I’ve never been one for traditional porn. No matter how attractive, interesting, or unique the actors in a video might end up being, somehow while watching all the frenzied sex I just get… bored. Sleepy, even. I’ll end up staring at random things in the background, because seeing what random objects got left lying around is more entertaining to me than the two people (or however many) that are being showcased. Maybe it’s because I don’t “know” the people. Maybe it’s just because I’m not physically involved with them. Maybe it’s because so much porn ends up being that crazy, awkwardly angled super close-up penetration shot. (Why, yes, I do think I’d like to spend 15 minutes watching a couple inches of dick move back and forth in a vagina…) Yet, I still manage to find things out in the great wide world that turn me on. It’s just not what those things are intentionally marketed for. Probably.

I’ll be watching a terrible movie and end up far more interested than I should be because the story turns to something that unintentionally hits my kinks. Forced labor, slavery, torture or any of a thousand different things. All the superhero flicks that have that same scene – you know the one, the hero has some dramatic confrontation with his arch nemesis and ends up chained to an explosive or something – that do more for me than anything that’s scripted with the intention of getting viewers hot and bothered. But we all know superheros were practically made for kinksters, what with all the torture, tying up, kidnapping and self sacrifice going on. (Just look at Spiderman. He comes pre-equipped with web. And Indiana Jones? He’s got a whip, and probably more predicament injuries than he should have been capable of surviving. And this is to say nothing of Superman and all the delicious torment he goes through.)

Books are probably my favorite past time, and devouring thousand page books in a week is something I do well. I never search out books in the erotica category, but so often, it just ends up being sprinkled in as a side dish to the main story. That’s when my brain – really, the parts a few feet south if we’re being honest – truly kicks in to file scenes away. I’ve spent more time than I should admit reading and rereading a few choice chapters of Wizard’s First Rule wherein Richard gets his training from Denna. Imagine my surprise at starting another epically long novel, with no intent but to be geeky and full of sci-fi love, only to end up with a little slice of amazing porn. I never even saw it coming. (Greek mythology texts are huge here, too – that stuffs just teeming with pervertable situations and characters.)

Then there are the times it catches me totally off guard. Once I’d been watching some workout videos, (“Duh,” you might be thinking, “There’s a 90% chance of a bunch of ripped people running around half dressed.” True. But that in and of itself is a little blasé by now.) and in one that seems no different than any other, the instructor ends up doing toe drivers on a plain rubber floor. When he flips over to do push ups, you can see the minor devastation he’s wrought on himself. Reddish welts, like carpet burn all over his shoulders from working against that floor. That in combination with my minor fetish of making guys do senseless work… Well. I wasn’t thinking about getting myself some slammin’ hot abs anymore.

All I can wonder is if this is how other people work as well. Do you get more tripped up by the way someone is walks than you would just seeing them naked? Or even seeing someone you find attractive in the middle of some sex session that would seem so *perfectly* *intense* if YOU were doing your partner instead of watching two strangers? Or do you find yourself inspired to masturbate by something else entirely, that hardly seems related to sex at all?