Being a swinger in a long term relationship means everything you thought, and a lot you probably didn’t. Miguel and I started swinging very early in our relationship. I never knew that swinging was a way to have a healthy relationship. I never would have guessed that swingers even still existed.

Aren’t they extinct? I don’t know if he had it in mind the whole time, but I can only guess that he must have. This technique is something Miguel calls “Kink Development”. I guess if he would have tried to talk to me about it openly, I would have rejected the idea. If I had thought too hard about it, I might have thought he just wanted another girl in our bed.

He started off by talking to me during sex about tying me up or blindfolding me. I think he was feeling it out. Did these things turn me on? Yes! Did I get mad about the suggestions? No! Then, he started talking about another guy doing things to me. How great I would love getting this or receiving that. He was really smart about it, I think. He always talked about how great I was, and how another guy would love to have me. The thing is, Miguel never made it about him. He still doesn’t, to this day. It is about us, and what turns us on. He also makes me feel like the sexiest person in the room. I don’t know how he does that. He is more attentive than any guy I have ever been with.

I guess, being the kind of girl I am, the suggestions from Miguel came as no real surprise. Every guy I have been with has hinted at adding someone to our sex play. I think every guy has this in his heart, to be with other people. I am the type that thinks about other people, too. Swinging is a way to bring your lover into that. Some of this is my own doing, because I let it be known that I have had girlfriends in the past. I have enjoyed threesomes before. I am that kind of girl. I will let a guy know when I want sex, and I masturbate, too. Most guys I have been with just talked about it. They are too jealous or insecure to have acted on those suggestions. I didn’t think Miguel was serious about his talk until he showed me the website of a swinger’s club nearby. I know what you might be thinking. I was thinking the same thing. Swinger’s Club! It is going to be a bunch of ugly people that don’t want to have sex with their current partners any more. I had a very vivid picture of old men in leisure suits, and women with way too much make-up on. I was so wrong!

After only two months together we decided to go check out the club. I had never been there before, but Miguel had. I was so nervous. He said there was no pressure, that we could just go and watch. That night, that is exactly what we did. The club had a bar side and a play side. On the bar side, it was all normal, people talking and dancing. Some girls were dancing on a pole or up in mock cages. I guess that is a bit racy, but considering the type of club it seemed normal. We drank and people watched. I sat awkwardly waiting for the freak show; it didn’t happen. We went to the play side. No drinking or smoking on the play side. I saw the porn on the television and people in various sex acts. It was erotic, not freaky. There wasn’t a lot of “swinging” going on. It was more voyeurism and exhibitionism. I was not intimidated. A few weeks later, we went back and put on a little show in an open room. It was the most exciting thing! All the people there came for the same reason we did. There was no shame in sex there.

The club closed soon after that, and we never got a chance to go back. We set up a profile on a swinger’s site, and set out to meet like-minded people. It worked, and we met a couple and had our first “soft swap”. It actually was a bit of a disaster, because the couple had an argument right in the middle of sex play.

After that, Miguel and I settled on a few basic rules. #1 No Drama! Most of our first encounters were with single men. They don’t have as many hang-ups as couples do, usually. There is an abundance of single guys just wishing to join a couple. So, for me it was open season. It still is, really! Miguel makes sure to weed out any guy that doesn’t understand that it is all about me. Almost every single guy we have met has been very respectful of his role, and not tried anything stupid. Does Miguel look at me different because I like to have sex with other guys? No, he gets to watch me do it. As one guy put it, these men we play with are just big dildos that I get to use for the night. That sounds kind of bad, but it works for me. There is no relationship with these people. Some of them become friends, but not long time lovers. They are playmates for sex only.

What do we get out of swinging? The chance to watch each other please and be pleased, variety, a chance to push boundaries, and a chance to play out fantasies. There is so much trust in our relationship, you can’t even imagine. We have had our share of single females, unicorns as we call them, (They are so rare, they are almost a myth…a unicorn!). Once, a single girl we had played with tried to hook up with Miguel when I wasn’t there, he shot her down and e-mailed me the conversation. I just thought, “Wow, he could have gotten away with that. I would never have known!” As he put it, why would he want to cheat when he can bring her home and have us both? She didn’t get that part, I guess. Swinging is not another form of cheating, it is just an open relationship where the partners are there to watch and enjoy, too. I think everyone thinks about having sex with other people when they are in a relationship. We are not the only ones. It is not a novel idea to have a threesome, every guy I have been with has wanted that. This is just a better way. This is a way to get to share sex with a stranger, with the one that I love. The thrill of the unknown fuck with someone safe there to enjoy it with me.

Not every swinging couple is the same in their tastes. Most swingers are friendly people who enjoy a good time. Some only want to watch or be watched. Some enjoy a soft swap without penetration from the other couple. Some couples like to play separately. I regard this as almost an open swing. I guess the thrill comes in imagining what the conquest was like. Miguel and I don’t play like that, but we know happy couples that do. It all comes down to what works for the couple, and what boundaries they keep. Some couples have lots of “rules”, like no kissing. Miguel and I don’t play like that. I have seen these couples end badly with jealousy issues, lines do sometimes get crossed. We do have some rules; condoms are a must, no means no, and we never play separately. Also, and most importantly, no one ever “takes one for the team”. Either we both want to play, or we don’t.

Since I have been in the swinging lifestyle with Miguel, we have been pushing our sexual boundaries together. We have grown in our tastes, and explored new things together. It has brought us closer. It works for us, and I wouldn’t change our lifestyle. I have learned about me and grown in my sexuality. I wouldn’t want to change anything about how Miguel and I live. I have no shame and no regrets.

I have been what some would call a slut my whole life. It used to bother me: that I lost count somewhere, that the guys I am with haven’t had as many partners as me, or that it might come up in polite conversation. It started when I was just a kid. Like so many women out there, I was molested by a family member. Then I was raped when I was 12. That was my first sexual experience. The first one I started counting anyways. Did I deserve to be raped? No way! I don’t think any woman deserves that. At the time that it happened, I didn’t even know how to try to look sexy. I was just a kid.

I did something I don’t recommend for anyone either; I didn’t tell anyone. It really messed with my self-esteem. Why even bother saying “no” when he’ll just take what he wants. In my teenage years after the rape, I was very promiscuous. By some stroke of blind luck I have never had an STD, believe me I got checked! I slept with a lot of different guys and even a lot of women. I think, looking back, I was lost and confused, and looking for someone to love me. I didn’t know what love really was, and I wish now I’d had a good mentor. But, I didn’t. That doesn’t mean I would change anything. Those things that don’t kill us, they make us stronger. I am who I am because I have lived through all this, and I can now talk about my past without being ashamed. I refuse to be ashamed of something that was not my fault.

In the vanilla world that we reside in, there is a stigma. A woman who has X amount of partners in her lifetime is a “slut”. I have known many “sluts”, and none of them deserve to be raped. On the flipside, a man with my numbers would be called a stud. This is such a double-standard. Why do we think less of a woman who sleeps with different people, and congratulate a man for the same behavior? Case and point; a popular t.v. show called “How I met Your Mother.” The character, Barney, has lists of women he wants to or has slept with, no one blinks at this. If I see a really good looking male, I can’t force myself upon him and think it would be okay. A little common sense, please! I don’t need to dress provocative to still be a slut either! In my conservative everyday clothes, underneath it all, I am still a slut by vanilla standards. It is very wrong to assume that how a woman dresses defines who she is.

These days I am very comfortable with my sexuality. I chose my partner, and together we are swingers. That means that I can live my adult life as a slut, without guilt or consequences. I wear whatever I want when we go out. That doesn’t mean that I am going to sleep with everyone, I get to choose my partners, just as they choose me. This is the state of mind I live in. My partner and the people that I choose to have sex with, they do not have this narrow approach to sex. It is sick to think that a woman can be a slut, but a guy is just doing what comes natural. We are, after all, the same species. I don’t call women sluts. I don’t think I ever have, unless it was in a joking manner. I don’t take offense anymore when people call me a slut. Being a slut is my choice now. I wear the name with pride. Breaking the stigma starts with me breaking it for myself. I am a slut, it is not dirty or shameful for me anymore, because I know who I am, and I am not ashamed of my sexuality. If that makes me a slut, then so be it.