I’ve gone through many levels of prudishness growing up. When I was very young, I was quite sexually explorative. I started masturbating early though, around 5th or 6th grade, as well as going online to look at naughty things, and play in chat rooms once my parents went to bed. I found out through playing “Never Have I Ever” with my friends in high school, that I was the first one to “touch” one. But that was as far as it went. I never even saw a dick in person until I got into college, when I was with my first real boyfriend. We would kiss, snuggle, and even do oral sex, but anything more was out of the question for me, and thankfully he didn’t push me. The truth behind being a bit of a prude with actual penetrative sex was that I was scared. My somewhat country sex-education in high school lead me to feel that no form of birth control would really work. I was on the pill and knew about condoms, but I didn’t trust them. Plus, there was the ever-looming threat of STDs.

So I went looking for help. At my yearly check up with my gyno, I told her that I was worried about having sex. She eased my fears about pregnancy prevention, and I was ready. I went the romantic route, and my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other on our one year anniversary. I did ease into it, though. I refused to let my boyfriend cum inside me, even in a condom, for quite a while. The next year I had my first pap smear and everything went fine. My doctor asked me if I wanted to get that new Guardasil vaccine that protected against cervical cancer. I hate needles so I said no, plus I didn’t need it. I was in a monogamous relationship.

That relationship didn’t last forever. After that I had a desperate one-night stand with a much older man. We used a condom, so I didn’t worry about pregnancy or STDs. That was one of the times I wish I had been more of a prude to not let myself be so desperate.

Shortly after that, I met my next boyfriend. I had no worries about pregnancy anymore. My double protection of condoms and the pill had been working, so we jumped into bed right away. I had forgotten about STDs. Why should I worry about them? He’d only been with one other girl than me, and they were both virgins. Plus, I had always used a condom and never had one break. I had another gyno appointment after we started seeing each other. Everything went like the time before and I was again asked about the Guardasil shot. Nope, in a monogamous relationship, I don’t need it! My new boyfriend and I explored each other and had protected sex every time we were together.

Toward the end of the relationship I had another gyno appointment, this time with a new doctor. He had a local mid-wife observing his business, and she came in for my exam as well. Everything was going fine until he called her over to look at something in my vagina. That can never be good, right? She agreed with what he said, while I was still laying there confused and worried. The doc finished up and let me sit up and cover myself. He told me he saw some “condylomas”. I asked what that was, and he said very nonchalantly, “Oh it’s caused by HPV.” HPV? The one with the vaccine that my previous doctor pushed? That couldn’t be possible. I felt sick to my stomach. I felt dirty. I was careful. I was a prude. I had only had protected sex. How did this happen to ME? I was too shocked to ask any real questions. He gave me a pamphlet on HPV (human papillomavirus) and sent me on my way.

A few weeks later I got a call. My pap had come back abnormal, and they wanted to do some kind of scope procedure, a colposcopy. I put it off as long as I could and finally had it done with the same doctor. I went in and waited. He explained what he was doing, and that he was going to use vinegar to show any lesions on the cervix, but I had read that online. I laid there while he coated my cervix in vinegar, and then he said he was going to do a biopsy. There was a small pinch and that was it. They called me a week later saying the biopsy “showed the same abnormal cells as the pap, but it’s not cancerous.”

It’s not cancerous; that’s a relief. They did want me to get another pap in 6 months though. So, I went on about my life. When it came time for my next pap, the doctor I had been seeing had moved his practice. I decided to see a new doctor that was local to my college. I was nervous to see a new doctor, especially since my records had gotten lost. The doctor was running late, so another came in to ask if I had any questions. I explained what had happened before, and with my medical records. She was very understanding, and so was my doctor when she came in to see me. The exam was quick and easy. She answered all of my questions. I asked how this could happen as I’d always used condoms. She explained that HPV is transmitted skin-to-skin, and a condom doesn’t cover everything. I even asked about the Guardasil vaccine, and she said I could still get it because it wasn’t likely I had all of the strains it protected against. I felt much better after talking to her.

The nurse called a few weeks later to tell me the pap was abnormal, so I scheduled another coloposcopy as well as getting the first of the Guardasil shot. I wasn’t worried about the procedure, I had it done before and it wasn’t horrible. This time, the doctor explained to me that I had tested positive for HPV, something the other doctor didn’t. She also explained the levels of abnormal cells and where mine were at on the scale.

The procedure started, and she was going to do a biopsy. She said there would be a small pinch and I waved it off; I’d barely felt it the time before. *Snip* What the hell was that? Did she cut my whole cervix off? That hurt! She wanted to do another, so I prepared myself, but it didn’t hurt. She explained to me that some spots on the cervix are more sensitive than others. Then came the peanut butter colored goo to stop any bleeding and weeping from the biopsy. That didn’t happen before. She explained I might spot brown and black for the rest of the night from the goo they applied. After that I got my shot and was allowed to leave.

The rest of the night I felt awful. The biopsy left me feeling like there was a tampon in me, and I was leaking like a sieve. The next day I was back to normal.

When the results came in, they were the same as before. The biopsy showed the same type of abnormal cells as the pap, but the lowest form of abnormality and they would do another pap in 6 months to keep an eye on things.

Even though HPV is so common (it’s estimated 50% of sexuality active men and women have the virus at some point in their life), I feel like I wasn’t properly educated about the risks. We learned about Gonorrhea and HIV in high school, but I had never heard of HPV until college. My Human Sexuality class didn’t even teach me that condoms don’t protect you 100% against HPV, they only reduce the risk. I was repeatedly offered the vaccine, but was told I only needed it if I wasn’t in a monogamous relationship. I was always careful and selective with my sexual relations, and from what I had learned, that should have been enough to protect me, but it wasn’t. I don’t know which partner I got it from, and even though two of them were virgins or close to it, it could have been transferred to them from oral sex even.

HPV is known to cause most forms of cervical cancer, and has even more recently been linked to anal and oral cancers. Certain strains, which Guardasil covers, also cause genital and anal warts. Even if you’ve already tested positive for it, like me, you can still protect yourself with the vaccine. Males and females under 26 can get Guardasil. Educate yourself more on STDs and safer sex practices, so that you don’t learn the hard way, like me, that prudishness is not an adequate form of STD prevention.

I will admit that I am 24 years old and have never been drunk before. Yes, I have drunk some before, but nothing has put me to the point of being drunk. I’m a big person, which is probably the main reason, but I also don’t drink fast and there’s very little I like. There are two things that typically happen when I tell someone that I have never been drunk. People either tell me that I’m a loser, or make it their new goal in life to get me drunk. Gee, that makes me feel great. I’m a loser because I haven’t drunk enough of a toxin to become intoxicated… makes so much sense.

Being on a college campus, I’m surrounded by drinking. As an undergraduate, it was everywhere. On Monday in class everyone was talking about how wasted they got that weekend, and on Friday they were talking about how wasted they were going to get the coming weekend. I always thought it was a stupid notion, and before I turned 21 I had only had a single sip of beer and another sip of whiskey. School was, and still is, very important to me. Why would I mess it up with alcohol? While I was underage, I wasn’t as much of a loser; I was just the prudish cautious one.

When I turned 21, I went out and bought some drinks and had one, but I had an 8 am class the next day. I remember going into class the next day and someone saying something about why was I in class since my 21st birthday was the day before. Truth be told though, I was only ever invited to a total of three parties during my five years as an undergraduate.

Now that I’m in graduate school, the talk isn’t there as much. The foreign students are here to study and don’t have time to drink, and the others have mellowed out a bit. However, now I’m even older, so that obviously makes me even more of a loser. This is where my problem arises. People choose to do many different things. Someone may choose to not drink soda or products with caffeine in them, but no one is going to call them a loser over this. I’ve chosen not to drink alcohol, and people have a problem with this. I have not been able to think of a reason why I would want to get drunk. There is just nothing in it for me. This is not saying that other people might not have their own reasons for drinking, but they don’t apply to me.

I’ve been told that drinking is fun. I don’t feel that I need to drink in order to have fun though.  I’ve managed to enjoy myself in social situations thus far without drinking. The few times I have been to parties or bars and watched people completely drunk off their asses, they were acting like total idiots. I’ve done enough stupid stuff sober, so I don’t need to increase my chances of doing something dumb. Plus, I don’t particularly find acting like a douche fun. I’ve also been told that I need to drink to be able to let loose. Well, I don’t feel that I need a substance to help me relax and be myself, and let loose with my friends. Sure, meeting new people can be awkward, but I feel that’s part of the experience. The last reason I’ve been told as to why I should get drunk, is that I need to do it once to see if I like it. I can kind of understand that, I don’t know what it feels like to be drunk. It might be wonderful. My mother did always tell me that I should try new things, though I’m sure she meant eating my vegetables. But by this reason, guys should have sex with other guys, and girls with girls to see if they like it and aren’t really gay. I don’t think the same people that have called me a loser would appreciate that.

I feel that most of my friends would support me for being bisexual or even a sex toy reviewer, but many still seem to think I should get drunk. Even my one male friend, who believes in not having sex before marriage, thinks I should drink. It seems to be a bit of a double standard, and I’m just getting tired of it. It’s my decision. Is it too much to ask for people to respect it?

When I started reviewing in August, I had a larger than average, but still very modest collection. My boyfriend at the time, J, encouraged me to pursue reviewing when I discussed it with him. When I asked if he wanted me to get something for him to try, he’d always tell me he didn’t “need anything.” This, in its own way, was hurtful, since he was implying that I did need my toys to get off. J would tell me he supported my growing collection, but in hindsight, I don’t think he fully supported it. And then a few weeks after I started getting items to review, he broke up with me. Which was so nice of him to do, especially when I had requested items he suggested we could use together.

Then I was single, with more sex toys than most girls my age have. Back to online dating. One site I am on has lots of sex related questions you can answer, which can give me a good idea if someone would be accepting of my hobby. But for the sites that don’t, I try to chat casually, and if we get along, eventually hint at sex. From there I can judge how they will react to my blog. The few guys I’ve dated casually, and told about my blog, were very accepting; perhaps I got lucky, or am just good at judging people.

Eventually I found D, and he fully accepted my toy collection and blog. I’d tell him about the products I was getting, and he’d even help me test out many of them. I even got him a few things to try and test out. He was even interested in becoming a reviewer. It was a lot of fun to explore things with him, since he was very inexperienced. But not everything is meant to last.

For those of you that follow me, you probably know I am recently single again. I’m not upset or heartbroken, I mean we did only date for about two months, but I am a bit disappointed. The guy I was seeing, let’s call him D, fully accepted my toy collection and my blog. I met D on an online dating site. We hung out once before he went home for a weekend, and chatted a lot online. Somehow we got onto the topic of sex. When I talk about sex with a new partner, I try to gauge their interest, and maybe bring up the topic of toys and ask for their opinion. D came off as young, and willing to try almost anything. After we hooked up the first time, I showed him my blog and he thought it was awesome.

But in two months alone, my collection has grown quite substantially from what I had when I met D. As it grows, I worry a little bit more about how to bring up the topic. Reviewing is a hobby I really enjoy, and it’s very important that my partner be accepting of it. Plus, it’s getting much harder to hide and keep discreet. I live with roommates, but I have my room to myself, so I usually leave a few things lying out. I have a huge trash bag of toy boxes I need to recycle, but can’t just toss it in the community trash can. But that’s not a hard fix. I can leave some discreet items out like massage candles, the beautiful Lelo bottles, and even my condom cube. And I do have a three drawer plastic dresser to store everything in. But what on earth was I thinking when I got a bright orange one? I did line the drawers so it’s not see-through, but the bright orange still stands out. I have a bit of paranoia that if I don’t tell someone, and they are in my room, they’ll see this big orange thing and either ask me about it or take a peek.

Thankfully, I haven’t come across anyone who has freaked out, or stopped talking to me, after mentioning my hobby. I worry that it will happen sooner or later, though. Perhaps the type of people I am attracted to are just more open-minded in general. But the only thing you can really do, if someone is freaked out or unaccepting, is just to move on and find someone better. I know eventually I’ll find someone who appreciates my Liberator Throe, and is dying to try my We-Vibe.