There are certain reasons when couples aren’t able to have sexual relations. When those unfavorable moments occur, what’s that couple supposed to do? Skip the passion? Forgo their sexual desires or needs? Or trudge on and pleasure each other within limitations?

I personally vote for the latter.

Sure we’ll all agree sexual intercourse is fabulous, sometimes explosive, but when nature or life situations don’t allow for the intimate release, couples need to discover new avenues for release and satisfaction.

From past experiences in my life, I can vouch for a variety of ways to please a lover without actually making love. The first idea that comes to mind takes me back to junior high when all the talk revolved around the baseball field. First base, second base, third base and finally, home run. Rediscover heavy petting, aggressive touching and making out. These activities can bring a renewed passion to your relationship. Think about it. When was the last time you and your partner sat on the sofa and made out for thirty minutes? Try it sometime! It’ll enlighten you to an entirely new way of showing love, and remind you why you fell in love with him or her.

Next up is oral sex. If the woman in the relationship is unable to have sexual intercourse that doesn’t mean her male counterpart can’t have some pleasure and release. There’s a quote that I have on my blog, “Smiling is the second best thing you can do with your lips”. Having said that, use those lips, that tongue, and give him one of the best orgasms he’ll ever experience.

Another option are toys. For him or her. Shop online and find one for both that fits your needs. I highly recommend either a wireless remote control clitoral mini-vibrator or regular size bullet for her. As for a preference for him- that is something he would have to agree to or choose himself. Even the shopping before buying can get a couple turned on, and have their imaginations running wild.

One activity that drives many lovers wild is sensual massages. All over body massages with oils and strong hands. Starting at the feet and working you way up, with a long hesitation mid-body is fabulous and helps ease tension and, in most cases, builds sexual desires. While there are expensive scented  massage oils available, I’ve learned to love plain mineral oil. It’s not too oily, it’s a great skin moisturizer, and serves the purpose for pennies on the dollar compared to the scented massage oils.

And finally, one more way to please your partner without actually having intercourse is to shower together. The soapy bubbles cascading over her full breasts, the gently touches and slippery rubs is very erotic, and can lead to more in the bedroom if the need “arises”. Use this time in the steamy shower to explore. Touching is the ultimate way to show someone how you feel, and when you add in the soapy massage, a gentle hair washing lather, or just a simple drying each other off with a towel, you’ll entice your lover for future moments of ecstasy.

Is there really such a situation as a guilt-free affair? I guess it depends on who you ask. If you ask me, I say yes. Why is that? Because I have lived through one. I was the cheater. I was the one who sought out another. Not because I was unhappy in my marriage but because it was meant to be. I know you’re thinking, “yeah, right. It was meant to be. What a lame excuse.” But it’s not an excuse. It was preplanned and premeditated decades ago.

Let me start from the beginning. The year was 1984, the location isn’t particularly clear in my mind but the people involved are. Me and someone I’ll call Keith. We were high school best friends who did everything together including dream of the future. We never dated. We never kissed. We held hands and were always there to support the other in nasty teenage break-ups, broken hearts and laughs.

We didn’t know it then but we were in love with each other.

We had an in-depth conversation one night and decided to have an “affair pact”. We agreed in the years coming up that if either of us were in a marriage, not satisfied or in need of more, we’d turn to each other. Now keep in mind this is two 16-year olds sharing a fantasy. We even set the stage for our affair. On a hill, under the moonlight and star filled sky with the 80′s rock band Journey singing “Open Arms” to our lovemaking. Sigh.

Well as time went on, I met someone else. This someone else didn’t like Keith and really didn’t like the fact that we were bound by the affair pact. I was informed that no more contact with Keith would be allowed. I obeyed. My first mistake.

I ended up marrying Mr. Someone Else. We spent sixteen years together, produced three great kids but I never forgot Keith. I became the ex-Mrs. Someone Else and still, never forgot Keith. He was always on my mind. Always in my dreams. Always a touchy subject to Mr. Someone Else.

Fast forward to present day (well, less one year) and I’m now remarried to Mr. Wonderful and extremely happy. We have the perfect relationship. Enter: social networking website and finding friends from the past. Enter: Keith.

Chatting on the website was frequent. Telephone numbers were exchanged. Texting became daily. Obstacle: we lived 80 miles apart. Solution: boys’ weekend in my neck of the woods.

I felt like a high school again. I was going to see Keith. We talked about the “what-ifs” and “what could have beens”. We missed our opportunity. He was unhappy in his marriage. It was settled. We were going to meet, have a date if you will, and see what happened.

Days before our “date” I sent Keith a private message and told him we were going to make love. We needed to, if not for old times sake then for the future. We admitted to each other our feelings. We discovered neither forgot the other and love was inevitable.

He picked me up at my house, met my husband and kids and off we went to dinner. We barely ate, talked for hours and finally came the time to leave the restaurant. Nervous, anxious and scared were trembling through my body.

We sat out in his truck at a local park, talking, kissing and sharing sweet words of love. We left the park and found a private location. The details don’t need to be shared but let’s just say love was rediscovered that night and will never be forgotten. We talk daily, text even more and share in that night often. We still discuss the past, present and future. We’ve promised each other we will be together, too much time has already been lost but we’ve decided not to break up either marriage. We’re happy with our situation and know the other will be there when the time comes.

Do I feel guilt? No. I had a promise (prior to my marriage vows) and I do not break promises. As for my marriage, it’s still perfect, maybe even better. The night with Keith has brought my relationship with my husband a newfound outlook. We discussed my “date” and the after shocks of me declaring my love for Keith. Mr. Wonderful and I have worked through it and are happier than ever.

I would have to say that night was the best thing that ever happened to my marriage.