When I first started dating it was hard enough to deal with the whole girl on girl thing. Throwing kinky sex into the mix was just too much for two girls in their first relationship. Fast forward six years into our relationship, and my interest in kink turned into a profound porn obsession, along with emails to people on kink personals sites.

Don’t let this happen to you! You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who pleases you emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and sexually. If one of those things is out of sync then I suggest you look somewhere else. But before you hit the reject button, think about some other options.

How do you talk to new lovers about your special interests? It isn’t easy. For some it might be – but my guess is even the most bold of individuals feel a little hesitation when it comes to talking about it. We’re all a little nervous about the judgment of our lovers.

For me, I bought a dozen DVDs of the movie Secretary. Inevitably, I give it to a potential lover I’m flirting with, or interested in, and ask them what they think about it. The best responses I got were via text from two lovers. Mr. X said “It was hot!” I asked which part. He said, “The part where he bends her over the desk and spanks her!” I knew Mr. X was open to exploring kinkier sex. The current boy I’m sleeping with responded “I thought of you the whole time I watched it.” I asked how he thought about me, he responded “being rough with you….. sexually.”

Tonight at happy hour, one of my gal pals asked me how she should approach bringing a vibrator to bed with her and her boyfriend. I told her to use it on him first to massage his balls, or give him a little extra sensation while you’re giving him oral. It’s just a hop skip and a jump to start using it on your clit when he’s inside you!

Sometimes it’s as simple as hanging a pair of fuzzy handcuffs on the bed post, or browsing products at EdenFantasys with your lover. My favorite suggestions, however,are about getting creative. First the most fun – watch porn together! You know what you like – show him/her what turns you on. When I’m getting to know someone, I love asking what kind of porn they like, regardless of whether I want to sleep with them or not. You get to know someone really fast that way!

Second idea is to write your fantasy out in fictional story form and email it to your lover.  Sometimes it’s easier to say something online than it is in person. Make up a story about your favorite fantasy. Be specific, use dialogue, be descriptive, be naughty, be dirty, and make it so delicious your lover wants to act out every ounce of it. All you’ll have to do is put a new toy on the bed and smile.

Happy playing!