Last year, I wrote an article for World AIDS Day called I Remember a Time and Place When AIDS Did Not Exist and so I went back to read what I wrote before I sat down to write another article in recognition of this day.

I read it and I shed a few tears as I thought of my old family friend, lost to AIDS, about my daughter being a year older and a year closer to being sexually active and the fear that idea inspires in her mother.

Since last year, my daughter, who just turned 13, has not only been learning about AIDS/HIV in school, but has had to endure a discussion with her mother about a host of risks involved in becoming sexually active.

During our discussion I asked her what she thought was the worst thing that could happen from having sexual contact with another person. She said, “getting pregnant.”

Yes, getting pregnant would be tragic at her age and for several years to come, I told her, but death was really the worst thing that could happen. I said there were several infections and viruses that could be passed through unprotected sexual contact and that it was possible to die from HIV/AIDS. She acknowledged that she’d learned about it in school, but obviously it hadn’t the strong impression I would have preferred.

As I said last year, her exposure to HIV/AIDS is so much different than mine. Learning about HIV/AIDS was terrifying in the 80’s. So much was unknown, but what was known was if you got it, you died. The prospect of death got through to many kids who otherwise would have had unprotected sex. Not all, unfortunately, but many.
It’s not that simple anymore, people aren’t automatically sentenced to early death when infected and that’s great. That’s wonderful. I have friends living with the disease today (rather than dying from it) and I wouldn’t have it back the way it used to be.

But fear can be a powerful motivator and for a mom looking to make a strong impression upon her daughter about STI’s—the specter of death is a tempting assistant in convincing her to put off having sex until she’s prepared to handle it, emotionally, and has the wisdom and judgment to make smart choices.

Maybe that’s not the best parenting practice, not the best plan for raising a sex-positive person. But for a parent facing the prospect of severe illness or the death of their child from one incident of poor judgment (something parents know is all to common among teens) it’s a trade-off they can live with. Or, at least I can.

Ultimately, my hope is that recent advances will make having to teach a 12 year old about death as a part of her sexual education a thing of the past.

Today, I read something that made me believe that goal may be achieved sooner than I’d thought. Recent research for a drug called Truvada, shows the pill cut risk of infection by 73% in those who took it daily. It’s ridiculously expensive—of course. So is being treated for HIV/AIDS. For so long, we’ve been waiting and hoping for something that could prevent HIV infection, that elusive vaccine.

This might be a step in the direction toward that vaccine and at the very least, it could stop many people from being infected. It can save lives.

That gives me hope—hope that my daughter won’t even have to talk to her kids about HIV/AIDS—that it will become a part of our history, the way smallpox has… a dark part of our past that we learn about, but don’t have to be concerned with in our daily lives.

If you are like me, the endless diatribes and battles we’ve watched go on with healthcare the last year has left you exhausted.

Are you tired of hearing how making any changes to the health care industry is going to ruin, bankrupt or lead this country to a new era of totalitarian fascism?

Me too. I’ve lost respect even for those Republicans I did, at one time respect. Not one of them has escaped using cheap, emotional fear tactics as a method to combat healthcare reform.

Few, if any, have offered anything in the way of legitimate debate or original, useful ideas for how to do it differently. This is, in spite of being asked, publicly, by our President, on multiple occasions to join the debate in a constructive way.

Because, in spite of disagreeing fundamentally with the policy stands most conservatives have, I believe they deserve to be heard. They should be heard. But I wanted to hear what they thought should be done, not the emotional grandstanding, button pushing and fear mongering we’ve had to endure for over a year now.

I guarantee there are more than a few folks in Washington who would privately admit the tactics they used to fight against healthcare reform were because they had no better option, no superior solution to the challenges we face. If they did, how sad we could not know what they were because we were too busy being terrified by the prospect of totalitarianism and death panels. They knew if Democrats succeeded, they would have problems keeping their jobs in November. And so they stopped really arguing, really participating in true discourse.

This is very common really. It happens daily in many situations where two or more people come together to discuss ideas on which they do not agree.

We all have a right to put forth our ideas on what the best policies, best practices or best solutions should be. And we should do so earnestly and with good faith.

And those who oppose us should listen with open minds and open hearts and consider our arguments on their merits. Labeling a particular idea or point of view as radically liberal, too conservative, or anything else is not listening at all. It’s using labels as a tactic to shut down true discourse and honest collaboration. It turns any debate into a pointless squabble where no real understanding of your opponents point of view will be achieved.

You may think there is no value at all in even listening to what your opponent has to say. They do not agree with you and therefore must be wrong. The truth is, nothing is ever that simple.

Nothing.

The world is not black and white. As much as we would like it to be, as much as having it so would make our lives easier to understand and make us more comfortable, it’s just …not.

And so, we should listen to all sides, consider all options at face value before filtering them through our own personal value system and deciding, in good faith, if a particular point of view has value. You
might find that an idea you figured you would disagree with is in fact, and idea you disagree with. But now, you’ve carefully considered this idea, asked yourself if it has value and you can be very clear with yourself and anybody else, why you find it has no value.

Your own argument becomes better, more strong, more valid when you
listen to the arguments in opposition and can effectively determine
why your argument is the superior one.

Or, maybe you will find that you not as right on a particular issue as you thought you were, that you didn’t have the best argument or all  the facts on your side and you can reconsider your position.

We should never be afraid of what those who disagree with us have to say. We should be encouraging them to speak and hoping they will allow us the same courtesy. If our own arguments do not stand up to the debate, they should be reconsidered, made stronger or abandoned in favor of arguments with more value.

This… is the fundamental building block of our society and it’s ideals. It is how we shape our lives, our future and how true change comes about when, in the face of all arguments against it, it becomes obvious that a change is needed. Then it happens.

So next time someone comes to you with a position that you are prepared to dismiss out of hand simply because it’s contrary to your own, stop, really think about it. Don’t label and dismiss it.

Be better than that.

With no further delay…

Well maybe a little delay.

I know, I’m a terrible tease. We had a really good number of people commenting on the Mr. Sexsmith column and countless Tweets about it. Thanks for making the debut of this column so fun and don’t forget to catch his column every week over at Sexis.

Ok… no more waiting… and now, the lucky person who will soon be enjoying an awesome ASLAN Black Cat G harness is…

Angel de Sanguine!

Congratulations Angel and thanks to everyone who entered!

Angel, please shoot me an email at laurelb AT edenfantasys DOT com with your mailing address and we’ll get that out to you ASAP!

Sexis is proud to announce Sinclair Sexsmith has joined us as our newest columnist!

For those who don’t know, Sinclair Sexsmith is a chivalrous kinky writer, queer butch top, feminist sex educator in New York City. Mr. Sexsmith’s first column is all about his Other Girlfriend, the Myth of New York City.

Dear Democratic Congress:

What the hell is your problem? No, I mean seriously? Stop being a such a bunch of pussies and govern, for fucks sake. We need you to start acting like you own the place. Because in case you haven’t noticed, you OWN THE PLACE!

And based on your performance so far, y’all got about 11 months left before the GOP evicts you and gets on with their own bullshit agenda.

Let me clarify something for you, in case you were unaware. You have a majority that hasn’t been seen by either party in over 20 years and you are acting like the fucking minority party. You STILL let the GOP bully you.

You have a 59-41 Senate majority and yet you are ready to throw in the towel on health care reform because the GOP can filibuster?

You know what? Let them. Let them act like babies and throw tantrums on the Senate floor for days, weeks, months even, if they like. This will appeal to their base, for sure. Their people will love them for it.

But independent and swing voters will see it for what it is, a shut down of the government’s ability to do it’s work according to the agenda of the voters who sent you all to Washington. If they bring Congress to a halt, it will bite them in the ass in November (at least among thinking voters). And even if they get their way in the end, at least you tried. At least you didn’t get down on all fours and bare your ass…

Start fighting for us, dammit. It’s why we hired you. Do not play fair, do not take the high road. We do not need you to act like redeemable human beings, we need you to WIN. Seriously, start using their playbook. Hire some people to get some shots of the GOP in compromising positions with monkeys or something…anything. For fucks sake, we all think you cheat and play dirty, so..yanno…get a little MUDDY, break a rule or twenty!*

Let me be clear: YOU ARE FAILING US.

You have more power in your hands now than you’ve hand in a generation and you are letting it sit and rot. Why?

Grow some balls and be leaders. The desperate situation this nation is in regarding the health care system and our economy demands it. We need your help and we sent you, the Democrats, to Congress because we couldn’t stand where the GOP had taken us. We want what you sell, not what they’ve got. I think we’ve made that clear. There is nothing more we can do except wait on you to do your FUCKING jobs.

So what on God’s Green Earth are you waiting for?

*The advocation of cheating and committing crimes to get ahead was for comic relief only.

I mean, I don’t know what you thought you were doing all this time with that $100+ Pure Wand, shoving it up your vagina like there was something there to stimulate it with…clearly you are imagining things. Typical woman.

/sarcasm.

So, this was going to be a big ole rant of my usual style, cutting and snarky, a brutal attack on those responsible for this latest controversy on the so-called “G-spot Myth.”

But in the meantime, I’ve had conversations on this topic with not one, but three men who really don’t see what the big deal is. Granted, they are men and therefore lack a certain basic experience (i.e. being female) that would probably help them get it a little faster, but they got me thinking…

What is the big deal. Why does this push my buttons (and the buttons of many, many other women)? And, why does it make other women happy, somehow able to escape the pressure of having to find and enjoy something they are not sure exists? Who cares what some scientists in Great Britain who, clearly, lack the basic intelligence to design a legitimate scientific study and draw reasonable conclusions from the resulting data think about what’s going on inside my vagina?

Let’s start at the beginning…

There is this study. If you go directly to the abstract that I’ve linked to, you see the purpose was to investigate whether the G-spot has an underlying genetic basis. To do this they asked 1804 twins if they had a G-spot.
56% said yes, 44% said no and from this, those conducting the study concluded that there is no g-spot.

Confused? Baffled? Me too.

Especially because right there in the conclusion on the abstract they actually say: “A possible explanation for the lack of heritability may be that women differ in their ability to detect their own (true) G-spots. However, we postulate that the reason for the lack of genetic variation—in contrast to other anatomical and physiological traits studied—is that there is no physiological or physical basis for the G-spot.”

They didn’t physically look for a G-spot, they asked. And they acknowledge right there that the results of their study may indicate a measure not of the existence of a G-spot, but of the ignorance of one’s own body, among the women studied. And yet, inspire of realizing this significant flaw they just jump in anyway and declare the G-Spot doesn’t exist.

But, hey, so what? Right? Who cares about some dumb-asses in Britain who did a bad study?

The media.

This is where the shit hits the fan. The media (not all media, CNN is reporting their findings as seriously flawed, even quoting one of the scientists who worked on the study, yet questioned the way it was implemented and the resulting data) is reporting their declaration as fact.

Never mind many other studies that have produced a variety of results. Never mind countless women who know exactly how to locate theirs. Never mind that you can actually do a Google search for G-spot and find actual photos of this piece of your anatomy.

Never mind that if anyone doing a story and had a single ounce of common sense or an ability to …I don’t know…read, would have seen the researchers who conducted the study contradicted their own data in the conclusion and that the resulting conclusions drawn from such flawed data are absolutely unworthy of repeating.

But they did, and then people read it and believed it and repeated it. And now I have men telling me there is no physical proof of the G-spot. Come here and give me your hand, I will show you where mine is. You can feel it. And I promise you are not imagining things.

What the fuck? Is it me or is this just as asinine as doing research to prove the existence of the clit, or the penis or the nipple or any other piece of erectile tissue on the body?

Why is this even a question?

People sometimes claim that by asserting the “mythical existence” of the G-spot makes women feel bad if they don’t have one.

You know what? Fuck off. I am not going to pretend some part of my body doesn’t exist because you can’t find yours, haven’t looked for it, don’t know how it works or perhaps have a hidden one. I am not going to pretend the Sun doesn’t exist on days when it hides behind the clouds.

And that’s where the bug up my ass really begins. Because now any woman who speaks of her G-spot is subject to being patted on the head and condescendingly told she is only imagining things.

It’s demeaning, it’s insulting and it’s not the first time women have been told that something is all in their heads when in fact, it was real.

It’s part of an overall pattern and history of treating women a certain way. And unless you have experienced being treated that way, you can’t fully appreciate what I am talking about.

If you are male, imagine for a moment, being told you have no penis. Your penis is a figment of your imagination. Imagine I am completely serious and I’ve done studies to prove this and others have declared my conclusions to be fact. As a result, sexual intercourse is not something you will get to have anymore. Blowjobs and handjobs are off the table as well. Because the penis doesn’t exist and we don’t want to do anything to encourage you to think that it does. Right now you are thinking “That’s just stupid, it’s quite obvious I have a penis and this would never happen so I can’t really go there in my head because my hand is wrapped around my penis right now! I know it’s there so it’s preposterous to do a study to figure out if it’s not and even more insane to claim it doesn’t exist.”

And now you understand how I feel (and how other women feel as well).

The idea that this thing doesn’t exist is just so retarded I can’t quite believe it. That people are actually studying it and taking the idea that it’s fake seriously, as fact, astounds me. It took less than five minutes to look up this study and realize it was bullshit. I genuinely do not understand why the rest of the world didn’t. And I know that one reason some did not is because this study suits an agenda. It reinforces something they already believe and they are using it to further that agenda. Which makes me stabby.

So, I guess this turn out to be a bit more ranty than expected. But the important thing you should take from all this is that I plan to take the EdenFantasys.com giftcard I get for writing this post and buy a toy specifically designed to stimulate my imaginary G-spot. And I am going to take my imaginary G-spot toy and use it on my imaginary G-spot and have a imaginary G-spot orgasm.

I have no idea how to narrow this down, so I will just list my favorites and you can pick your own from the list:

Carrie Prejean: Dumber than a Box of Hammers
Come on Carrie… don’t you know how these things work? Did you really expect that you could stand on stage at a beauty pageant and spout your anti-gay marriage message (To Perez Hilton, of all people. I hate him too, but he doesn’t deserve his own place on the list. ) and magically become some kind of heroine to the good Christian folks of the Midwest? Were you expecting to become the poster-child for the preservation of American values? Probably you should have double checked you had ALL the negatives of those photos you took. And make matters worse for yourself, you were mean to Larry King on national TV. You pretended to throw a tantrum, announced you were leaving the set and then didn’t. You just sat there like you were…
dumber than a box of hammers.

Jon and Kate No, on second thought, I refuse to lend anymore words to that hot mess. Not gonna do it.

Glenn Beck: Riding the Crazy Train
Jon Stewart said it best when he said, about Glenn Beck: “Finally, a guy who says what people who aren’t thinking are thinking!” I kind of feel sorry for Glenn, or I would if I actually thought he believed any of his own crap. Even Bill O’Reilly thinks Glenn Beck is insane. Other Fox News personalities have actually mocked him on air. He thinks Rockefeller, you know, John Rockefeller, one of the richest, most capitalistic figures in the history of our country was secretly a communist and a facist and hid secret symbols of his true beliefs all over Rockefeller Center in NYC. And even tho nobody realized they were there until Glenn himself pointed it, these symbols have secretly been programming us to be communists too. Who knew. Thank you Glenn, for saving us all.

Sarah Palin: Go Away, Give Me A Chance to Miss You
See, how it works, Sarah, is when your team loses, you go the fuck away(at least for a year or two until the new election cycle). My real problem is you really believe the media covers you because you are relevant and have serious opinions on serious issues. No. No you do not. They cover you because you are a train wreck. We can’t look away. And when we do, you do something else, something so fucking preposterous that we just can’t help but look. We need help, we need counseling, but mostly we just need you to
go
the
fuck
away.

Anyone who takes Sarah Palin seriously:
This is correlated to the above and really it’s Sarah’s fault, but you need to shut her book and start thinking for yourself because…
1. Healthcare reform will not kill your baby or your grandma.
2. Global Climate Change is not natural “like gravity” and if you don’t believe me, ask ANY environmental scientist.
3. Being able to see Russia from her front porch does not make her an expert in foreign policy.
I could go on, this list could be much longer, but really, I shouldn’t have to. Just these three things should enough to make you realize the woman has no idea what she’s talking about and will say anything to further her cause. And when I say cause, I do not mean the ideology and agenda of the GOP, but the woman’s pathological need for attention and a designer wardrobe.

Richard Heene – Wannabee Tool
If you don’t know who this guy is, A+ for you. Because this guy is famous now for telling the world his kid was trapped in a weather balloon flying through the sky all in an effort to get famous. So I’d rather you didn’t know who he was at all. In fact, for get I mentioned him! Nothing to see here, move along…

Tareq And Michaele Salahi – Wannabee Tools – The Sequel
See Richard Heene, replace little boy and weather balloon with President Obama and White House.

Joe Wilson – Born and Raised in a Barn.
He called the President a liar, interrupted him him during his address to a joint session of Congress to do it.
Dude. Manners.

Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich – Dude, um, your pants are on fire.
You are all the most sleazy, disgusting things about politicians that we hate all wrapped up in one crazy package under a cap of hair that I still don’t believe is real. And you got caught right when we were feeling all happy and good about our new guy Obama. You ruined our high man. And then you went on national TV and said you didn’t do it. Look, we just got rid of an administration who loved to shit all over us and then tell us they hadn’t just shit all over us while we stood there…covered in shit. We are tired of it. Knock it off.

Here’s to hoping 2010 is less about these guys and more about making the world a better place.

Happy New Year Y’all!

Lately there have been a few discussions that have led me back to this same concept again and again. Taking responsibility for your own actions seems to be a basic, fundamental life skill few are capable of or willing to exercise. What’s worse is that so often, we seem more than willing to excuse this behavior with the status of victimhood. As if somehow, because someone else used the opportunity of your bad choices to hurt you in some way, you are blameless.

I’m not going to lie, I am sure much of what I am about to say will anger a great number of people. They will say I am excusing the behavior of people who hurt others. But I am not. I am not in any way excusing them or suggesting they are not wrong or should not be hunted down and skinned alive…I mean prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Yes, skinning them alive would be barbaric. Satisfying, but barbaric.

Time to get specific. What sparked this particular post, today, is the controversy over the response of Ask Amy to one of her readers who asked for advice. I’ll let you read about all that on your own. And I will say that I don’t believe Amy was very helpful to this particular reader. Pointing out her own choices put her in that situation after the fact does little to help someone who was, in fact, raped. She should have been told she had every right to go to the police, file charges and seek justice for a heinous crime committed against her.

But she should also go and find other young women, like her, on college campuses and she should tell them that putting yourself in such a situation is really, really stupid. In truth, girls should get this information before they arrive on campus.

Why?

Because. they. are. waiting. for. you.

And if you think that’s an exaggeration meant to inspire fear, consider that frat boys actually drag their couches out onto the lawn to watch the freshmen girls going through sorority rush walk by on the way to the next house on their list. They call them “fresh meat”. They are scoping out potential victims, so they can be on the lookout when these naive girls show up at one of their parties. It is well known among these men that the easiest girls to get into the sack are the ones who have just arrived on the turnip truck. At the school I went to, sorority rush took place two weeks before classes start. The week between rush and classes was one solid week of frat party after frat party and date rape after date rape. They say something like 80% of all date rapes on campus happen in this one week.

The singular goal of all these parties? To get the freshmen drunk and get them into bed. They are not looking for soul mates and too many (not all) don’t care what it takes or are naive themselves and don’t understand that it’s not ok to have sex with someone who is passed out drunk.

The minute you arrive at one of these parties, you are walking into the lion’s den with raw meat tied to your ankles. You will be offered a drink (or 12). In this day and age, that drink could be drugged. Being nice and accepting an unknown drink from an unknown man could be all it takes to wake up the next day with no memory of why you are sore in places you shouldn’t be.

This is reality. It’s not right by any stretch of the imagination, nor should it be condoned. But it IS reality. And if you are going to go to one of these parties, drink to the point of incapacitation, and trust a man you’ve never met before that night when he says “Let’s go up to my room and nothing will happen unless you want it to,” you are handing yourself to him on a platter.

Should he take advantage of the situation? No. Is he guilty of a crime and should he be punished in the worst possible way if he does? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Was this foreseeable and preventable if you had made some different choices? Yes.

Choices like:
Don’t go to a frat party.

Go to a party with a friend you trust to stick by your side while you stick by their’s.

Do not accept open drinks from any male you don’t know. Or hell, anyone male. Or hell, just anyone period. Get your own beer from the keg, mix your own drinks. Don’t drink the trashcan punch that only the girls are drinking unless the person who offers it to you is drinking it themselves.

Do NOT go into anyone’s bedroom unless you want to have sex with them. Period. Too many people assume going up to the bedroom implies consent, no matter how many times you’ve made it clear, verbally. Walk through that door and they will take it to mean you have changed your mind.

Is it entirely possible that you could show up to one of these parties, remain sober and in a public place at all times and still get raped? Yes, it’s possible, but it’s not likely. The culture of this particular ritual is one that relies on the appearance of consent. Being drunk makes it harder to say no clearly, being lured into a bedroom makes it appear as if you intended to have sex. And, of course, being drugged makes it harder to even know for sure if you were raped at all.

This is a situation in which tricks are used and girls are manipulated to achieve a sexual goal. If the tricks fail and girls refuse to be manipulated, these crimes are thwarted.

In an ideal world, women could attend frat parties and get shit-faced and hang out with frat boys in their bedrooms without fear of being raped. But we don’t live in that world. It doesn’t exist. I am not sure it can exist. Is it wrong? Yes, of course it’s wrong. Are you right to believe you have every right to attend a party, get drunk and expect not to get raped? Yes, you are right to believe you SHOULD be able to expect that, but you are naive if you think you CAN expect it.

Being right and getting raped is a pretty shitty place to be. Take it from a woman who has been there. If I had it to do over again, I’d choose “smart and safe” over “right and raped” every day of the week.

I take responsibility for my own safety now and I make choices based on an understanding that there are risks involved if I choose to put myself in an unsafe situation. The law might be on my side if I am victimized, but the law cannot protect me from becoming one in the first place. That is up to me. It would be nice if we lived in a world where the threat of punishment under the law was a true deterrent for date rape, but it’s not. The only real deterrent is to make smart choices.

My daughter turned 12 last week, on Thanksgiving Day. At times like theses, I often think about what I remember about being her age and given her birthday’s proximity to World Aids Day, this year I was thinking about growing up in a world that just discovered AIDS and HIV.

When I was 12, they were just starting to talking about it, but I didn’t really understand what it was. As a 12 year old girl, it was hardly a concern of mine. I didn’t even know anyone who was gay and back then — we thought you only got it if you were gay (One of many, many things people thought at the time that was utter crap).

But, that year, I met my first gay man. Turns out, I’d known him all along, but it was quite a shock when my best friend’s dad, Bruce, came out of the closet and moved out of the house and out of town. I was more concerned with the fact that this man, who had been essentially an uncle to me, was suddenly gone, than with the fact that he was gay. And I was more concerned that, a short time later, we found out he was going to die. Bruce had AIDS. This terrifying specter that hadn’t even registered on my radar was suddenly invading my life and taking people I cared for.

It was a scary time. There was so much misinformation, so many misconceptions, lies, fear, discrimination, even violence, it was difficult to know anything for certain beyond the fact that Bruce was going to die. Sooner, rather than later. It is a tragic thing to mourn someone who is still alive, but back then it wasn’t a question of if, it was only a question of when and how bad it would be.

Thankfully, my dear friend, Bruce, died peacefully and with very little suffering compared to some people stricken with the disease. We still miss him and I still think of him every World AIDS Day.

Today, things are so different. About 15 years ago, another dear friend of my family was diagnosed with HIV. He was, and remains today, a very healthy person who, while he takes medication every day, shows no signs of being positive for HIV. His experience is what AIDS is today and his experience is what my daughter knows of this disease. For that, I am thankful.

Much of the stigma, the suffering, the misinformation and the certain death sentence that accompany an HIV diagnosis has disappeared in the United States (much, but not all). And there is hope that efforts in other parts of the world will bring about a similar change.

What was once the considered the next plague has evolved into a chronic disease that can be managed if you take care of yourself well and if you have access to the proper medication. This is the world in which I am raising my daughter and I am thankful she didn’t have to experience the terror we all felt when we learned Bruce had HIV.

What I wish is that we can soon live in a world where AIDS has gone the way of smallpox, completely eradicated from the planet. I remember a time and place when AIDS did not exist. My daughter has never known a world without it. We have come so far but we still have so far to go which is why World AIDS Day and all the efforts of so many people who fight against this disease are still so important.

Because maybe, just maybe, if we keep at it, someday my daughter will also know a time and place in which AIDS does not exist.

These Dragon Silk Wrist Restraints by Leatherbeaten are not only gorgeous, they’re strong. These cuffs are the kind you would use not only in private play, but you will probably want to wear them out to play parties and clubs because they are just too lovely to hide at home in the bedroom.They seem delicate, but they withstood serious pulling and tugging on my part and did so without cutting into my wrists or abrading my flesh.

One of the cool things about these cuffs is that there are matching ankle restraints and a blindfold sold separately. So you can go with just the wrist cuffs or put together a stunning BDSM kit.

What really stood out about these was how comfortable they were. The edges are finished, the silk bands are foam padded and the cuffs are lined with a soft black suede. I wore these cuffs for about 90 minutes ( I think, I was a bit distracted at the time). I tugged, I pulled, I sweated a bit and they really stayed quite comfy and held their shape. This is, in part, due to the leather straps used to fasten and hold these cuffs. They are thin, but strong, and riveted firmly to the silk cuff with four nickle-plated brass rivets.

The hardware on these cuffs is sturdy and would probably withstand far greater stress than the silk cuffs themselves. The D-rings attached to the leather straps are about 1 inch in diameter and you can use them to secure your partner with just about anything.

The cuffs are 13 inches long and 2 inches wide. My wrists are 7 inches around and the silk cuff wraps around them with just a tiny bit of overlap. The leather strap is much longer, with holes every half inch. These cuffs should fit just about any size wrist with the extended length of the leather strap.

If needed, you could clean the leather with a mild leather cleaner, but you will need to take care to avoid the silk fabric.