since we couldn’t figure out where he knew me, I left. But when I got home I had a light bulb moment as I sat in front of my Yahoo Group page. I started going through the profiles, trying to find pictures of my fans.

And there he was. It was like the room started to buzz. How as I going to play this out? He had recognized me; soon enough he would figure out where he had seen me. I could be in trouble with the school if I was reported. Do I just take down the Yahoo Group? Would that even help me in this case?

The next lecture day, I happened to wear an outfit from the beginning of a photo shoot. It wasn’t on purpose, just something I enjoyed wearing. Sitting in class in a different seat I tried to concentrate on the lecture. But it appeared he was having a hard time as well. I raised my hand to ask a question, and that’s when it happened.

You know when someone all of a sudden places your face? Like you are in a crowded mall, and that person makes eye contact and then the eyes just widen and the jaw slacks, in an oh my god moment? Yeah, he did one of those.

There was no eye contact with me the rest of the class, which confirmed my suspicions. I went up to him after class because I wanted to make sure that not only my class, but my academic career wasn’t in jeopardy.

“So… I think you recognize me from somewhere.”

“Perhaps it’s best we not talk about it.”

“I run a Yahoo Group, that’s where you’ve seen me. I just want to make sure you aren’t going to report me to the Dean.”

“Not at all. Let’s just keep this a secret,” he stammered.

As I walked out of the room, feeling embarrassed and turned on a bit, I realized that if he reported me he’d be outing himself as well. That sure wouldn’t look good on his record. I never scheduled private pre-exam help that he had available. I sat in different seats each lecture day. I didn’t get an easy A from the class, but I did notice he was pretty lenient on exam questions with me. We never talked about it again.

He didn’t leave my Yahoo Group either. There’s no telling what kind of fantasies he was living with my pictures. But I could guess.

(This story is true, while I have taken a bit of license for recalling exactly what happened, the basics are fact. Just make sure if you sex blog, that you do your best to be anonymous. The consequences could be far worse.)

In 1996 I lost my virginity. I was 19. Years before I had been exploring my sexual desires through self-love, and had pretty clear expectations about what sex was like. After all, I had seen the nudy magazines under my parents bed, and happened upon a VHS tape left in the VCR. It looked fun, dirty, and I was transfixed. So, when my first sexual experience did not happen just like in the media I had sneaked, I was disappointed.

This was to be the beginning of my search for perfect sex.

I never voiced my disappointment with my new sexual partner, and for that I probably erred, but what I did was throw myself into exploring sex in as many ways as possible. I not only wanted to wipe ‘virgin’ from my identity, but I wanted to make sure it was buried deep in as much experiences as I could. That suited my partner just fine. We had sex so much that there were times when friends would ask what we’d been up to, and all we could do was smile.

We bought one of those books that has sex positions in them, and tried every single one we were capable of doing. In each position I was searching for the emotions, reactions, and ultimately the pleasure I had seen in the porn I now perused frequently. Why wasn’t my sex just like that? I wanted to know how to get to the panting and screaming. I wanted to dive into lust and come out sweating on the other side. But it just wasn’t happening.

It never dawned on me that my partner could be the issue. He was actively seeking sex with me, I enjoyed his above average penis, and he had excellent kissing skills. After awhile I brought up that I wanted to try some wilder things like blindfolds, and bondage, and sex toys. Something had to make my perfect sex come to fruition. Nothing did. Don’t get me wrong, the sex was great but it was just sex.

I wanted mind-blowing sex!

Seven years I slept with the same man, wondering if there was something wrong with me and how I enjoyed sex. I read books about desire, sexual manuals, and watched so much porn that I could recognize porn star genitals (and that’s saying something). Yet, I wasn’t getting any of the sex that I saw acted out. Our sex left me feeling frustrated, usually unsatisfied, and yet I didn’t want more because I didn’t see it changing.

There’s only so much boring sex a person can take, and I was reaching my limit. So I started using the internet to get off. I learned about sex chat rooms and bought a web cam. All with my now husband’s permission. He’d watch me play with myself on camera and follow the directions of the horny men jerking off to me. Sometimes he’d fuck me for their merriment. I talked dirty with a lot of men online.

It was then that I encountered something that would change my life.

One of the men I talked to said he was a Dominant, which was something I had never heard of before. He said he’d like to control me and would require immediate obedience. It sparked something in me. When we weren’t playing I was asking him questions about BDSM, and submission, and what my role in it would be if it were not online. He fed my inquisitiveness, and directed me to resources that I still use today.

Not only that, but the sex I was having changed. I started asking my husband to be in control in the bedroom, something he was not good at, but in play it was good enough. We bought velcro cuffs and a blindfold, and the first time I asked him to spank me I think I cried with happiness. I had found something of what I was missing. I asked for more and more of my husband while still playing on cam for the Dominant online.

After a few months it became apparent that my husband wasn’t as interested in my kinky games as I was becoming. I was so close to my perfect sex but it was still out of reach, and he was going to deny me that. Our relationship became strained and ultimately fell apart. Sex was just too important to me to continue with the sex I was getting. I knew what I wanted now, and if he wasn’t going to provide it, I was going to go get it. Without him.

We separated, because neither of us really wanted an open relationship of any sort (along with other issues), and we went our own ways. I hopped right on the dating circuit and found kinky partner after kinky partner. Each time getting closer and closer to the sex I knew I could have. Something was always missing from these experiences, but I wasn’t giving up. I’d risk everything to get what I knew had to exist.

In 2004 I found it, my perfect sex. It’s kinky, it’s sexy, it’s hot. It’s sweat-drenched in pleasure, and full of everything I thought sex should be. My fiance is the man who gave me the sex I’d always needed. I’ve never felt so fulfilled and satisfied in my life.

Hopefully I’ll continue to share my story of the men I had on the journey, and how I ultimately got my perfect sex and what that looks like.