It used to be if you called your partner Daddy in public folks thought that your partner was your pimp, or you were both terribly sick. But times have changed, thankfully. With the influence of pop culture, songs that call out baby girl and Daddy and Mama/Mommy, AgePlay is starting to filter into the mainstream. While most of those who use the word have no idea of what AgePlay is, those of us who do sometimes get a kick out of hearing someone call their partner by those names. I do anyway.

What is AgePlay? It varies a lot, but a good blanket explanation is that it is a D/s dynamic in which one person takes on the role of the older person and the other takes on the role of the younger one. That means a lot of different things to different people. For me it is a relationship that is not just about Power Exchange and trust, but nurture. I can’t even begin to explain it all in just one article, but I can give you a rough outline and some of the common terms.

Littles: let’s start there. I am a non-sexual Little. Yes, at times I totally regress to about 10 years old. I wear footie pajamas, grab my babies—my stuffed animals, many of which I have had since childhood—and I go to the box my Daddy set up for that has the things that make me feel safe when I get into that headspace: my hairbows, my candies, my little girl shoes. The keyword here is MINE.

As a Little, I need to know I have control over my small slice of the world. And having that space where my possessions remain inviolate is what makes me feel safe. For most with Littles, safety is what we need, that and the freedom to feel free of all the responsibilities we often have to carry throughout our lives. I know Littles who color, who ride their trikes, and so on. Littles can be infantile, and some of us have what I call free range Littles, we might be ten or even six, depending on the day and what we need or want. I do not want or need sex as a Little, ever. It just is not the way I play, but some do. It comes down to the ‘Your kink is your kink’ thing here, but for some people, both those who possess Littles and those who do not, watching sexual play with Littles can be difficult. My advice? Don’t watch it if it is difficult for you because it is never going to be something you become cool with if you aren’t cool with it.

More likely to be seen, especially in public, is my Grrl. Grrl for me is an extension of my Riot Grrl days. I morph into a flirty Catholic schoolgrrl uniform wearing teenaged seductress who wants nothing more than to sit on Daddy’s lap, or give him a lapdance, and to tease him until he gives me that spanking and sex I truly deserve and need.

Incest is not what AgePlay is all about. The fact is that many who are AgePlayers have been abused, and no, we are not desperate to continue our victimization. We are people who are doing what we want, not because of the abuse, but in spite of it. Elders are not pedophiles, being called daddy or mommy does not make that person your Daddy or Mommy in a biological way.

I have to know I’m safe, and that I am cared for. Having a Daddy means that I get to let go at times, and say I can’t do all that I want to and knowing that it is perfectly okay. It gives me a space to be free, and to feel protected. In most D/s relationships there is a level of nurturing, and in AgePlay it is very heightened.

I have heard that AgePlay is the gentlest of all D/s relationships. Not so in our case. Daddy is a sadist and we play hard. It varies from person to person and dynamic to dynamic how Ageplay relationships work, some have no service at their core, others do. Some girls (or Grrls or boys or bois) have Littles, others do not.

The Elder may actually be younger than their charge because AgePlay is based on perception, not biological age. The Elder may be a Daddy no matter their gender (Daddy is a butch dyke) and Mommys are often seen in the company of daughters just as often as they are seen with boys, and male Daddies are seen with girls as often as they are seen with boys (or even bois). In other words, it’s all about what you are into. There are Youngers who have Elders who are part of their lives, but not their everyday relationships. Some people need a Daddy/Mommy/Uncle etc but their partner has no ability to handle it, so it makes sense to have someone they can go to for that need to be fulfilled. Littles play spaces are great for play dates for most who need it in their lives and don’t want a secondary relationship.

There is no real road map into the dynamic. There are pitfalls, though. It can be difficult for us to let go of the notion that we are doing something wrong, and that holds true on both sides of the equation. Guilt will happen, so will fear. The key to getting through that is honesty.