I Do Not Like What I See at All

So what is your body image? Is it positive or negative? If you answered negative, you are not alone. Thousands of women, not just teens, in the United States alone feel that their body does not meet today’s certain social and cultural ideals of beauty. And why shouldn’t we feel this way? As women, we are constantly bombarded from a young age with images to compare ourselves to and try to be like. (And for all of you who answered positive, stick around.)

One commonly known example is the “Barbie”, and the “Barbie-doll like” images, they portray a ‘beautiful’ long locked blonde, with blue-eyes, impossibly thin waist, who dresses in stilettos for every occasion, and lugs around double D’s. That Barbie has been in the spotlight lately for those impossible features, even sparking one woman to create the “life size Barbie” with actual dimensions to show the impossible sizes. Now while I could go on about Barbie and her ill fitting proportions and possible psychological repercussions on a growing child’s mind, it’s not just Barbie that is feeding the delusions of ‘sexy’ and ‘beautiful’.

We have starving models who show us a negative size of 00 for clothing, mannequins in department stores showing size 0-2 with the latest trends, magazines with lipo-sucked, anorexic women, who even then have been photoshopped and airbrushed to achieve the ‘perfect look’. Even the cosmetics we use have advertisements, literally telling us what is and is not beautiful, and how we can fix that with just a simple purchase.

No matter where we look we see it, this message that “all women need to lose weight”. Whether that lost weight is needed to be ‘more attractive’, ‘healthy’, or even the horrible Disney idea that only thin and beautiful princesses will ever be loved. (Because honestly, in real life, the only reason those princesses would need a strong man to rescue them, is most likely because 99% of them are suffering from malnutrition and dehydration, and not able to lift themselves to safety.)

But back to the point, all of these messages are the same; “Thin is in”, and the natural aging process is a “disastrous” fate. So start now with the lifting, cutting, filling, plumping, sucking, and breaking away at all those ‘problem’ areas with “the latest cosmetic breakthrough” to keep you looking young.

By presenting an ideal that is so difficult, and sometimes impossible to achieve or maintain, it’s really no surprise that today’s young girls think they need to ‘diet’ and lose weight at the age of 10 years old. An age so young that their own bodies haven’t even started puberty, and with eating disorders starting that young, our children will never fully develop into adults. And while it’s easy to blame the T.V, magazine, toys and other media outlets, remember that it’s just as easy to have the same effects at home in a controlled media environment.

Seeing mom in front of the mirror complaining of lines and wrinkles as she covers up with a vast array of other tiny bottles and powders isn’t helpful either. Having her complain she’s “so fat” and never take off that cover up at the beach, may seem harmless, but if mommy does it, then maybe she will too.

Other pressures can come from the people in our lives as well:

Family and friends can influence your body image with positive and negative comments. “Sam is starting to get a little chunky, she looked better as a blonde” “Alice sure did fill out over the summer”. And even a doctor’s healthy advice can be misinterpreted and affect how a woman sees herself and feels about her body. “You know Karen, A woman of your height should weigh a little less than what you do right now, perhaps you need more exercise in your lifestyle.”

Even with all of these influences and pressures, you can have a positive body image without jeopardizing your health and well being.

A positive, optimistic attitude can help you develop strong self-esteem. If you have a positive body image, congratulations! Some people think they need to change how they look or act to feel good about themselves. But actually all you need to do is change the way you see your body and how you think about yourself.

The first thing to do is recognize that your body is your body. No matter what shape, size, or color it comes in, it’s your own, and it’s unique. If you’re very worried about your weight or size, amount of hair, check with your doctor to verify that things are OK, because 99% of the time they are. But it’s no one’s business but your own what your body looks likes, is shaped like. You have to learn to be happy with you, just the way you are.

Next, identify which aspects of your appearance you can realistically change and which you can’t. Everyone (even the most ‘perfect-seeming’ celeb) has things about themselves that they can’t change and need to accept. For example: height, shoe size, and age.

If there are things about yourself that you want to change and can (such as how fit you are, or how healthy you eat), do this by making goals for yourself. Make a plan to add more exercise in your daily routine, whether it’s taking the stairs instead of the elevator, going to the gym, or even adding more veggies to your diet. Then keep track of your progress until you reach your goal. Meeting a challenge you set for yourself is a great way to boost self-esteem!

When you hear negative comments coming from within yourself, or even others, tell yourself and them to stop. You are who you are, and if they don’t like it then leave. Try building your self-esteem by giving yourself three compliments every day. While you’re at it, every evening list three things in your day that really gave you pleasure. It can be anything from the way the sun felt on your face, holding a door for someone at the supermarket, or the way people laughed at your jokes. By focusing on the good things you do and the positive aspects of your life, you can change how you feel about yourself, and influence others around you.

Growing up in my household, sex was so taboo that my parent’s didn’t even have “the talk” with me.  I always heard that the only people who owned sex toys, visited sex shops, watched sex videos, were sluts and whores. So, if you had told me that I would one day be reviewing sex toys and using them with my sweetheart, I would have fainted after blushing 9 shades of embarrassment. After moving out on my own, going to college, and meeting the man of my dreams….let’s just say that my views are no longer the same as my parents’.

Today, I can spend over 4 hours at a time, per day, on Eden’s websites; browsing, commenting, ordering, reading, and laughing. And for this wonderful opportunity I have to thank “The Bloggess”. I am an avid follower of her hilarious blog, and one day noticed she had a link in the right hand corner that said “So basically I get paid to write about clown porn”, with a subtitle “Surprisingly this link is safe for work.” Being the curious person I am, and lover of The Bloggess, I clicked it and was introduced to EdenFantasys.com.

After browsing EdenFantasys for a few days, I stumbled upon the link to become a reviewer. I read over the guidelines, how-to, requirements, and thought “Hey, this sounds awesome!” But then turned leery about try anything that sounded like such a good thing, because I’ve always been told that anything that sounds too good to be true, usually is. However, after talking it over with some girlfriends, I decided to take the plunge. Why not? It was a chance for free products, to be part of what looked like an awesome community, and maybe I could learn a few things too. Once I was approved for reviewer status, and was told the first free product was in the mail, I had a new worry; telling my love of 3 years, that I was going to be reviewing sex toys.

Prior to Edenfantasys I had never owned any type of sex toy. We have known each other for about 6 years and started officially dating for three. Then we recently moved in together for the past 2 years. And during this time, he and I had never talked about toys, used them, or even considered using any type of sexual aids in our love making. I was concerned that his reaction would be one, or any combination of, the following;

1. Laugh and think I was silly.
2. Question his manhood and techniques.
3. Wonder if our relationship had become stale.
4. Be completely against it and have the same views as my parents.
5. Laugh and go with it.

Needless to say, waiting for the post to arrive was no easy task, and was becoming more stressful and worrisome than exciting. The day the postman arrived I was at work, my love bug was the one to answer the door, and accept the package. I received a short text message saying “Hey babe, you got a package in the mail.” and my blood pressure hit the roof.

After work, I rushed home hoping he had not opened it, praying he had not opened it, and that I could think of some way to judge how he would react to my reviewing, before opening it,  but I was too late.

My key flew to the door, not as gracefully as I wanted, but eventually I had the deadbolt and knob unlocked, and I slowly, oh so slowly, opened the door.  My eyes jumped to his chair, and he wasn’t in it. Instead my foot found the United States Postal Service box opened on the floor, with the brown paper packaging filler strewn about, all leading toward the bedroom. I followed with my heart beating against my ears, trying to escape and find the rewind or pause button we all see in the “Twix” commercials, but it was too late  upon entering the bedroom, I had the shock of my life, and my heart stood still.

I found him laying on the bed, in a most provocative way, toys spread  before him, like a blackjack dealer, just waiting for the first player.  My heart skipped a small beat. The room was dimly lit with new candles, fresh roses were perched on the bedside table, and  my favorite caramel and chocolate candies were open and waiting.  With a sly smile he beckoned me to bed, with one lazy finger, and needless to say we thoroughly tested the toys.

It wasn’t until after we caught our breath, cooled down, and covered up, that we started talking about why we had received the toys in the first place. I explained to him how I found EdenFantasys through The Bloggess, and about the review program link. I showed him around the website, and he became very excited. He confessed that he loved the idea of me having toys, and that he found it to be very “hot”, a secret big turn on, and just all around exciting.  We even browsed other toys and product together, and made a wish list of future things to try. I even gave him the password to my profile so he can browse on his own, and show me what he likes and wants to try when I get home, which is now a weekly event.

I honestly could not have asked for a better reaction to my reviewing on EdenFantasys. Even though we are young, and have great communication, this website has honestly brought us closer. It helped bridge that small gap, which made it easier to open up and express our sexual fantasies, relay what we enjoyed, and what felt best to each of us.