Another Reason Why I Don’t Celebrate Christmas

Posted by KristicloseAuthor: Kristi Name:
Email: kristi.swadley@gmail.com
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About: I'm a 30-something kinky virgin with a submissive bent.See Authors Posts (15)

Don’t worry, this isn’t a rant. OK, not entirely anyway. I know I touched on Christmas in my WotW: Atheist piece, but I wanted to share just when I started becoming apathetic toward the holiday. It happened when I was a kid, well before I started questioning religion and decided I am an Atheist. My family has always been fairly poor. We’d had various utilities shut off over those years because we had to choose between paying them off and eating and/or paying the rent. As hard as it was to have to go without these things, my parents went with the no-brainer option: keep the kids fed and a roof over our heads.

Despite our woeful finances, my parents—especially my father—strived to make sure we kids had a nice Christmas every year. Sometimes we did, other times we didn’t. The one time that sticks out in my memory the most is the one wherein my parents could only get us a few essentials. I think I may have been 11-years-old. My mom was constantly apologizing for the dearth of gifts and the fact that they weren’t “true” gifts. I heard the anguish plain in her voice and it killed me. My parents never hid our financial woes from us, so I knew they were doing their best. I tried to assure my mom that I understood the situation and that I wasn’t upset about the gifts. We had things that we needed. What more could we ask for? She would acknowledge what I was saying, but would always start her reply with, “I know, but…” Another apology inevitably followed.

From that Christmas on, I paid particular attention to how people dealt with the holiday, and I found myself becoming increasingly annoyed. My parents were definitely not the only parents who struggled with giving their kids what they felt was a satisfactory Christmas. I’d hear tales of parents working extra hours to bring in holiday spending money. Oftentimes these were parents who had little time for their families as it was, and I couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps they should’ve spent that time with their kids instead of breaking their backs for one day out of the year. Even today I hear people making jokes about how they’re going to max out their credit cards and accrue so much debt over holiday gifts. It boggles my mind. How is that even amusing?

Another thing that bothered me was how people would—and still do—behave this time of year. A lot of people are far nicer and are more willing to extend courtesies. But once the holidays were over, they’d go back to their old ways—being rude, selfish, and otherwise mean. I know there are people who are nice year round, but so many aren’t and it really gets my goat. Admittedly, I’m not nice year round, but I follow basic polite protocol. Also, holiday shoppers are the worst. They descend upon stores, clogging up aisles and vying for, and fighting over, items. And this typical shopper behavior isn’t just for Christmas. Just last year a Wal-Mart worker in NYC was trampled to death during a stampede on Black Friday. Even other people were hurt. When shoppers were informed that they would have to leave due to the store now being a crime scene, many were indignant and put up a fight! Over in Palm Desert, California, two men shot each other to death at a Toys “R” Us after the women they were with brawled. Holiday cheer, my ass.

I realized as a kid that I didn’t want to be like these people. I give gifts when the mood strikes and I have money. Sometimes, instead of giving gifts, I’ll pay a bill for a friend who is struggling. To me, that’s better than any material possession. Once when I was younger, I’d read how a particular group of people (I forget who) gave away personal, prized possessions to loved ones to show that they meant more to them than those possessions. I tried it once with my family to less than great reception. I think I confused them more than anything, but I was so tickled to show how little possessions meant to me. I refuse to go into a state of frenzy over one day of the year. That includes the ridiculousness that is Valentine’s Day. Granted, I’ve never heard of violence erupting over that day, but I’ve watched people frantically find gifts to give their lovers or else face possible fights, breakups, or having sex withheld. Again, I know not everyone is like this, but I’ve seen enough to know that it’s quite common.

What about Christmas dinner? Bickering relatives and cooking disasters. Is this how we show love to each other? Really? Relatives at odds is a holiday tradition that is joked about. But I know plenty of people who dread seeing certain relatives and become anxious over gift and dinner expectations. Surely, it can’t be worth it. My family isn’t close to relatives outside our immediate ones, so I never had to deal with that chaos. And I’m so bloody thankful I never did. I would never have suffered in silence and put on a phony smile. I wouldn’t even bother going because it so isn’t worth it to me.

Does all of this mean that I haven’t enjoyed Christmas since my discoveries? No, not at all. But my family is still poor and big Christmases are a thing of the past. My father loved Christmas the most. He died in 2000 and every Christmas since then I can see the memory of the anguish on my mom’s face. She knows how I feel about Christmas and my reasons for feeling that way, but I know it still bothers her. And I still try to assure her that it’s no big deal. Sometimes I feel like an asshole for doing so and I relent a little, but I have a hard time handling the fact that she feels that way this time of the year. There’s just too much importance placed on Christmas and not enough on appreciating loved ones throughout the year.

Regardless, I wish you all happy holidays and I hope you don’t kill yourselves over that one day.