When we first hooked up, we lived in two different states. When we first got married, I was in school finishing my student teaching and working, and he was working full time. Then we had four kids in just under five years. Then we dealt with some severe health issues. Now my husband is in school full time, and working full time.

Sex has always been incredibly important to my husband and me, but it’s never been something that we’ve had gobs of time for. Between different states, different schedules, and the needs of four different kids, sex has been something that we have always had to be very intentional about. I know we’re not the only couple who has numerous obligations, and has to carve out time for making love, but here are some of the ways that we’ve tackled this in our own relationship.

Make friends with the quickie. This is key. Time is frequently against you, and it’s easy to think in terms of long, drawn out love making sessions. Don’t get me wrong, those are awesome and should not be neglected, but let’s not neglect the humble quickie. Five minutes before your morning shower; ten minutes between when the kids are in bed, and when we need to crash ourselves – there’s time to get busy, we just need to be willing to make sex a priority.

Love yourself. Well, yes, like yourself too, but I’m talking about that OTHER kind of self-love. Particularly as a woman, I find that masturbation helps keep the pump primed for those moments when we can make time for sex. Right now, we frequently have to jam all of our sex into the weekends, but it’s very hard to find time during the week to make love. If I go through the whole week without taking time to climax on my own, I find that my interest in sex, and ability to orgasm, is greatly diminished. By taking a little time to care for myself, our time together is significantly better.

Don’t be afraid to schedule sex. I know, scheduled sex sounds so…unsexy. And it certainly can be, if that’s all there ever is, and if scheduled also means “exactly the same.” But we don’t generally have a problem scheduling romantic events like dates or getaways. So why the fear of scheduling sexual events? I think (no, I know) we can have an idea that scheduled means routine, or boring, or not spontaneous. But we can still be plenty spontaneous, even if we know that we’re going to be together at a specific time. We can use that scheduled time to try a new position, or a new toy, or a new fantasy. Quite frankly, knowing that I’m going to get to have sex gets my motor running most days, and that is never, ever a bad thing.

There will always be things that will want to steal your time away from making love. Responsibilities will never go away, and there’s nothing we can do to change that. But we also need to be aware of our responsibilities to our partners, to nurture our sex lives. The more intentional we are about, the more fulfilling that can be!